Ethan: Hey guys, fanfiction was being a pain in the butt when the author was trying to upload this. And she got really angry or whatever. So I guess I'm here to fill in-
Me: No. Are you even in this chapter?
Ethan: I get a mention, so I think it qualifies.
Me: No, get out of this chapter and come back for the next one.
Ethan: ... *yeets*
Me: Heya. Ivan for you all I guess. This is a really short chapter by the way. Hope you like it because FFN was almost causing me to not post it today. Also probably because the weather is trash. Anyways! Enjoy!
Hello. My name is Ivan. Your average twelve-year-old, I guess. My hair is black, skin is paler than a ghost, and eyes are the weirdest color you'll ever hear about- purple. This is just you know... in my notebook on a few billion pages. So hi, whoever you are, may you be Aiden or Emily, Tessa or Frisk, Ethan somehow, Harmony too? Well, whatever. Here's my story to keep you entertained.
I was born at 4:03 AM on July 5th, 200X. I was a month premature, but I survived, as you can observe.
My parents were good and caring people, and I, of course, loved them, but I didn't establish as much of a bond with them as I did my two siblings.
First was Erin; she was my oldest sister, almost ten years older than me, but we could not have been closer. It was something you never really saw, or, at least, something I never saw. She taught me how to write and read at a very young age. Her eyes were hazel and she had dark brown hair. She always was lanky and tall, she always did tower over me. She became my role model and I desperately wanted to follow in her footsteps of being a scientist. She never was afraid to express herself and always kept going. That was what I loved about her.
Aiden was my older brother. He was two and a half years older than me and- when I say reckless, I mean it. He always did stupid things and took stupid videos of Erin and me and him doing "cool stunts." He wore a cowboy hat, boots, had dirty blonde hair and yellow eyes. For a very long time, I wasn't connected to him as much as I was Erin. He was devoted to serving justice- Erin even bought him a gun when he turned ten. My question is, was that really a wise choice? But I don't ask questions anymore.
That was just how most of my childhood was. Do things with my siblings, go to school, sleep. You know, what I believe you would all consider normal (if you had siblings).
But my life wasn't "normal" as life went on. My childhood was ruined. Why? Simple. It was because when I was eight, Erin was diagnosed with cancer.
It was like a slap across the face. I built a wall around myself while Aiden tried to seek comfort and try to comfort me. But I wouldn't let him. I rarely wanted to leave the house, and when I did I refused to talk to anyone except Erin. She was in the hospital a numerous amount of times, getting tests ran on her and getting chemotherapy.
I just don't understand. I really don't. I can only imagine what it must've been like for the doctors who thought she was better. She was doing better. Everything was fine. It looked like it would be okay and it certainly was not. Aiden entered the room to talk to her. And that's when I heard the final heartbeat of my dead sister. I snapped my head over to see my brother pleading for her to come back. That's when the doctors came over. They tried to calm him down, but his anger raged on. Once he left the room, he left the hospital with only me to follow him. He bolted for the park. At this point, I couldn't keep up with him, bringing myself to a sudden stop as reality sank in.
The last thing she said to me was, "I'll talk to you tomorrow, Ivan." And I walked out and expected for what she said to happen.
She was gone. Dead. Swept away in the dark. And I just had to sit around and be okay with it. It was like they wanted me to move on from her! My best friend! Sure, she was off at college for a month or so before her cancer struck, but she was there for me and came home...
I didn't get much sleep that night. Or any of the nights to come. Just stared at the ceiling. I became hostile, snappy, and I took my rage out on one person- my brother.
It was never Aiden's fault that she was gone; but I made him feel that way to convince myself that it wasn't just a disease that took her away.
One day, we got into an argument. Unfortunately for me, he won. So I ran off and to the park. That was when I met Emily. I didn't want to speak, but I asked if I could sit next to her. She replied in a soft voice as I gave my thanks. Moments of silence passed as the weather shifted from sunny to rainy. It was a slow drizzle. I wasn't completely calm when I spoke, but we did talk. It was long. So long that when I got home my brother suffocated me in a hug.
I wish I could say things got better for me from there and I found a way to move on. But it didn't. No. It got worse. All I felt was pain. All I could remember feeling was pain. So I set out to stop making myself fake happy.
That's when the biggest mistake I had ever made came into play.
Well, turns out, when your sister is a scientist, she's got all sorts of chemicals that can cause all kinds of reactions. And since she wasn't allowed to tell me off...
I shut the door to her room behind me, flicking on the lights. I stared at her desk and I calmly stepped over. There were a bunch of notes pinned everywhere, one of the notes on her science kit. Don't let Ivan or Aiden touch this. It read. But I knew it was something I could handle- I was determined to get rid of my pain. The world would be better that way, right?
As I experimented, I wrote more and more down into my lavender notebook (which Erin had given to me before she... died). My parents were grocery shopping with Aiden. No one could stop me from what I was doing, not even myself.
Diiiiiiing!
Wait. That's the doorbell. I thought to myself, hoping it wasn't my family home. Nope, it was Emily.
"Hey, Ivan, Tessa and I were going to go ice skating, want to come? And maybe Aiden too?" She grinned at me. Tessa poked out her head from behind her.
"Aiden's our grocery shopping- and I would absolutely love to go ice skating, but I'm so behind on all of my homework, I'll have to go another time." I lied, saying the first thing that came to mind.
"Alrighty! Well, see you tomorrow at school!" I knew she was suspicious of my excuse, but she didn't question it, and for the time being, that was all I cared about.
I stepped back up to Erin's room when she was out of sight. And I... continued. Until I made it. The serum.
I don't know why I decided to use it. I should've at least tested it on something else, like a hamster or a dog... but that would be animal cruelty, so I didn't. I stabbed my arm with the syringe and injected a small dosage into it.
I kept the rest on me as I put away the kit. If I needed more, I'd use more.
The first day, things had barely changed, but I knew it was getting better. The second day was the same. I inserted more into my arm. That made everything worse. Much, much worse.
The third day, everything was great. I barely felt any pain from it. The fourth day, it was gone entirely. That was probably my best day yet. I even made time to hang out with Emily, Tessa, and Aiden. If everyday would be like that, I never would've wanted it to change.
The fifth day... I wasn't the same. I detected something was strange. But I didn't think much of it. Five days passed. The next day- well, on the last day, it was done. I perceived no pain, and along with it, no emotions.
Days passed. Then months. The months turned into years. Almost three years without knowing what feeling was.
I fell down Mt. Ebott days ago. Or at least, it seems like it's been days. I don't know what the concept of time is here in comparison to there anymore. Maybe it's been weeks. Months. Or maybe... years.
I have discovered much about monsters while we were down here; this includes the magic they possess. Some monsters can summon fireballs, some can use magic to do just about anything you could think of.
The range of monsters is enormous as well; from goats, to dinosaurs, to fish, to skeletons- the possibilities are endless. But during this time, I should've been focusing on my friends and helping them, not myself.
It was not until outside the lab that my brother and Emily had admitted to reading through my notebook. After I argued and tried to keep my argument up, I told them about my cracking soul. Harmony made a point about it being on me. She was right, really. But I know she knows more than she claims. I know there's something off about her... something she won't tell us about... but back to the topic, I tried to get better. That's when my soul cracked further. And I started glitching. Imagine your face getting torn off and your heart getting ripped from your chest. That's pretty much what my breaking soul made me feel like. I could see Emily begin to cry. Harmony was clinging to Ethan as she sobbed uncontrollably. Frisk was silent, as if she wouldn't cry, but would respect me if my death happened. Tessa sniffled. I even saw tears forming in Aiden's now gentle eyes. I knew I would die; I knew it was over. Maybe I was dead for a second. But I was back. Fine. Okay.
It was Aiden. It had to be something to do with Aiden. But even I didn't have an exact explanation as to why I was okay. So I'm assuming it was a sibling bond or something you see in all those TV shows. Now, I'm trying to remember what emotions are. I bet that soon enough I'll understand it even better. And I know Erin would be proud of where I am now. I'll see her again someday, honestly. Sometimes, I wonder what would've happened if Erin never did die. Where would I be right now? And Aiden? Our relationship still would be a mess all over the place. While I'll never say I'm glad Erin's death had an impact on me, it changed me and Aiden for the better.
This must all sound like some sort of lie, or that I'm not telling you the truth; but it's all reality. All of this takes me to now; as the others have been asleep, I have decided to write a lengthy explanation of my journey down. Who knows who will read this first. So, whoever you are, my only question to you is this:
How the hell did you get a hold of my notebook?
