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Chapter 29
I tried to read between the lines
I tried to look in your eyes
I want a simple explanation
For what I'm feeling inside
I gotta find a way out
Maybe there's a way out
Your voice was the soundtrack of my summer
Do you know you're unlike any other?
You'll always be my thunder, and I said
Your eyes are the brightest of all the colors
I don't wanna ever love another
You'll always be my thunder
So bring on the rain
And bring on the thunder
Today is a winding road
Tell me where to start and tell me something I don't know
Today I'm on my own
I can't move a muscle and I can't pick up the phone
I don't know
And now I'm itching for the tall grass
And longing for the breeze
I need to step outside
Just to see if I can breathe
I gotta find a way out
Maybe theres a way out
Thunder- Boys Like Girls
EPOV
At the end I didn't really need my mom to wish me luck. It went smoothly enough that I even thought about asking her out again. But... No, wait. The beginning first.
Okay, Edward. You can do this. You can do this. You can do this.
I kept repeating this as I walked up to the front door and I swear my heart stopped for a second when I knocked the door and someone yelled they'd open it in a second.
During those two minutes the second actually lasted, I thought about Bree and her brother and tried to think of how their dad would be like. I was done with intimidating, not approving fathers that hated my guts. However it was Bree's brother the one to open the door, trying to look down at me, except if he did, he'd be looking at my abdomen, which was totally gay.
"Just friends, huh?" He crossed his arms over his chest and I have to admit that if the kid hadn't been wearing a Superman shirt and well, wasn't a kid, it would have made me squirm.
"Well-" I was about to say something just to piss him off but he cut me off.
"You're older than her."
"Yeah..."
"I don't like you."
"'Kay..."
"I want her home at eleven."
I smirked, "Isn't that past your bedtime" His eyes narrowed and his face became red, he stammered for a bit and when he looked as if he had finally come up with something to say, Bree appeared behind him and told him to get lost.
She closed the door behind her and smiled up at me. "Hi,"
"Hey," I smiled down at her simply because it was impossible not to when she was looking so cute. Most girls would go for a seductive, yet no whorish attire for a date - I overheard a conversation once- but Bree was simply cute with this flannel plaid dress that made me want to wrap my arms around her, so I did, giving her a brief hug. "Come on, let's go."
The ride up to Port Angeles was spent with us playfully arguing over the lousy pop music she liked, I also asked her what was the deal with her brother and I learned that her parents had gotten a divorce just the year before and so he felt it was his duty to take care of her and their mom.
She got a little down over that and I, in an attempt to cheer her up a bit or just get her to relax again, I took hold of her hand and squeezed it. My heart started beating faster as I did that. And I was actually confused over this reaction to another person that wasn't Bella, and then by thinking of her my heart beat rate increased even more. Bree's hand was a bit littler than Bella's and my fingers felt awkward between hers. But then I cursed myself and ran my other hand through my hair as I realized what I was doing. I couldn't compare them. I mean, I already knew they were different, but I didn't want to determine which one was better because, even though it would stay in my head, it wasn't fair to either of them.
"Hey," Bree laughed, squeezing my hand. "Where did you just go?"
I chuckled, shaking my head, thinking of an excuse quickly. "Nah, nowhere. Just focused on the road. I don't like driving at night." I lied, but she bought it and again I had to suppress the thoughts of how Bella would have known I love driving at night.
When we reached the city, she said something about the movie we were going to watch and I pretended to listen as she animatedly talked about the production and blah, blah, blah of the movie. I really didn't care, or understand.
Once in the cinema, thank God she just wanted some candies because the sharing popcorn and shit was so lame but I was also afraid that if I bought one for myself it would give her the idea that I didn't want to share or whatever. I knew she would have thought that.
She was the kind of girl that read Nicholas Sparks and watched the movies of those books several times, always ending up crying. I like the about her though, she was all sweet and such a girlie girl, that all I wanted to do was to make her smile.
Bella, on the other hand, was more of a classic literature reader, defending women's right even though she was all soft and the swooning kind of girl on the inside. I mean, every time I had gotten her flowers she would have smiled all shyly and blushed and hid her face in my neck and...
Okay, you are doing it again, Cullen. Bree. Bree. Bree. Not Bella. Bree.
Throughout the first half of the movie, Bree kept laughing and I couldn't help but look at her while she did this. It wasn't because I just needed to see her smile or something like that. It was simply because it had been a while since someone had seemed as happy as she did around me. It led me to believe I wasn't completely broken. However, my shoulders were all tense because I felt as if someone was watching me but I just decided it was my usual uneasiness at having people behind me.
Bree kept pointing movie-ish things to me as she saw them on the screen as I kept fidgeting on my seat because it was so damn uncomfortable until I just lifted the armrest and held Bree closer to me, giving us more space as I leaned my back slightly on my armrest, we pretty much chatted for the rest of the movie. It was Friday night, teenagers chick-flick, so yeah, most of the attendants were teenagers with someone's tongue down their throat that didn't care if we talked or not.
The movie ended and I took hold of her hand again as we walked to my car. On the way back to Forks we talked about school, and she asked me about my plans for next year. I told her I still didn't know where to apply and she gasped. I mocked her for being such a nerd and having already contacted several universities when she still had a year or so before having to start worrying about that kind of stuff.
As we neared the town, I asked her if she wanted to eat something, when she said she wanted ice-cream I drove to the diner, which was the only place open t this hour. I held her hand again as we walked inside. It wasn't as awkward as it had been at first, but it still didn't feel the same. There was not this slight tingling in my fingertips I had always felt when I held Bella's hand. But then again, Bree wasn't Bella, and that was a good thing. I didn't think I had much of me left to go through another situation like that one. I was so over it.
Well, kind of.
I mean, I still loved her, those feelings were not going to simply disappear. I had fallen hard for her but at the same time I had grown to believe that when people said that love had to be cultivated, they were right. I was sure I could love Bella for the rest of my life if she'd only let me -and reciprocate- but right now, with everything going on between us, I swear I could feel myself falling a little bit more out of love with her with every passing day. A little, little bit compared to the intensity of my feelings but, it was still fading away nonetheless.
Or that's what I thought at least.
As soon as I saw her walk in I realized I was wrong. I would love her for the rest of my life whether she reciprocated or not but... the way she looked at me, it felt as if she did reciprocate. But maybe it was just wishful thinking from my part.
It wouldn't have been the first time.
Okay, now it was tense.
She was standing in front of me and I did want to kiss her, and I could tell she wanted to as well, but I didn't know why I wasn't just doing it.
Okay, I did know. Bella.
Mad at myself, I leaned over and rested a hand on the doorknob beside her as I tilted my head and pressed my lips to hers, after few seconds, she moved her hands to rest on either side of my neck. Her lips were soft and sweet and a little bit cold for all the ice-cream she had had and having been standing here for the last five minutes but they still felt good against mine. There were no fireworks or shit like that, not even with Bella had there been fireworks. Again. Lame. But there was this feeling that I was doing what I was supposed to be doing whereas the last few times Bella and I had kissed even though it had felt right, it also had felt wrong.
As if Bree could feel my mind was wandering, she wrapped her arms completely around my neck and pulled me closer at the same time I circled an arm around her waist as I deepened the kiss. Her mouth was warm and tasted like vanilla, which just happened to be my favorite ice-cream flavor, and I couldn't help the groan that escaped me when her body melted against mine and she sucked my lower lip into her mouth.
She pulled away and I honestly wanted to just follow after her movement and keep on kissing her. "Let's go out again." I said, my voice barely above a whisper. She shook her head and I frowned. "Why not? I thought you had a good time."
"Great time," She corrected me. "But no," I looked at her with a 'what the fuck?' expression and she sighed. "Edward, you've been thinking about your ex all night." I was about to lie in protest but she continued. "It's okay, Edward." She looked down. "So have I." Cue to my ego to go down to my feet.
"I still want to do this again, Bree." If I could forget Bella, I was sure I could make her forget about whoever her ex was. She wrapped her arms around me, giving me a brief hug before giving me a quick kiss and walking into her house.
I took that as a yes, and I couldn't stop smiling.
They were both looking at me expectantly while I kept reading something, well, more like skimming through something just to piss them off, I think it was a manual of something or whatever.
Emmett and Jasper decided they'd stop by because according to them we needed 'bonding time'. They just wanted to know about last night. After half an hour it got boring to piss them off so I decided I would make Jasper squirm a bit.
"So," I started and their eyes lighted up. I made a mental note to stop hanging out with girls that were trapped in men's bodies. "What happened with Brandon, Jasper?" His eyes grew as big as saucers and Emmett nodded approvingly. He knew why I had done that for.
"Um..." He looked down and scratched the back of his neck. "We are kinda dating." He said slurring the words together. I was a genius.
"No shit!" Emmett yelled before starting to laugh as a maniac. "Jasper Whitlock is dating?"
I nodded, agreeing. "The world must be ending." Emmett laughed harder and I joined in. Jasper glared at us until we calmed down and then Emmett gasped.
"Man, does she know about the bet?" Ooooh
"No. Why would I tell her?" He shrugged as if he didn't care, but the worry that crept into his eyes told another story.
Emmett looked like he was going to answer so I intervened. "So, do you wanna know about my date?" They both turned to me, Emmett nodding excitedly and Jasper smiling gratefully. "It was great. She's really cool." I admitted and they nodded, waiting for me to continue. "It was kind of weird though. I mean, I am used to going out with Bella. But... Whatever." I shrugged and Emmett, noticing I was not going to offer any more information willingly he spoke.
"Are you going out with her again?" "I think so." He then kept firing question after question before I remembered something. "Your girlfriend appeared where Bree and I were!"
"What? She was supposed to be out with Bella." He said, frowning.
"Yeah, they were together." I said, looking down to my shoes as I kicked the corner of the coffee table.
"She's no longer with Biers." Jasper said, as if that information was helpful and I briefly wondered how he knew before remembering his admission from before.
"I know." I said shrugging.
"And you are not going to try anything?"
"Nah," I ran a hand through my hair. "I'm done with her."
"You are still crazy about her, Dude." Jasper said and I nodded.
"I said I was done with her, not over her."
That was the entirety of our serious conversation.
We now were scattered all over my room with controllers in hand and eyes locked on the screen of my TV. I heard the garage door open and I tried not to flinch. Minutes later there was a knock on my door before Dad entered the room, not waiting for a reply.
"Boys, it's been a while since you've stopped by." He said to Emmett and Jasper who barely looked at him since they were losing against me. "So, how's it going?" He tried again. "Nervous about graduating soon?" And again. "Have you decided what are you going to study?"
"Nope." Both said at the same time and I looked at him pointedly.
See? I at least know what I want to do with my life.
Out of all the differences he and I have had -the drinking, the smoking, and the manwhoring- that was the one that remained.
The rest of the weekend I spent it doing some research. I really, really, really wanted to get over Bella and I knew that the only chance of that happening was Bree so I wanted it to work out.
And now my brain was filled with John Hughes movies and Taylor Swift lyrics (and videos). I would have been actually embarrassed of it, if it hadn't been Emmett's idea. His life was sadder than mine.
So here I am, Monday morning, walking through the school hallways looking for Bree. I found her in front of a locker I assumed was hers and stood behind her. "Hey," I whispered in her ear and she jumped, a book ending on the floor. I bent down to pick it up before leaning on the locker beside hers.
"You almost killed me, Edward." She glared jokingly and I smiled.
"Sorry." She kept sorting through her books, looking for something. "Hey, did anything interesting on the weekend?"
She smiled and shook her head. "No, pretty boring."
"Yeah? No hot date or something?" I asked, smirking.
"Well, I had a date, nothing memorable though." I glared at her and she chuckled before closing her locker and kissing my cheek. "Kidding." I tried to glare at her, but really, I couldn't stop smiling.
BPOV
I rolled my eyes as I heard my mom giggling out in the hallway, I would have been kind of nauseated if it hadn't been that this behavior was unusual for my parents, it was their anniversary after all but, God, why did it had to fall on a weekday? It would have been more bearable if they didn't have to come back in the middle of the night and wake me up. Okay, they were not waking me up but they didn't know that! It was late enough for them to at least think of me and the sleep I would be missing out on.
I sighed, removing my glasses to rub my eyes. It wasn't their fault that I had been so angry lately but, in all honesty, it wasn't my fault either. It wasn't my fault that it was that time of the year where everyone, and I do mean everyone, was suddenly in love and all that bullshit. The worse thing though was that Valentine's Day was two weeks from now, so I still had to survive to more weeks without killing anyone in the process. It was as if... I don't know, as if love was being thrown to my face just to remind me of what I had lost.
Before, I had never given it a lot of thought to the entire concept of Valentine's Day, because for the last two years, it had meant a nice dinner that Edward would have claimed he had prepared himself all the while I knew Esme had been in charge of. The year before we got together, Edward and I still spent the day together and before that, it just meant sitting in front of my TV, completely enamored with the lead male characters of classic romantic movies.
This year, though... this year. Well, I was going to spend it alone by choice actually, because one of the guys from the team had heard I was 'ready to mingle' and asked me out. He was nice and all but really, what was the point? It would end with him trying to kiss me and I probably crying myself to sleep.
Oh yes, that had become my nightly routine. Again.
But really, it was a case of pure masochism, I mean, I knew I was feeling down about everything and yet here I was, watching picture after picture in Edward's Facebook profile. I had removed my tag from all of them but Edward hadn't, in fact, I would have freaked out when I saw that he was listed as 'In a relationship' if I didn't know that he hadn't updated it after we broke up. I got to exactly 629 pictures of us when I found one picture from Emmett's birthday party three years ago that really caught my attention. I don't even know why. Edward was sitting on a chair, obviously having drunk a little more than he should have, with me standing in front of him. His forehead was resting on my abdomen and his arms were wrapped around my thighs so tightly that my knees were slightly bent, and I was looking down at him, my hands tangled with his hair.
"Bella!" I heard Edward's voice from behind me and turned around to look for him. I narrowed my eyes when I found him and turned back to my conversation. He wasn't drunk, but he was very well on his way, and he knew I hated that. I went back into the house and spent the next hour talking to Angela about me joining the Newspaper until a very pissed off Rosalie approached us, with a very wasted Emmett clinging to her.
"B, your man is not feeling well and is asking for you." She said curtly before dragging a giggling Emmett up the stairs. I huffed and excused myself to go check on Edward. I stopped by the kitchen first, and grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge before walking to the backyard. He was slumped over a chair, his chin falling down onto his chest. "Edward," He looked up and smiled at me.
"Baby!" He said, standing up only to lose his balance and end up with me holding him up.
"God, you're heavy." I grunted as I tried to find my footing to drag him back to the chair.
"Baby, Baby, Baby." He chanted against my neck. "My beautiful, beautiful Baby."
I managed to push him onto the chair and held the bottle for him. "Edward, Honey, drink this, please." He tried to, but he couldn't get the bottle to his mouth so I held his chin and placed the bottle against his lips.
"I was thirsty." He chuckled, before reaching for me and pulling me closer. "You're perfect." I didn't reacted when he tried to hug me and he pouted before resting his forehead on my abdomen. "Don't be mad."
"I am pissed off, Edward!" I hissed at him, he only tightened his hold on my legs.
"I know you are... But... Don't dump me, okay?" He nuzzled his head against my stomach. "Don't leave me." He repeated, and I sighed, moving my hands to his hair. "I need you so much, Baby. You are my entire world." He started sniffing and my eyes widened when I realized he was crying.
"Edward," I lifted his head and kissed his forehead. "You are my entire world, too. I am not going to leave you."
He went back to facing my shirt and mumbled against it. "Take care of me, Baby. I'm so drunk, please take care of me. I don't want to do something stupid again."
Back then, I thought I had misunderstood what he had said, but now I knew what he was asking for. He was asking me to keep him from cheating on me.
I sighed, pressing the 'x' on top of the browser and reached for my phone that was plugged to the charger on the bedside table.
Do you remember Emmett's party, three years ago? -B
It passed five minutes, and even though the message had the little D of delivered, he still hadn't read it and I cursed myself when I realized it was ten minutes past two in the morning and that he probably was sleeping but then the little R appeared and he was typing a response.
Barely, why? –E
Before I could complete my answer he had sent something else.
By the way, what are you doing up this late?
Couldn't sleep. –B
And you just thought about Em's party? Really, what's going on, Bella? –E
By that time, you and Tanya had already... you know... –B
It took him ten minutes to answer.
Bella... –E
Just answer, Edward. Please. –B
Once. –E
Oh, okay. –B
Another fifteen minutes passed, and I thought the conversation was over, but then, just as I was about to put the phone on the bedside table, it beeped.
Can I ask you something, Bella? –E
It's only fair. –B
Why were you at the diner that night? –E
My entire body froze and I took a deep breath before replying. I briefly thought about telling him the truth but then discarded the idea just as fast as it came.
Rosalie was hungry.-B
Can I ask you something else? You have to be extremely honest. –E
Yes? –B
Biers, did you love him? –E
I already told you I don't, Edward. –B
Yeah, I know you did but your reaction to you breaking up with him... It left me believing you might. –E
You are the only one I love. I typed it, and was about to sent it when I realized what I was doing
DELETE.
Goodnight Edward. –B
Come on Bella, don't be like this. –E
I don't love him. Goodnight. –B
Goodnight Bella, sleep well. Six months ago, I would have told you to dream with me but I wouldn't wish you to have a nightmare. –E
I read the last one the following morning, and before I left my bed to get dressed I typed quickly.
It would never be a nightmare. Have a good day, Edward. –B
It became a routine.
Every night at some point between eleven thirty and midnight he'd text me, and when he didn't I did. I wanted him to be the way I ended and started my days. We never talked at school, though. And it was honestly driving me crazy. Because I had come from not seeing him other than in lunch and English, to seeing him everywhere.
With her.
Bree.
And that was the topic I introduced one night, dying to know how serious he was about her.
So, you're dating her? –B
Let's not talk about her. –E
And that was it.
I had little to no information at all regarding the relationship status of Edward and Bree and it was about to cause me some sort of... freak out disorder. Edward would have been able to say it in much nicer terms. But then I saw them kissing. And I completely freaked out.
The Coach had send me to retrieve her notebook she had left on the bleachers, the field was already empty and I was whistling as I walked back until I noticed two people sitting on the bleachers. I realized it was Edward and assumed the girl he was talking to was HER, but then she lifted her head and he leaned over to kiss her, and I knew it was actually her. Not that it helped matters, to know for sure but...
And as if that wasn't enough, when I get online later that night I saw that Edward had finally changed his picture and his relationship status did not appear on his information any longer.
And of course the picture he switched mine with was with Bree. Of course.
It was an innocent enough picture, just the two of them smiling at the camera, but the way her hand was positioned on his chest screamed possessiveness.
And even later that night, he hadn't texted me and I was growing impatient but I was not going to be the one giving in tonight, I was pissed off. But then three minutes before midnight, my phone beeped and I almost fell down the bed as it startled me.
Hey B, what was the page for the English homework? –E
Crestfallen, I replied.
48 -B
Thanks. -E
And that was the conversation of the night.
"Alice!" I yelled when I spotted her in front of her locker. She closed it and started off down the hallway opposite from me. I didn't run. Ever. So I didn't, but I did fasten my step to try to get to her, all the while grumbling about how I shouldn't be the one doing this. When I finally reached her, it only took two seconds for her to start crying.
"I am so sorry, Bella!" She wailed as she wrapped her arms tightly around me.
I frowned, completely confused by her reaction but still tried to console her by patting her back. "Alice, why are you sorry?" She cried harder and I sighed, deciding on another approach to the situation. "Alice, really, it's okay. I'm not even that hurt over it or anything." I said truthfully, assuming this was about her brother.
"He was right!" She said suddenly, stepping away from me and rubbing her eyes with her hands, turning her entire face black, because of the mascara. "I didn't believe him! And he was right!"
"Who was right, Alice?" I touched her shoulder, trying to get her to focus. "What's going on?"
"Edward!" She yelled, throwing her arms into the air. "He told me Riley had done something bad!" Again her arms went flailing into the air, but I was too busy trying to catch up that I paid it no attention as she kept talking. "And I didn't believe-"
"Wait." I said, lifting a hand to stop her from talking. "What does Edward have to with this?"
She sniffed once before talking. "He knew, Bella." I felt my blood boil immediately and didn't really register what Alice said next. "He asked me to do something about it but... I didn't."
"Edward? As in Edward Cullen?" Alice nodded, dumbfounded. "He knew your fucking brother was cheating on me?" She nodded again, not without flinching first. I nodded and pulled out my phone.
Need to talk to you. Now! –B
That motherfucker.
Thanks for reading,
Ghs.
