Author's Note: Short chapter, but I will update again today.
Ch. 29
Casey's POV
I tell Alex everything when we get home. She's furious with Olivia I can tell. She leaves to go get something at the office and dinner.
I can't believe Olivia. I'll never understand how if she supposedly "loves" me how she can go around hurting me like this. She's probably just trying to hurt Alex by doing this to me. I'm just going to tell McCoy he can send my actions to the board because I don't care. I love Alex and not even a stupid job can change that. Maybe I could go get my teaching certificate or something. I hated substitute teaching only because the pay sucked, I lived with my mother, and I was depressed, but maybe I'd be a good full time teacher. I wonder what Alex will think.
Alex comes home and she looks upset I ask her what's wrong and she starts breaking down crying.
"I tried Casey I really did. I did everything I could and nothing worked I tried to show McCoy how great you were in front of Robert Donahue. I tried to get Olivia to tell McCoy she lied, and she wouldn't. I tried to make this better for you so you could be happy and it didn't work. I'm sorry Casey I'm so sorry."
I'm a little pissed she did that. I can handle this I don't need to be taken care of like a damn child.
"you what? Alex why would you do that?"
"I wanted to help you."
"Alex I told you not to talk to McCoy, and why would you talk to Olivia? I- I'm a big girl Alex I told you I could take care of this and that everything was going to be okay. I never asked you to fix them I told you to leave it alone. What did I not make it clear enough. Are you going to go and risk your job too. What if McCoy catches on and you get fired too. That's why I told you to stay out of it."
"I'm sorry."
I can't understand why she did this. I can take care of myself. Why doesn't she understand that? I said that I would handle this. I wanted to handle this on my own. Ever since I was censured I've had to put my crap on everyone else. I moved in with my mom, Alex is my supervisor. I can't take being taken care of like that anymore.
"maybe you should've thought of that before you went and tried to "fix" everything."
I get up and go to Alex's room. I can't do this right now. I'm a freaking adult.
I take everything out of my drawer and pull out my duffle from the closet.
"Casey we can talk about this please-" Alex comes in the room.
"no Alex I've heard enough."
I pack everything up in the bag not caring if it rips or wrinkles.
"what are you doing?"
I don't say anything.
"Casey what are you doing?" she asks more urgently.
"I need some space." I tell her.
"no no Casey please I'm sorry baby please. I'm sorry Casey don't do this."
I don't want to do this, but I can't look at Alex right now I love her, but I can't be here right now.
"no Casey." she grabs my arm.
"let go of me Alex."
"we can talk about this Casey please don't."
"Alex I need space. I told you not to do something and you did it anyway. Now let go of me."
"no." she's stubborn.
I rip my arm from her grip and leave.
I hate leaving her like this I just wish she would listen to me instead of trying to fix everything. It's not Alex's job to fix everything for me.
When I get to my apartment it's cold and quiet. I feel so alone right now. I didn't really care about losing my job before because I had Alex.
I drop my bag sit on the couch and look around remembering the morning Alex came in and made me breakfast before our date.
I love her, but I need to be able to take care of myself. I want to show Alex that I can take care of myself so I can take care of her too.
I feel so out of place here. It doesn't smell like home, or well Alex's. It doesn't have the smell of raspberries which I've come accustom to smelling everyday. This place feels empty without another person around, so I decide to turn on the tv and have some noise. A show that Alex and I like watching is on. I flip to through the channels, but find myself back on that same channel.
Sitting back I forget for a second that Alex isn't here to lay on. Just the lumpy throw pillows. They wont wrap me in their arms and kiss my head.
A funny part of the show comes on and I laugh.
"oh god that reminds me of-"
I'm once again reminded I'm alone.
Sleeping isn't easy either. The bed doesn't smell like her, it's cold and she's not here. Once again she isn't here to hold me and let me sleep on her chest. Her heart beat isn't here to sway me to sleep.
Eventually I give up on sleeping make myself some coffee and lay back on the couch with only trashy tv to keep me company.
I love Alex more than anything, but I need to be able to take care of myself. I don't want to have to depend on Alex to jump in the water every time I fall in. I have to be able to swim on my own.
Saturday night I still haven't moved from the couch at all. I'm still in my pajamas staring at the same stupid tv channel. I keep thinking about Alex, but every time I think of myself walking out of her apartment I get sick. I don't like what she did, but I love her. I don't know what to feel anymore.
Monday morning I open my eyes and groan. I've slept a max of 5 hours this whole weekend, and I'm late.
When I stager into the office I hope maybe seeing Alex I'll get the courage to apologize to her for getting mad at her.
Her door is closed. I go to the secretaries desk.
"where's Alex?" I asked her.
"reassignment to the Bronx DA's office." she told me.
"when?"
"this morning."
"for how long?"
"no idea. Oh McCoy wants to see you." she handed me a slip of paper.
Where is Alex? My Alex? She didn't talk to me about this. Well not like I really checked my phone either. I start hyperventilating on the elevator ride up to McCoy's. No no I never wanted this I just needed a little space. I never meant for this to happen.
I don't even wait to be let into the office I just go in.
"why did you reassign Alex Cabot?" is the first thing I ask.
"I am in a meeting." McCoy informs me.
"why did you reassign her? She didn't do anything."
"well hold on-"
"no I'm not going to hold on or calm down. I did this. This was me."
"Ms. Novak this is highly inappropriate behavior."
"why is she at the Bronx DA's office?"
He takes a breath and looks pissed.
"she asked to be reassigned."
"why?"
"Personal reasons.I was sad to see her go, but she wanted to, and I owed their DA a favor."
"so you just let her go just like that."
"Ms. Novak we will continue this after my meeting."
I go and wait outside pissed off.
Why did Alex leave? I never wanted this. If I had known she would do this I never would've left that apartment. Why did she do this?
"Ms. Novak." McCoy calls me in.
I go in his office. He tries to start lecturing me on my behavior, but I cut him off.
"I just want to know what she said."
"she said that being here was a conflict for her personally, and that she felt she could better handle the situation elsewhere."
"how long is she gone?"
"indefinitely. Though I hope not too long. Before she left she asked that I take you off probation. That's why I called you up here. You're officially off probation. You may take Alex's office. We'll get your name on the door by end of the week."
"no."
"excuse me."
"I don't want her office."
"well then I guess we could find another office."
"no. I don't want it any of it."
"I have meetings Ms. Novak please." he points towards the door.
I don't want this. I want Alex back here.
I'm in tears when I get to her office. I open the door and I'm torn to shreds. Everything is gone. Only the furniture has stayed. Her stuff isn't here. She isn't here. I don't want to be here if she's not. I want Alex back. I want my Alex back. I am such an idiot. I never should've said those things and left the apartment. I don't want her to be gone. I want her here.
