Ah, "Chuck vs. the 3rd Dimension." Not a fan favorite, but it was a fun episode. So, what do you write about for this one? As much as I'd like to write a thousand words on Sarah in the opening scene (rawr!), this really isn't the forum for it. Sadly, such places do exist on the Internet for that. I'm not sure where I thought this up, but I thought a nice interview with Tyler Martin right before his show might do the trick. I recommend you watch the episode first so you can get Dominic Monaghan's voice in your head as you read this. And I'm not paying for your expensive therapy to get it back out again.

CHUCK VS. THE 3RD DIMENSION – TYLER MARTIN: THE ROLLING STONE INTERVIEW

PETE TRAVERS: I'm here in Burbank at, of all places, in the employee break room of a large electronics store. My interview today is with Tyler Martin, whose new album is set to debut this week. He is putting on a charity concert tonight, and we're going to ask him a few questions about the new album, how life has been for the hard-partying star from the U.K., and how he feels about some of the issues our world faces today.

P.T.: Tyler! Over here!

(Tyler Martin enters with a frazzled Chuck Bartowski trying to keep tabs on him.)

TYLER MARTIN: Oh, for f---'s sake, where the hell did I leave my drink? It's after 2PM, it's OK to drink now, right? Blimey stupid alcohol rules in this country, anyway.

P.T.: Tyler, nice to meet you.

T.M.: Right, you're the bloke from Spin. Nice to meet you. Rather see you chaps than those stuffy prigs from Rolling Stone. They just got something up their arse when they interview you. They tried to make that bloody Courtney Love interview sound like Frost/Nixon.

P.T.: (carefully) Uh, Pete Travers, Rolling Stone Magazine.

T.M.: (double-take, stumbles forward to shake hands) Oh, right. Met you at Wembley last year. Nice bloke, I know you. (quietly, to Chuck) Bastard couldn't be stiffer if he OD'ed on Viagra, mate.

P.T.: OK, let's start. Why the charity concert here in L.A.?

T.M.: Well, it's to give back to my fans, who have been so supportive of me. And it's good to raise social awareness…or somethin' like that. Actually, my probey officer said I could do this and donate all the money, and that's gotta be better than picking up bloody trash, ain't it. Bastards at the Chateau Marmont got no bollixin' sense of humor. They let Morrison shoot up all they want, but the buggers won't let you take a leak off the balcony.

P.T.: Uh, you urinated on an undercover L.A. Police officer.

T.M.: Blimey, mate. I thought that was Keith Richards.

P.T.: Now, the album, Touch This!, what inspired you to produce this?

T.M.: (uncontrollable snickering) Mate, you can't be that naïve, now can you? (solemnly) I feel the album reaches out to a lot of people in who are facing a problem within themselves to find their own identity in our uncertain world.

P.T.: Very profound.

T.M.: (to Chuck, cracking up) Viagra boy bought that? No wonder I prefer the blokes at Spin.

P.T.: Do you think this appearance will help you redeem your public image after the sex tape scandal?

T.M.: (swaying back and forth) Tell you the truth, man, I was hoping that sex tape would redeem my public image. Girl told me she was 17, that's legal, ain't it?

CHUCK: (whispering to Tyler) Uh, that's in England. Age of consent is 18 in the States.

T.M.: What? I tell ya, I'm firin' my manager after this. Stupid bloke doesn't know the laws in this country?

P.T.: (uncomfortable) Anyway, how have you enjoyed L.A. so far?

T.M.: Oh, it's so right this time, mate. I was at this club last night with uh, Chet here. Man, you should have seen the loo this place has! It felt like it was outside! It was so tranquil!

CHUCK: (whispering to Tyler) Uh, you were outside. That was a fountain you peed in.

T.M.: Blimey, man. You gotta keep me up on these things if you're gonna be my manager. Anyway, fans out here are great. This one bird, totally hot chick, rocking body, blondie she was totally into me. I don't know what happens though. I start thinking of taking her up to my hotel suite so we can have sex on the balcony, and every time I see her, I fall asleep. It's weird, mate. I don't get that.

(Sarah enters the room and Tyler sees her)

T.M.: Ah, there she is again! (gets hit by Casey's tranq dart) And there it is again. (Falls over asleep. Sarah grabs the tranq dart before Pete can see it.)

SARAH: I'm sorry, Mr. Travers, but we have to get Mr. Martin ready for his concert.

(Casey enters and carries Tyler out.)

P.T.: Well, you certainly are someone to watch out for. Thank you for your time. (Sarah and Casey leave) Well, Chet was it?

CHUCK: Chuck, actually.

P.T.: Tyler's new handlers really take their job seriously.

CHUCK: (looking back at Sarah and Casey) Oh, yeah. I mean, they go up to 11.