Yeah, so... :)


"Kiss me hard before you go."

Summertime Sadness, Queen Lana Del Rey


I was awake to the sound of waves hitting the shore and the soft pillow against my cheek. The scent of him was a clear warning, but the other side of the bed was left untouched. My eyes scanned around the room, making sure he was not here.

He wasn't.

Lifting my dizzy-head a little, I blinked while taking the view before me. Across the huge glass wall I knew too well. The sun was shining so bright today. And the sky was the bluest. It was surprisingly calming I almost wanted to forget everything. Just for a moment.

But the island held too many memories.

A constant reminder where and who was the person that brought me here at the first place. My lips curled up a little, thinking back about that day. Apart from our different background, we shared the very same stubbornness and temper. And as the new things developed, we both started to freak out and take decisions we thought the best. Ignoring our feelings because it felt so unfamiliar, unusual. Attaching to someone was something we weren't used to.

Fight of flight.

You knew what we chose.

But sometimes, if something were really meant to be, it would just show the way. And I was found myself crossing his path once again. In cold and hurtful way.

Was it a puppet master playing his strings?

Or fate was twisting its plot to see the rest of our story? The ending? Yeah, the ridiculous ending.

Problems were wicked back then, but somehow we made it. Forgive and forget. As easy as it sounded. We had moved on, planning the real future. Didn't realize all we created was an illusion. So the moment life slapped us, waking us up in the process, we were so taken back and unprepared. Leaving us with disbelief and despair.

I sat on the bed with my back against the headboard. Just watching. Although there wasn't much to watch from this room. Maybe it was just my lame excuse to enjoying this peaceful silence. Or taking a break from life for one second. Hopelessly thinking my current situation would be different.

It wasn't.

I sighed, tired and spent, then decided to get out of the bed before catching a full pack of cig sitting carelessly on the bedside table. Trust me, I was almost tempted to light it. I was making my way to the glass wall instead, capturing the amazing scenery closer. I could be standing here all day and drowning myself in nostalgic. An attempt to run from the bitter reality.

But, no. Not today.

I couldn't do it anymore.

No, we couldn't run forever.

Unconsciously, my arms wrapped themselves around my middle. And eyes followed suit by closing tight. Suppressing the fear and the tears, building up the fake bravado.

I sighed deeply. For numerous times already. Calming and convincing myself that I didn't have to worry. That I was about to make the right decision.

I opened my eyes, meeting the reflection on the glass wall.

She looked horrible, really.

Pale and emotionally exhausted. As if she was carrying the weight of the world on her shoulders.

That face seemed doubtful and unsure. Like she was contemplating her next step. Thinking back the big plan she had in mind.

So fucked up and pathetic.

The light in those eyes were gone. She looked lifeless, dead.

I pitied her so much.

My finger almost wanted to reach her face, cradle it, in hope to wipe away her sorrow. To give her strength. To convince her that even after this, everything would be fine.

Now she only looked weaker and more fragile.

I turned away, couldn't stand the image any longer. And without thinking, grabbing the familiar Beretta from the coffee table. Something that I had been eyeing since I woke up.

I checked if it was loaded.

It was. Just like I guessed.

Meaning he did it on purpose. Because we knew carelessness was just not his thing.

I left the room. Walking down the empty corridor and the stairs, down to the first floor. The sound of my steps ruined the deadly silence in the house. He probably could hear me coming. Hell, he was probably waiting for me.

I stopped right at the sitting room, staring straight ahead. Toward the blue sky and sea. The pool and the lounge chair and the man sitting calmly over there.

Maybe not.

Edward was anything but calm.

In one glance, I knew how restless he was right now. That man did the worst job masking it.

I watched him, taking all of him. His perfect face and pale skin. The line along his jaw. The permanent inks on his arms. How beautiful and unreal he was. If only, right? If only we could turn back time.

His hair now was messier than usual, as if he had raked over it for the past hour. And the strong wind just made it wilder. Like a flame. The tiredness was clear on his face and those dark circles under his eyes were signs of his lack of sleep.

All I could see in him was pain and struggle.

Then just like that, he abruptly turned to face me. The way our eyes met felt so much different. And the way he was looking at me…. It was almost like this would be the last time we saw each other. So I didn't glance away. I just couldn't. The feeling terrified me too. I wanted to memorize him as much as I could. Everything in him. All of it.

I didn't know what he was seeing in me, but whatever it was, it made him smile sadly. As if he knew what was on my mind. What I had decided.

That sliding glass door was opened. And it almost looked intentional, like an invitation. For me to come over there. To tell me he wasn't going to hide. To prove the choice was really on my hand.

So I walked across the room, stepping out the door and standing under the bright sun. Such an irony the weather didn't match our situation.

His eyes followed my movement. And I got him glancing toward his gun in my hand for nanoseconds. His expression was indifferent, though. Unsurprised. Looked like he almost expected it.

I kept walking, slowly. Closing the gap between us until I stood right in front of him. Those emeralds never left me. And I got mine stuck to his too.

"Hi." He greeted. An attempt to break the silence. It was simple, but the tone was heavy and forceful. My smile was quick and involuntary. Hiding the desperation, showing no emotions. But somehow I was aware he still could read me. He smiled too, but more sincere.

"It's alright." He told. As if it would dismiss all the doubt and inner debate in me. As if it would erase all of our memories in my mind by saying those words.

He only worsened our situation.

Because after he said that, I wanted to grab and shake his shoulders. To put some sense in his head, to make him realize that it wasn't.

If I had to, I would scream it to his face.

Because nothing was alright here. And he should stop deceiving himself.

Instead of doing what I had imagined in my head, I gulped all the words.

And all of a sudden, the pain chose to strike. It ached again, squeezing my lungs. The unbearable kind, the one that I remembered too well. My hand unconsciously went to rub my chest. Where the unseen wounds likely took place.

I blinked away the tears that had been threatening to spill since the very beginning. Just barely. But of course he caught it. Because he was watching me all the time.

He lifted his arm as an instinct. The look on my face had to tell him something because his arm was stopped midway, reaching the cold air instead.

"I'm sorry." Nothing but honesty in his voice. And it was only breaking me more. "You don't deserve this."

I didn't care. I didn't want to hear. I wanted to cry and cry. To let all the tears go.

He looked away for a second, to hide a tear that rolled on his cheek. Its trace didn't go unnoticed.

"That doesn't change anything." I spoke for the first time. It sounded ugly, bitter and depressed at the same time. I hated the fact that my voice was trembling and how the sobs started to appear out of nowhere. Even after I had tried so hard not to.

"I know." He replied, pained. His eyes told me everything. "But believe me, Bella. I will do anything to pay for those mistakes." He wasn't begging. He was quitting.

The tears had streamed down my face right now because I didn't have the care to hold them back anymore. "You want me to do it?" I asked, daring him to say yes.

"If it will lessen your pain." he paused, without a doubt, closing his eyes for a moment before looking at me with a new determination. Like he was ready. To letting all go. "Then, yes."

I hated him for this. For casually said it like these were his goodbye words. Like he knew this was the end.

"It's gonna hurt." I warned him, biting my lips to suppress my cry, using all the left strength to lift the gun and point it at him. He smiled, for real this time.

"It's okay."

"No, it's not." A new voice cut in, yelling from across the pool.


;)