A/N: This chapter was hard for me to write. I hope you all like this!

Special thanks Sophia0665, Westie80, Christiangirl, jenny crum, Splash's Writing Zone, Katia XD and red2013!

I don't own criminal minds!


Chapter 28: Breakdown

JJ had barely slept through the night. Her thoughts kept going back to Hotch and everything he had been through when he was younger. She hadn't been able to shake those feelings. She also couldn't stop thinking about the emotions she saw in his face when he told her about everything he went through with his family. She still couldn't believe it. She couldn't even imagine her own family to be like that. JJ might have lost her family but when they were around she was happy. They were happy and she lived a good childhood. Hotch on the other hand had experienced pain when he was so young. She had no idea what she could do about it. She couldn't talk to anyone because she wanted to keep his secret. The last thing she wanted was to betray his trust. There were too many people in his life who had betrayed and she wasn't going to be one them. Not by choice.

JJ was about to walk into the living room when the doorbell rang. She jumped slightly at the sound because she wasn't expecting anybody. She never had so many visitors when she lived with her parents and sister. It seemed like DC was the busiest place on earth. JJ opened the door to see Hotch standing on the other side. He always came by unannounced so she was always surprised to see him. Not that it was a bad surprise. ''Aaron?'' she said. She didn't even give him a greeting. ''Oh, sorry. Hey!'' she added quickly.

Hotch noticed the blush on her face and it made his heart melt. ''Hey, JJ.'' he said affectionately. ''I was hoping we could talk.''

JJ was immediately conscious about the way she was dressed. She was wearing a grey oversized shirt with black shorts. ''I wasn't expecting anyone.'' she said defensively when she noticed his devilish grin appear. ''Come in.''

''Thanks,'' he said softly as he passed her by. It was the second time he was inside her house and this time he could really check it out. The first time wasn't exactly under the right set of circumstances. Hotch wandered into the living room where he noticed a picture of JJ and three strange people. He knew it had to be her family. ''Your parents and sister?'' he asked pointing at the photo.

JJ followed him into the living, wondering what he was doing in her house. She had no idea what he wanted to talk about. She didn't exactly mind his presence but it still hurt to be near him after what he did to her. She wasn't going to forget it any time soon. ''Yeah, that's my family.'' she replied sadly, bringing her hands together and squeezing them firmly.

''You look really happy, JJ.'' he said, smiling widely as he took in the big smile JJ had in the picture. She looked amazingly happy there. And even Hotch had to admit that he had never seen her like that. ''I hope you can feel that way again one day.''

''Why are you here, Aaron?'' she asked to stop him from changing the subject. She wasn't in for a game. It was the last thing she wanted to do.

''I came by because I want to know if we can be friends.'' he explained. ''I need you to answer my question from yesterday. So, have I lost you?''

''Aaron…'' she whispered.

''Have I?''

''I can't be near you and not be with you.'' she admitted. ''It's too hard. So the answer is yes. You have lost me.'' she said as she started to choke up. It was the last thing she wanted to do but it was best for her. Probably for both of them.

''I didn't mean to hurt you, JJ. I thought it would be best for you and it all just backfired.''

''What else did you expect to happen, Aaron?'' she asked with anger in her voice. She dropped down in a chair and looked at him intently. His gaze was steady and filled with longing. ''Because you did hurt me. You hurt me really bad.''

''I'm really sorry.''

''It's not enough. It never will be.'' JJ said. ''I understand that you never wanted to hurt me in the first place. I get it.'' she went on. ''And I won't tell anyone what you told me yesterday. But I can't be with you, Aaron. I just can't. It's too hard. I am sorry.''

He was speechless. A part of him expected this to happen but every ounce inside of him wanted there to be different outcome. He wanted JJ in his life, but she didn't want him in his life.

''It's hard for me, Aaron. I…I…'' she stumbled as her eyes became watery. She rose from the chair and approached him slowly. She stopped inches away from him, their bodies almost touching. ''I just need some time away from you. Time away from the all the drama.'' she went on. ''I need to figure out my feelings because right now I don't know anything anymore. I am lost, Aaron. I've lost my way and I just don't trust myself around you.''

He cupped her face gently and leaned forward. He kissed the top of her head. He sighed deeply, knowing this could be the last time he ever touched her. ''It's okay.'' he whispered into her hair. He inhaled the perfect scent of her hair one more time before he pulled away. He had to live with only kissing her once. But he would never forget how her lips felt on his. The memory was in his mind forever. ''I love you, JJ!'' he whispered and this time he pulled completely away from her. He walked out of the house and left JJ in the living room, knowing he was doing what she wanted even though it made him crumble inside.

JJ leaned with her back to the wall and she dropped down to the floor in tears. She pulled her knees up and she started crying. Every emotion came out and she couldn't stop it. He loved her. She never ever thought those words could be so real but when Hotch said them she just believed it. His words always affected her. He wasn't like anyone she met before, but something inside of her was doubting everything she shared with him. Hotch was still a big mystery and she felt like she barely knew anything about him and that scared her. But a week ago she was willing to be with him and right now she questioning everything. Maybe her gut was telling her to be careful and move on with her life even though it could be the hardest thing she ever had to do in her life.