Chapter Twenty Nine:

She worked a double finding herself spiraling into the week with one homicide after another. She rolled with each one photographing the tragic ending of each life and collecting the last remnants of their lives in evidence bags. She did each one until they became a blur and she found herself fumbling through the reports trying to keep the details separate.

"They're all the same…. Senseless death after death…. Some innocent some not…but the same. Dead…. Meaningless deaths," she whispered.

"When was death ever meaningful?" Brass asked as he stood there watching her.

"People used to die for a purpose…fighting in a war…dying in order to save another…there are none anymore," she said.

"Been pulling a lot of overtime these days," he said. "Guess you'll be glad when the wedding is here and then you'll have a week off."

She said nothing.

He studied her.

She pulled herself up and grabbed her kit.

"Sara, what's wrong?"

"You too?" she asked.

"He's worried….sick. He blamed himself for not helping you when you…"

"You know he keeps looking for something…expecting me to fall apart any minute…watching over me…this is driving me…" she stopped.

There's a pain in my sawdust….

"What do you expect him to do?"

"I expect him to let me work through this…he's talking about leaving the lab."

"So."

"So? He put his life into the lab…he can't just walk away from his dream."

"Who said it was his dream? Did he tell you that? Besides, dreams change. By the way, who is more upset about him leaving the lab…you or him? I think it's you."

She bristled and then squared her shoulders, "I don't want him to give up something he'll regret."

"He's already done that Sara. He gave you up when he didn't go after you and it almost destroyed him. Let him choose and be happy for him."

"He shouldn't have to choose…he's going to pay for my weaknesses and he's going to hate me for it….maybe not now but years later."

"You really are afraid to take the plunge aren't you?"

"No I'm not!"

He doesn't really know me…

He thinks he does….

"Yes, you are."

"You're just trying to twist this around."

"You're trying to avoid the real problem here."

"No! I'm not."

"Yes, you are."

"No! I'm not!" She sat back feeling her lungs reject the gulp of air. She tried again and again. He was there now beside her as the fear flooded her face.

"Sara?"

She grabbed his wrist still trying to force the air into her lungs with little success.

"Inhaler?" he asked quickly.

She nodded, pointing to the Denali. He was rushing to the door while he called for the other CSI. He fumbled inside the glove compartment and found it. He rushed back handing it to her as she closed her eyes and forced herself to relax. She tried the inhaler and found a little release but then she found herself now on the ground as she felt the inhaler being inserted once more and then several puffs given.

The stark white walls came into view as she lay there in the examining room. She tried to rise but then felt arms holding her down. She let them as she felt her lungs tighten once more with the effort. She felt herself floating now as she was given an injection as she turned her head to see him standing there outside the door. One blink and he was now gone as well as the examining room and now she found herself in a private room.

She looked about and found him sitting beside the bed. She tried to pull the mask from her face but he clasped her hand into his.

"You gave Brass quite a scare," he said.

She looked about the room.

"I had them bring you here…closer to home…after you were breathing better. Sara, they've been running some tests…your lungs…" he stopped when she started to speak.

"Matthew is fine. Mrs. Donner is with him," he said.

She nodded slightly and relaxed.

Dr. Phillips came and reviewed her chart before sitting down on the edge of the bed.

"How long have you been having trouble breathing?" asked Dr. Phillips.

"A few weeks," she said.

Grissom jaw twitched but she ignored his anger.

"The inhaler isn't working, is it?" asked Dr. Phillips.

She shook her head.

He looked at her. "Sara, we did some x rays. The infection is back in your lungs…it shouldn't. There's a spot on your lower right lung….we want to do a biopsy," he said glancing at both of them.

She felt his hand tighten around hers.

"You think it's cancer," she said.

"We won't know until we can do the biopsy and send it off to the lab. Sara, you're unique. Your case has been unique since the beginning. You've had two near death drownings…There are not too many cases in which patients have survived…"

"Ingestion of sand…the sand that scarred my lungs…now it might…"she stopped.

"Wait…two?" asked Grissom.

Dr. Phillips looked at Grissom and then Sara.

"When I was a child," said Sara.

Grissom nodded. He had not been aware of the childhood incident.

"We want to do this immediately," he said.

She glanced at Grissom and then nodded.

"Good," he said. "I'll schedule it for in the morning."

He waited until Dr. Phillips left before pulling her hand up to his lips.

"It's going to be fine," she said.

He nodded but then he was pulling her tightly to him until he heard her gasping for air.

"Sorry," he said quietly.

"Gil, you need to go home. Be with Matthew," she said.

"No."

"You need to explain to him. You need to let him know it's going to be okay so he isn't frightened."

"He's my son. He's going to be scared. I'm scared, Sara."

His admission made her pull him close to her.

"It's just that damn desert sand. I'll be fine. Another flush of the lungs and another round of…"

She breathed in deeply forcing back the fear that engulfed her.

"I want you to promise me something," she said.

"Anything."

"I need to give you power of attorney…to act on my behalf in all matters, medical, legal, financial and...Matthew."

He began to panic now. "Sara, you said yourself…it's just sand…it's the long term effects of the sand..the scar tissue…"

"You did it for Brass…will you do it for me?" she asked. "Gil, I need you to do this for me…so I don't have to worry…"

He nodded.

"My attorney is in town…call him."

He started to pull out his phone but then stopped. "Shouldn't we wait…"

"No! Call him."

He came and he sat there talking with Sara as Grissom stepped outside the room trying to force air into his own lungs as he thought of what they might find in the next couple of hours or days or weeks and he slumped down in a chair in the hall.

He was deep in thought when he heard the attorney call his name.

"Mr. Grissom?"

"Yes."

"I can have the order ready in an hour…you'll be here?"

"Yes…I'm not leaving."

"Good. You'll both need to sign," he said as he left.

He breathed in deeply before returning to sit with her.

"Go home," she pleaded.

"I'm not leaving," he said.

"Promise me you'll leave right after we sign the order…Matthew needs you," she said now coughing.

"You need me more," he said.

"Gil, I'm in a hospital. I'll be fine," she said now trying to stifle the cough.

"You've had that cough ever since you worked that case in the desert," he said.

She nodded.

"You should have told me," he said quietly.

"You would have just worried," she said.

"I have a right to know," he said letting his hurt show.

"I'm sorry…I was just trying to wait it out…hoping it would get better…Gil…I'm having trouble…" she was gasping again.

He pushed the mask over her and she nodded when she began to feel better.

"No talking," he said now trying to hide his fear of losing her.

She nodded.

They watched as a nurse came with an injection. She pulled her arm away and refused to accept the shot.

"Sara, it's your medication. You need…"

"No! Not until the order is ready," she said. She persisted until he made the nurse leave.

"As soon as we sign it…"

She nodded immediately.

He returned within the hour with the order in hand and she signed it quickly. She then handed him the pen and he started to sign but stopped. He reached for his glasses intending to read it when she placed her hand on his arm.

"Trust me?" she asked.

He nodded and signed. He was handed a copy of it while the attorney handed another to the nurse retaining a copy for the court.

She stared at him as she felt the needle slip beneath her skin and then she slept. He quickly pulled open the papers and began to read. He was thankful for the seat that held his weight as he reeled from the order.

"I didn't want this," he said swiping at his eyes. "I didn't want this."

She was in and out of consciousness as he kept her vigil at her bedside. Brass and Nick arrived but he remained there refusing to give up his place.

"How is she?" they asked.

"They're going to do a biopsy in the morning. They're pumping her body with antibiotics trying to fight off the infection. She…." He stopped.

"She what?" asked Brass.

"She gave me power of attorney…to make decisions…in case it's…she gave me full custody of Matthew," he said.

Brass and Nick looked at one another.

"You know Sara. She's just trying to think about Matthew…making sure he's taken care of," said Brass.

"She once told me she would allow joint custody of Matthew but never full custody…she said it would be over her dead body," he said quietly.

Note from author:

The angst has returned but you have to admit, you did have a lot to hold you over in order to get you through the next couple of chapters and then some. Please continue to leave the reviews….remember it is a small thing that I ask of the readers. I am currently working on two stories…I usually don't do two at a time…not sure when they will be done…remember I don't post until the story is finished or close to being finished so I can post daily. I can say that I will be leaving next Friday and going to Boston for a week. My husband has a seminar there and the family is going with him. I've never seen Boston and am looking forward to the distraction for awhile. I hope tonight's episode is not disappointing…I have been dreading it but so far my inside sources have been correct. (Billy agreeing to do a partial contract for next year…now to bring Jorja back…perhaps on the very last episode of the season they will at least mention Grissom going to visit her…although she was supposed to be in the delivery room with Grissom by her side and then later they are supposed to let them exit together…I would hate to have to go out there and hurt a couple of writers! LOL Anyway, take care! Penny