I had forgotten to set my clock last night. I was alerted by Master Vrook ordering me to the war room at 8:00, almost exactly when the mission briefing started. I rushed to dress myself and dashed through the halls. I skipped the elevator and jumped three levels through the main atrium to save time. When I finally made it, I was ten minutes late.

I tried to sneak in quietly, but when Vrook saw me, he stopped the briefing so he could ridicule me. "Everyone! I'd like you to welcome our newest Jedi knight... walking in ten minutes late!"

With everyone's eyes on me, I just took the closest empty seat I could find.

"After the briefing is over, everyone here will be disciplined in a manner your squad leader sees fit." Vrook stated.

Just as quickly as I sat down, I erupted from my seat. "Hold on. What are you doing? Everyone else reported here on time. I'm the only one who should suffer the consequences."

Vrook strolled across the room as if about to make a lecture. "What if their lives depended on you being here on time? Would you, alone pay the price?"

"If their lives were at stake, I wouldn't have been so reckless."

That frustrated Vrook and he trotted across the room to stand right in front of me. Before he could start shouting, Master Kavar broke it up. "This can wait for another time. We have to get back to the briefing."

Vrook gave me a look that displayed his disappointment. He wanted to slap me down, but couldn't without losing face in front of the others. "We'll discuss this later." He turned back to the front of the room and gestured for Kavar to continue the briefing.

"Our purpose is not so much to participate in the coming battles, but to have Jedi fighting alongside the Republic troops should boost their spirits. They've suffered terrible loses and their morale is particularly low. We should assist them in any way we can."

One of the other Jedi spoke up. "Are we expected to lead troops when battle comes?"

"We will. You should also be prepared to tend to wounded, repairs, and anything else we can to assist." Kavar answered. "You've each been assigned to one of three task forces. You will continue the briefing with your assigned group leader."

Vrook stepped forward. "Those under my command will follow me to training room 2. That includes you, Ban."

I sighed in frustration. It seemed things were going to be even worse, now that I had to report to Vrook. I could work with anyone who was reasonable enough to follow. With this latest confrontation with him, Vrook would only make this harder than it had to be.

-----

After following Vrook to training room 2, he came up with a suitable disciplinary measure for the group. The room was set up as an obstacle course, so he had everyone run through it without using the Force. He also made sure to remind everyone as to who was responsible for making them run through it. "The consequences of one affects the group." He said.

I was angry because he turned the others against me. I didn't know any in my group except for Beleya, and she already had issues with me. That made her look at me with even more scorn than usual. I even offered to run the course five times for the others, but Vrook wanted to ensure that they suffered for my mistake.

The run took almost ten minutes; I was not quite as fit as I thought. Second last and out of breath when it I crossed the finish line, I was ready for another battle when we were done. Vrook had been standing around all that time and I thought it was quite unfair for him to not take the punishment as well. The leader was still part of the group... unless I missed something. I didn't say anything when we started, but it was only because I wanted to make him look bad.

"Alright. We can proceed now." Vrook gestured the others to follow him so he could finish with his briefing.

"Where are you going?" I asked Vrook, refusing to follow.

"What?" He turned around.

I gestured to the obstacle course. "You haven't gone through, yourself... master. So why don't you begin now?"

He slowly walked towards me as if to laugh at my insubordination, but kept silent. He had that look in his eyes which came when he intended to intimidate someone with his 'superior wisdom.' "Haven't you learned anything from this?"

"My actions impact both myself and... ALL those in my group."

"Then what are you doing?"

I got in Vrook's face. "I'm waiting for you to run through the obstacle course, so get going." I ordered.

"Very well. Your defiance has earned you and your group another run through." Vrook answered.

I crossed my arms. "Are you claiming that you are not a part of this group? If you are not willing to go through the course, then why should we?"

"I am your commanding officer for the upcoming mission and I'm ordering you to desist with this... defiance immediately!" He shouted.

I pointed my index finger at him. "You know nothing of being a leader. It's a good thing that Revan took command during the Mandalorian Wars because you suck at it!" Then I turned around and tramped out of the room with no hesitation. I knew that by saying such a thing, Vrook wouldn't take it seriously unless I left him one Jedi short. Sometimes, words can't make the point unless they're backed by action. I only hoped that it might have inspired some of the others to join me, but no one did.

*****

At the time I said it, my defiance towards Vrook seemed so right. It felt so good to turn my back on Vrook for such a minor reason, but it was not done out of anger... well not because I was angry. It was because someone had to tell Vrook that he was wrong and I was not afraid to do it.

As I looked back on my defiance, I soon realized that I just threw away my promotion to Jedi knight for a second time. All because Vrook refused to run an obstacle course? As strange as it seemed, I would have regretted letting it pass. Was it worth it? Since it didn't amount to anything... no.

A leader had to lead by example. If Vrook was going to punish everyone for the act of one... that meant EVERYONE. If he were too weak or too arrogant to follow though with his own punishment, then he was no better than a Hutt. If he were a Jedi, he would have been the first to run the course. Instead, he set a bad example for all Jedi. His arrogance showed that the Council was above their own rules... again.

As I looked down from one of the balconies in the main atrium, I knew things would have been so much easier if I just yielded to people like Vrook and Atris, but I couldn't abide by what they stood for. The Council was weak and all the other Jedi would have followed their orders while the Mandalorians razed the Republic. Admirable as their loyalty may have been... it was no reason for good people to sacrifice themselves on the order of ignorant tyrants, such as the Council.

I staring down for several minutes before Alfred arrived and took a place next to me. After a moment of sharing the view, I made the first statement. "I thought you had a class to teach."

"Vrook contacted me."

I scoffed at the thought of what Vrook must have said. "Are you going to ask my side of events, or do you trust him implicitly? Everyone else seems to."

He shrugged his shoulders. "I don't think he would lie..." Then he looked at me with sympathetic eyes. "...but I'm sure he didn't speak the whole truth."

I nodded in concurrence. Alfred had a way of telling the truth to suite opposite sides fairly. "What did he say?"

"He claims that you openly defied him and were disrespectful of rank."

I nodded in agreement. "I arrived at a briefing late and Vrook disciplined everyone in the briefing room for what I did."

"That's not uncommon. It's supposed to teach individuals of teamwork. If a scout were to sneak past a patrol and locate an enemy force, everyone pays the price."

"Vrook did not follow through with it, himself. He made us run through a training course without the Force and he just stood there and watched." I looked directly at Alfred. "He was every much a part of the group as we were, but he thought he didn't have to suffer the consequences as well. When I insisted that he run through the course, he ordered that everyone go through it again."

He shook his head in disappointment.

"This wasn't about what just happened in the training room. I don't give a **** about that. It was about a Council member believing he was above the other Jedi. I wanted Vrook to realize that he was defying the very foundation upon which his leadership was built. If he thinks that he was above the rest, then he has been corrupted by his authority and must be removed."

He released an outburst. "By whom?!"

That startled me. "By their followers. We must be the ones to tell the Council when they are wrong and make them accept that they represent the Order... not themselves. The Order must also realize that the Council does not have supreme power over them." I sighed and hesitated to say one last thing. "The reason why they opposed Revan was because he was a threat to their authority. It happened well before the end of the Mandalorian wars that he was declared a traitor."

"That's enough!" He shouted.

Suddenly, I felt a terrible fear. I had hoped that Alfred would understand my reasons, but even he was implicitly loyal to a corrupt Council. It was almost as if I could no longer trust him anymore. The thought seemed to leave a terrible void where there was once great trust.

I tried to calm his anger and assure him that I had good reason for my actions. "I'm not trying to be a nuisance. I'm genuinely concerned about the future of the Order. The Council... the ones who lead the Jedi must hold themselves to a higher standard than the others. Doesn't that matter to you?"

He held my shoulders and put his face centimeters away from mine. "Of course it does, but you matter more to me. I know that you're doing what you believe is right, but it's creating a rift between you and the others. You alone can't change the system. All you can do is try to be the best Jedi you can. That's all that I want you to do." He took my hands into his own. "Please go back to Master Vrook and apologize for what you did. It doesn't have to be genuine, but make it sound sincere. Then follow his lead and don't question him again. If you can reason with him, that would be even better, but please don't throw away your future over this."

It was terrible to hear him ask that of me, but I knew what I had to do. My cause was just, but I didn't have the influence to challenge the Council. To the others, I was just a fallen Sith trying to make amends for my past. If I kept getting in the Council's way, they would not allow me to stay within the Order... even with Revan's support.

I gave Alfred a very grim expression and nodded. "I'll do it for you."

Alfred extended his hand to hold me under the chin, but flinched when he realized that I wasn't a little girl anymore. At the same moment, he stepped back and placed his hands back on the balcony railing. "It must have been almost a decade ago. I remember seeing you for the first time and thinking I could see your whole life ahead of you."

I remembered that day vividly. It was a critical point in my life that could have turned out very differently. His words made me think back to that day and consider all the other times when my life could have turned out differently. After stowing away on that freighter, I might have been discovered only a few minutes later than I was. Being left on another world might have meant my death. Not being discovered might have lead me to a port on Nar Shadaa. Of everything that might have happened on that day, my life could have turned out very differently.

When I rested myself upon the railing next to him, I wondered what he saw in my future before he even knew my name. "Am I anything like you had imagined then?"

He looked at me for a long moment, probably scanning the tattoos across my face. I knew that he had been thinking more about who I was than my physical features, but his sight seemed drawn more to those tattoos than my eyes. I knew that I wasn't at all what he probably expected, but I was surprised at his answer. No words; just a subtle sway of his head.

I sighed quietly and turned my head back to the atrium floor. "There was no failure on your part. I chose my own fate."

He shook his head again. "No, no, I didn't mean it like that. I actually thought that saving you was all that mattered. I saw you living a normal life, free from the horrors of Sleheyron."

"You didn't think I would become a Jedi?"

"I thought you'd been through enough. If you hadn't wanted it, I wouldn't have encouraged you to take that path. But since you had nowhere else to go, I suppose that it was best for you. When you left five years ago, there were times I wished that I had not found you... your return made all the difference to me. I would never have imagined how much that little girl would change my life." He finally lifted his head again to look me in the eye. "I still have reservations, but I can confidently say that you deserve the title of Jedi knight."

I knew that I still had rough edges. My latest conflict with Vrook spoke for itself. I understood what Alfred really wanted to hear from me. "I'm aware that more will be expected of me than before. I won't make the same mistakes as a knight that I would have as a padawan. And... I will go back and show Vrook the proper respect, apologize, and just agree with whatever he says."

He smiled very confidently at me. "Exactly. If you find it difficult, just remember that's probably what everyone else is thinking. Do what you think Revan would do and you'll be fine."

Again, easier said than done. But I knew Alfred deserved better than to have me act like a child all the time. I had not really expected that I would become a Jedi so soon after having been a Sith master only a few months ago, so I wasn't prepared for the responsibility yet. Over the last few months, I could misbehave every now and again; but it was because I was still considered a fallen Sith. Being a Jedi knight appealed to me at first, but only because I hadn't confronted the new standards I had to live by.

I knew at that time that I was not ready, but I didn't want to pass up the chance to advance in rank. At that point I either had to meet those standards, or I would fall back to padawan. Considering how much it meant to Alfred, I decided that it was time to become what I was meant to be.

*****

After that, I went back to training room 2 and waited for the briefing to end before confronting Vrook again. When the other four Jedi walked through the door, three looked at me with scorn. Beleya looked at me differently than before, but I didn't know what she had been thinking. Vrook had been packing some things into a briefcase when I entered.

He briefly glanced up, but just ignored me. It wasn't until I was right in front of him that he asked what I wanted. He didn't seem angry, but spoke at me with little regard.

"I wanted to apologize for what I said to you earlier. You were my superior and I stepped over the line." I said as pleasantly as possible.

He looked away and started walking to the entrance. "You're lying. You feel no remorse for what you did earlier."

"Then what do you want, 'Master' Vrook?"

He understood that I emphasized 'master' to show disrespect. "I want you to either act like a Jedi knight, or you won't be Order. There is no middle ground for you anymore now that you're a Jedi knight."

"Not yet... I'm still a padawan until tonight."

"That's a technicality. You knew that the light side was the more difficult path, but you chose to follow it. You have to respect your superiors if you wish to succeed here. The Council has tolerated a lot from you, but its patience has reached its end, now that you're a knight. If you don't respect the chain of command, you won't make it here." Vrook declared.

"Master Kolchak taught me that it was important for me to stand for what I believed to be right. Are you saying that the Council overrules the Jedi teachings?"

"Part of the Jedi teachings involves respecting your superiors. You believed the dark side was the means to end slavery before you left us five years ago. If you had listened to your master, would you have fallen to the Sith?" He said in a sympathetic tone.

"I was wrong about that, but I don't think I'm wrong now."

"You think that Revan was right to wage war against the Republic? You think that the Council should have done it instead?" He asked.

I stood up to him. "Revan joined the Mandalorian Wars because you wouldn't. If we had followed the Council instead of Revan, the Republic would have been crushed. One in four Jedi followed him and you declared them traitors because they defied you... not because they became Sith! Have you ever considered that it was not Revan who was responsible for all that? Maybe it was because they believed you were wrong. Are you saying that all those Jedi should have trusted you more than their own good judgment?"

"You know nothing of war! What makes you think you know better than any of the Council?"

I sighed in frustration. "You're right. I don't."

He nodded as if to say 'good girl.' "Then maybe this assignment will give you some wisdom." He handed me a data pad. "Familiarize yourself with all the medical expertise and technical specs on the equipment from this pad. You'll be expected to help with a variety of tasks."

"What about tonight?"

"If you're willing to accept the responsibility, then we'll knight you then. If not..."

He tried to walk out, but I blocked the door. "Are you ever going to run through the obstacle course like everyone else?"

He turned around in frustration. "Why do you have to complain about such a trivial thing?"

"You made everyone suffer for something I did. Unless you think you're above the rest, you should go through it like everyone else. If you wouldn't hold yourself up to your own standards, then why should we?" I crossed my arms in defiance.

He looked at me as though intending to slap me down again, but instead determined that I may simply have been ignorant. After all those years of living as a Sith, I probably wasn't ever fully aware of how the Council and the Order operated with one another. "You speak of me and the Council as though we act for ourselves and the rest of the Order doesn't matter to us. That's not true. Padawans are expected to show the proper respect to their masters, especially in front of others. It's not because we're vile tyrants, but because we take responsibility for the actions of all who serve under us. When we send someone on a mission, they act as representatives to the entire Order and proxies to the Council."

I scoffed, but then became stoic again. He wasn't exactly shouting at me, so I didn't want to be provocative. "That doesn't exactly help your case. What you're saying is that you have supreme authority. What you decide, all must follow."

"We also take responsibility for the actions of all Jedi. Whether one acts on their own or were following our orders, we are the ones who answer for that Jedi's conduct. That is why we demand the proper respect and loyalty from all of you. The others trust our judgment because they know we will stand up for them when they are in trouble."

I never thought of it like that. The Sith operated in a similar way, but it only worked to the benefit of the superior. Uthar had often ridiculed me when I taught weak students, but those who excelled weren't a credit to me. I also didn't have to answer for my students' incompetence, which meant I didn't have to put my own life in danger if I didn't like the student.

I didn't ever really think about how differently the Sith and Jedi operated, but only because I assumed they had nothing in common. And despite Vrook's stupid 'all must suffer for the mistake of one' crap, it actually did serve some purpose for the good of everyone. I wouldn't have minded it, but it was only because the one administering the punishment set a bad example for the rest of us.

And despite what he just said, I felt we deserved more than words. "You're blowing this out of perspective. If you had just run through the drill along with the rest of us, I wouldn't have made such a big deal about it. It was because you separated yourself from the rest of us... veered away when it was convenient... that I spoke up."

He stared at me for a brief moment and then looked back. "If I did that, will it make you happy?"

"You probably wouldn't lose any respect if you did the drill, yourself." I answered honestly.

He shrugged his shoulders and removed his cloak, bundling it upon the briefcase, and went to the starting line. "After this, the matter is closed. Clear?"

I had no problem with that. In going through the drill, he proved me wrong. After that, he did earn some respect from me. It was really the first time that he'd ever listened to me and considered my opinion, which made me feel better about both myself and him. It wasn't like I'd turned a new leaf or anything, but I felt better about taking orders from him. Maybe this conflict turned out for the best.


Author's note: (This is something I'm going to add to each new chapter to explain elements I don't address in the story)

The conflict I wrote about with Vrook was actually inspired by my football coaches in high school. If one person went offside during certain drills, everyone had to do 10 pushups... except the coaches themselves. I didn't exactly appreciate the importance of the drill, as everyone shouldn't have to suffer for the mistake of one, but I really was irritated that the coaches didn't set an example by suffering the consequences along with the rest of the team. If they had, I would have been much more pleasant about the whole thing.

As I'm a bit older now, I realize that pushing ourselves was really better for everyone. Still I would have been more inspired to do it if I knew the coaches considered themselves a part of the team. This chapter was written to show what might have happened, and to show that Vrook may not have been the arrogant tyrant I've made him out to be in earlier chapters.