When Sakura woke, it felt like someone was sitting on her chest, the pain radiating to her sides and lower back. She pawed at herself and discovered wires under a hospital gown. Where was she, and why were there catheters and needles stuck in her everywhere?
The last thing she remembered, she was pleading with Kakashi and then – oh.
She opened her eyes to confirm she was in Konoha. Her mother was sleeping in a chair across the room and Naruto, Yamato, and Sai were next to her.
Ino ran up to Sakura. "Let me go get Shizune."
"No, I'll go," Hinata said.
Shiori shook Riko gently. "She's awake."
Sakura licked her chapped lips. Her mouth tasted like vomit.
"Can I have some ice chips or something?" Her voice was raspy but intelligible.
"I'll get you some," Ryoji said and scurried out of the room.
Sakura looked at the empty bed on the other side of the room. "Where's Kakashi?"
Ino winced; Yamato and Sai exchanged covert glances; Naruto's frown deepened; Shiori carefully looked away. At first, Sakura was confused, but then she saw it written all over her mother's face.
They knew. How?
"Well, is he all right?" she said doggedly, not letting it deter her, but not looking anyone in the face either.
"He's fine, dear," Riko said meekly.
Sakura nodded and accepted the ice chips Ryoji offered her.
No one said anything, but before long, Shizune swept into the room, doing a quick once-over of Sakura's monitors.
"Everything is going as well as it could, given the situation," Shizune said and handed her a piece of paper. "This is the component list."
Sakura scanned the many plant names, only most of which she recognized. "Well this is different. It's a miracle I didn't go into cardiac arrest."
Shizune pursed her lips.
"Not exactly. There's a certain similarity here –" Shizune pointed to one section of the list, and then another. "— and here to the poison you and Tsunade-sama developed just before the invasion."
Sakura smiled, ignoring the way it made her cracked lips bleed a little. "See, I told you immunization was a good idea. I thought it –"
"Maybe I would have agreed if you had come to me first instead of going behind my back. You could have had a second set of eyes so you didn't miss basic things like increasing your dosage right on the back of a surgical procedure you –"
Sakura scoffed. "You never would have helped me. Come on."
"How can you know that if you never ask, Sakura?" Shizune's nostrils flared. "Just like with the truth serums. I told you to never do that again, and still, you –"
"You never let me forget that, do you?" Sakura's voice was getting louder, and she let it even though her throat hurt. "Why would you think I would tell you anything after that? You never approve of anything I do, so why bother in the first place –"
Shizune began to tear up.
"That's not fair, Sakura! I gave you lab time when you wanted, didn't I? I didn't stand over your shoulder and check your work, but I should have. Kuniko told me you're injecting rats with neurotransmitters. Why dopamine, Sakura? Oxytocin? Why couldn't you have told me? You lied to me. You lied and I don't know why you can't just –"
"The rats are my fault, Shizune," Ino broke in, wringing her hands. "Don't blame Sakura for –"
"I don't care whose fault it is! I care that she's shutting me out of everything!"
"I'm shutting you out? You never have time for me, Shizune. You talk to me for five minutes and send me on my way because you're scared I'll tell you to stop obsessing over Tsunade. She's never coming back, Shizune! Never!"
Sakura's monitors were beeping, alarms telling her that her heart rate was up and her blood pressure was skyrocketing.
Shizune squeezed her eyes shut, tears streaking down her face. "I'm glad you're alive, Sakura. I am. But it's best we stop associating outside of business until you can learn to tell the truth."
"Learn to tell the truth to yourself, Shizune," Sakura said to Shizune's retreating back. "No one else has the guts to say it to you."
Sakura swept the spilled ice chips on the floor, shivering from where they'd melted into her sheets. Ino stepped forward and pried the crumpled paper cup from Sakura's hands.
"I feel like it's my fault," Ino whispered. "You didn't tell her about the dopamine because you couldn't tell her why, right? I'll tell her, if you want me to."
"Don't. It's not about the stupid rats, Ino."
Sakura looked at the wall, away from Ino or anyone else.
"I promised my dad I'd help paint the store today," Ino said. "I'll just go tell him I can't, then I'll be back, all right?"
"No, it's fine. You should help him paint. You can't do anything here but watch me sleep."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes, go. In fact, everyone can go. It was very nice of you to stay, but I'm fine now."
No one moved.
"I'll see you as soon as I can, Sakura," Ino said. "I promise."
When Ino was gone, Sakura looked at the rest of them. "Anyone else want to have a go at me? I know you're dying to. Have at it."
No one said anything.
"No? All right then. Go home and get some sleep."
Sakura resolutely shut her eyes and pretended to sleep until it became a reality.
When she woke again, she was in the hemodialysis lab, watching her blood leave her body for purification and getting returned. The lab tech was blissfully silent except to say how happy he was that she had returned safely.
She nodded and thanked him, but invited no further conversation.
Sakura wasn't looking forward to being wheeled back to her room when the dialysis was over, but was pleasantly surprised to see that only her mother, Sai, and Naruto remained, and they were all dozing in the chairs. She felt bad for her relief; they had probably been up all night, worried sick.
She was helped into bed, thankful that they'd thought to change the sheets while she was gone. The wounds on her back wouldn't close, and small though they were, they kept draining through her bandages. Poisoned wounds were often problematic. They would probably scar, but she was already ruined for fieldwork without genjutsu anyway. She relaxed in the bed, preparing to try and sleep again, when a humongous white and pink rectangle bounced into her room.
Belatedly, Sakura realized that it was a get well card carried by Beniko and Fumiko, one so large that it eclipsed the girls almost entirely.
They set it on the floor and opened it up for her to see.
"The whole hospital signed it, even some of the patients, see?" Beniko said, pointing to the two largest names written in sparkly purple pen. "There are our signatures."
Fumiko set a box of chocolates on Sakura's bedside table. "We also got you these, but you can't eat them yet so we taped it shut."
Beniko abandoned the gigantic card against the wall and crowded her bedside with Fumiko.
"Did you really perform poison extraction on yourself?"
Sakura nodded, then winced as her bruised neck twinged.
"That is the coolest thing I have ever heard."
"Ever," echoed Fumiko.
"I heard that Hatake Kakashi is your boyfriend."
"Did you know he threw a bedpan at my uncle? A full one."
Sakura's mouth twitched as she fought the urge to laugh. "No, I didn't."
"He also broke Uncle Kito's nose when the medical squad met you out there."
Sakura couldn't help but chuckle. "Again? Did Tanaka at least let someone set it properly this time?"
Fumiko pouted. "It's not funny! But yes, I made him."
"He's not very civil, is he, your boyfriend?" Beniko said, frowning. "You ought to teach him manners."
Sakura couldn't bring herself to correct them when they were the only people she'd looked at today that didn't seem like they were judging her.
"You mean train him, like a dog? He doesn't really listen to me about how to behave, you know."
"Well, he should," Fumiko said, nose in the air. "And did anyone tell you you need some chap stick? Here."
Sakura caught the tube Fumiko tossed despite her many monitors. "This is actually lip gloss, but –"
"Emi-chan is going to be devastated when she gets back from Wave, you know," Beniko said, whispering conspiratorially. "She was sure you were going to end up with Michio-senpai."
"I wonder what Michio-san thinks about that."
"That's what he said, too. 'I wonder what Sakura-taichou thinks about that.' See, Emi's right, really, don't you think? You're sweet together."
"I don't know, Beniko-chan. I think we're fine as we are."
Fumiko pouted. "But Hatake Kakashi is so tall! Too tall, I think."
"And I heard he's mean as a snake. Oyone-senpai said –" Beniko clapped a hand over her mouth, face turning a splotchy red all the way to the roots of her curls.
Fumiko huffed and elbowed Beniko in the ribs. "Oyone-senpai just doesn't like it when anyone but Shizune-senpai sasses him. Anyway, Sakura-taichou, do you know Aiko-chan? You probably don't. She's a wall attendant. Anyway, she likes this guy Gennai, but she isn't sure about him because he's a foot and a half taller than her. What do you think? How do you kiss Hatake-san, standing on a box?"
They were looking at her, faces shining with such eagerness that Sakura had to answer. "Well, usually he just bends over."
Beniko wrinkled her nose. "Does he take the mask off?"
Sakura smiled. "Sometimes."
"Did he when, you know, all this happened?"
"Not that time."
Beniko stuck out her tongue. "That's kind of gross. Does it feel weird?"
"Not really."
Fumiko bumped her friend with her hip. "How would you know what weird feels like? It's not gross, Beni-chan. It's romantic."
Beniko quirked her head, considering. "Yeah, you're right. Like he couldn't wait, you know?"
"Exactly."
"All right. I guess we like him," Beniko said with decision.
"Of course we do. Sakura-taichou does, right?" Fumiko turned to Sakura. "But you should get him to apologize to my uncle."
"Yeah, you should. But we have to go or Oyone-senpai will kill us. 'Bye, Sakura-taichou!"
"'Bye!"
The two girls flounced out of the room just as quickly as they'd come, leaving Sakura with a smile she hadn't thought possible only a few hours ago.
"So it's true then," Sai said, and Sakura snapped her head towards him.
In a medicated haze, she had forgotten anyone else was in the room. The others must have woken.
"What's true?"
"You're really sleeping with your superior."
Sakura's smile faded. Sai got up and began pacing, his back rigid and his arms clasped tightly behind his back.
"You don't deny it."
"How can I?"
Sai stopped pacing and looked her square in the eye. "Shouldn't loose women be ashamed of what they are?"
Naruto's fist sent Sai flying into the wall.
"Naruto, no!" Sakura cried, struggling to get up, but lacking the strength. "Don't hurt him."
Naruto stood over Sai, who was laying on the ground, stunned.
"No one speaks to Sakura like that. Not even you."
Sai scrambled up and fled out the open window.
Naruto turned to Sakura, eyes blazing. "Are you all right?"
"Of course I am. I can barely move. Are you?"
He flexed his hand, the scrapes on his knuckles healing as she watched. "You know better."
"Reflex." She hesitated. "Don't you – don't you agree with him?"
"I don't know what to think, Sakura."
The hope fluttering in Sakura's belly sank like a stone.
"I've been thinking about it a lot, trying to figure out what I've missed. I realized a couple of things. You've been spending time together without me, and you never used to do that. Training, you said, and I know it's at least a little bit true, but... And it's obvious now that he's your ANBU captain and there's some funny business with that."
The serious, contemplative look on Naruto's face wrenched the panic from her that she'd been tamping down. "Naruto, I couldn't tell you. Please don't – I wasn't allowed, I –"
"I know, but it's not just that. I noticed something about the both of you when you leave places. Lately, you either leave last or far too early, one after the other. Like that time you walked out of Ino and Shika's birthday, Kakashi-sensei just sat there getting drunk for about ten minutes and then left without even saying goodbye. You were both in the worst mood, snapping at each other like I'd never seen before. And at Konohamaru's going away party, you were arguing with Kakashi and then you came over to tell me you didn't feel well and had to go ... and he followed you out. I didn't think anything of it before because you both hate parties, but now I wonder if all those times, you were actually going home together... Like a secret. Because you were hiding it from me."
The pain in his brilliant blue eyes nearly broke her, nearly made her confess it all to him even though such an urge was selfish. It would only hurt him more.
"Naruto..."
"I just don't understand."
"There's not much to understand, really."
He sighed. "Well, as long as you're happy. You know I want that for you. For you both."
Sakura winced. "It's not really ... like that."
Naruto rubbed the back of his neck, but instead of the sheepish smile that usually accompanied the gesture, his lips pinched into a straight line, white around the edges. "You smiled when those girls called him your..."
He trailed off, and Sakura knew he couldn't bring himself to say "boyfriend." She looked into the space over his shoulder instead of his face as she replied.
"They were just funny. It had nothing to do with..." She swallowed a lump in her throat.
He sat on the bed next to her. "Is it friends with benefits, like Kiba used to do with, well, everybody?"
"It's not about –" She choked on the word. "It's not about sex."
"Then what is it about?"
She picked at her sheets.
"I need some kind of answer, Sakura."
"There are certain things some kunoichi – ninja – are expected to do. Like me. Or Ino."
"So, he, what – teaches you, or something?"
She shut her eyes against the revulsion on Naruto's face.
"No, it's not like that. I just ... needed help, so he helped me. Because I asked him to."
"Because you asked? Just like that?"
She opened her eyes, searching his face, but she couldn't read it.
"It's not his fault. Tell everyone to blame me, not him."
"Tell them yourself, if you want to."
"You don't hate me?" Her voice wavered and she winced.
His eyes softened, the line between his brows smoothing. "I couldn't hate you, Sakura. You're one of my precious people."
"But everyone else does."
"How could they?"
"Then where are they?"
"You told them to go home."
She blinked away the beginnings of tears.
"Kakashi does. Hate me."
"I doubt that, Sakura."
"He does! He's not speaking to me."
Sakura lost the battle and tears leaked out of the corners of her eyes. Naruto shifted uncomfortably.
"Does he talk to anyone?"
He talked to me, she wanted to say, for a little while.
She knew how few people Kakashi opened up to and yet she still betrayed him. If she didn't tell Naruto, Sakura could still pretend she was the type of person who wouldn't do that.
"I'm supposed to have a meeting tonight," Naruto said. "But I'll see if I can get out of it."
"No, go. We don't want the Hokage mad at you, do we?"
He frowned. "I don't want to leave you by yourself."
"I'm not. My mother's here, remember?"
Naruto turned to look at her mother, who was watching in her silent way.
"Take care of her, all right?"
Riko nodded and Naruto took his leave.
"Mom, will you do me a favor?"
"Whatever you want."
"Go home and go to bed. In the morning, you can bring me a change of clothes and my toothbrush and stuff like that."
"Sakura, no. I'm perfectly fine right here."
Sakura looked away. "You said whatever I wanted."
"This is what you want?" Riko's voice was clipped.
"Yes."
Riko left and finally, Sakura was alone.
Her peace didn't last long; first Oyone popped his head in to wish her well, and then Kiki woke her again changing her dressings.
"Sorry. Now that you're up, would you like a bath?"
"Yes, please," Sakura said, and let Kiki undress her.
"I'm not sure why this wasn't done already," Kiki said as she readied the water in the bathroom, making sure it wasn't too hot. "The notes from last shift say it was crowded in here. Perhaps they didn't want to impose."
Sakura lifted her arms obediently so Kiki could wash away the grime of half of the fishing villages in Lightning Country.
"Maybe nights are better for this sort of thing."
"All right. Should I limit your visitors as well?"
"No. Well ... maybe at night, make them go home and sleep in their own beds instead of camping out on my floor, getting in your way."
"I'll note it on your chart."
"But don't let them know I'm the one who said it."
Kiki smiled. "I'll think of something."
By the time Kiki finished bathing her, Sakura felt as if she'd just sparred Tsunade-shishou.
"I think that's enough for now. Would you like me to bring you some makeup?"
Sakura raised a weary hand to her lips. "This? The lip gloss? It was just the next best thing to chap stick."
She wiped it off on her sheet. "Don't want to give people an excuse to gossip."
"Don't worry about that. They'll find something else to talk about soon enough."
Sakura groaned. "So everyone knows already?"
"You know how it is around here."
Yes, she did. Everyone knew everyone's business at the thin-walled hospital – except to the staff, Sakura's argument with Shizune was probably mildly more interesting than whatever the rumor mill was inventing about Kakashi.
As if she read Sakura's mind, Kiki lay a cool hand on Sakura's forehead. "Fights between sisters are always the nastiest. Boys work it out with their fists. Girls let it fester."
"Do you think she'll ever forgive me?"
Kiki handed Sakura a little cup of pills and helped her drink from a glass of water to aid in swallowing.
"After I gave my blessing when my daughter wanted to marry a ninja, my sister was so mad she wouldn't speak to me at all. But she still came to the wedding."
Sakura's brow furrowed. "What does that mean?"
Kiki fluffed Sakura's pillow. "You'll see. Now get some rest."
Sakura didn't have the energy to think about Kiki's cryptic answer and was asleep within minutes.
Sakura was roused early the next morning for some tests, and was allowed solid foods for the first time, though she didn't keep it down long.
When she was wheeled back to her room, Shiori and Ryoji were waiting for her.
Aware of their eyes on her, she tried to support herself as she got back in the bed and almost fell.
"You'll rip your catheter out, you will," her nurse scolded, clucking his tongue as he settled her in bed properly.
"Ah, Maki-san, what's a little urine between friends?" she said, but she knew he was right.
Once Maki was gone, Sakura looked at her two visitors.
Shiori was dressed in her civilian clothes, if one could call a lycra cat suit the exact shade of the blue in Shiori's hair civilian. It was low cut, with a stylized blue Sarugaku flame on the back. Sakura normally associated jumpsuits with the horror of Gai striking a pose, but on Shiori, it was somehow less terrifying and more alluring.
Ryoji hardly looked any different, though. If he added a vest, katana, arm guards, and mask, he would look something like he did in his ANBU uniform. He was staring at her, his olive eyes inscrutable.
Shiori dragged two chairs to Sakura's bedside and they settled in them, facing Sakura. Sakura didn't know what to say, but felt compelled to break the silence.
"I didn't choose to lie to you."
Shiori scoffed. "That much is obvious. I knew something was up. Even Hokage-sama acted strangely around you. I didn't suspect that you might be Haruno Sakura until later."
"You knew? Why didn't you tell me?" Ryoji said, his hard facade broken as his voice laced with whining.
"Hokage-sama didn't see fit to tell us the reason, so speaking of it was inappropriate. And I didn't know exactly what was going on, just that it didn't feel right and she almost never spoke of herself. You should have realized yourself, Ryoji. Didn't you ever listen to Mogusa? Learn to –"
"— think like a ninja," Sakura finished. "He used to say it to me, too, when I was an apprentice at the hospital."
Sakura quirked her lips. It seems she wasn't as sneaky as she'd thought.
"When did you suspect the truth?"
"On the way to that mission in Stone, you were too ... I don't know, familiar? With him. It reminded me of the first day I met Sakura – you."
Sakura winced.
"Then later, when you killed that one ninja, it was like a bomb went off inside his chest. And what you did with Ryoji..."
"The medics here were all convinced it couldn't be anyone from Konoha. They kept asking who fixed me, but the Captain told me not to say anything, so I didn't."
Shiori rolled her eyes. "And that didn't tip you off?"
"I was worried about that," Sakura said. "We all know who's capable of that, and none of them were supposed to be out there with you. But it couldn't be helped."
"I still wasn't sure," Shiori said, "so I came here, asking for Madoka Chiyoko. I wanted to invite her to my brother's graduation party, I said. No one had ever heard of you. What kind of medic could become that skilled without ever setting foot in the hospital? It didn't make any sense."
"That's why I didn't spend much time on my background story." Sakura pursed her lips. "It was destined to fail."
"I didn't figure out about you and Kakashi, though. I actually thought he was gay."
Sakura stared. "But he reads porn constantly. With men and women in it."
Shiori shrugged. "Nice cover, don't you think?"
Momentarily distracted, Sakura tapped her finger against her chin. "You know, the thought only occurred to me once and it was for an entirely different reason. That's pretty good blackmail material, actually..."
"But he's not gay, is he," Ryoji said, and it wasn't a question.
The flinty look had returned to Ryoji's face and the light from the window reflected off his eyes, making them seem almost yellow. It was obvious where his animal choice originated.
"I should have recognized a lover's quarrel when I saw one," Shiori said. "He wasn't mad at you because you didn't practice your kenjutsu exercises, was he?"
"No. But he might have been, if he had seen me swing a sword lately," Sakura said, going for a bit of levity, but it was no use.
Shiori's dark eyes were not sparkling with good humor as they usually were.
Sakura tried to swallow, but her mouth was too dry. "I'm – I'm sorry. Lodge a complaint if you want. I deserve it."
"I thought about it," Ryoji said, his gaze boring into her, "after the relief wore off. Why do you have to be on his team? Why should you get preferential treatment?"
Sakura wished the hospital bed would swallow her whole, make her disappear.
"It doesn't seem like it's about easy promotions, but how can I know?"
"It wasn't my choice, this team," Sakura said, her voice sounding very small. "Or his."
Ryoji said nothing. Sakura looked to Shiori, daring to hope, but she crossed her arms over her chest.
Ryoji stood up abruptly. "I won't say anything. We're even now."
"It's not a contest," Shiori spat. "Do you think this makes up for her saving your life?"
"It was her job." Ryoji jutted out his jaw.
"You know it was more than that."
"I thought I did, but what if she was just – I don't know, fighting with him? And I happened to be there?"
Sakura squeezed her eyes shut, trying to allay the doubts that had sprung up at his words.
"What about how you told everyone, all her friends and family, about them? Don't you even think about reporting them after that."
"I said I wouldn't, didn't I?" Ryoji stomped to the door and paused with his hand on the knob. "I'm glad you're going to be all right, Chi – Sakura-san. Whatever."
When he was gone, Sakura turned to Shiori. "So it was him that told?"
Shiori sighed. "It was an accident. Don't be too hard on him."
"So you've made up, then?"
"Not really, but I know he didn't mean any harm by it."
"So..." Sakura fiddled with her sheets again. "You're not going to report me either, I take it?"
"There's a reason they don't usually put couples on teams together."
Sakura jerked her head towards Shiori, suddenly worried.
"No, I'm not going to report you. Don't get too excited, though. I still have to write my after action report and I'm not going to lie in it."
Sakura tried to relax; this was the best result she could have hoped for, though it left a bitter taste in her mouth. It was public knowledge now, and with Sai at the scene, trying to hide the incident from Danzou would be foolish. Technically, nothing she and Kakashi had done on the mission was against the rules, and including it in the reports was optional. Sakura had been prepared to dissuade them from deciding not to report it in a misguided attempt to protect her and Kakashi, but there was no need. Apparently, they had no such inclinations.
"Of course," Sakura said, her voice gravelly with exhaustion though she hadn't been awake for long.
Shiori couldn't meet Sakura's eyes as she changed the subject abruptly. "Sorry about your packs."
"What?"
"I had to incinerate them."
"What?"
"We tried to carry them for a while, but it was slowing us down. We thought about burying them, but we were already behind. I hope you didn't have anything irreplaceable in there."
"I make it a point not to."
Sakura did have the rest of the miso flavored rations that made her want to cry and eat another at the same time, but maybe it was for the best that they were lost.
"All right then." Shiori stood, adjusting her jumpsuit so it hugged the right curves without wrinkling. "I want to trust you, but I'm not sure you've earned it."
Before Shiori reached the door, Sakura said, "I enjoyed being sisters with you. While it lasted."
Shiori left Sakura alone with her thoughts, but as usual, it didn't last long. Sakura's mother entered the room, beleaguered with bags.
"I said a change of clothes, not a whole wardrobe, Mom."
"I didn't know what you would want. It's better to be prepared. I couldn't find your toothbrush, though."
Sakura frowned. She kept a spare, but it had, apparently, been incinerated. Her toothbrush was always in a cup in her bathroom, unless –
"It might be at – don't worry about it."
Riko dug in one of the bags and emerged with a hairbrush and some sort of bottle. She came to sit on Sakura's bed.
"It's at his place, isn't it?"
"Probably."
Sakura struggled to sit up, so Riko helped her, propping her up with some pillows.
"I'll just ask him to bring it when he visits, then."
"He won't be visiting, Mom. I told you not to worry about it. The hospital will give me one."
Riko began to gently pull the loops out of Sakura's braids.
"Is it as bad as all that?"
"Worse."
Riko worked the comb through Sakura's tangled hair.
"He was very distraught. You should have seen him," Riko said as she picked a twig out of a knot.
"He would have been like that with Naruto too. Don't read too much into it."
Riko pursed her lips, but didn't respond – for a while, anyway.
"I just don't see what you could have done that was so bad, that's all. Just like after your father was here. You weren't seeing him then. I could tell. But you made up, didn't you? You'll make up again."
"It's not like that time, Mom. I lied to him."
"So make it right."
"I tried, okay?" Sakura jerked her head out of her mother's reach. "I'm tired."
Riko slapped the brush against her thigh with a shaking hand. "Why won't you let me take care of you, Sakura? I'm your mother."
Sakura didn't respond, but after a minute, she leaned back towards her mother.
Riko smiled and picked up the bottle. "This is why I was late this morning. It's shampoo, but you don't need water, see? I know how you are about your hair."
Sakura nodded and her mother began to lather it into her head, massaging. She closed her eyes, enjoying it. When that part was done, Riko braided Sakura's hair into a single neat plait.
"It's getting long again. Should I cut it?"
"Not today, but thanks."
Pleased, Riko returned to the chairs against the window, content to let Sakura sleep.
It wasn't long before Naruto, Hinata, Ami, and Ino showed up. Ino put a vase of flowers on Sakura's bedside table and began chatting about painting the store with Kurenai and her father.
"He put his foot in the paint can and then couldn't get it off. Paint went flying everywhere. We had to redo a whole wall," Ino was saying as she threw the window open for some air. "I could tell Kurenai-sensei wanted to laugh at him, but she didn't."
"It's a good thing I wasn't there, then," Sakura said with a smile.
"Probably. You would have soaked up all the paint with your billboard brow."
Sakura scowled and Hinata cleared her throat, delicately changing the subject.
"The Hyuuga clan sends their well wishes and congratulations on surviving an encounter with Akatsuki. My father is very busy or he would come himself. And Brother Neji is away on assignment."
"What she means is Team Gai is on a mission," Ino said, rolling her eyes. "Why don't you just say that?"
"I can't believe you're in ANBU!" Ami said, excitement shining in her eyes. "Why didn't you tell us?"
"I'm not allowed to talk about it," Sakura said, staring at the ceiling.
"Aw, come on. We already know now, so what's the point of –"
"I'm not allowed to talk about it, Ami."
"Well tell us about Hatake Kakashi, then! Is he dashing under the mask? Ow, Hinata! Oh, right. I'm not supposed to ask about that either. Spoil sport."
Sakura ground her teeth.
"How's your team been going lately, Ami? Have you had any missions?" Ino said, though her voice belied the casual nature of the question.
"Just one. It was super boring. We took mail somewhere."
"You should be grateful," Naruto said. "We used to have to milk cows and chase cats. Remember that, Sakura-chan?"
"Stupid cat. I still have a scar on my arm."
"No you don't!" Ino said, jumping up to inspect it. "Which one?"
"The left one, look. By the joint."
"There's nothing there!"
"Yes, there is, if you look properly. Or maybe pig eyes can't see fine detail."
"Or maybe the scar is on your forehead and all you saw was a reflection!"
"Who's ready for dialysis?" Maki said cheerfully as he entered with a wheelchair, ignoring the flurry of activity around him.
"Save me from the crazy people, Maki-san. And maybe order an eye exam for Ino."
Ino, always dignified, stuck her tongue out at Sakura.
When Sakura returned, Ino and Naruto were embroiled in a thrilling game of five finger fillet.
"That seems so dangerous," Riko said. "I brought some dominoes. Why don't you kids play with that instead?"
"They're in a hospital, Mom. How much safer can it get?"
"I want to learn!" Ami said, following Ino's kunai with her eyes.
"Pay attention to the order," Naruto said.
"Where's Hinata?" Sakura asked.
"Clan business," Naruto said. "She said to say 'bye."
"She won't be back today, then?"
Naruto took the kunai and began to stab between his fingers in an elaborate pattern. "Nope."
"I bet." This didn't seem like a Hinata-friendly sort of game.
"You ought to practice this with Kiba," Ino said to Ami. "He's the one who taught me. Shikamaru and Chouji would never play."
"Too risky?"
"Too lazy."
"I better not catch you playing that game, Sakura."
"Mom!"
It was another few hours before Sakura could convince them to go get lunch, and she settled into her peace and quiet for a few minutes.
Kiba, Shino, and Chouji burst through the window.
"Sakura-chaaaaaaan!" Kiba said, loud enough for the whole floor to hear. "I heard you're fucking Kakashi-sensei! I always knew you were secretly kinky. Do you dress up in those tiny school girl skirts like on the civilian girly mags?"
Her stomach clenched and the air fled her lungs like she'd been punched in the chest. Anger rose with bile in her throat and she scrambled at her bedside table for some kind of projectile. She flung the box of chocolates at Kiba's face, hoping it would knock the smirk off of it.
"Kiba, I'll kill you when I get out of here!"
He caught the box deftly, cheeky smile intact. "Is that any way to greet your returned hero?"
"Hero of what, getting caught? Do you have any idea how much trouble you caused?"
Sakura hardly realized what she said until the hurt flickered across Kiba's face. He jumped back out the window and Chouji was right behind him.
Sakura looked at Shino, hoping to get an idea of where he stood, but he was as unreadable as ever.
"Thanks for coming, but you don't have to stay. You've done your duty by me."
"Is friendship about duty? I think not."
Resolutely, Shino sat down in one of the chairs by the window.
"I just thought – with you being engaged to Mika and everything... It's clear where your values lie, is all."
"Who am I to impose my values on others?"
Sakura could feel the heat rising to her face. She should have known Shino wouldn't judge; his best friends were Kiba and Hinata, after all, and they couldn't be more different.
"Thanks."
Chouji came back through the window, clutching the somewhat battered box of chocolates.
"You shouldn't steal someone else's food."
Sakura smiled. When it came to food, Chouji was nothing if not predictable.
"You can have them, if you want. As long as you share with Shino."
Shino waved away Chouji's offer and he plopped down happily, tearing the tape off the box.
Chouji was far more gracious to Sakura than she had been to him when the tables were turned; he simply ate the chocolate and didn't ask her a thing.
Neither did Shino.
"How is Mika?"
"Doing very well, thank you."
"Are the wedding plans progressing well?"
"Yes. Ino-san has agreed to do the floral arrangements. For an appropriate fee, of course."
"You'll let me know if there's anything I can do to help, won't you?"
"Of course."
Maki came in with her simple lunch, and before too long, the whole gang was back with tales of fighting Naruto away from Ichiraku.
Sakura smiled. This wasn't as bad as she thought it would be. In fact, it wasn't bad at all.
The rest of the week passed just the same as she regained her strength. Yamato and Sai never showed up, and Kiba and Ami never returned either. Even though Sakura knew Shizune was around the hospital, she never popped in, even though it felt like the rest of the staff had been by twice.
Sakura felt their absences deeply, but it was easy to distract herself with the others constantly trying to cheer her up. Others popped by periodically, like Kurenai and little Masako. Sakura had almost settled into a routine when Kumatori knocked on her door jamb one night.
He had stopped by before, but only once with a larger group.
"I'm sorry I haven't been by. I've been on night shift and it didn't seem right to bother you."
"Of course," Sakura said, faking a smile.
Night shift hadn't stopped anyone else.
He dragged a chair to her bedside and sat.
"I always used to like night shift," she said. "It was quieter, and there was no one to fight over the big cases with."
"People want to be home with their families at night."
"Their loss. Less competition, right?"
Before, he would have smiled and joked around with her. Now, he looked at her chart as an excuse not to meet her eyes.
"Your kidney function has shown remarkable improvement."
"I know. I don't understand why I haven't been let home yet. Is Shizune punishing me?"
"No." He set her chart down and opened his mouth to say something, then shut it again. "I'll talk to her about it."
"Thanks."
Kumatori once talked to her so easily. She had hurt him with her obliviousness, that much was obvious, and the thought pained her. He was a kind man, and a gentle one – and most importantly, he didn't remind her of Sasuke at all.
She could have tried with Kumatori. She would have. But it was too late now; she could see it in his eyes.
"I knew you were seeing someone. Someone prestigious. Someone strong," he said. "How could you not? You're so pretty. So smart. How could I have ever thought you could want someone like me?"
Sakura frowned. "Someone like you?"
"A genin, forever. Always destined to be the lowest rung."
"I'm no better than you, Kumatori."
"Of course you are." His mouth contorted bitterly. "You're the Godaime Hokage's apprentice. Everyone knows you'll be great some day and –"
Sakura's chest constricted. "Everyone doesn't know much about me. They're wrong about me. You're wrong. You deserve someone who makes you feel like what you are – one of the best medics in Konoha – not someone who brings you down."
He started like the words surprised him. "You don't bring me down. You make me want to be better."
"Not if you feel like the lowest rung on the ladder."
"I can't help it. You learned just as much as I know about medicine – more – in less than half the time. They used to call me a genius, but I can't compete with that. No one can."
"I don't know what you think I know about medicine that you don't. In fact, I would say you –"
"It's not what you know, Sakura. It's how you know."
Sakura bit her lip. She had no idea what to say.
Kumatori sighed. "It's not your fault. You inspire me, most of the time. I'm just always trying to catch up to you."
"I know the feeling," Sakura whispered. "I know."
"How can you? Who do you have to catch up to? Tsunade-sama?"
Sakura looked away. How foolish to think he might have understood her.
Kumatori stood. "It was wrong of me to come in here. Please forgive me."
"Don't worry about it," she said, but the words hardly came out.
It seemed all of her relationships were bound to end up this way, either false, tiptoeing around the things no one could talk about, or fading into bitterness.
That night, the vivid dreams returned. She was in the woods, trying to save Ino, but always, always too late. The men came and she slaughtered them all, one by one, and made them suffer.
The next morning, Kiki woke her from a fitful sleep. "You have visitors."
Sakura groaned. "I always have visitors. Send them away."
"And what shall I tell them? That you're feeling ill and need some rest?"
"That will make them worry." Sakura sighed. "All right, send them in."
After Sakura's various dressings were changed, her pills were taken, and her breakfast was served, they began to trickle in as usual.
Sakura shoved her barely touched plate away and turned over. "Today, let's play the 'be quiet' game."
For a minute, Sakura thought they would go along with it, until Chouji asked, "Are you going to eat that?"
"Go ahead and eat it."
Despite the inevitable chatter around her, Sakura eventually drifted back to sleep.
Ino shook her awake. "Sakura, wake up. Look who it is."
At first, all Sakura saw through her bleary eyes was a sea of green, but eventually Team Gai came into focus.
"Kiba's young paramour waylaid us as we returned to the village to inform us that you had fallen ill."
Lee's brows came together in concern like a fuzzy caterpillar. "Ami-san said you were targeted by Akatsuki. That is frightening."
"Yeah, it is," Naruto said darkly.
"But youth prevailed once again!" Gai said, beaming.
"We're glad to see you're okay," Tenten said.
Neji nodded in agreement.
Sakura searched their faces for disapproval but found none. "Did you guys come here straight from a mission? Thanks, but go home and get some rest."
"Are you sure?" Tenten waited for Sakura's nod. "All right. Come on, Lee."
Tenten looked at Neji, who was as far away from her as possible without standing out, but didn't include him.
"Even the midnight lily must find its rest," Gai said, and Lee nodded as if that was sage advice.
Before they could go, Beniko and Fumiko burst into the room, knocking past Team Gai to crowd Sakura's bedside.
"We saw him just now, your boyfriend. He was buying a sandwich."
"Two sandwiches."
The girls exchanged knowing glances, as if they'd just released dramatic news. Sakura didn't understand the revelation.
"Is he not allowed to do that now?"
"They had cheese on them."
"Cheese! I saw it." Fumiko nodded vigorously.
Sakura stared blankly at their faces shining with excitement. "Is that bad?"
Beniko looked down her nose at Sakura in apparent disappointment. "Did you just wake up or something? He was buying you lunch, but you can't have cheese right now! I was going to say something to him, but –"
Beniko's cheeks turned as red as a cherry.
"Beni-chan thinks he's intimidating, but I went right up to him, didn't I?"
"She did."
Fumiko smiled triumphantly. "I said, 'Hatake-san, don't you know Sakura-taichou can't have cheese right now?'"
"And what did he say?"
Sakura fought to keep her mouth straight, trying her best not to laugh. They thought they had done her a service.
Fumiko pouted. "He said, 'Who are you again?' and walked away."
"It was rude, wasn't it?" Beniko said.
"It was," agreed Fumiko. "I was only trying to save him the extra trip. But he didn't listen so now you can't eat your sandwich when he comes, okay?"
"I promise," said Sakura, unable to suppress a smile any longer.
Gai made a sound deep in his throat like a wounded oxen. Sakura started, having forgotten he was there, and looked at him. His mouth was contorted into something like a sneer and his usually merry eyes were as hard as diamonds.
The smile slid from Sakura's face. Apparently Ami hadn't told them everything.
Beniko and Fumiko inched towards the door, eyeing Gai warily.
"'Bye, Sakura-taichou!"
Gai thundered out of the door with a silent Neji close behind. Hinata jumped up and ran after him, calling his name. Tenten and Lee stood there, looking almost as awkward as Sakura felt.
"Just go," Sakura said, voice clipped. "I can't deal with this today. I just can't."
Tenten hesitated, but grabbed Lee's arm and began to drag him out of the door. He was dazed, his eyebrows so high on his skull that they blended in with his bangs.
"I need a break," Sakura said before anyone could try their usual tricks of changing the subject and pretending to be cheerful. "Just for a little while."
She rolled over and willed herself back to sleep.
When she next woke, it was to the chatter of medics all around her. Even Shizune was there, so Sakura decided it had to be a dream.
She pulled her pillow over her head and screamed into it. "Leave me alone!"
Shizune gently pried the pillow away. "We're sorry to bother you, but you need just one more test."
"What is it?" Sakura bit out, refusing to look Shizune in the eye.
"Slice this." Shizune set an apple on the bedside table.
Sighing, Sakura propped herself and tried to channel chakra into her hand to make a scalpel.
Nothing happened. She frowned. She must be rusty.
She tried again, and the beginnings of green chakra formed around her hand and then dissipated. Sakura looked wildly for Shizune as the monitors on her heart and blood pressure began to beep.
"What's happening to me?"
"I didn't want to tell you in case it interfered with the rest of your healing process, but the poison damaged your chakra system as well. I had hoped it would heal over time, but..."
"Can you fix it?"
Shizune tugged on a lock of hair and hesitated before replying. "There's a procedure I want to try later this afternoon. We'll flood your system with chakra and look for blockages. I've recruited a Hyuuga already."
"Will it work?" Sakura said dully, but she already knew the answer.
"I don't know, Sakura. I don't know."
Author's Note: Thanks once again to my lovely editing team headed by Spike Dee. A reviewer thanked me last chapter for not leaving a cliffhanger. Well, um ... Hehe. Don't count your chickens before they've hatched and all those other fun idioms.
