A/N Apologies for the wait. This week has been hellish. Real life is kicking my ass and i have been so indecisive about what route to take with this story, everytime i start to write i change my mind and go off into a different direction. On the upside though i have become completely obsessed with the Thoughtless series by SC Stephens, so much so that i haven't read any fanficton (my inbox is bursting) and i managed to read all 3 books in 3 days and that is some feat if you have seen the size of them. Kellan Kyle get in my life like right now!

Prepare for a very confused and indecisive Ana

The stillness of the apartment can sometimes get to me. The way the rain taps against the towering glass windows or the constant ticking emanating from the abundance of clocks situated around every corner, they should be a relaxing soundtrack but here they fuel for paranoia and can send you crazy. This opulent palace deserves to be filled with joy and laughter. With every room a person should be greeted by another happy face that warms the heart. Instead Escala has far too many empty spaces and white walls. Its clinical and its a whopping great symbol of the old sad dominant Christian. My reluctance to move in was in essences to do with these factors. Disregarding the speed of our relationship, this place has always intimated me. It is a ever obvious reminder of what can happen when you shut everybody out and become a one man island and although Christian has come on leaps and bounds in terms of opening up and allowing me to enter his heavily guarded heart there is still so many obstacles to overcome, our current predicament showcases that.

It is Monday afternoon and i am sitting at my desk distracted once again. The workplace is not suitable for someone with a sulking fiance and the weight of the world resting upon their shoulders. Tomorrow is , our appointment with Dr Green. We are having to wait a few days to see the doctor because even the great and powerful Christian Grey couldn't manipulate his way around this one. Off of my own back i have taking 5 home pregnancy tests which have all turned out to be positive. I took them alone. The only time Christian has spoke to me was to confirm the appointment and even then that was just a murmur and no eye contact was given. So we are stuck at an impasse and a silent one at that. Of course i didn't expect Christian to pop open the champagne and shout how happy he is that i am carrying his child from the rooftops but i expected some sort of a reaction. I got nothing. No smiles, no shouting, screams of either joy or fury. Just blank. This is when the accelerated pace of our relationship becomes a hindrance. In most other cases, when the topic of pregnancy occurs you normally have a back catalogue of experiences to call upon and can take an informed course of action only i don't possess that trick. I am left to work out how to handle the situation by using guesswork and i don't like that feeling. Half of our problem is undoubtedly our combined stubbornness, neither one of us are willing to relinquish the fight and back down.

A pregnancy was not top on my list of priorities either if i am being honest. Being young and just starting my career this could be a huge spanner in the works and may halt any progression i could encounter, if Jack ever takes that stick out of his ass and stops being the world's biggest prick, however on the flip side i have never given the avenue of motherhood too much thought. Even the surprise of Kate's baby didn't spur any pondering on the subject, i was merely caught up with dealing with the emotions which arose about the troublesome twosome. The symptoms i have been displaying over recent weeks did started those niggling doubts that maybe i am with child and the consequences of such an occurrence but nothing to in depth. Being a mother in my mind is possibly the most important role a woman will ever take on. We are responsible for bringing a life into this world, ensuring it has a safe environment in which to grow and once the child arrives we have to teach it how to be an asset to society. You have to care, love, protect and nurture this tiny human being and maybe in the process you will suffer heartache and a number of difficulties but it is all worth it. All i have to do now is convince Christian of this.

Before my thoughts start to consume me even further, the office erupts into nervous whispers and glances. The usual laid back environment has become unusually tense. The reason for this appears three seconds later as my angry and stern looking man strides through the open plan space. Woman slyly check out his ass, much to my displeasure, the tapping of keyboard keys increases and suddenly everyone is fascinated with what is on their computer screens. For a horrible moment i think he is coming in here to cause a scene and start a fight but instead he walks straight past me and into Jack's office, slamming the door for good measure. Taylor is hot on his heels with Sawyer behind looking as equally confused as i. There isn't any logical reason for being here except to see me, Christian has no ties to SIP as far as i know but then again when does he tell me anything. I have to practically force him to relay any information. Deciding to ignore the fact he is here i carry on with the meaninglessness task Jack has set me, seriously when did sealing envelopes become part of my job description. All of a sudden a huge roar booms from Jack's office, Christian is screaming at my boss. Is he determined to ruin this for me? If i am fired and he leaves me i have nothing! Not prepared to stand by and watch him destroy this for me i rush in to put a stop to it. Christian has Jack by the scruff of the neck against the wall with Taylor not even bothering to attempt to restrain him.

"Christian!" I shout trying to get his attention but he ignores me

"All this time. I knew you had something to do with this" Christian bellows " The background check didn't do you justice Mr Hyde, it seems you have quite the colourful past. Drugs, gambling, sex trafficking i could go on but frankly it makes me sick. How the fuck did you manage to hide it for so long?"

"I am a clever man Mr Grey" Jack replies with a sneer which turns my stomach

"How did you know Elena you slimy bastard"

Jack turns his head and refuses to answer. Big mistake. Christian knees him in the groin and slams his body hard once again into the wall " Answer me!"

"At the club... You know... Seems i'm not the only one that likes a bit of rough" Jack stutters then turns his creepy gaze in my direction "who would have guessed you liked to be whipped Miss Steele, we could have a lot of fun" He licks his lips and stares at my breasts. Christian loses all control and begins to hit Jack in the face. Over and over again. I cower into the corner wrapping my arms around my chest and Sawyer stands in front of me in case this gets even more out of hand. Taylor finally jumps into action and pulls Christian off of Jack's slumped body.

"If you ever fucking touch her i will kill you! Do you hear me!?" Christian leg still manages to land one final blow to Jack's body as Taylor drags him away " You are fired you sleazy piece of shit. The police will be here any second to throw your ass in prison and i hope you rot in hell. I will take personal pleasure watching you wither and die behind bars with the rest of your fucking buddies."

"Its all your fault" Jack murmurs, blood is dripping from his mouth and nose

"Excuse me" Christian spits

" If it wasn't for you i would have left her alone" Jack points a finger at me "She isn't all that, i like girls with more up top like Lelia. Lelia is a good fuck isn't she Christian? Even better when she is on her knees, shacked up with a mouth full of dick. I bet the little princess over there doesn't do that for you does she?

" Shut the fuck up!"

"No! The only reason she got the job was because i found out she was seeing you. Not the only one with contacts Mr Grey. From then on it was easy. All i had to do was put on a smile, lay on the charm, call Elena to inform her of my new assistant and hook her up with every thing she needed. You think you are so protected, you surround yourself with big burly security but they can't do shit can they? That bitch over there was shot and where were you then huh?"

Christian is about to let rip again but the police burst through and immediately apprehend Jack. What the fuck just happened! Jack was involved with Elena? How did i not know this? I worked closely with the man day in day out and i never suspected a thing. Yes he gives me the creeps and he was dating Lelia but i just figured that he was fooled like the rest of us. Turns out he was one of the worst and i was stupidly dense. Christian his leaning outstretched on his arms on the wall trying to calm down

"You are now in charge" The first words uttered between us in days knocks me for six

"What!"

He pushes off the wall and pulls a plaque out of a bag on the desk and hands it to me

ANASTASIA GREY, EDITOR

Even though i am angry and confused, Anastasia Grey warms my heart. He still wants to marry me! "I don't understand"

" I bought the company" He simply states like he had just purchased some milk at the store

"When?" I squeak.

"I finalised the contracts this morning. The information about that fucker just landed on my desk an hour ago. This wasn't how i wanted to tell you but..." He shrugs " I have to get back to work"

All i want him to do is hold me. We haven't had any physical contact in two days and it is killing me. Relenting, i surge towards him and practically throw myself around his statuesque frame. It takes a few moments but eventually he returns my hug and wraps me up tight and buries his nose into my hair. We stand there for god knows how long just holding each other, i can't lose him. I know for sure that if we can't get past this i will be reduced to a shell, constantly pining for a life i was only fingertips away from. Taylor clears his throat to indicate to Christian that it is time to leave and in that moment i could have punched the security guard. I was finally beginning to re- connect with Christian and now he is being taken from me.

" Don't fight me on this" He murmurs into my hair and i wonder of what he is referrring to; the position or the baby

"The promotion" Christian answers, reading my thoughts "You deserve it"

With one last sniff of my hair he untangles me from his body and exits with Taylor.


My day at work has been hellish and i am so glad when the clock strikes five and i get to go home, that is until i remember what the atmosphere is like there. The tender moment i had with Christian earlier on however gives me hope that maybe we have turned a corner. On a whim i decide to sought some much needed advice

"Hey Sawyer" I say brightly as i hop into the SUV " Do you think we can make a quick detour before returning to Escala"

"Umm... sure Miss Steele. Where is it you would like to go?" His tone reeks of uncertainity

"Bellevue"

I am sure even the strangers out on the street could hear Luke's sharp intake of breath when i reveal our destination but ever the professional he covers it with a less than subtle cough which makes me giggle. Luke Sawyer has been assigned to me ever since the shooting and during this period we have become close, much to the disgust of Mr Grey. Despite what Christian may or may not think my relationship with Sawyer is purely platonic, i see him more like an older brother than a romantic interest. He is very different to Taylor which i appreciate, that style of protection just wouldn't suit me. Taylor has had several more years of experience on Luke and it shows. I can't remember a time where Taylor has let his guard slip without good reason which is why i suppose he is such a excellent match for Christian. On the other hand i'm still not used to the whole security concept, of course i know it is necessary after i was nearly killed, but i feel sometimes Christian goes overboard. What harm is done if you chat and joke around. Shouldn't you feel comfortable with the person who effectively is in charge of protecting my life? It is not unusual for Luke and i to share a joke, some conversation on the drive to and from work or exchange a knowning glance when we see Christian approach in a foul mood or the office whore parading her ample bossums around in an inexplicably low cut shirt.

We arrive at the affluent neighbourhood in no time, much to my surprise given the time of day and the level of traffic. I have near enough chewed down my fingernails throughout our journey. I have never actively seeked Grace out she has always been Christian's mother or my doctor but never my confidant. Ensuring Sawyer does not report back to his boss on our location i finally pluck up the courage to face one of my biggest doubters. Alone. A trend which is becoming more and more regular

The housekeeper Gretchen is the one who greets me at the entrance to the house which has hosted much of the drama recently. Gretchen has been snotty with me ever since Christian and i became official and when we annouced our engagement only a week ago i swore i might have to duck as she contemplated throwing the bottle of wine she had in her hand at my head. She isn't the first woman who has displayed that kind of hatred towards me, Christian Grey has a long line of female admirers and now that i am to become his wife i'm sure my face is on voodoo dolls across the nation.

"Hi" I gift the unfriendly housekeeper a small smile, albiet with a tinge of smugness. " I am here to see Dr Grey" It still doesn't feel approriate to call his parents by their given names. It would maybe be okay with Carrick because after his speech on the day of our engagement annoucement i feel accepted by him but Grace is still a no go. I don't want her to hate me anymore than she already does.

"Mrs Grey is around here somewhere. I shall go and call on her, please take a seat. Would you like something to drink?" Gretchen's professionalism kicks in. She ushers me into the spacious lounge area then skittles off to find Grace. This house, like Escala, intimdates me; the high ceilings, the imperious paintings, the expensive china and just generally the whole ambience of the place screams class. When Christian and i are married and looking for a place to raise a family i hope he doesn't choose a house like this, as they say less is more. It occurs to me that the scenario is much closer than i realised. If i am indeed with child those types of decisions will need to be made in the coming weeks. I turn when i hear the clipping of heels behind me and sure enough the elegant figure of Dr Grace Grey appears

"Anastasia dear, i wasn't expecting you" She kisses both my cheeks

"I know, i'm sorry for just stopping by but i wanted your advice on something"

"Oh... What can i help you with?"

Here goes...

"There is a very high possiblity that i am pregnant"

The shock on her face that i was expecting to see doesn't appear instead she nods and smiles

"Congratulations"

"Your... i mean... you are okay with this?"

"Ana dear, I know i haven't always been welcoming towards you and for that i can only profusely apologize but i know, as does anyone that comes into contact with the two of you, that there is a deep and pure love which exists there."

I swallow the lump stuck in my throat " Thank you"

"There is no need to thank me. How is Christian handling this?"

"He isn't" I state simply.

"My son is complicated if you haven't already worked that out" She softly laughs " But he loves you Ana"

"But what if that isn't enough? There has to be a final straw at some point and you know Grace, i think this is it" My emotions are quickly getting the best of me as i finally voice my concerns and they become all too real. The day Christian walks out on me and our unborn child is only a matter of days away in my mind

"Nonsense" Grace scoffs " My boy had the worst start in life imaginable and i am sure he is terrified of what he went through being repeated on his own child but what he fails to see is that throughout his adult life he has ensured that steps are put in place to prevent ever returning to that small, lost, broken little boy and he has succeeded in so many aspects of his life as a result, this is no different. Every prospective parent becomes hampered by doubts, i am sure you are having a few, but once that small bundle of joy is placed into your arms those niggling worries fly out of the window and are replaced by the strongest love you will ever experience. Personally i never got to carry a child and give birth so you could say i haven't got a right to say that to you but when all three of my children were handed over to me it felt just the same"

"He is petrified"

"Has he seen Flynn?"

"I dont know"

"Why is that dear?"

"Because we aren't speaking"

"What!" Grace shouts and startles me

"I found the article in the paper, showed him and he just walked out without a second glance. He has been hiding in his office ever since. He won't even sleep in the same bed as me Grace, its like if he does he will impregnate me again and i will give birth to twins"

"That stubborn boy!"

"I don't want to lose him Grace" I whisper and my eyes become blurred with unshed tears

"Oh honey you won't." She moves to sit beside me and hugs my shaking body "Shhh we will fix this"


I leave Grace with a new spring in my step and a determination to fight whether that is for my family or as a single mother. Grace spent the next hour relaying stories of her struggle to concieve, the problems Carrick and Grace had as a result and Christian as a child and how much she enjoyed watching the timid skinny boy blossum into the man he is today. Hearing the pride and admiration in her voice for her son made me excited about my own child.

When i return home Christian is once again taking refuge in his office and i snap. I have had enough, he is a grown man and yes he has issues but that is not a reason to shut me out and act like a three year old. For years i managed on my own and i can sure as hell do it again, call it survival instincts hell it may even be my maternal instincts but i would pick myself up and dust myself off. Undoubtedly raising our child alone would be the toughest mission of my life but our child is more than worth it and that little boy or girl would remind me every day of the love Christian and i shared. That of course is the last option. There is no way i am walking away without a fight, we have too much to lose. I head to the bedroom and strip off my work clothes and slip into some sweats and a tank top. Eyeing up the abandoned laptop on the bed and idea pops into my head. The easiest form of communcation my mother had always tried to instill in me was the written word. Now i could sit here and write some long heartfelt letter to him detailing how much faith i have in him, to try and describe the depth of my love and how i will be by his side as his dutiful wife every step of the way but i know Christian and one look at my words and he would crumble and refuse to read anymore knowing whatever is on that page is the truth and sometimes having it staring back at you is not always the best option. The only other available form of interaction with the obstinate man, short of barging into his office and demanding he listens to me, is email. We normally use it to send flirty messages during the work day, the light hearted conversations never fail to brighten my mood and fire up my want for him. With my mind set on email i flip open the laptop lid and get to work on Project Christian


From: Anastasia Steele

Subject: Alone

Date: March 4 2013 19:34

To: Christian Grey

Have you had dinner yet?


Start off casual...


From: Christian Grey

Subject: Re:Alone

Date: March 4 2013 19:37

To: Anastasia Steele

Yes. Gail has left you some in the oven to heat up


From: Anastasia Steele

Subject: Hungry

Date: March 4 2013 19:40

To: Christian Grey

What was on the menu?


From: Christian Grey

Subject: Re:Hungry

Date: March 4 2013 19:43

To: Anastasia Steele

Chicken Pesto Pasta. Where were you?


Ha! now we are getting some where. His concern for my whereabouts is my first step in the door


From: Anastasia Steele

Subject: M.I. A

Date: March 4 2013 19:45

To: Christian Grey

Why do you even care? You haven't shown much interest recently


From: Christian Grey

Subject: Watch it!

Date: March 4 2013 19:43

To: Anastasia Steele

Don't start Ana! I have had a few things on my mind if you haven't noticed. Just answer my question


From: Anastasia Steele

Subject: No its time you watched it!

Date: March 4 2013 19:48

To: Christian Grey

Oh and i am sitting around without a care in the world Christian? When you finally decide to stop being so god damn selfish you may realise that i am currently going through what should be the happiest time of my life alone. i am scared that you have falling out of love with me, that i am going to have to do this as a single mother, as a woman who is completely and utterly heartbroken. I know you are terrified Christian but you have me. I am about to become your wife. i will share your life but you have to be willing to let me in. Talk to me!


I wait and i wait...


From: Christian Grey

Subject: I am...

Date: March 4 2013 19:59

To: Anastasia Steele

going to fail you. That child. I don't want to but that's just what happens. I love you more than anything or anyone on this planet but Anastasia you will leave me when i can't be the man you want me to be. Oh Ana i am more screwed up than you will ever realise. For some unknown reason you are only able to see the good in me but i can assure you that the bad far outweights the good. My childhood has had such a huge impact on the rest of my life and i'm sorry but i refuse to transfer that onto an innocent baby. Yes i have achieved many things but in retrospect it really is inconsequential, money is worthless to a child. How could i possibly be a father?


His email floors me. This is the first time throughout all of this that he has been honest with me.

From: Anastasia Steele

Subject: You are...

Date: March 4 2013 20:05

To: Christian Grey

The kindest, most loving man i know. Baby you may think that you haven't had good parental role models but you are wrong in fact you have the best. Grace and Carrick are prime examples of two people who put aside their own personal troubles and dedicated their lives and love to their three adopted children. Do you think it was easy for Grace to accept that she would never carry her own child? That woman had wanted children her whole life and was devastated when the doctor told her that she couldn't. We have been given a gift Christian and your are going to be a great father. We will enter into this together. I am never leaving you. Ever


From: Christian Grey

Subject: I am in awe of you

Date: March 4 2013 20:09

To: Anastasia Steele

Your faith in my ability astounds me...

How did you find all this information out about my parents?


From: Anastasia Steele

Subject: Never underestimate me Mr Grey

Date: March 4 2013 20:11

To: Christian Grey

I went to see her after work, that is why i wasn't at dinner. Finally i think we are starting to make some headway. I do have faith in you, buckets full of it.

Don't think i have forgotten about the whole Jack Hyde/SIP debacle buddy.


From: Christian Grey

Subject: All in due course...

Date: March 4 2013 20:14

To: Anastasia Steele

I love you.


I release the breath i didn't realise i was holding and the relief is clear. Within a minute i have successfully ran from our bedroom to his office, swooping up a bottle of god knows what on my way. We have avoided each other for nearly 48 hours now so when i finally come face to face with the handsome features of one Mr Grey i nearly swoon and drop to my knees to worship at his feet like a 15 year old who has just met One Direction, i am disreguarding our earlier interaction at SIP because he was so angry. We stand staring at each other for a while before i take the initiative and reach for his balled up fists and drag him into the great room. From the moment i laid eyes on Christian i knew he was man full of misconceptions and very uptight so i figure the only way to loosen him up is to... well get him drunk. And by that i mean off his face.

Three hours later and Christian has successfully achieved a state of drunkenness. Its glorious. For once i am not worried about his mood suddenly changing, he is merry and hilarious. I am of course sticking to soda but Christian has polished off almost two bottles of wine and has started on the Whiskey. Christian has removed his shirt so his ripped chest is fully on show and because i haven't had sex in a while and i am pregnant it is highly distracting and a testiment to my willpower. If this was the other way around i have no doubts that by now Christian would have carried me into the bedroom and be balls deep inside of me

"Annnnnd then i pulled him off his girl " He stands or should i say stumbles up and staggers over to the sound system " sooooooo he could do dis with meeeee"

Christian is telling me all about his relationship with Elliot. It sounds like these two were really close when they were growing up which is why i am surprised Elliot didn't know anything about Elena and it saddens me that those two don't have that kind of relationship anymore. I think Christian could really benefit from that and now that are both going to be fathers, that may just be the starting point for them to bond over. With a shit-eating grin he pressed play on the machine and the instantly recognisable jangle of the symbols echo's out

"No!" I shake my head violently. He is going to hurt himself!

"This speech is my recital, i think its very vital

To rock a rhyme that's right on time

It's tricky is the title, here we go..."

He is attempting to criss cross his feet and failing miserably

"Christian stop!"

"Baby just watch. This is fucking awesome!"

"It's tricky to rock a rhyme, to rock a rhyme that's right on time

It's tricky... its tricky tricky tricky tricky

It's tricky to rock a rhyme, to rock a rhyme that's right on time

It's tricky... tr-tr-tr-tricky ( tricky) trrrrrrrrrrricky

Oh. My. God. His breakdancing is appaling. He tries to spin on his hand, but falls. His legs are like jelly. And well his "Gangsta" moves, the less said about them the better.

"I met this little girlie, her hair was kinda curly"

Christian points to me and giggles. My side aches from the laughter

"Went to her house and bust her out, i had to leave real early

These girls are really sleazy, all they just say is please me

Or spend some time and rockrhyme, i said "It's not that easy"

He wiggles that delectable ass in my face and i reach out to pinch it

"Ana! Step away from my junk" He wags his finger at me and acts morally outraged, he then tries to spin on his head but falls hard on the floor instead. I leap up worried but there is no need. He is layng laughing his ass off like a small boy. Oh why can't our life always be like this.

Before he causes himself some serious harm i direct him towards our room and start the impossible task of getting him ready for bed. If he isn't kissing my neck he is fondling my breasts. On more than one occasion he attempts to strip me of my pants and glide his fingers into my folds but alas he is poking around like a teenage boy, his cock is at half mast anyway which is no good to me. My head eventually hits the pillow and i reflect on the day. Christian still hasn't told me about Jack but that is my fault. Tomorrow.

"I love you Ana"

I turn and see him watching me

"And i am going to try with all my heart to be a good father" His eyes ooze with sincerity

A/N This is only the beginning and honestly i still haven't decided what route to take. I have various "scenes" already written but i just have to figure out if i want to use them. The song is "Tricky" by Run DMC