Helena thought Barbara would try to hide that they were having a relationship. She was known to be a woman free from scandals who dated men. Barbara was very well respected in the city for her work at the foundation and one of the most popular bachelorettes in the city. She knew Barbara didn't like all the attention around her, but she couldn't avoid it, the media loved her.

Contrary to her thoughts, Barbara seemed didn't mind, she always had a sweet word for her and was nice to her no matter if they were in public. She was the only person in the world who didn't blink when she was angry, she always knew how comfort her, what to tell her.

She loved to be with her.

The last few days had been incredible, everything had gone smoothly, easy. They worked together at nights and after some nice cuddling she usually returned home at Dark Horse like a damn teenager in love, dancing on the streets and singing, thinking life was wonderful.

But like everyone, Barbara couldn't be perfect, and sometimes she just screwed her.

Like that night.

"What happened to you?" the redhead asked looking astonished at Helena when she stepped inside Clock Tower.

The brunette glared to her. "You said jump and I jumped!" she waved her hands, stepping outside the elevator.

"Stop right there Miss Helena! You are covered in mud."

"Yes, I said 'jump' but you were supposed to land on a concrete floor." The redhead removed her glasses and put them on her desk at Delphi.

"Well, good news, the state is fixing the street, it's snowing and everything is covered in mud." Helena shook her hand and Alfred stopped her movement holding it and cleaning her fingers with a wet cloth.

"Hey! I'm not a child!" Helena protested and took the cloth from his hand.

"It doesn't look like it."

"It's not my fault! I didn't know there was a hole full of mud there."

"I'm sorry honey, I didn't know. The Google map picture must be old." Barbara said amused.

"Email them, they need new footage." Helena removed her boots.

Alfred put newspaper pages over the floor.

"Don't hurry me Alfred." She protested.

"I polished the floor this morning."

"Hey, I just survived an explosion and you are worried for your floor," the brunette said dramatically resting her hand on her chest "You should say you are happy to see me alive."

"I'm very glad to see you alive." Alfred said taking her boots and pointing at the paper over the floor "Now, put your dirty clothes here."

"Maybe you want to me to wash myself with the garden hose first to avoid ruining the bathroom, right."

"Good idea." Alfred smiled "I have one in the kitchen. Could you please wait for me outside?"

"You wouldn't dare." Helena growled.

"Alfred, don't bother her." Barbara smiled. Helena was not used to people showing affection to her or showing it to others. At first sight she could be a rude girl but she had sweet non-verbal actions, like cuddling next to her when they watched TV or holding her hand and caressing it with her thumb.

"He is mean to me." The young woman winced.

Helena looked cute with her bare feet over the old newspapers removing her coat. Alfred put a towel over the floor too. She stepped there and cleaned her feet.

"This is not the welcome a super hero expects." She mumbled.

"It's okay now." Alfred said "You can go."

The dark haired woman walked to Delphi where Barbara was working.

"Stop right there!" Barbara raised her hand. "Go and shower."

"Hey!"

"Helena, you are covered in mud. If this equipment is damaged it will be very expensive to clean."

"You are mean to me too!"

"Yes."

"What if I come closer?"

"Don't…" Barbara warned, "I'll kill you."

"You say we don't kill."

"I can make an exception this time."

Helena sighed and turned to the elevator.

Barbara amused observed her.

"Hel?" Barbara said.

"Yeah?"

"You have a great butt."

The brunette blushed glared at her, pointing at Alfred with her eyes.

"He knows you have a great butt, I already told him." Barbara rested her chin on her fist and winked at her.

Helena's incredulous face was priceless, but Barbara's view was cut off when the doors of the elevator closed. Barbara chuckled and put her glasses on again.

"You love to taunt her." Alfred said cleaning the floor in front of her with a mop.

"Oh, she is fun."

"I'm glad things between you two finally are going well."

"Yes," she said typing at her keyboard "I must work on her rejection of Batgirl, she really dislikes her."

"Have you talked to master Bruce about the change in the relationship between you and Miss Helena?" Alfred stopped cleaning and looked her.

She moved her chair back and removed her glasses.

"No, I don't think it's time yet." She took a pen between her fingers and played with it. "Helena still needs to work through many issues. She trusts me, but it is still hard for her to open up and let me see inside her."

"She is scared."

"Yes, afraid of being hurt…" she crossed her arms over the table and fixed her eyes on the butler "What happened Alfred? What happened those months I was in recovery?"

"Her world shattered. Her innocence was gone abruptly and she thought she was alone. That her father betrayed her mother by not killing her murderer, and that you abandoned her."

"Yeah," Barbara moved her head "she said she understands now why I couldn't be with her but… it's still hard sometimes."

"And how do you feel about this new change?" Alfred asked "You have always dated men."

"Well, I've known Helena forever… being with her has been easy. I thought I would have issues, but no. I like to be with her. I'm proud of being with her and I don't feel ashamed just because she is a woman. Everything has been perfect. We know each other, we don't have secrets from each other, we just are… ourselves. I feel happy Alfred. I'm really happy."

He walked to her "You are very well known as a conservative woman who cares about others and human rights. Are not you afraid it will damage your reputation?"

"I admit it will be difficult for some people close to me deal with, but I don't care."

"And if master Bruce objects? What if he asks you break this relationship?"

Barbara observed him in silence.

"I think it's just my and Helena's decision, not anyone else's."

He inhaled a deep breath and took his time before saying "I think you should talk with him."

"I don't want to rush things. I want see how things move first. If we can do this right. I don't want Helena to feel I'm pressing too much. She… she is a bit scared."

"Scared?" Alfred raised his brow.

"She is afraid of love, of being loved… I have been thinking too, that she is younger than me… Do you think this is wrong?"

"I think, as you, that the answer is in your hearts. But you must be prepared for what will come. You are a public person, and she is too…" he raised his eyebrow "Of course, she is more used to being involved in scandals than you."

The redhead chuckled.

"Are you going to make it public?" Alfred asked.

"I'm not interested in advertising it. I'll let people discover it by themselves." She put her glasses on again and focused her attention on the screen in front of her. "I'm just interested in Helena."

He nodded. "If you ask my opinion, I think that you are the pair that have suffered the most I have seen in my life, but I'm glad that you could find support in each other. You two used to be alone, and you have been looking for a real family all your life too. I hope you finally find it in your hearts."

She smiled. "Thanks Alfred."

"Now, if you excuse me, I need to prepare dinner. Miss Helena will be starving when she comes back."

"Yes." The redhead chuckled. Helena always was hungry.

After a pleasant dinner, Helena went to watch TV. Barbara kept working at Delphi, she still was trying to find who was behind Helena's kidnapping. She didn't feel safe knowing that someone could try it again. She yawned and stretched her arms. She had been working there for hours. It was almost eleven. She looked upstairs.

Helena was there.

She turned off the computer and walked upstairs, she wanted to share some time with her. When she went upstairs Helena was half asleep, curled up on the couch wearing an oversized shirt and pants, the TV was on with one of those weird movies Helena liked to watch.

She sat next to Helena's head and brushed her fingers through her hair. She had a really beautiful face.

"What are you watching?"

"Revenge of the green tomatoes." Helena stirred and lifted her head to rest it on the redhead's thigh.

"How can you watch these movies?"

"They are fun."

"Tired?" Barbara asked.

"A bit…" Helena mumbled half asleep.

The redhead smiled and scratched her scalp, the brunette immediately purred.

"Don't do that…" she mumbled.

"Why not?"

"I'll fall asleep and I need go back home."

"Why don't stay? It's late and the snow storm is heavy now."

"No, I don't want to disturb you." Helena yawned and hugged Barbara's waist "I can be at home in ten minutes."

"Running through the rooftops." Barbara lifted her eyebrow.

"Yeah."

"No, it's dangerous. It's snowing, you will slip and fall."

"I'm hard headed, you have said that." Helena mumbled with her head buried in her side.

Barbara chuckled. "Yes, but I don't want to be patching your head at midnight." She let her fingers play with the unruly black hair. "Stay? Please."

Helena took a deep breath and sighed. "I want the right side of the bed."

"Alright. Just don't kick." Barbara patted her arm "Come on, you are tired and need rest."

"Anything else miss Gordon?" her secretary asked.

"No it's fine." Barbara said moving back on her chair "Write those letters and give them back to me when you finish."

"Sure." The young woman walked towards the door and exited the office, closing the door behind her.

The redhead stared at the windows of her office, it was a cold day

, winter had arrived in New Gotham and it seemed it would be the coldest day of the year. She tried to focus on her work but she couldn't. She put her pen to the side and crossed her arms over the table.

Helena's reaction last night had been one of fear, she couldn't understand why. It was not the first time Helena had sex neither was it the first time she was with a woman. She knew she was popular with people of the same sex. She didn't like that thought of course, but it was a fact that having an intimate relationship was nothing new for Helena. What had happened there?

The bell at her desk buzzed.

"Yes?"

"Miss Gordon, Dr. Harleen Quinzel wants to see you."

"Dr. Harleen Quinzel?" Barbara took a few seconds before she remembered she was Helena's psychiatrist. "Let her come in."

The redhead stood up.

The door opened and a graceful, thin and small blonde walked in. She wore a red suit and high heels.

"Miss Barbara Gordon, I am Doctor Quinzel, Harleen Quinzel."

"I know, you're Helena's psychiatrist." The redhead extended her hand for a firm handshake. "Nice to meet you."

The blonde examined the redhead. She had looked beautiful from afar, but now having her up close, she was gorgeous. Her long red hair fell over her shoulders and she wore nice black pants with a white turtleneck sweater. She had been curious to see her worst enemy face to face and maybe have some fun playing.

"Helena has told me so much about you." Quinzel smiled "It's so nice to finally put a face to the name. I'm sorry that I didn't announce my visit before."

"Don't worry, come in Doctor." The redhead waved her hand at a chair in front of her desk "What can I do for you?"

"Well, I must admit, I don't usually make these types of visits," the blonde smiled sitting on the chair "but I think this time I need to make an exception."

"Alright." The redhead sat at her desk "How can I help you?"

"As you know I have been working close to Helena the last three months." The blonde removed her red gloves.

"Yes, I know. In fact you asked the court to extend her sessions with you."

"Well." Harleen crossed her leg and rested her hand over her thigh "it was not me, they made the decision after checking my reports. And it's for that reason that I'm here. I have a session with her today, so I thought it would be good to talk with you beforehand."
"I'm listening." Barbara crossed her hands over the desk.

"I'm worried about Helena and you seem to be the closest thing she has to a mother or sister figure."

Barbara chuckled and moved back in her chair taking a pencil between her fingers. "I'm not quite sure about those descriptions, Dr. Quinzel…"

"No? Oh, I'm sorry," she said resting a hand over her chest with her fingers extended "my apologies, then. I was merely making an assumption based on my conversations with Helena."

The redhead raised her left eyebrow and tapped the pen lightly on the desk. "She said I was like her mother or sister?"

"Not directly, but that was the conclusion I drew, based on her statements---" she held her knee with both hands "which of course I can not divulge due to doctor-patient confidentiality, you understand."

"Of course…."

"But I digress, Barbara." The blonde paused and rested her elbow on the arm of the chair and her chin on her fingers "May I call you Barbara?"

"Sure Doctor, no problem."
"Please, call me Harleen."

"All right Harleen."

"Great, as I told you I wanted to talk to you briefly about Helena as I am a bit worried about her well-being." Quinzel said with a concerned expression and keeping all her attention on the redhead's reaction and facial expression. "At our last session, she seemed quite disturbed and confused."

"Disturbed?" the redhead narrowed her eyes.

"Yes, she was making a lot of progress but suddenly, I'm not entirely sure what brought about the change, but she was clearly conflicted and refused to talk about you."

Barbara kept her eyes fixed on the blonde.

"Helena is not a person that likes to talk much about her private life." she stated.

"I know, but…" Quinzel lifted her index finger "At every other session I've had with her, she only talks about you with admiration. You are the person that rescued her from the darkness and solitude, but not this time, and that is exactly what worries me."

"Maybe she doesn't want to share more about her thoughts." The redhead said "It's common for her."

"Not in this case. Let me explain. Helena has a lot of anger and abandonment issues, but she has become more open… happy, I could say. But I have noticed in our last two sessions that she seemed to be a bit uncomfortable, like as if something bothered her. And suddenly, she changed, she looked trapped, as if caged."

"I don't understand, what do you mean caged?"

"She always talks about how she doesn't follow rules." Quinzel moved back on her chair "She is a free spirit. You know this… right?"

"I know, Helena is not a person that likes the concept of authority much."

"I'm worried that whatever has caused this current conflict will lead her down a path of more anger and, possibly violence. So I've come here to ask you if you know what could be bothering her. If some kind of event that could make a strong impact on Helena has happened, so strong that she refuses talk about you? Do you know of something like that?"

"When did you say Helena's reactions changed?"

"Tuesday..."
Barbara nodded her head, it was exactly two days after Helena had reacted disturbed when she had tried to be intimate with her.

"Could she have a problem at work?" Quinzel again took her hand to her chest as she spoke with fake interest.

"I don't think so." The redhead said.

"Something must have happened with a person close to her. I don't mean it's you…" Quinzel clarified her sentence "…but it must be something strong. You see, Helena has a great heart and she is a very grateful person. She would do things against her beliefs to please a person she thinks she owes, like you for example."

Barbara rested her chin on her hand listening, not showing any emotion. Quinzel lifted her eyebrow, reading her was more difficult than she thought.

"You must know," the blonde explained "Helena feels a great respect for you and a deep gratitude. She could do everything for you."

"Well, as you have seen, Helena is not easy. Helena would never do anything she doesn't want."

"Wrong."

Barbara narrowed her eyes. "Wrong?"

"Helena has a strong concept of gratitude, do you agree Barbara?"

"Yes."

"It's so strong that she will sacrifice herself to please someone that she thinks she owes, against her will and beliefs. "

"Against her beliefs?" the redhead shook her head smiling remembering some childish attitudes of the girl. She was so cute. "I don't think so. She has a strong personality and firm concepts about life, about what she is. She would never do anything she does not agree with."

"Helena will never refuse to do anything you ask of her. Am I wrong?" the blonde paused long enough to make the redhead think.

"Tell me something Barbara." Quinzel continued crossing her hands at chest level. "Helena likes salads?"

"Excuse me?" the question was a bit awkward.

"You know her tastes and preferences. Does she like salad?"

"She hates it."

"However," Quinzel explained "she told me a few weeks ago that you had asked her to go to a salad restaurant and she didn't complain."

"She asked for a sandwich."

"Yes, but she went to a place she doesn't like just because you asked."

Barbara looked at her in silence. She got her point.

Yes, Helena could argue, but when she asked her anything, Helena never refused. She would protest, but in the end, she always agreed.

"It's just an example, I mean she would do anything for you…." She fixed her eyes on her "even lie to make you happy."

The redhead kept staring at her in silence. Quinzel smiled lightly knowing she gotten to her.

"What do you think Barbara?"

Barbara lowered her eyes looking at the pencil between her hands. "I still think Helena would not do anything she doesn't want."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

"Absolutely sure?"

Barbara lifted her eyes to her. "Yes."

"So… what do you think is annoying Helena so much? What happened to her that she refuses to talk about you, as if something bothered her?"

"I think that the only person that could give you an answer to that question is Helena."

"Okay." Quinzel nodded and stood up. "I'll keep trying, I really want to help her. Now I must go, I don't want to distract you from all of your work."
"And I appreciate it Harleen." The redhead stood up too "I love Helena so much."

"And she loves you too, for all the support you gave her, for her it's like feel her mother close."

The former crime fighter smiled lightly.

"Please," Quinzel extended a card to her "anything you need, it will be a pleasure help."

"Thanks so much doctor."

"Goodbye Barbara." Quinzel smiled knowing she had made Barbara think about Helena's feelings, knowing now she would feel guilty and doubt Helena's feelings.

Barbara observed her leave. When the door closed, she broke the pencil she had in her hand with her fingers.

What truth was hidden behind the doctor's words?

She brushed her hair back and turned to look through the window. She loved Helena, she always had. She too was her family. Maybe she had pushed her into a corner. Helena never denied her anything.

What if Helena didn't love her?

Maybe Helena just looked at her as a friend or as a mother and she had taken her to a relationship that she didn't want.

That possibility was not so crazy. She was the one that had pushed and started it all.

She had kissed her the first time, and Helena had run away scared.

She stood up and rubbed her eyes with the heels of her hands.

What if she had pushed her too much?

The doctor had said she had seen Helena disconcerted, she had seen discomfort in her eyes and fear that night at her bedroom.

What if Helena had just agreed to date her because she couldn't refuse… Out of gratitude?

"Dammit." She mumbled pinching the bridge of her nose.

She hadn't stopped to think that. Could it be possible that she had been daydreaming of something impossible?

Helena was wild, impetuous, no one could tame her. It would be hard for some one to do it, she was not used to following rules.

She lowered her head resting her hands on her hips. She didn't want to force Helena to do something she didn't want.

What if Helena loved her, but was not in love with her?

She was screwed.

She needed to have a talk with Helena.

tbc