Hi Guys
As a special treat we decided to give you the next chapter...Ok, I admit we're scared!...ouch...stop throwing stones at the evil little authors for the cliff hanger...owwie...we didn't mean it...alright, yeah we really did but we're sorry and hope this more than makes up for it.
Ahhhh, that's better! Hope you all enjoy and thank you to everyone who has faithfully stayed with us through this emotional rollercoaster. You have all been awesome and have really made us feel good about ourselves.
Oooh we should probably warn you that you may need those tissues again - Shelbylou
There was a collective shout of 'Tim NO!' from the ghostly trio of startled women. They stood frozen where they were and were unable to help their ailing friend as he pressed the muzzle of the gun to his temple. Tim's trembling hand continuously shifted on the handle; his fingers moving restlessly as his heart climbed steadily up into his throat, each beat seemed to throb wildly against the walls in which it climbed leaving. The sounds around him faded out and were replaced by the Throom throom of his own heartbeat playing a rift in his ears; It was getting louder and louder with every passing second when all of a sudden he felt completely drained of everything, energy, bones, willpower; all of it; gone; as if it had been blown away on a puff of air.
Without warning, the barrel of the gun shifted away from where rested against his head only to be replaced by the ghostly essence of one thoroughly pissed off Anthony DiNozzo, Jr. His anger was so potent that it nearly smothered the thick air in the room making everyone but an oblivious Tim, balking at the sheer rage that dripped of him. Tony shifted his form until he was directly in front of Tim's face; making it impossible for Tim to even think of pulling the trigger at that moment. Tony frowned at the faraway, glassy look Tim had and followed his gaze to the gun, which now rested loosely in Tim's left hand that had fallen limply to his side in the moment of Tony's surprise arrival.
Giving it everything he had, Tony used his energy to push the gun out of Tim's loose grip and cringed at the noise it made as it clattered to the floor; his experience told him it was never a good idea to drop firearms and he was grateful beyond measure that it didn't go off.
"Tim! Hey McGee! You with me? Come on Probie don't do this." Tony was frantically trying to get Tim's attention but it was to no avail as Tim swayed slightly where he stood and started to crumple as his knees gave out on him altogether. He was saved from tumbling onto the hard tile floor by two strong arms wrapping themselves around his body and holding on for dear life.
"I got ya, Son. I've got ya." Gibbs didn't let go; hugging Tim's listless form close to him in an effort to become the younger man's anchor and rock as he threatened to collapse completely.
Tony had watched the scene unfold; feeling a rush of relief at the sight of Ducky and Gibbs rushing into the bathroom. After hearing the initial commotion, they'd thankfully noticed the open patio door and had flown up the stairs to help; arriving just in time to see Tony stop Tim from doing the unthinkable. Gibbs now adjusted Tim's weight and waited for Ducky to sling Tim's other arm over his shoulder before taking Gibbs' lead and guiding him to the bedroom. Tony followed and waited until they had settled Tim onto the bed before he let loose of his anger, now that the gun was no longer an immediate threat to Tim's life.
""What the hell Probie? You promised me man; damn it Tim you promised! Just what the hell do you think you're doin' McGee? "
"Tony!" Gibbs' tone held an edge of warning as Ducky tried to pull Tim out of his own mind.
"No boss! What the hell..."
"Now's not the time DiNozzo."
"Hell, yeah it's the time, Boss. Look at him! He's a mess and we came this close," Tony held up his hand and pinched his thumb and forefinger close so there was only a centimetre gap showing "To losing him completely. He's not ready for this yet, Gibbs." Tony's statement tore through Gibbs' heart knowing that the role he had had in this probably spurred Tim into attempting suicide even more.
"I know, Tony. Trust me, I know." They were interrupted by a low moan from the bed and turned to see Tim blinking owlishly at Ducky.
Up until that moment, Tim's mind had slipped behind the fog. It had slowly started to dissipate at the sound of Tony's yelling, though he wanted nothing more than to slip right back into it. As the fog slowly rolled away, it left behind the stockpiled anger, hurt and complete disregard for his own life in its wake. That jumble of emotions was exacerbated by the fact that he had soon come to realize and feel exactly what the others thought about him. Each piece of their hatred stung like a physical blow leaving him feeling as though there was nothing left for him here; nothing worth living for.
With a strength he hadn't even realised he still had, Tim took himself up off the bed and without thought or realization that he was in fact no longer alone with his ghostly overseers; Tim let his own anger rise and didn't fight it when it flew right back at Tony, getting almost completely in his space:
"No! I didn't I told you I wouldn't wait that long! I told you no one would give a damn. And damn it; I told you to leave me alone; stop hurting me by coming back like this when you can't stay! Get the hell away from me, Tony!" Tony felt the words hit him and staggered backwards slightly.
"Hey! I just saved your life, man!" Tony replied the only way in which he could think too.
"I never asked you to save me! I told you to let me stop being anyone else's problem! I can't help it if you don't listen to me! But, why should I be surprised? No one EVER listened to me!"
"That's not true, Probie!" Tony was telling the truth. In all the years that he had known Tim and watched him grow, he had listened to him more than what his friend would ever know.
"The hell it isn't Tony! Don't you DARE say that to me! Get out!"
Tony instantly backed down. He knew he'd kicked his probie when he was down on this one; even if he had saved him from himself first. Obviously the 'more than his friend would ever know' was the problem.
As the ladies stood by crying through the altercation; Ducky stood with them, waiting to be of assistance or an ear to listen to whomever would need him when the dust had settled. He offered the group of women a sympathetic smile and slipped into the bathroom to collect the gun and remove the bullets. He pocketed each component and moved back into the bedroom feeling as though he was laden down with the weight of the weapon that nearly stole Timothy McGee away from them all. The silence in the room was painful as all eyes watched Tim crmple back down on the bed and curl into himself and start to rock gently.
The silence only lasted for a short while and was broken by the sound of the bed springs creaking as Tim stood back up and took himself to the window, effectively closing off the altercation and any further discussion. He had obviously withdrawn back behind that rolling, thick fog and seemed determined to stay there for as long as was necessary. Ducky doubted that Tim even knew they were there and walked to stand beside Gibbs who had remained by the end of the bed, out of the way of Tim's movements.
"Jethro..."
"Don't Duck. Let him be a minute."
"Of course. I'm worried though Jethro. The boy's not well at all."
"Physically or mentally Duck?" Ducky's words worried him, he had noticed the fine sheen of sweat that had formed on Tim's brow but had put it down to the exertion.
"Emotionally. He's given up completely and I don't know what to do to help him."
"I know Duck. Me neither."
Gibbs had watched both his boys go at it with each other with his own heart up in his throat. This was a side of Tim McGee that none of them had ever seen before and it was a scary sight to behold. Every raw emotion; anger, angst, pain, regret, surfaced into one blowout that resulted in Tim shrinking back into himself. He was a shell of the man he used to be and that served to do nothing but shred Gibbs' heart to pieces. Every word that Tim shouted was disheartening to listen to and it was proving to be absolutely terrifying to try to figure out how to get him back from this place that they'd pushed him into.
Gibbs was well aware Tim had been brought to this place as a direct result of everything that had gone wrong after doing his absolute best to save his partner's life in the warehouse. He also knew that Tim had to be more than pissed and completely understood that he was feeling like the world hated him and everyone he loved and respected had turned their backs on him...Damn kid must be scared out of his mind. Gibbs knew that Tim screaming at Tony and not even noticing Ducky or himself in the room watching from the sidelines was evidence of that.
Tim felt a warm hand rest in the small of his back and let himself be guided to the bed. The hand didn't register fully and he found himself being totally pliable to whatever was acting as the driving force behind the move. The dense fog still resided in his mind and the fact that he'd never been here before, with so much pushing down on him and burying him emotionally, meant that he had no clue how to handle it.
Silently, Gibbs started to walk out of the room, pausing briefly to glance at Ducky as he tended to a nearly catatonic Tim before looking at his four fallen friends and giving them a short nod so that they followed him out, leaving Ducky alone with his patient.
Ducky had just finished his initial examination and settled back in the so he could start his vigil. He decided the best course of action was to wait for Tim to decide when he was ready to talk rather than push his trouble friend even further. He was worried though; the exertion had taken its toll physically and left a mild fever in its wake. Ducky knew that the cause may be something as simple as exhaustion and upon examining Tim's wounds, he found them to be healing well.
"I have to say Timothy; I don't understand your actions. But I want you to know you are not alone, dear boy and I will be waiting for you when you are ready to talk." He sat back further and wiped away at lone tear as it threatened to roll down his face. "Just please don't leave it too long."
Gibbs had taken a detour to the kitchen and was relieved to find it fully stocked with coffee. It was instant, but at this point in time he didn't rightly care and doubted he would taste it anyway. He made himself a cup and walked back into the living room where the quartet of ghosts had settled into the chairs. Tony stood up to let him sit down and even though he knew Tony was dead, he was still surprised by the coldness of the cushions that he settled on. He glanced up at everyone and decided to jump right into the discussions.
"What happened?" was the first question that burned through Gibbs' mind.
"He saw you pull up and ran upstairs to grab the gun Jethro." Jenny explained with a solemn tone. Jenny had always liked Tim and, if anything, had grown to respect him even more when he stood up to her when it came to protecting his sister.
"Tony?" Gibbs had acknowledged Jenny's answer with a nod but pushed the discussion forward, needing all the answers.
"You saw what happened." Tony answered quietly; still thrown off kilter for having been driven to overstep with Tim.
"Talk to us, Tony. What's going on?" Kate pushed; not liking Tony's quietness. Experience told her that there was something seriously wrong if her DiNozzo was as quiet at this.
"Oh, you mean besides that fact that all of this is my fault and then I have the audacity to tell him that he's wrong when he says no one ever listens to him?" Tony asked sarcastically. The guilt that dripped off his words was biting and left Gibbs feeling the need to reel this in in-order to get all the answer.
"DiNozzo! Guilt later. Problem solving now." Gibbs put some command into his voice knowing it was now the only tool he had to rein in Tony's feelings of incrimination and guilt. He couldn't help but smile as Tony raised his hand defensively to his head. The realisation that Gibbs could no longer give him the obligatory head slap was a double edged sword. On one hand he was relieved and found the guts to argue back; on the other, it was the closest thing he'd had to a fathers discipline and he found himself mourning the loss.
"Yeah, That's real funny, coming from you, Gibbs! Maybe if you'd followed that advice a week ago, we wouldn't be in this mess!" Tony spat back vehemently.
"Tony. I. am. not. the. one. Who got myself killed and let my partner take the fall for it. You need to look in the mirror if you're looking for someone to pin the blame on." Gibbs said with more steel in his voice than a barrel full of guns.
"Yeah. Heapin' on the guilt's really helping things out here, Gibbs." Tony shot back dangerously. Even though he no longer had a heart, his soul and essence felt every bit of anger and remorse.
"What do you want from me, Tony? You wanted me here to talk to Tim; I'm here! You wanted me to realize it was your fault this happened without having to come right out and say it yourself; well you got that, too. What the hell else do you want from me? Blood?"
"I dunno." Tony said dejectedly as he got up and floated away from the group, needing some space to gather his thoughts. Tim, his best friend and brother had tried to kill himself. He had put a gun to his head and threatened to pull the trigger. How in the hell would that ever be right in the world. How in the hell will Tim ever recover?
Gibbs let him go feeling as though Tony had physically slugged him. He could deal with the arguments; at least they were getting somewhere. What he couldn't deal with was the sheer abject dejection that clouded his boy as he floated away from the group. He shook his head and turned back to the ladies knowing that there was still a lot that needed to be said.
"Anything else I should know before I go talk to Tim?"
"Only that he firmly believes that Tony was a son to you; a son that he took away from you. He really believes that you hate him, Gibbs." Kate answered tearfully.
He couldn't deny that, but what Tim hadn't realised was that, despite his anger towards Tim, he had felt as though both his boys had been taken away from him, not just one. Gibbs knew he had no one to blame for Tim not understanding just how much he meant to Gibbs, but himself. It was something he would do his damnedest to rectify, if it took every ounce of strength he possessed.
"I'll talk to him, Kate. Thank you for taking care of him."
"Taking care of him? Is that what you call it?" Tony demanded as he came back in the room.
"Tony!" Kate admonished as the impact of his words hit home.
"No, Kate! I come in just in the nick of time because the three of you were just standing there watching him! What? Were you just gonna watch him take his own life? You were supposed to be protecting him from himself!"
"Tony. I understand your anger. But, if you don't calm down and think about what you are saying then you are going to alienate the people who are there to support you. You're not helping your cause." Jenny warned. "Now, I admit, we shouldn't have been just standing there; but everything happened so fast, we were just in shock."
"Shock that almost cost him his life." Tony muttered as he sat back down mutinously glaring at the girls with a look that would have rivalled Gibbs'.
Gibbs sank back down into his chair and locked his eyes on Tony has he spoke to him.
"Tony. I know you're angry. But you know what? We all are right now. I think you all have done your jobs; you've made sure we found out what really happened and you made sure we found McGee before it was too late. Sounds to me like you all need a break. Ducky and I can handle it from here."
"Don't' be so sure, Gibbs." Paula offered quietly. "This is a side of Tim I don't even think you've ever seen."
"I know, Paula. But we can handle it. Go on." Gibbs sounded strong in his beliefs that they would be able to help Tim. His certainty didn't run deeper than the surface though and he felt himself panic internally at the prospect that he may never get his boy back.
As the ghostly pack shimmied out, Gibbs took a deep breath and headed up the stairs and paused at the door as he heard Tim and Ducky talking amongst themselves. It was a step in the right direction and he knew Tim had drawn himself out of that catatonic state he buried himself him. What twisted the knife in his gut, were the first words he heard.
"Ducky, I can't do this anymore. I just can't live with myself knowing what I have lost."
