Ok, bad news, I haven't been able to update because someone hacked my fanfiction account and changed my password. I had to email fanfiction and all that to get it changed; so I haven't been able to get this re-beta'd by my amazing and awesome beta-people. So this chapter is just me :'( I appologize for any mistakes
Chapter 29: Insanity = Escape = Happiness… ?
1 month later
It was school an hour ago. I hadn't bothered to go; I didn't feel the need really. All I did was sit there and dream about Edward. Why should I leave the house to dream about him when I can do that from the comfort of my own bed? At first, I had kept it to within my hour, then two hours, and on and on, till he took up every waking second of my day.
Renee hadn't even noticed a change, and Phil was working, I hadn't got round to asking what he did yet, not that I was curious or anything. There was only room in my brain for one person, and that was him.
I knew that my health had gone downhill; I had trouble sleeping at night. Well that was a bit of an understatement; whenever I slept I awoke screaming from atrocious nightmares an hour later. I did my best not to sleep, filling the time with memories.
My favorite is the one where he proposes, but that just leads on to thoughts of him and Tanya, so as you can guess, I try to steer clear of that one.
I really hope that he's not with her; just the thought of her running one of her clawed fingernails down his chest makes me want to puke. I hate her, so much, yet at the same time I envy her.
I never, not once, thought that I would have cause to envy Tanya. But then again, I never thought that I would leave him either. I hope that he's found someone good for him, someone that's kind, and loves him like I do.
Even though it rips me in half to think of him with someone else, it tortures me to think of him miserable. I value his happiness over my sanity.
I realize that I'm hungry. Most people don't even know the meaning of the word 'hunger.' You only truly know real hunger when your stomach hurts so much that you're in pain.
None of these feeble twinges people call hunger, we eat too much in this country, and we truly don't understand what it must be like to have literally nothing.
That's another thing leaving Edward has brought me, more understanding and compassion. I really do value that, probably the only good thing that's come of this, well that's what I think anyway.
I climb out of bed, and pull on a dressing gown. None of my clothes fit me anymore, I've lost too much weight for that. My jeans fall off me, the waist so big that it wont stay up. My T-shirts hang like sacks on my frame, and even my shoes feel floppy on my feet.
It's an effort even to support my head; I really don't know why I bother.
I lie back down on my bed; I can't bring myself to go downstairs. My stomach moans in reply to this new development. The last time I ate must have been… two days ago? Three at the most.
This is just normal now, I need to get used to it. Feeling so hungry I think that I'm going to faint simply detracts from the dual pain of Edward. It's a constant presence now, and there's nothing that I can do to get rid of it. I've just given up trying really.
Renee is at home, downstairs I think. Maybe I could ask her to make me a toasted sandwich or something, but I don't have the energy to shout for her.
I don't have the energy to do anything but lie there. I don't even know how I managed to get to school yesterday. In fact, thinking about it, I don't really remember going.
Well that's rather odd. I cast my mind back; maybe I didn't go at all yesterday.
Wait, today was Monday, that's why. Yesterday was Sunday, so I didn't go to school after all. It's probably a good thing that I ditched today, there was some English essay due in, at least I think it was an English essay.
To be honest, I haven't done any homework for about three weeks now, I just don't see the point. I'm never going to need to know 'whether Shakespeare's treatment of women was misogynistic,' so why would I write an entire essay on it? They can go to hell.
Get someone to write it that gives a shit. Because I bloody don't.
Suddenly my door burst open, ricocheted off my wall, and leaving a horrible dent in the paintwork. I laughed. Renee didn't.
She crossed the room a lot less dramatically then she had entered, walking over and sitting on my bed.
'Bella, honey, we need to talk.'
I grunted at her.
'I'm giving you an ultimatum'
Now that I didn't expect. I tried to gesture for her to continue, but I couldn't be bothered half way through, instead letting my hand flop back down on the bed. She seemed to get the idea though.
'You have one week so show some signs of improvement, well of life really, or I'm having you admitted into a hospital. You're killing yourself Bella, and I can't help but think that it's all my fault.'
There she goes again, revolving it all around her.
'I can see now that you are an amazing, responsible woman. I envy you in a way, you have your whole life ahead of you, and you have so many opportunities open. I won't let you miss out on that. So you have choice, in one week, you must show some improvement, which includes gaining some weight, or I will have you admitted to the hospital because I honestly think that you need to see someone about this.
I don't know where from, but I found the energy to say 'all I need is Edward' and then roll over, effectively dismissing my mother from my room.
She ignored me, asking if I had any sellotape, which (according to her) was the real reason she came up here. Without waiting for a reply, she proceeded to rummage around in my desk drawers, looking for this non-existent tape.
If I had been listening, I would have heard a little gasp, and then the hurried footsteps of her practically running out the room.
If I had been looking, I would have seen two pieces of white paper clutched tightly in her fist, two pieces of paper taken from my desk drawer.
TWO DAYS LATER:
I awoke from a strange dream, in which a very familiar voice had been serenading me, outside my window. It was strange, but if I listened carefully, I could almost hear it still. Obviously just a remnant left over from the dream.
Then a chord was strummed on a guitar and Edward's husky, melodic voice filled the air.
Come on, review, you can see that a big change is coming, this story is drawing to a close, reviews now would mean EVERYTHING to me...
