The Uncanny X-Men

Chapter 29: Beer Time

By

The Uncanny R-Man

Disclaimer- All familiar characters belong to Marvel Comics.


Harry's Hideaway-

Logan downed the last of his beer and licked his lips with a contented sigh.

'Okay, it's your round, elf.'

'Slow down there, mein freund.' Kurt Wagner told his friend. 'Not everybody has a healing factor like you. Some of us prefer to savour the flavour of the beer instead of chugging it like there's no tomorrow.'

'Where's the fun in that?' Logan tutted. 'Now, are you gonna buy more beers or what?'

'Fine.' Kurt sighed as he dug into his pocket for some money. 'Anything for a little peace.'

Remy looked over at a nearby booth where several attractive young women were giggling and pointing in Logan's direction.

'It looks like you got some female attention, homme.' The Cajun mutant stated. 'Some people get all de fun, non?'

'Do not let Rogue let you say that.' Piotr grimaced. 'It is not wise to upset her.'

'Tell me about it.' Remy nodded in agreement. 'Remember de last time I did de laundry and stuck my red shirt in with her whites? It wasn't pretty.' The other three X-Men chuckled at the memory.

'Ja.' Kurt grinned. 'I had no idea meine schwester could do that with a scarf. And a monkey wrench. And a rubber ducky.'

'Good think we had fliers, Gumbo.' Logan snickered. 'Or ya would've been stuck on that wall for a very long time.'

'Thank goodness Rogue let you keep your pants. It would have been very awkward otherwise.' Piotr shook his head.

'Laugh it up.' Remy grumbled. 'Remy's shoulder still hurts from it.'

One of the young women got up from the booth and headed over to Logan's stool.

'Omigod! Are you that guy?' The woman gushed. 'You are that guy, aren't you?'

'I can be any guy I want you to be, darlin'.' Logan said as he gave the woman his most charming smile.

'Omigod! Omigod! You are that guy!' The young woman babbled. 'I just loved you in that Australia movie! That scene in the desert when you took your shirt off? And your poured a bucket of water on yourself? Oh. My. God. I almost melted!'

'Huh?' A dumbstruck Logan blinked.

Kurt, Remy, and Piotr could barely conceal their amusement. The woman obviously had Logan confused with somebody else. The feral mutant shot a glare at his laughing friends.

'Aww, shaddup.'


The Xavier Institute for Higher Learning-

While the boys were out having beers, the girls were staying home at the X-Mansion. Kitty reached for a pitcher to pour herself another drink, but found out that it was empty much to her disappointment.

'Okay, who drank all the Margarita?'

'I think you drank it all, Pryde.' Rachel pointed out. 'The rest of us barely got a look in.'

'Did not!' Kitty retorted a little drunkenly. 'I hardly touched the stuff.'

'Please.' Rogue snorted. 'We know what you're like with alcohol.'

'You always were a bad liar, Kitten.' Ororo chuckled. 'I shall go and make some more.'

Storm picked up all the empty pitchers and headed to the kitchen to make some more drinks.

Kitty turned to regard Betsy, a lecherous grin on her face.

'So Bets, what's Deadpool like in bed?'

Betsy just rolled her eyes at her friend's question.

'Does a night in for drinks always have to involve that question?' The British telepath sighed. 'I'll tell you what I always tell you when you ask me that question: It isn't any of your business!'

'Geez. Defensive much?' Kitty tutted.

'Y'all have to forget Kitty.' Rogue smirked. 'Everybody knows she can't handle her drink.'

'Kind of ironic for somebody who used to work in a bar.' August smirked

'Aww, nuts to all of you.' Kitty muttered as she stood up to leave. Unfortunately, she lost her balance and fell forward.

'Kitty! Watch out for the table!' Rogue called out.

Luckily, Kitty was still sober enough to phase through the table.

'I think somebody has had enough to drink.' Betsy snickered. Kitty just mumbled drunkenly under the table.

'Yoda…? Dagobah System…?'


Harry's Hideaway-

Back at Harry's, the boys were still enjoying the fact that Logan's case of mistaken identity.

'Yeah, keep laughin' it up, alla ya.' Logan grumbled. 'I didn't come here to be made fun of.'

'Oh but Logan, you have to admit that it was funny.' Kurt chuckled. 'I have never seen anything funnier.'

'What about de time somebody t'ought dat Logan was de lead from Oklahoma!?' Remy asked.

'Da, that was funny.' Piotr nodded in agreement. 'People seem to be confusing you with somebody else a lot recently, tovarisch.'

Logan just glowered at his friends and drank his beer.

'I don't even know who the hell they're talking about.' The Canadian feral grunted.

'As fun as it is to make fun of Logan, I think it's time for us to make a move.' Kurt suggested. 'The girls will be getting worried.'

'What's the matter, elf?' Logan smirked. 'August don't want you out after curfew?'

'Far from it, mein freund.' Kurt responded. 'I merely want to leave before events deteriorate into a brawl. Our nights out always seem to end that way.'

'That's half of the fun of a night out.' Logan pointed out. 'It wouldn't be a real night out unless we got into a fight.'

'I have to agree with Kurt.' Piotr nodded. 'I believe we should be leaving, too.'

'I kinda expected as much from you, Petey.' Logan sighed. 'What about you, Cajun? You wanna stay for more?'

'I'm sorry, mon ami.' Remy apologised. 'I gotta get back to read Marie her bedtime story.'

'Aww, yer all whipped.' Logan muttered. 'Go on, run home alla ya.'

'Don' do anything I wouldn't do.' Remy said as he patted Logan on the shoulder. 'And by dat I mean don' get de police involved.'


The Xavier Institute-

Kurt and his companions walked in through the front door of the X-Mansion to see Rachel and August carrying a semi-conscious Kitty up the stairs.

'I see that somebody's had an eventful night, eh Katzchen?' Kurt chuckled.

'Hiya, fuzzy!' Kitty waved at her friend. 'I had the best night ever! We talked and drank margaritas and I started to get dizzy. I think somebody spiked my drink.'

'You really should not drink so much, Katya.' Piotr told her. 'It is not healthy. Plus, everybody knows that you cannot handle your drink.'

'Aww, you're so cute when you're all protective an' stuff.' Kitty giggled drunkenly. 'C'mon, gimmie a kiss.'

Kitty leant in to kiss the tall Russian mutant, but slipped and fell on top of him.

'Perhaps it would be better if I took you to bed myself.' Piotr sighed as he picked Kitty up in his arms. Kitty was now unconscious and snoring noisily.

'Something, something, Dark Side…' Kitty mumbled drunkenly. 'Something, something, complete...'

'So, what have you boys been up to?' August enquired. 'Nothing too racy I hope.'

'Nothing much, liebe.' Kurt smiled as he gave his lover a kiss. 'It was a pretty uneventful night to tell you the truth.'

'Apart from de moment when some filles t'ought dat Logan was dat guy from de Australia movie.' Remy reminded his friend.

'Heh. That's happening a lot recently.' Rachel chuckled.

TBC…


Next: Wolverine and the X-Men

The mutilated corpses of mutants have been found all over New York. Logan leads a team of X-Men to find out who is responsible. Unfortunately, most of the X-Men are unavailable. Who will he pick for his team? Tune in next time to find out. Also: Deadpool!