MY MUSE HAS RETURNED!
Praise the Lord. I've been chasing that stubborn little bastard for the last three weeks, trying to tie her down long enough to help me out with this chapter. Screaming, threatening, and offers of tea were involved, and she finally agreed. *sighs* I swear I don't know where she gets her stubbornness from.
But anyways. Twenty-seven chapters, huh? Wow. Never thought I'd see the day. I mean, can you guys believe that we're only three installments of TOSOM off from having thirty chapters?! Because I definitely can't. *shakes head* Wow.
As of this exact moment, I have sixty-six reviews, twenty-one favorites, thirty-two follows, and eleven thousand three hundred and eighty hits. The results are in, and it's official. I literally have the best readers on the face of the earth. :)
Thank you to karanathefirebender, NotANerd133, and Bolinlover123 for their awesome reviews—I appreciate it more than words can tell. I mean it! Nothing is better than finding a great review in your inbox after a testy day. Just like last time, I only ask this of those who gave me favorites and follows: if you haven't reviewed…please, please do so. Even if it's a simple 'this is gr8 update soon' or one worthy of Kirkus Reviews, they mean a lot to me and I really need to know what you guys think about this.
But I don't want to ramble on. Please take a moment and prepare yourselves for a chapter full of angst, traumatic flashbacks, resolutions of love triangles, and…well, you know me by now, don't you? Let's just say that I'm glad I confiscated your shotguns a while back.
Enjoy!
Disclaimer: I do not own The Legend of Korra, or any of its trademarked characters. I only own my OC's.
The Other Side of Me by boasamishipper
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Present Day
"…At the same time I know that it's not really their fault, at least not completely. I did my part too. I did it on a hundred different days and in a thousand different ways, and I know it. But this makes the anger worse, not better."
-Lauren Oliver, "Before I Fall"
When Bolin woke up the next morning, daylight was streaming through the thick curtains of his hospital room. He shifted positions, and was alarmed by the amount of blankets thrown over him, and the sticky feeling of sweat all over them. His throat was dry from thirst, but his stomach churned and felt so uneasy that Bolin knew he couldn't have kept anything down if his life depended on it.
Spirits, I feel like shit, Bolin thought, disgruntled. What had happened to cause him to feel so badly? The usual nightmares of Ash's death that had been plaguing him in the compound for the last two months had strangely vanished after his talk with Hikaru and Mai—even if the guilt hadn't completely disappeared yet. Xin's head snapping backwards and Liao's terrified screams still haunted him, but that was to be expected. It'd only occurred less than two weeks ago.
"My son should still be alive, not some street scum like you!"
And then it all came flooding back to him. How he'd been practically catatonic since Mrs. Daichi had screamed abuse at him, and how he'd passed out during Dr. Yamaki's routine inspection. Mako had been freaking out the whole time, and had been throwing blankets and fussing over him. Bolin remembered waking up a few times to see Asami and Korra dragging him out of the room, and Asami asleep in a chair. Bolin had tried to tap his best friend's knee to get her attention, but he'd fallen asleep again before he could say or do anything.
Looking to his left for a clock, Bolin nearly had a coronary. Liao was curled up, sleeping in a plastic chair right next to him, with his feet kicked up on the bed. What the hell? What's Liao doing here? I haven't seen him in here since I woke up the first time…he looks like hell. I wonder when the last time he slept was—except now, of course.
Something in his heart gave way, and he almost withdrew his hand and let Liao continue sleeping. Has he been in here the whole time? How long have I been sleeping, anyways?
But he decided against it. The man could provide more answers than his drug-addled mind could. "Liao?" Bolin asked softly, shaking his knee. "Hey, hey, wake up."
"What?" The former Agni Kai nearly toppled from his relaxed position as he awoke with a snort. "Hey! Bolin, you okay?" he inquired, his voice a bit breathless and still groggy with sleep. "You with me here?"
"Yeah. I—I think so." After all, he couldn't be one hundred percent positive. What if this was all a dream? Bolin nearly snorted at his line of thinking. No wonder 'Sami wanted me to become a psychology major. "Are you okay?"
"Yeah, I'm good." Liao sighed in relief and sat up straighter. His back cracked with an audible pop, and Bolin fought the urge not to wince at the noise. "Spirits, kid, you had us scared to death."
"Why? What was the matter with me?"
Liao's brows furrowed. "I—you passed out, about two days after Mrs. Daichi came and verbally beat the shit out of you." He shook his head, and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Spirits, I don't know what that bitch was on about. She had no right to go and talk to you like that, kid. But that's not the point. The point is, how much have you been thinking about what she said to you? From what Mako told me, you didn't eat since she talked to you, and your blood sugar dropped."
"In comparison to the compound, not eating for two days was like a feast," Bolin muttered under his breath without even thinking about it.
Liao looked like he'd been poleaxed and didn't say anything for a few seconds. His entire expression screamed I'm sorry, goddamnit, I am so sorry. But what could Liao have done about his situation? It'd been his fault, anyways, everything had been—from his getting kidnapped to Ash's demise to Xin's death to Midori—
No. He wasn't going to think about his little sister. Not now, not until he could get a better grip on his emotions.
"W-well, it worried the meddies here something terrible. Korra had to practically drag Mako out of here to use the bathroom once in a while and eat something other than the shitty food they have here." He scoffed. "But we—that is to say me, Korra, Mako, and 'Sami—have been takin' different watches, switching off every few hours. I relieved Mako here, and I was supposed to get 'Sami after a few hours, but I kinda fell asleep here." Liao grinned sheepishly.
Bolin did not return Liao's grin. He was still trying to wrap his mind around the fact that Mako, Asami, Korra and Liao had all been in a tizzy over his wellbeing. They were all this worried over me? Why? "Liao, can I ask you something?" he suddenly asked. His voice sounded rough, like crumpled sandpaper.
Liao nodded, looking curious. "Yeah, kid, ask me anything you want."
"Do…do you blame…" Bolin's voice trailed off, and he clenched his fists to give him courage. If he couldn't ask this now, the wonder would kill him. "Do you blame me for Xin's death?"
His reaction was instantaneous as Liao managed to simultaneously choke and fall off his chair at the same time, resulting in him coughing in the fetal position on the dirty carpet. "Do I what?" Liao managed to ask, his voice cracking halfway through the sentence in pure disbelief. What the hell? Why is he asking me this?
Bolin looked straight ahead at him, his arms folded across his chest. "Y-You heard me, Liao. Do you or do you not blame me for Xin's passing?" He enunciated every word slowly, making Liao feel like he was either hard of hearing or he'd stepped into an alternate dimension where every word he spoke was a veritable minefield.
He did blame the kid, deep down in the recesses of his mind where he'd rather never venture. He'd known Xin for two and a half years, ever since his best friend had requested him as his partner. They'd taken bullets for each other, exchanged gifts on Christmas and their birthdays, and Liao wasn't ashamed to say that he loved his partner more than anyone else in the world.
Even if it had been Bolin who'd had a hand in arranging the circumstances that led to Xin's demise, Liao realized that Xin would've ended up dying soon one way or another—in a mission gone awry, a drugs bust, beaten to death by Gainika's goon squad and not living through the coma, or even in Midori's place that fateful day. He missed Xin so much that there was a constant ache in his chest: life just didn't feel the same without his best friend.
In a weird way, Liao understood why Bolin would feel guilty about it—he would be too if he were in the kid's shoes. But there was nothing that could be done about it. They could play the blame game all they wanted, but it wouldn't do any good. They could delude themselves into thinking that it was each other's faults, but it wouldn't do anyone any favors.
"I did once," he admitted, his voice tight. "But I don't anymore. I don't blame anyone but myself, and Gainika."
"Why?" As usual, the kid cut straight to the heart of the matter. "Why don't you blame me?"
Oh, Bolin. "Because no matter who or what we attributed the guilt and blame to, Xin will still be dead. And it—it really breaks my heart, kiddo, but there's nothing you or me or anyone can do about it. Guilt isn't going to help you—you need to stop worrying about it."
But it is my fault, Bolin thought. I don't care what Liao says, it's still my fault. I didn't influence Xin to make the decision to join the Agni Kais, but he didn't have to practically commit suicide for me. I don't know why the guilt is killing me like this, but I don't know how to stop it.
Liao could tell that Bolin was going through his own crises and demons at that moment, so he changed the subject. "Hey, kiddo," he said easily. "Did I ever tell you how Xin and I first met?"
That managed to get the kid's attention from something other than his seemingly never-ending guilt. Liao mentally patted himself on the back. "No," Bolin replied. He raised his eyebrows in curiosity. "How did you meet? He didn't kidnap you or anything, did he?"
Liao snorted, trying to imagine Xin kidnapping him and failing miserably. "Spirits, no," he answered instantly. "No, he didn't do anything like that."
"Well, then, what happened?"
"Well, that," Liao said with a chuckle, "that is a long story…"
"When I call your name, you will be assigned to a Senior Recruit," said Gainika, her hands on her hips. "You all have been chosen specifically—whether it was by my personal recommendation, your exemplary skills during training sessions, or during field training, you have all proven yourselves. Standard partnerships, as you all recall, are six months probationary time, and if you'd like to permanently cement it, come and see me. If not, come and see me and I'll transfer you."
Liao scoffed. He wasn't an idiot. He knew that anyone who dared question the Section Leader's orders would give themselves a one-way ticket to an early grave. He exchanged a glance with Jiktun, the only other Recruit in the entire compound that he knew from the academy. He was polishing his glasses on his uniform like there was no tomorrow. Don't see what he's worried about, Liao inwardly grumbled. Gainika probably chose him a great partner. I wonder who the hell I'm getting.
"Recruit Jiktun, step forward."
Jiktun immediately pushed his glasses up on the bridge of his nose and stepped forward. "Section Leader," he said, giving her a crisp salute that looked like he'd been practicing it night and day. Hopefully he wouldn't drive his new partner insane by doing that.
"Hello, Recruit." Gainika nodded absentmindedly. "You have been assigned to Senior Recruit Chan."
Liao fought the urge to start laughing at the look on Jiktun's face as a Recruit the size of a small mountain stepped towards him and stuck out his left hand. The grip, if Jiktun's expression was any indication, probably felt like his hand was stuck in a desk drawer. "Hello," Jiktun almost squeaked. "I'm Jiktun."
Chan laughed. "Yeah, I know. Section Leader speaks highly of you. I'm Chan."
"H-hi, Chan." Jiktun started following Chan back into the crowd of Senior Recruits, but not before shooting Liao a frantic look that practically screamed, "Help me." Liao felt like his ribs were going to crack with a mixture of hysterics and anxiety. If that boulder of a man was assigned to a shrimp like Jiktun, he was probably going to have nightmares about whoever Gainika chose for him.
"Recruit Wren, step forward. You have been assigned to Recruit Haru."
The calling of names continued until Liao was one of the last ones still in the training room. His palms were sweating, and he hastily rubbed them on his uniform. Spirits, there's only three of us left. I can't be the last one. Section Leader probably wants to assign me a partner that'll kill me. That's got to be it. He swallowed.
"Recruit Liao?"
Liao took a step forward so quickly that he nearly tripped, and he wanted to smack himself for it. Spirits, don't make a fool out of yourself. You're going to be assigned now. Don't give Gainika any reason to change her mind. "Yes, ma'am."
"Ah, yes." She gave him a funny little smile and gestured for one of the last Senior Recruits to step forward. "Recruit Liao. You've been assigned to Senior Recruit Xin."
A guy that looked a little older than him gave him a brief smile. He had tan skin, dark, ebony-colored hair and blue eyes, for some reason. Maybe they were color contacts? Liao wasn't sure—it'd have to be a joke for Gainika to assign him to a waterbender. Besides, the Agni Kais were a firebending organization. Was there a memo he missed?
"Hi."
Liao's head shot up. "Um, me?"
The corner of his new partner's mouth quirked upwards, like Liao was a puppy that'd done a new trick. "Unless there's someone else in here named Liao, then yeah."
Liao felt his cheeks heat up in humiliation. "Sorry. Um, sir." He saluted. "I'm Junior Recruit Liao, serial number 1493820—"
"Cut out the stuffy attitude, kid." The words surprised him. Wasn't every Junior Recruit supposed to call a Senior Recruit sir? Did he miss something? And did the guy just call him kid? "My name's Xin. You don't have to wear yourself out with your rank and serial every time you want to get my attention, alright?" Xin began walking toward the door of the training room, and Liao immediately set off after him. He could hear Gainika pairing off the remaining two Recruits in the distance.
"Hey—hang on!" Liao said in surprise as he caught up with Xin. "Why? Section Leader told all of us that we'd have to call you guys sir."
"Oh, right," Xin chuckled, "I forgot that Gainika was considered the great Truth Oracle in the universe."
It'd only been a minute, and Liao was already getting peeved with his new partner. "Well, aren't you just something. How'd I ever land a fella like you?"
For a moment, he thought that Xin would get mad at him, but the Senior Recruit just laughed again. "That is actually something I can answer, kid," Xin said. "I requested you."
"You requested me?" Liao asked, stunned. "W-why?"
Xin turned around, brows furrowed. "Because—well…it's stupid," he muttered. Liao was surprised to see that his new partner actually seemed flustered. "I—well, me and the other Senior Recruits were required to, um, scope you guys out, see who we wanted as partners. I was watching you, and you—you interested me."
"What about me interested you?"
"I saw you complaining one morning about running and doing the workout," Xin explained sheepishly. "Everyone else was agreeing, and the CIDs told you that anyone who didn't finish would get lashed. I was—I was gonna write you off, but you completed the course faster and better than anyone else without batting a lash. And—I don't know. I went to Gainika and requested you." He rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. "I mean, you know you don't have to be my partner. Um. It's like Gainika said, you can request a change—"
"No, no, it wasn't that," Liao said quickly. "It's just…you're kind of…well, legendary, around here. Lots of Recruits have heard of you. The famous Xin—never worked with a partner." A muscle in Xin's jaw twitched, and Liao continued quickly in case he'd accidently offended him. "You've always seemed like a loner with the wonderful reputation. That's all."
Xin shrugged off the praise. "I'm nothing special, kid. To be honest, you have more raw potential than I do."
"Thanks." Liao coughed and stuck out his hand again. "I've got nothing against being your partner, Xin. Only question is whether you want to be stuck with a guy like me." He waggled his eyebrows, and Xin grinned.
"Kinda too late to back out now, kid," Xin said good-naturedly, shaking Liao's hand, "but something tells me I'm going to enjoy being stuck with you."
"So we shook hands…and the rest is history," Liao finished with a smirk, folding his hands in his lap. He nearly laughed to see Bolin turned on his side, sleeping. He'd been so engrossed in his story that he hadn't even noticed the kid tuning out.
He rolled his eyes and stood up, leaned over and ruffled Bolin's hair. "See you later, kid," he murmured under his breath. "Don't worry about that bitch, alright? She's got nothing on you." And if she comes near you, Mako, Korra, Asami and I will personally lynch her. "Get some rest," Liao called over his shoulder as he left the room.
(*) (*)
"Hey."
If Asami hadn't been so tired, the person who'd tapped on her shoulder would've landed on his back immediately after making contact with her. But she hadn't slept in what felt like years, and the amount of crying and telephone calls and paperwork that she'd been doing since they arrived in the hospital more than a week ago had exhausted her mentally and physically. So she merely lifted her head to stare at Liao, who looked both happy and slightly taken aback.
"He's awake," Liao announced with a small smile on his face. "Well, asleep now," he corrected. "But I think he's finally out of the sleeping cul-de-sac."
Asami sighed in relief. "Thank the Spirits," she said, exhaling like the weight of the world had dropped off her shoulders. "Is he alright? How's he doing?"
Liao stuffed his hands in his pockets and sat down next to her on the bench in the waiting room. "Still ruminating about Mrs. Daichi, but that's to be expected," he told her. "He's feeling—well, he's feeling really guilty about…everything. He even asked me a bit ago if I blamed him for…for Xin's death."
"Do you?" Asami immediately inquired, tilting her head to the side curiously. Spirits, she'd never thought about it from Liao's angle before and couldn't find any faults in Bolin's conclusion. Does he blame Bolin for his partner's death?
"What? No!" he replied, sounding a bit offended that Asami had even asked him. She let out a breath she wasn't even aware that she'd been holding. "Spirits. Well, I did at first, but it's not his fault, not by a long shot. He didn't pull the trigger, so it's not his fault."
"It's not your fault either, you know," Asami said gently, placing a hand on his shoulder and squeezing it.
Liao looked down at his hands, not willing to meet her eyes. "Yeah, I know," he said, and then suddenly looked back up at her. "I know it's not my fault. But that's not going to stop me from waking up in the middle of the night screaming because I saw his head blown backwards, and because I held him and watched him die. You know…" He chuckled without humor. "You know he smiled at…at the end? I don't know if it was just a reflex or some shit like that, but he smiled. And I almost lost it. And Gainika was smiling her I-don't-give-two-craps evil smile, and it pissed me off to kingdom come. She would've done it again, a thousand times. It's Section Leader's fault, not mine. But she's dead, and I killed Jiktun and you guys killed Chan, so I think that on terms of universal karma or something, Xin's avenged."
There was silence in the waiting room for at least thirty seconds before Liao sighed. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to lay all of that on you," he apologized.
"No," she said slowly. "No, it's—it's okay. I understand."
He nodded, and they sat in silence again. "Hey," he said, shrugging out of her grip on his shoulder. "So…after all of this, after Bolin gets out of here, do you—do you want to grab some drinks sometime? At Asoka's, maybe? I could get us in, no sweat."
"Yeah, definitely!" Asami nodded, willing to do anything to keep her mind off Midori and the funerals and the piles of paperwork at home. "We can invite Bo and Mako and Korra and—"
"Um…" Liao bit his lip. "Actually, that's not what I meant. I was—I was thinking…maybe just you and me."
"Oh." Asami blushed as understanding hit her like a ton of bricks, making her wonder why she didn't understand his intention from the beginning. "Like—like a date?"
"Yeah! I mean, yes, if—if that's alright with you," Liao finished awkwardly and folded his hands in his lap. He looked like an unpopular teenager waiting for an answer to the school dance from the prom queen. Asami fought the urge to giggle at the image.
But she remembered their time in the casino in Ba Sing Se, and flushed again, because she couldn't do that now. Not with everything going on. Not that I don't want to either, but that can't happen so soon after all of this. "Um…I…no. Sorry, but—but I don't think so."
"Like, just this once, because I understand what with everything that's going on…or…no dates in general?" Liao asked, his brows furrowing.
Asami felt taken aback. I didn't mean no to any dates in general. That's not what I meant…right? She wasn't sure.
Somehow, they found themselves in their hotel room. They both tried frantically to undo the buttons on Liao's shirt, miraculously not ripping the cloth in two. Liao slipped off his pants, and Asami did the same with her shirt and pants, leaving her in a revealing tank top and lace underwear. She almost jumped on top of Liao and the bedspread, straddling him and kissing him like there was no tomorrow. She moaned as he ran his fingers through her hair and his hand squeezed her breast hard. Asami could just picture Bolin saying a random joke now and—
Bolin.
She jerked out of her daze, suddenly stone-cold sober.
But why had it been that to make her aware of her surroundings? Why had the mere mention of her best friend's name stopped her from having sex?
"Let me look at you," he murmured through his still broken nose and several missing teeth. He tried to grin, and she almost cried.
"Oh, Spirits, Bo," she said, her voice cracking. "I am so sorry. This…this is my entire fault. I'm sorry. I got you into this mess, it's my fault, Bo, and they could've…"
Bolin just shook his head lightly as Asami continued to ramble on, feeling stupid. With all the strength that he had, he leaned up and kissed her on the lips, stopping her spiel in its tracks.
Confused, Asami broke away from the kiss. "Bo, this is—"
"N-not your fault," he croaked, wanting nothing more than to kiss his best friend again: absolutely nothing. "'Sami, I—got m-myself into t-this mess. This—" he made direct eye contact with her. "This is not—not your fault. P-promise."
Asami, as if being controlled by something else, leaned forward and kissed him softly, with the feeling that she might break him with that kiss. His fingers tightened around her wrist as she pulled away and he managed to shake his head.
"You're not going anywhere," he insisted softly with a faint smirk.
Suddenly, she understood everything. She understood that she couldn't keep playing games with Liao and toying both him and Bolin emotionally, because sooner or later, questions like this were bound to come up.
She had to choose which one she cared for more.
But how am I going to do that? How can I choose between them both? She wanted to facepalm in disgust. Spirits, I sound like a whiny teenager stuck in a young adult novel. But really—what can I say?
"Liao." Asami paused, trying to think of what to say next. "Please listen to me. I can...I can only say this one time. I don't want to have to repeat myself."
"Okay." His voice was calm and soothing. "Tell me."
Her gaze flickered to the door of Bolin's hospital room down the hallway, where Mako was standing outside and talking to a nurse. And suddenly, she knew.
"You're brave, Liao," she began. "You risked your life to save Bolin in the compound; you've saved all of our lives more times than I can count. You gave up the only life you knew to rescue my best friend, and I appreciate that more than words can tell. But…but we've only known each other for—for less than a month, and you're looking at me with…with this look that just screams, 'I love you, you're the one for me'—and I'm not that girl, Liao."
"I don't look at you like that!" he protested, his cheeks flushing in humiliation. Was I that obvious?
"Yes, you do," she insisted. "And I don't want to get married right now, maybe not ever—"
"We can take it slow, Asami; I'm willing to take it at your pace."
"Liao, you don't understand. I feel that—that if we got together I'd feel like I'd either have to marry you or break your heart and—and I just can't do either of those things. I just can't." She took a deep breath. "You're my friend, Liao. I don't ever want to lose you. I love you, please believe me."
Liao looked heartbroken, and it felt like she'd been stabbed in the heart with a rusty dagger. "But?" he asked gently, gesturing for her to continue. He obviously knew what she was going to say next.
"I love you, I do, but...but I'm not in love with you." Asami tried to smile, and ended up putting a hand on his shoulder again, forcing him to look up at her. "I'm only twenty-three, you're twenty-eight. I know I've been acting like...well, like a jackass to you lately, leading you on, and I'm really, really sorry for it. There is a girl out there for you, but it's not me. I promise, cross my heart, that she's out there somewhere. You just have to widen your horizons."
The Bolin that Asami had first met was happy and carefree and childish, and loyal to a fault. The Bolin that she knew now was a broken shell, with dark eyes and no emotions.
But she was willing to stick with him for forever and beyond, and that was what love was, wasn't it? When you loved someone so much that it felt like hell when they weren't around? When you wanted to die when they died? When their emotions were linked to yours by puppet strings?
Love didn't happen spontaneously, or quickly. It was slow and steady and built up over time. What she had with Liao—it wasn't love. It was lust, gratefulness, and knowing that you had someone's hand to hold in tough situations.
Maybe what she had with Liao was love, broken down into its smallest form.
But what she had with Bolin was the quintessential form of love, and she wasn't going to let it go.
Liao, on the other hand, wanted to scream. How could she have led him on like that for so long, only to mess with his feelings for a final time and practically shout to the world that she was in love with Bolin? Forget screaming—he felt like he was about to start crying.
Empathy, kiddo, he heard Xin's voice gently reminding him. Be happy for her. There's this saying out there—maybe you've heard of it? If you love someone, let them go.
But—
Do it, Liao. It's okay. Tell her it's okay.
But it's not okay, Xin.
Okay. Maybe it's not okay now, Xin's voice conceded. But I promise you, kiddo, it will be.
So Liao swallowed and forced a smile onto his face. "You know, I think that deep down, I always knew that," he admitted truthfully. "So—I'm happy for you, 'Sami." Lies. It hurt like hell, but I love her so what can I do about it but be happy for her?
Tears blurred her vision. "Thank you, Liao," she whispered. "And I meant what I said, you know. I don't want to lose you."
Liao scoffed. "You think you can get rid of me?" He crossed his arms over his chest and grinned, this time genuinely. "Please. You're stuck with me, 'Sami."
Asami smiled tentatively, ready to embrace their new friendship unhindered by relationship crises. "I wouldn't have it any other way."
(*) (*)
"MIDORI!"
Blue eyes.
They haunted her. Called to her. Taunted her. They drove her crazy.
"Tell Mako, that if we all get out of here, I'm going to kill his wife!"
Killing me from the inside works wonders.
She could see Midori's light blue eyes staring at her from every mirror and window, hear her final screams in the dark and quiet, and the guilt plagued her like nothing else. She hadn't felt this miserable about herself since that nonbender woman had yelled at her that she was the worst Avatar ever nearly five years ago.
Guess she was right, Korra thought self-deprecatingly. I cared more about my fiancé than a sixteen-year-old girl who had fifty guns pointing at her. Mako would've been alright. Midori died because of me.
She knew that Bolin was going through survivor's guilt about Midori, Xin and Satoshi Daichi dying while he lived. For the first time, she related with him. If the stabbing feeling in the pit of her stomach that affected her daily was survivor's guilt, then she definitely knew what he was going through.
"Midori!" Asami shouted. "We have to get Midori!"
"There's no time!" Korra yelled, tugging Bolin towards a truck that looked big enough to fit all six of them inside. "We need to leave or Bolin's not going to make it."
"We need to make time! I'm not leaving my sister!" protested Asami, practically shoving Korra aside and turning back to the fence, intending to climb over it herself to get to her little sister. "Midori!"
She'd had the nerve to suddenly switch from caring for Mako to dragging Bolin away. His chi had been so weak that if she hadn't trained with Sifu Katara, she might've missed it entirely.
I could've done something. I'm the Avatar, for Spirits' sake. The fucking master of all four elements. Why couldn't I have saved her?
"We can't leave," Liao whispered. "Not without—at least not without her body." His voice was quiet, and shook slightly, betraying his emotion.
"We can't stay," Korra stated. "She's dead. Bolin is still alive. It kills me, it really does, but we can't stay for her."
She'd meant it. The very second that the guns had been fired from the other side of the fence, her heart had stopped—probably right along with Asami's. The guilt had nearly strangled her, and it'd taken every bit of willpower she'd had to try and stay strong.
But she couldn't stay strong. Not now. Not with Midori dead. Not with Bolin wishing that he was dead.
Spirits, she'd changed so much from the cocky girl that had come to Republic City four years ago, ready to change the world just like Aang had. Oh, goddamnit, she realized. I was just a year older than Midori at the time.
The thought nearly made her start to cry.
She didn't know how long she'd been leaning against the bathroom door—she really didn't have anything to measure time with. The clock in their motel room had long since stopped working, according to the man at the front desk.
"You're an idiot. You're lucky I love you."
"Shut up, Blue Eyes. I already know how lucky I am."
Spirits. I took that relationship away. I killed her.
I'm a murderer.
"Korra?" His voice startled her so badly that she almost slammed her head against the bathroom door. "Kor, you still in there? Are you okay?"
"Yeah." She tried to steady her voice. "I'm f-fine."
"Midori! Midori, answer me!"
What is fine? Was I ever fine to begin with? Can I ever be fine again with all of this tearing at my insides?
"Korra, open the door." How could he sound so calm?
"NO!" Asami screamed again, furiously fighting in Liao's grip, but wasn't able to get out of it. "Please, please, just let me say goodbye…"
"We don't have time. Bolin's going to die if we don't get him to help now. There's a hospital ten miles away. If we drive quickly, he can still have a chance."
"Please…no. Please, just—just let me say goodbye—you can't m-make me l-leave her—"
"We have to, 'Sami," Mako said quietly. "I'm so sorry…"
"No! No, you can't make me."
"Spirits." She felt the doorknob wiggle furiously, so fervently that the door was shaking along with it. "Damnit, Korra, open the door. What's wrong?"
"Nothing!" she snapped. "Nothing's wrong."
"Korra," Mako said, his voice louder as he managed to open the door a crack, "I know you're thinking about Midori."
"Shut up!" Flames were flickering at her fingertips, and a slight breeze whipped through the bathroom, causing their toothbrushes to fall into the sink. "Don't—I'm not—shut up—ugh!" Korra punched the floor, ignoring the pain in her fist.
Asami tore out of Liao's arms and pounced on top of Korra, kicking her and screaming, not caring if it attracted attention. "You bastard!" she howled, crying and still trying to punch her, who wasn't moving. "You bastard! You killed my sister…you deserve to die!"
Korra visibly flinched. "You deserve to die," Asami repeated vehemently. She hissed at her, "I am going back."
I'm so sorry.
"I know you're feeling guilty, but it's okay—"
She guffawed without humor. "Okay? You think that's it's okay? For the love of the Spirits, open your eyes, Mako! I let. Midori. Die. I have no problem admitting it. She was sixteen, and I let her die because I was blinded in my worry for you. You would've been fine. She was standing on the other side of the fence facing down fifty gun-wielding Triple Threat Triad members, and your leg was fractured. I chose you over her. I sicken myself. And Asami hates me. So do Liao and Bolin. You don't know—you have absolutely no clue in the world what it's like to have someone hate you this badly."
"Is that a joke?" Mako countered, his voice lowering dangerously. "You think I don't know?"
"I know that you don't know!"
"Well, Korra, then you need to open your eyes, because I've been dealing with just as much hate as you have, if not more," he retorted. "My brother hates me. My little brother, who I've known practically my whole life, grew up in the streets with, hates me. When we talk, it's like he doesn't even know what to say around me. That's how estranged we've become. Bolin hates me." His voice cracked halfway through his last sentence, and he cleared his throat. "It's literally tearing me apart from the inside that my own brother hates me. And I even understand why. This entire fucking situation started when I was too dense to notice that my little brother was being used as the Triads' personal punching bag while I was off with you and doing other stuff. If I'd noticed anything at all out of the ordinary, he wouldn't be in this situation." Mako took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. Korra could sense that his chi was erratic and he was trying to bring it down—to calm both himself and herself. "So we can play the blame game all we want around here, but it's not going to change anything, alright? Midori will still be dead, Bo will still hate me. We can't do anything about it."
"Fate's a real bitch," Korra murmured under her breath. Mako let out a choked laugh from the other side of the door.
"If that's not the truth, I don't know what is," he whispered, his words slightly muffled.
Korra opened the door slowly, and once it was open all the way, she fell into Mako's open arms, clutching at his nightshirt like it was the only thing anchoring her to the earth. "I'm sorry," she mumbled, although she wasn't sure what she was apologizing for.
"Me, too," he whispered back to her, stroking her hair as they hugged in the middle of their motel room. "We're all sorry."
There was a pause, and then she told him, "I love you."
His response was without hesitation. "I love you too."
And th-th-that's all, folks! Hope you enjoyed this somewhat long chapter—I really struggled with getting it all out onto paper, especially the Mako/Korra scene. Hopefully you guys liked it! :)
Bolinlover123—the scene that we talked about is coming up soon. It's going to make its debut either in the next chapter or the one after that. *grins evilly* It's edited, and I think you're going to like it. Especially the aftermath. *giggles* Hee-hee-hee…
Reviews are like butter—a little goes a long way and it makes everything taste better. In completely unrelated news, I hope you enjoyed this little chappie of mine to leave me a favorite, a follow or a review!
Yours in Fanfiction,
-Boa :)
