Chapter 29

Broken

Clary woke up to the sound of the hotel door slamming shut. She lifted herself out of bed wrapping the smooth sheets around her naked body. It took her a few minutes to shrug off the grogginess. "Jace." She called out sleepily. There was no answer. Normally Jace had to leave early so it wasn't uncommon for him to be gone once she woke up. However, she knew that he didn't have anything planned for today. He kept this weekend free purposefully so they would get to spend some time together. She grabbed her phone from the nightstand to see if he sent her his usual 'sorry something came up but I'll be back so and so' or 'getting breakfast' text message but there was nothing. She shrugged and opened up her messages to sent him a quick text.

7:00 am Clary Where did you run off to?

She held her phone for a moment waiting for a reply but nothing. Clary got up and put some clothes on before walking outside the bedroom to the hotel room. The T.V. was still on and it was tuned to MTV. "Part of Jace Herondale's new cd was leaked and it is lackluster at best. With its sappy lyrics and pop beat, it clearly is one of the more disappointing albums ever put out." The women announced. Clary turned the television off. No wonder Jace stormed out. She was about to go back into the bedroom to see if she got a message when she noticed the suitcase on the floor. More importantly that there was only one suitcase where there had been two. She took a few steps forward and noticed a white sheet of paper laid on top of her luggage.

Dear Clary,

I'm sorry for the bad timing but I can't be in this relationship anymore. What you said last night, I just don't feel the same way and you deserve someone who does. This was the cleanest way I could end things. I think it's best if we have some space. Last night was a wake-up call. I know we've been together for a long while, too long of a while, and I am just not ready to be tied down. Don't bother calling because I blocked your number. It is for the best, Clary. The hotel is paid for till the end of the week. Check out is at noon. Stay and have fun. Your plane ticket is on the coffee table.

I'm sorry,

Jace

Clary read the note a least a dozen more times before she sat down on the couch. He didn't want her. She knew things were rough in his life right now but she thought she was making it better. Tears streamed down her eyes and her chest felt hollow and in pain. She laid down burying her face into the pillows and cried her heart out. She should have known better. Her father tried to warn her and he was right. She was so completely stupid. She lost her footing and ended up falling onto the ground just barely missing the coffee table. She didn't care to lift herself up. Her world was crashing down on top of her and the one person she thought she could count on was gone. First her brother now Jace. She was stupid to think that love was real She should have stuck to her own motto of not getting involved. Loneliness wasn't so bad, no one could hurt you if you were alone, right? If her mother and father taught her anything it was that to love is to destroy, and that to be loved is to be the one destroyed. Now, now she was broken. She didn't know how long she laid there. After some time the sobbing stopped and her crying grew silent. Eventually, the door must have opened because Isabelle and Alec were suddenly there trying to talk to her. She struggled to understand the words coming from them but she couldn't make them out. It was like she was underwater. Then, then her eyes closed and darkness consumed her.

{Ten Hours Later}

Simon opened the car door and rushed towards his girls as soon as he saw them. He had worked all day and he was running on adrenaline. After ten missed calls from Isabelle, he finally picked up the phone late last night. It was almost midnight and Isabelle was telling him that she and Clary just landed in Vegas. Something was wrong and that she needed him to pick them up from the airport as soon as possible. His fiancée sounded worried. He asked if there was something wrong with the baby but she quickly replied no. Stating that something was wrong with Clary. He didn't have much time to ask her more than that. Luckily they lived by the airport and made it there in 15 minutes. The airport was dead as he pulled up to the pickup area. The two girls were waiting quietly with their luggage. Simon had been confused but that had turned to concern when he saw his best friends face. Simon had only seen that similar vacant expression on her face once before, the day she returned back from visiting her father in New York. It took him three weeks to get his best friend back and even then she was never the same Clary again. He would spend countless hours reading, playing video games or having one-way conversations with her. Then she would start crying hysterically and wrap herself into a ball nestled in his arms. It was the only comfort he was able to give her. When she wasn't crying she would just look out into space with the slalom vacant expression. Yet, that was nothing compared to the painful look that darkened her eyes now.

"What happened?" Simon asked once both girls were in the car. Clary remained silent and fastened her seatbelt in the back seat. After looking briefly at the window she sighed and rummaged through her bag. Simon was waiting for an explanation but it was obvious that Clary wasn't going to give him one. Isabelle watched her curiously. Both of them waited while Clary took out the Dre Beats Jace had bought her as a present and placed them over her ears. They could hear music escape from them as Izzy sighed and looked away. "Jace is a self-centered asshole. That's what happened." His fiancée replied. Simon kept his eyes on the road turning the car and entering the airport tunnel. "Yes, we already knew that, though." Simon peeped. It was clear that whatever it was it was bad. "He broke up with her. She told him that she loved him and then he left her. Snuck out in the morning leaving a pretty cold goodbye note." Iz explained. "Pretty sure he slept with her before ditching her though I can't get a word out of Clary to confirm that. She won't answer anything except to follow basic commands. Simon released a sigh. "Well, that means she likes you. Anyone else she wouldn't respond at all." He elaborated. Iz looked at him. "She has done this before?"" she asked. Simon nodded. "When she went to visit her father in New York after the divorce. It took me months to get out of her what happened. Clary might seem strong but she is fragile when it comes to certain things, abandonment is one of her triggers. It takes a lot for her to let people in and I think she let Jace in completely. That bastard! I knew Jace had issues but that seems pretty heartless, even by his standards." Simon grunted. Isabelle clenched her hand into a fist.

"If I didn't hear it from the jerks mouth himself I might not believe it either. Alec and I found Clary on the floor crying hysterically when we got into the room. After I got her dressed she just became silent. She hasn't spoken since we left New York. She just keeps playing Jace's demo cd over and over again. Oh God Simon, I don't know what to do. Please, you have to help her." Isabelle begged, blinking to keep the tears from biting her eyes. Simon looked at Clary in the back mirror. Her eyes were now closed as her lips silently mouthed the lyrics to the song. He didn't know how much help he could be. He struggled bringing her back last time she was upset like this. The girl he had comforted then was torn and hurt. This woman that sat in his back seat was completely broken, He didn't think he would be able to help her now. Clary had to be the one to pick up the pieces herself.

{1 Week Later}

Darkness. That is all Clary seemed to see for so long. The darkness of her bedroom and the pitch black of the back of her eyelids when she fell asleep. Sleep, that is all she wanted to do. Sleeping was the only thing that didn't hurt or remind her of him. would sleep on and on only to awaken to a reality of painful memories and an empty place next to her in bed. Reaching up Clary played with the Herondale necklace that laced her neck. She couldn't bear to throw it away or give it up. It had surprised her that Jace hadn't left her necklace in the room or ask for his back in return. She didn't know if she could return it now or ever. It was the only thing she had of his besides his music. She had brushed over the first demo cd he had sent her, the one with his songs, not the stupid pop covers. Now she listened to it over and over again letting the warmth of his voice cascade over her trembling body. Sometimes it made her sad to hear it, others happy but mostly now it just made her numb. Numb was good, numb didn't hurt or give her false hope. It just was what it was, numb. So simple and pure. No, petty lies or promises of a future only to have those hopes thrown back in your face. Numb, she wanted to be numb. Closing her eyes, she allowed Jace's voice to lull her back to sleep.

Clary must have slept a long time because she woke up wide awake. She hated that feeling because that meant she couldn't go back to sleep. Perhaps she could drink some Nyquil or something to put her back to sleep. She rose from the bed and heard crying outside of her room. She wondered who was sad? Why they sounded so heartbroken? Maybe she sounded like that too when she cried. Perhaps that was why Maia, Simon, and Isabelle looked at her so sadly when they held her. She opened her door and walked slowly down the hall. The crying got louder and it was coming from Maia's room. The door was cracked as she got closer she could see that the crying was coming from Isabelle. The diva lay wrapped up in Simon's lap balling as Maia and Bat stood by both looking exhausted. "I-I just don't know what we can do to help her. If she keeps this up she is going to die." The women cried. Simon rubbed her back. "Calm down honey, it's not good for the baby." He whispered. Somewhere in Clary's thoughts, she registered the word baby. Isabelle and Simon were going to have a baby; she didn't want to miss that. "Have you heard from him? Is he proud of himself?" Simon grunted at Bat. She knew who that 'him' was. The hatred that Simon spoke that word with confirmation, he was referring to Jace. By god, she hadn't even asked about him. Sure she would check her phone every five minutes until she realized he wasn't going to call. Bat sighed. "Briefly."

"What did he say?" Isabelle cried. Bat looked uncomfortable. "He-he thought I was calling about the necklace." He spoke. Izzy and Simon looked at him curiously. Necklace? Clary's hand went to the Herondale necklace around her neck. Of course, he must want it back. She, she didn't know if she was ready to do that yet but if Bat made her… "The necklaces they exchanged. He thought I was calling to ask for Clary's back. He got really upset and said that he would give it back when he was ready. Then he hung up." Bat explained shrugging his shoulders. Clary released a light sigh. He could keep her damn necklace. If it meant keeping his, she didn't want it back. "He isn't doing much better from what I hear from Alec. He is a mess, partying and drinking again." Isabelle spoke. The poor women looked exhausted. Clary knew that she was the reason for this. Sure she might not have done anything wrong to deserve this but she was the one causing her friend's such grief. Maia and Bat put off their apartment search for her. Isabelle and Simon were sleeping on the pull out bed in the living room. She was missing work, all for what? Him? Jace didn't deserve that and she knew deep down he wouldn't want that. Clary knew that she shouldn't care about what he wants. If he wants to go back to his self-destructive ways, then she would let him. Tears brimmed her eyes as she turned and made her way to the bathroom. She was grateful for her friends, they watched her around the clock. Maia and Bat had tried everything to rouse her from her pity-party. Maia would bring her food every day. She didn't eat any of it until finally, Isabelle had come in and practically shoved it down her throat. She knew that this couldn't go on forever; she wouldn't allow it to.

Turning on the shower she waited for the water to get hot. She checked her phone all the time but true to his word she had heard nothing from Jace. All she had were tons of voicemails and missed calls from her mother, Simon, and Magnus. Alec hadn't reached out to her after that day. Isabelle had told her that he was babysitting Jace. It was one of the few questions that managed to wiggle its way out of her head and somehow out of her lips. Apparently from the conversation she overheard Alec had his hands full. She had wanted to feel numb so much but she knew that wasn't healthy. Today she decided that she would be strong instead. Today she was going to get out of bed; baby steps right but you had to start somewhere. She was finally going to try to return back to life. Stripping off her clothes, she got into the warm water. The warm water felt good rolling down her bare skin. It had been awhile since she had taken a good shower. Maia had actually had to push her to shower after three days. Clary reluctantly did so but ended up falling to the floor in the shower and crying. Since then Maia and Isabelle had actually showered with her. It had been the first time she had showered with a girl let alone off and on with two. Now, neither of them were there to make sure she didn't break down, she was alone. She had always enjoyed showers but lately, they seemed to remind her of Jace. Being naked and looking at her body reminded her of how he had touched her that night. The things he had whispered to her. She quickly pushed those thoughts away. She would break down again if she thought about that. She took in a deep breath and continued her old bathing routine.

When she was finally done she turned off the water and wrapped herself up in a soft towel. It was only then that she was so focused on getting to the bathroom that she didn't bring any clothes with her. She hugged the towel close to her body and quietly opened the door. It was still quiet and she had thought everyone was still asleep. That was until she got into her room and found Isabelle there. The beautiful girl smiled at her and turned around. Her eyes were still puffy from crying. "I picked out some clothes for you to wear today," she said carefully but still cautious. She was worried that the slightest word could make her friend break again. Clary eyed the outfit laying out on the bed. It was a simple outfit and not the normally showy ensemble that Isabelle tried in the past to get her to wear. It was a pair of dark jeans with a Mortal Instruments band shirt. Clary smiled a bit remembering that was the name of Simons band. Thinking of her best friend made her happy. "I like it," Clary whispered. Isabelle's eyes lit up at the words. Oh God, she really must have worried her friends for Isabelle to be that happy about jeans and a shirt. Clary silently promised herself to try to put herself back together again. To actually try. She didn't want to hurt her friends anymore. Jace was gone, moved on and it was time she acted like an adult and accepted it.

"That's- That's wonderful." Isabelle chimed grabbing a spare towel and began to dry her hair. "Is there anything you want to do today?" she asked. Clary sat on the bed, holding her towel and allowing Isabelle to work on her hair. "Baby." She whispered. The women's hands stopped. "How?" she asked. "I may be comatose but I still have ears. How far along are you?" Clary asked, her breath barely above a whisper. "Almost two months." She replied. Clary smiled. "When will you know what it is?" Clary asked brightly. Isabelle turned stood up and smiled at her. Kneeling down in front of her. "Not until 16 weeks. Do you want to go baby shopping with me today? I promise I won't drag you from store to store for six hours. We will leave when you're ready." Izzy suggested. Clary nodded her head. "I would like that." She answered. Isabelle grinned from ear to ear. "Good, because you're going to be the kid's godparent." She announced. Clary couldn't help herself, she laughed. The warm sound vibrated through the walls bringing joy to her friends who heard it in the living room.