A/N: Is there a Witness Protection Program except for people who aren't witnesses, but people who might soon become victims of a crime? If so, sign me up for THAT! After the death threats I have received, I need some sort of protection. So, this chapter is dedicated to my Fan Fiction bride-to-be, Miss Fenway, because today is our Fan Fiction Wedding.
Disclaimer: I don't own Big Time Rush, and after some of the things that have happened in this story, you should be extremely glad.
Big Time Disaster
You Can't Get Rid of Me That Easy
James' POV
"Logan? Logan! Wake up! Please wake up! This can't be happening!" I cried out, my vision seriously compromised by my tears.
I pressed my ear to his chest, and desperately tried to hear the pitter patter of his heartbeat, which would mean that Logan was still very much alive. He had to be. This was just some sick, practical joke that he was trying to play on all of us. It wasn't the slightest bit funny either. As much as I wished that I could hear something, I didn't.
I now had Logan's blood all over my ear and the side of my face, but I could care less. I started shaking his lifeless body in a last ditch effort to get him to wake up. His limp form flopped around like a fish, but nothing changed; he still wouldn't open his eyes.
His complexion was pallid—too pallid. There wasn't the slightest flush of color on his face. This was just a bad dream. Yeah, that's it. It was just some awful nightmare. I closed my eyes and pinched myself, hoping I would wake up and see that Logan was still very much alive. I opened my eyes, and nothing had changed. I still was holding a too-still Logan in my arms, and Camille was still holding her hand over his heart that was no longer beating.
Camille started pounding her fists futilely on Logan's chest. It was clear to me what she was trying to do; she was trying to get him to wake up, or react to her hitting him. Nothing. He just continued to lay prone.
"Damn it, Logan! Open your eyes!" she wailed.
Seeing Camille lose the love of her life broke my heart even more than it already was. This wasn't fair! None of this was fair! Logan was one of the good guys! He and Camille were supposed to get married, have kids, and grow old together!
I felt someone put their hand on my shoulder, and I heard Kendall's voice.
"The EMTs are here. Let go of Logan, James. Let the EMTs do their job," he instructed.
I furiously shook my head left to right repeatedly, all the while muttering, "No," over and over again.
"James, he's gone. Logan's dead," Kendall said.
"Don't touch me!" I yelled. Kendall immediately removed his hand from my shoulder. "How can you say that, Kendall? He's not dead! I won't accept it!"
I felt Kendall and Carlos grab me and pull me away from Logan. I started to become hysterical. I kicked, thrashed, and squirmed.
"No! Stop! What are you doing? Logan needs me! He needs me!" I cried out.
I watched helplessly as three EMTs knelt beside Logan. One of them ripped open the fabric over his chest, exposing it. I saw another one rub two shock paddles together.
"Clear," a female EMT said.
I watched in horror as Logan's body jerked upwards suddenly and violently before gravity took its course, and his body dropped back down to the floor. One of the male EMTs placed two fingers to Logan's throat.
"Nothing. Again. Come on, kid," the EMT said to Logan.
The other male EMT rubbed the defibrillator together again, before placing it on Logan's bare chest.
"Clear," the female EMT stated.
Once again, Logan's body was suspended in midair from the electricity coursing through him. Then, he fell to the floor a second time. Again, the male EMT checked for a pulse. I held my breath. I silently chanted, "Please let this work!"
"Still nothing. One more time," the male EMT ordered.
I watched as the EMT rubbed the paddles together again a third time. Then he placed the defibrillator on Logan's body again.
"Clear," the female EMT said.
Logan's back bowed due to the voltage. He then slumped to the ground immediately afterwards. The same EMT checked for a pulse. Then, he looked at the watch on his wrist.
"Time of death, 9:11 a.m. Cause of death, exsanguination," he announced.
"No!" Camille shrieked.
"James," Carlos whimpered, wrapping his arms securely around my waist, and burying his face in my chest…just like Logan used to do. I could feel Carlos' tears start to soak my t-shirt.
I was covered in Logan's blood. My t-shirt, my hands, my arms, my jeans, my ear, the side of my face. It was everywhere. My hands balled up in fists, and my entire body shook as I sobbed uncontrollably.
I noticed the EMTs were draping a white sheet over Logan, covering his entire body. I kept thinking how Logan had always been claustrophobic. Now he had a sheet over him, suffocating him. I kept thinking how he couldn't breathe with that sheet over him like it was.
"What are you doing? He's claustrophobic! You're suffocating him! He can't breathe like that!" I shouted, the unbearable sadness extending into my voice.
"James, he can't breathe at all. He's gone," Kendall said glumly.
I floored him with a punch to the face. I didn't care how Carlos had a frightened look on his face as he looked up at me with watery eyes. I didn't care that Kendall now had a bloody nose.
"Will you stop saying that already? You know, none of this would have even happened if it wasn't for you! You kept talking about how we needed to take care of Sid together. Then, you turn around and go after him yourself. Logan got stabbed because he didn't want to see you get hurt. This is all your fault, Kendall!" I screamed.
Then, I rounded on the three EMTs who were wheeling in a stretcher and packing up the defibrillator.
"You! What are you doing? Try it again!" I demanded gesturing towards the defibrillator with my head.
"Sweetie, there's no point. I'm sorry," the female EMT replied.
Camille bolted up to her feet. She was so overcome by grief; her body was so racked by sobs that she nearly toppled over from the sudden movement.
"What do you mean you're sorry? He can't be gone! You're supposed to save him! Why aren't you saving him?" she shrieked.
Kendall, Carlos, Camille and I watched in sheer disbelief as they loaded Logan onto a stretcher, and strapped him in. Then they wheeled him out of the room. How could this be happening? It was only minutes ago that I was standing beside Logan, and now he was…now he…was…
XXXXX
The car ride back to The Palm Woods was eerily silent. Everyone was lost in his or her own thoughts. Everyone was thinking back to their fondest memories of Logan. Camille was riding shotgun. Mrs. Knight was driving. Carlos, Kendall, and I were in the back seat. Carlos was sitting in between me and Kendall.
Mrs. Knight didn't know what to say to us. Logan was like a second son to her too. Great! Now I'm talking about Logan in the past tense again! Why am I doing that? He's not gone. I don't care what Kendall or the EMTs or anyone says! I refuse to believe that Logan's gone! The EMTs just made some sort of mistake. Yeah, that's what it was. Mistakes happen, right?
"I'm sor—" Mrs. Knight started to say looking at us in the rearview mirror.
My eyes darkened as I narrowed them at her, and she didn't dare finish that sentence. Carlos was laying his head on my lap. He hadn't stopped crying ever since…ever since…yeah…since…that. Tears continued to stream down my face as well. I looked over at Kendall. I noticed that he wasn't crying. In fact, I hadn't seen him shed a single tear throughout all of this. Why not? Didn't he care about what happened to Logan? Didn't it make him sad? What kind of friend did that make him?
Logan hadn't liked it when Kendall and I were fighting. Forgive him, James. Please? For me? James, Kendall, please don't fight! Logan's words rang in my ears like I had just heard them. I already missed the sound of his voice. I struggled to hold on to every word he had ever said to me just so that I wouldn't forget the sound of his voice.
"I'm sorry, Logan. I can't do it. I can't forgive him," I said to myself.
Carlos poked his head up at the sound of my voice. He looked at me quizzically.
"Huh? Did you say something, James?" Carlos asked, his voice nasally.
"It's nothing. Lay back down," I said to Carlos. He all too willingly obliged.
XXXXX
We were all seated at the dinner table. Well, all…five…of us. Mrs. Knight, Katie, Kendall, Carlos, and me. There was a sixth chair at the table. I couldn't help but think about who should have been sitting in that chair with us. I felt some tear spills out from my eyes at the thought. It was Fish Stick Friday too. Logan loved Fish Stick Friday…with tots! I frowned, and pushed my untouched plate of food forward.
"Mrs. Knight, may I be excused? I lost my appetite," I said.
Mrs. Knight frowned. "Okay," she replied.
Frankly, no matter what she had said, I was going to leave the dinner table anyways. I couldn't do it. I couldn't just go on with my life without Logan. It wasn't fair! I couldn't just pretend like…I didn't even know what I was saying. I barely made it out of Apartment 2J before I just collapsed to the floor, and started crying my eyes out. I pounded my fist on the carpeted floor over and over again.
"James?" I heard Carlos say. I picked up on the sadness in his voice.
"What are you doing out here?" I asked.
Carlos sat on the floor, and gathered me in his arms. He held my face to his shoulder, and the two of us cried. I couldn't help but think that the way he was holding me to him was how he used to hold Logan to him when he was sad.
"I lost my appetite too. Besides, I wanted to make sure you were okay," Carlos answered.
"I'm not okay, Carlos! How can I be? Why do you keep following me around anyways? Knock it off already!" I snapped at Carlos.
It was true. Ever since we had got back to The Palm Woods, Carlos had been following me around like a lost puppy. If I went to the bedroom, so did he. If I went to the living room, so did he. If I went to the bathroom, he patiently waited outside the door for me, and was still there when I came out.
I noticed his bottom lip quiver. "You don't mean that, do you, James?" he asked me with puppy dog eyes.
I instantly felt bad for snapping at Carlos. He and I had always been really tight. This shouldn't change that. For the first time, I noticed something. Carlos was wearing a helmet again, but it wasn't his; it was Logan's. I recognized the familiar white helmet.
"What are you wearing? Take that off!" I exclaimed, grabbing for the helmet.
Carlos scooted backwards, and wouldn't let me grab it. Why was Carlos doing this to me? That was Logan's helmet. I didn't want to see it. I definitely didn't want Carlos to wear it. Was he trying to make me feel worse than I already felt?
"Stop it, James! I want to wear it! It helps me still feel close to Logan," he paused to sniffle. "Besides, it's only fair. He's wearing mine. Who knows? Maybe if I wear his, he'll protect me."
A part of me wanted to tell Carlos that was the most ridiculous idea ever. Most of me though found Carlos' naivety to be adorable. It was one of the reasons he was viewed as one of the babies of the group. Well, him and…Logan. My eyes stung with a fresh wave of tears.
"It even still smells like him," Carlos said sadly.
"Really? Can I see?" I asked. I was desperate to hold onto everything Logan from the sound of his voice to his scent.
Carlos unfastened the strap, and took off the helmet before passing it to me. I held it under my nose, and took a big whiff. I smelled Axe shampoo and Axe hair styling putty—Logan wasn't a Cuda fan like me—and sweat; Logan's sweat. I remembered fondly how he would always say he was weird because he didn't think he sweated as much as other guys. Smelling his helmet, he was right. I could make out the aroma of sweat, but it wasn't overpowering or anything.
I handed Carlos Logan's helmet. He put it back on his head, and fastened the strap.
"James, what do we do now?" he asked me.
It was funny in an ironic sort of way. Carlos looked to me for guidance and direction much like Logan used to look to Kendall for guidance and direction. I hated this. Everything reminded me in some way of Logan. I wanted to remember him and everything, don't get me wrong. It's just why did remembering him have to be so painful? I shouldn't have to remember him at all. He should be right here with me!
"I don't know, Carlos. I don't know," I replied.
At that moment, the door to Apartment 2J opened, and Mrs. Knight poked her head out.
"Boys, can I speak to you in the living room for a minute. I need to tell you something, and you'll want to hear this," she said, even going so far as to give us a small smile.
I doubted I wanted to hear anything that she said to me. Wow, I'm starting to sound like Logan…The only thing I wanted to hear was that Logan was alive. That was impossible. I watched the EMTs try and fail to revive him.
I felt Carlos grab my hand, and pull me to my feet. He excitedly went inside, dragging me behind him.
We sat on the orange couch the same way we had rode in the car—Carlos sitting between me and Kendall.
"So, I just got off the phone with Dr. Taylor," Mrs. Knight said.
Kendall, Carlos, and I all exchanged confused glances with each other. Dr. Taylor had been Logan's doctor at the hospital. Why was Kendall's mom talking with him?
"Apparently, when the coroner went to perform his autopsy on Logan, he noticed something remarkable," she explained.
The three of us were literally on the edge of our seats, leaning forward in anticipation. Why was she dragging this story out? The suspense was killing me.
"The coroner noticed Logan's finger twitch. At first, he thought he was seeing things, but then he saw his finger twitch a second time. So, he went to get some doctors," Mrs. Knight said.
For the first time since Logan had been stabbed, I felt…hope.
"He's alive. He's on life-support, but guys, Logan is alive," Mrs. Knight told us.
"See? It's all because he was wearing my helmet! I told you that baby would protect him!" Carlos remarked.
Kendall and I both playfully shoved Carlos. Of course, he would go and try to take all the credit for Logan surviving this horrific ordeal. I then remembered something Logan had said before.
You can't get rid of me that easy.
To Be Continued…
A/N: *hijacks Carlos' watch and waves it in front of your eyes like a pendulum* You are not mad at me! YOU ARE NOT MAD AT ME!
