My dear little broccolis💚💚💚
~ OMG! I can't believe that we are at 200 followers! This is just ... I don't know, unbelievable! THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ALL THE LOVE AND SUPPORT! And we're over 440 reviews. I really don't know how I could explain to me how much it means to me. I love having your feedbacks, and I love knowing that you like the story. I do write it for you, and I hope that it makes you happy that you have an update. THANK YOU for being here with me.
~ Anyway, hope you will like this chapter a lot. I loved writing it. next chapter might not be so ... on the same emotional level. Intense, but different.
~ And as for the updates I made so far, here they are. Go and check them out if you haven't. Or if you want. You do you. Haha.
— Road Tripping' x1 (chap 29)
— Loving Clary (final chapter(?) read the note there to know more about it)
— Behind The Curtains x1 (ENews 2)
Love, Mina💚💚💚
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Chapter 29: Under The Stars (4,4K)
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Alone I Break — KoRn
Azalea — Louis Armstrong, Duke Ellington
Back To Black — Amy Whinehouse
Bad Day — Daniel Powter
Because I'm Stupid — Kim Hyun Joong
Teach Me To Love — Lisa Middlehauve, Mono Inc.
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Clary's PoV.
"You broke up with Jace?" Kaelie cries, and I grimace at the tone she just used. It sounds like I just told her that I decided to become a serial killer, or something.
I am currently in the bed of the hotel room that Valentine rented, on my way to sleep, when Kaelie called to have news of the trial. I did have a long telephonic conversation with her four days ago, where I explained to her why I was suing Michael and Kaelie has been nice enough to not judge me in any way. She actually said that she thought I was a better human being than her when I told her about my conflicted feelings concerning Capital Punishment.
But anyway, Kaelie was literally outraged when I told her that Michael had pleaded this Lolita nonsense, and she said that if Jace was a good lawyer, he could actually turn this theory against Michael. She read the book, and apparently, Lolita doesn't appreciate the whole affair as much as it is lead to believe. And she said that it was creepy to use such a disturbing book as a defence when one was accused of what Michael is accused of.
I know that if she could, she would be here with me; but she said that she didn't find anyone to replace her last minute. She said that she might close the bar for the final day of the judgement, but I told her that she didn't have to. I know that she would be here if she could, and that's what matters.
So after talking about the trial and all that unpleasant stuff, Kaelie asked how I was doing with the whole Valentine thing, and how were things with Jace, and that's when I told her that Jace and I were no longer ... you know.
I bite the inside of my cheek, before letting her know: "Starkweather used our relationship as a proof that his Lolita theory is right."
"And so you broke up with Jace?"
"I … I don't know, Kaelie. I shouldn't be with Jace to begin with, and now, it comes biting me in the butt and threatening my case," I explain, but Kaelie doesn't seem to see things my way:
"If it weren't for your relationship with Jace, he wouldn't even be your lawyer to begin with. You'd have some other lawyer who would be far more cruel and make you talk about all those things you'd rather keep for yourself. Second … Clary, the guy is crazy about you."
I know that. Well, I don't know that, but I know that he loves me. At least, he said he did. But … I can't risk going through all that pain for nothing. And my relationship is not only hurting my case, it's also hurting the relationship Jace and Valentine had as coworkers.
"Don't you love Jace?" Kaelie asks, and I frown, once again startled by the question. Do I love Jace? Do I love Jace the same way he loves me? I don't know. Love is just too messed up. I mean, it is already messed up enough when it just comes as friendship, but when I have to think about it in a romantic point-of-view, it is just … confusing.
"I don't know, Kaelie."
"Well … You should try to figure it out. I know life hasn't been easy on you, but Jace is clearly in love with you; and it wouldn't be fair for you to string him along if you don't return his feelings," She tells me, making me bite my lip. So I was right to break up with Jace?
"Do you think that I love Jace?"
She hesitates, before letting me know: "I think you do. Because of the way you act when he's around, and the way you talk about him after you guys go on a date. But … This is my impression of you two, Clary. You shouldn't decide to get back together with a guy because of what I think of the two of you. You should listen to your heart, and your heart only. I know that your brain tells you one thing, but … you live your life better when you listen to your heart."
"But … I don't know what my heart is saying, Kaelie. All I can see is that everything is messy and confusing, and that it wouldn't be if I weren't with Jace," I let her know with a small voice, and she doesn't answer. I mean, what is there to answer to that, anyway?
For half a minute, we both stay silent, before she sighs a little and tells me: "I think you'll know at some point. Maybe right now is not the right time for you, giving everything you are going through at the moment. But … I think you will know at some point. I just hope it won't be too late in any case."
"So you're not mad at me because I broke up with Jace?"
"No. I personally think it's stupid because, well, even a blind man could tell that he loves you. But I understand why you did it. And I'll always be by your side, no matter what," She assures me, and this makes me fondly smile. Actually, this is the first time I am smiling since that whole mess started.
"I should go to sleep. Valentine said that the hearing would start in the morning tomorrow," I say, repressing a yawn, and Kaelie wishes me goodnight as well as good luck for the trial of tomorrow.
After hanging up, I turn on my side, switching off the light and though I can hear Lily and Valentine talking on the other side of the door, I fall asleep due to exhaustion. Who would have known that trials would be so tiring? I mean, Jace never seems that tired when we would meet after his work and he can have several hearings a day.
Still, no matter how tired and eager to sleep I am, I wake up in the middle of the night with a start because of a nightmare. For a second, I am at a loss of knowing where I am, and when I switch on the light, my heart beating faster than it ever did, I recognise the hotel room Valentine rented.
Slowly, I calm my heart rate, doing my best to repress my nightmare. I can't believe that this whole pressing charges is even more terrible than I thought it would be. I mean, I have to see his godawful face and hear his vicious lies during the day, and relive all the wrongs he did to me at night. I just wish this would all be over.
With my heart clenching a little, I lay back on my bed, not switching off the light, and wishing that Jace were here by my side. Jace is actually the one who brought light into my night terrors. When I would wake up screaming, or terrified, he would just switch on the light and wait for me to go back to sleep before switching it back off. And he would sooth me down by humming Road Trippin'.
I guess I got used to that little routine he gave us about my nightmares. Or maybe I want Jace to be by my side because Kaelie is right about me, after all.
If I am being honest to myself, I do miss Jace. I actually miss him terribly. I know it's stupid of me to say that because I see him every day, but it is not the same. I see the attorney Wayland. I don't see Jace. I don't see the Jace who smiles when he sees me, the Jace who calls me babe in my ear as he puts his hand on my smaller back, the Jace who manages to make me blush just by looking at me a certain way. I don't see the Jace who … makes me feel … I don't know. I don't see that Jace.
Does it mean I love Jace? Does it mean Kaelie is right and I was stupid to actually break up with Jace? Or does that mean that I was comfortable with Jace, and I miss that comfort? I don't know.
I take my phone, and check the time, repressing an annoyed sigh when I see that it is past midnight. I barely slept for an hour or so. With a swift glance, I check on my door, to see if I see light coming from the other side, but it all seem dark and quiet. Lily and Valentine are probably in Morpheus's arms.
I look back at my phone, contemplating the idea of calling or texting Jace, but honestly, this feels ridiculous. I mean, I can't tell him that we should break up, and the very same night text him as if nothing. This behaviour is clearly the behaviour of a stupid person. Or a crazy one.
I know deep down, that I don't want to break up with him. I know that I like being with Jace, but … what other choice do I have? Our relationship shouldn't even exist to begin with. I mean, he is eleven years older than me, and a lawyer, and from a nice family and background. We have nothing in common. I just messed up big time, thinking that I could be a grownup for a while. And I didn't even think of the consequences. I heard Lily and Valentine talk about it when I was under the shower. Jace could have been prosecuted if we actually went further than second base. And I never thought of that.
Still, I want Jace to know that I really appreciate what he is doing for me. I know he doesn't have to do it, I know that the case isn't in his jurisdiction area, like Valentine explained to me. And I know that both Valentine and he dropped work for while because of me. Valentine actually works on some cases on his laptop, since apparently he asked for someone to send them through email. And so it means that the same goes for Jace. And I actually heard Valentine explain to Lily a few days ago that Jace refused to be paid on my case, saying that he was taking it pro-bono.
I have to admit, I had to google that, because I never understood that term. Now, I know that Jace took my case free of charges. Meaning that he doesn't want to be paid, and that any charges that could come out of my trial would be on his account. And if I had a trial where I would have asked for money, it would be more than likely for him to let me have all the money I was asking for.
So out of nowhere, and despite the fact that I know that it's past midnight and that Jace is probably sleeping, I text him:
Thank you for all the efforts you put over my case. I know that you don't have to, and I really appreciate what you are doing for me. C
I hope that this text isn't going to appear as too cold. Are people even supposed to text when they are in the middle of a breakup? I should have asked Kaelie about the rules of breakups. But I don't have time to think of what I just did that there's an instant response.
Shouldn't you be sleeping? You have an early hearing tomorrow morning. J
So do you. You should be sleeping as well. You were supposed to read that in the morning. C
This is so embarrassing! I didn't expect Jace to answer right away! I just thought he would see it in the morning. Or maybe see it later on, when he would check his phone. Not now in the middle of the night. Now, it sounds like I think of Jace in the middle of the night. Well, I do; but he doesn't need to know that.
Did you have a nightmare? J
Geez! Am I that easy to read? Or is it the proof that Jace knows me all so well? I glance at the nightstand light, with a little smile before scowling at myself. I told Jace that we should break up, he doesn't need to be bothered by my nightly problems.
It's okay. Don't worry about it. I just wanted to say thank you. C
Though … I want him to kind of worry. But just about me. I want him to take him in his arms and hum me Road Trippin' back to sleep. Is it selfish of me to want that? Am I being crazy to want to be in the arms of the guy I just broke up with?
I look back at the screen of my phone, but Jace doesn't text me back anything. He probably went to sleep. Or maybe he got tired of me and my nightmares. I mean, I still manage to bother him when we don't even sleep together anymore (we're not even together anymore!).
I turn in my bed, pulling the sheet over my head as I keep my phone in my hand. Sleep escaped me, for some unknown reason, and so I decided to look for some cakes on my phone. I think I miss baking more than I miss Jace. Baking used to bring me inner peace, and to ease my mind that I would eat at some point, even if I didn't eat what I had made. I don't know, baking makes me feel good. And, even though Valentine rented a hotel room where we can cook in, we always eat out. I mean, I know I don't have to worry going to bed hungry, because Lily always makes sure to order a lot of food for me, but I still miss baking. Or at least cooking.
Suddenly, as I am looking at the picture of a five story cake being turned into the Disney castle, a message appears on my screen, leaving me frozen for a few seconds.
I'm at your hotel. In the parking lot. J
I can't believe what I'm reading. Did Jace drive all the way here just because I had a nightmare? In less than the blink of an eye, I jump in my trousers, not caring that I am still wearing an old shirt as PJ's without any bra, and I creep out of my hotel room, suddenly feeling like a rebellious teenager breaking the rules. Once I am out in the corridor, I rush outside the parking lot where I find Jace in his Jeep.
When I think that my heart was hammering with joy a few seconds ago at the idea of seeing him, now I am just frown on my feet, in front of his passenger door. I feel so guilty that he came all the way here, knowing that he needs to sleep and that I told him earlier today that we should end our relationship. I really feel bad.
"You shouldn't have come. I told you that it was okay," I tell him without moving, since the passenger window is rolled down; and Jace simply shakes his head as if nothing and leans to open the door as he replies:
"Hop on. I'll take your mind off of things for a few hours."
I hesitate a little, my fingers twitching nervously. I mean, despite not being fair to Jace, I left my phone in my room. And Valentine is going to freak out if he doesn't find me when he wakes up. And honestly, now I care about the fact that I am wearing an old shirt with holed jeans and old sneakers. I mean, even if we broke up, this is still Jace, and I like to be dressed nice when I'm with him. I know it's ridiculous since he already saw me in my PJ's, but still.
Jace apparently cocks his head to the side a little, before letting me know: "I'll get you back here for sunrise. And if we don't make it by then, I'll let you call Valentine from my phone."
Well, it's official, Jace is a mind reader! How did he know that I was concerned about Valentine freaking out? Or is it the way normal parents behave, and Jace was only projecting the way his own parents would have reacted if the situation had been reverted?
I nod and hop on, feeling Jace's gaze linger on the shirt I am wearing. It is actually one of his shirt that he left at my place, and that I quickly stole as my PJ. I remember how I just flashed on the shirt, probably because this would be the only geeky thing that Jace has (a Star Wars shirt); and how Jace always teased me because I would always sleep in this shirt. Now, I wonder if he minds that I am wearing it as in now. He probably wants it back. I mean, that's how it happens in movies. They make boxes of all the things of their ex so the ex can have them back. Maybe I should do one of those boxes and put in it the shirt that I am wearing, cleaned and ironed.
During the whole ride, neither Jace or I say a word, me simply looking through the window as I feel something that I never felt with Jace before. There is a deafening silent in the car, and it makes me feel awkward, which never happened before between us. I mean, we already had our moments of silence, and even sometimes our silent rides (that he planned on purpose so I would sleep), but I never felt awkward during those moments.
And so, forty-five minutes later, Jace pulls by a meadow of a sort, I get out of the car with relief, looking around to locate myself somehow. And I can't help but grin a little as I see where Jace pulled us off. It is really a meadow, with tress forming the edge of a forest further down, and nothing else. Literally nothing but the deserted road. Would the situation have been different, I would have definitely teased him about it, because this is the perfect place for him to kill me like any good serial killer. I mean the set is even more than perfect: we are alone, in the middle of nowhere.
"I used to stop here during my first night drives, when I was afraid to fall asleep behind the wheel," Jace explains as he gets out of the car himself before walking to his trunk as he continues: "I love looking at the stars. Well, I used to when I was taking the time to look at them. And when we picnicked under the stars and you mentioned in Disneyland how much you loved stars, I promised myself to bring you here one day."
I know I should say something, but all I can do is look up and be mesmerised my the infinity of stars I see. There are so many. I think we can actually see them even better than we did in Disneyland. It's barely aware of my movements that I hop on the hood of the car where Jace just put a blanket, my head still up, hypnotised by the numerous stars. The hood is warm beneath us, and I know it's impossible, but I feel like the stars are warming me as well.
"Clary?" Jace's voice echoes next to me, and I hmm in answer, still lost among the stars. I feel his hand slightly brushing mine as he says: "I'd like you to promise me something?"
Something in his tone finally tears my gaze away from the dark sky in its gown of lights and look at Jace with concern, waiting for him to go on: "Whatever happens tomorrow … Please, don't hate me."
"Why would I hate you?" I muse with shock. I mean, Jace sure made me feel a lot of things, but hatred is certainly not one of them!
Jace looks deep into my eyes with his tawny ones, and explains: "I know how you feel about your mother, Clary. I know how conflicted and confused you feel about her. And … tomorrow I will make her say things that you probably don't want to hear. Not in a Court, not in front of strangers, and not now. But I need her to say those things to win this case by the end of her testimony. If Starkweather is as smart as his reputation says, he will ask for the jury's deliberation himself."
You know what is crazy? The fact that Jace brought back the trial in the conversation, talking about the person I don't want to talk about because of how it makes me feel; and that the only thing I can focus on is the fact that Jace think that I could hate him.
"I don't hate you, Jace," I tell him, still stunned by his assumption that I could indeed hate him; and his jaw locks as he's refraining himself to say something back at this.
I'm not stupid, I know what he just wanted to say. It is clear on his face. I might be a little stupid, but I'm not that stupid. You don't hate me, but you don't love me, either. To be honest, I don't even know if this is true. Maybe I do love Jace, but … I don't think so. Mostly for the reasons I give him:
"I don't know love like you do, Jace. I barely know how it feels to receive it from someone, and even less how to give it to someone. Especially someone I care about like yourself."
Jace chuckles darkly and brings his hand to my face to replace a wild lock of my hair that escaped from my hairband as he says: "It's funny how you think you don't know love when everyone around you loves you. Kaelie loves you. Your old neighbour loves you. Valentine and Lily love you. My family loves you. Even your mother loves you, in her own way.
And I … I love you. I love you very much." His eyes are intensely looking straight into mine, and I can't help but blush. He already told me that he loved me, but I guess it is always nice to hear the words. "And even more when you blush like that," He adds without an drop of irony in his voice.
For a few minutes, we both stay silent, but this time, the silent is not awkward, even if I should have told him something. I mean, this is his second love declaration, and I keep on saying nothing. His hand is still on my face, his thumb mindlessly caressing my face, and so I close my eyes to think a little. But then, Jace asks in a whisper:
"Do you really want to break us? Deep down, Clary. If you only listen to your heart, and not your brain; do you want for us to stop?"
What is it with people and asking questions about the heart? I don't know what my heart wants. My heart is just too messy, right now. What does my heart want? Does it want Jace? Does it want to love Jace? Does it love Jace?
I think about it, though to be honest, I don't really have to. I know that I don't want to stay away from Jace. I don't need my heart to tell me so. I just know. Even if I should stay away from Jace, because of laws and such, I just don't want to.
And so I swiftly open back my eyes and get off the hood, leaving this intimate touch we were having. Then, I stand high on my two feet, right in front of Jace; and I see him looking at me with hurt. But before he could start analysing my gesture in the wrong way, I present him my right hand and say:
"Hi, I'm Clary Fray, seventeen year old baker with a complete damaged life behind her. My family is completely messed up, my social life is really strange, and my love life is a mess. See, I used to date this serial killer for the past few months, and he made those months the best times of my life. I just love being around him. It's not just because he is devilishly handsome, or that he has a smile to die for, or that he is illegally sweet with me. It's mostly because of how he makes me feel. He makes me feel safe. He makes me feel normal. He makes me feel like I'm a real person again. And to be honest, I am scared that he is starting to get weary of my attitude with him."
When I'm finished, I am a little out of breath, but I feel free. I feel like I've told Jace everything that I feel, and that I am sure of. He blinks twice, before smiling widely and taking my offered hand, shaking it as he presents himself:
"Hi, I am Jace Wayland, twenty-eight year old ADA with a completely average life and family. But I am still in the deepest shit. See, I fell in love with this girl who's only seventeen, and my boss's daughter, and my current client. But I can't find it in me to regret falling for her, and even less to break it off with her. Because I can honestly say that I've never fallen that hard for someone before."
With a little push on his tush, he slides on the hood of the car so our bodies can touch, and he rests his forehead on mine, a small smile lingering on his lips. "Plus, she makes killer banamuffins," He adds with a light tone, making me giggle a little. Banamuffins will be the end of Jace.
I look at him, suddenly feeling grateful that we had this little night out to set things clear. Kaelie was right, it was stupid of me to break up with Jace. And Mrs Herondale was right as well, fate does like me. And so I tell Jace:
"I am more than grateful to fate for putting me in your path. I am glad to have met you, Jace Wayland." And with those words, I close my eyes, and let his lips gently press against mine.
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💚Your thoughts and opinions are always welcomed💚
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~ So, I hope you liked this chapter. I did. Really cute. Really nice. Haha. I'd like to point out how important it is, because this is a very important stage in Clace. Clary made a move, conscious and thought of, while knowing Jace's feelings for her. So this is a big step for them. Keep that in mind.
~ Anyway, question times:
` 1. What did you think of the girl conversation between Clary and Kaelie?
` 2. And how do you feel about that cute Clace moment? Do you think Clary is in love with Jace?
` 3. What do you think will happen with Jocelyn's testimony?
` 4. What was your favourite part?
Anyway, Cassandra Clare owns the names of the characters from the Mortal Instruments franchise, everything else is mine.
Kiss💋 Kiss💋 Bang🔫 Bang🔫.
