Chapter Twenty Nine
I could feel myself screaming, running through the corridor, my throat tightening around my scream so all I could do was choke on my sobs. I pushed the door open, seeing the long cliff pathway leading up to the Citadel, protruding over the city. I ran to the edge and sunk down by the wall, the cold wind blowing over the mountains making me shiver and gooseflesh appear on my arms. I breathed in deeply; taking it lungful's of the cool air, trying to stop the deep burning within my lungs. It felt as though I had cut part of myself off without realising it, that I had lost some deep, meaningful part and I was to never have it back. I wanted to scream and yet all the breath in my body hurt.
My brother was dead. I would never see him again. He would never laugh or smile, never practice sword play with my brother, never roll his eyes at me when I joined in. It would not be three of us trying to reclaim our land and titles, meaningless things in the first place. He would never join the ranks of Gondor's army, never become a military hero, never marry, never have children. His life was cut short and he would never know I had lived, that I had remembered him, that I had waited to see him. Now it would never happen till I left for the Halls of my father's.
Dòmhnall sat beside me, not speaking a word, just wrapping his arms around me. He had brought his cloak with him and placed it around us as though we were children, holding onto one another out of fear.
"Where did he die?" I tried to calm my voice, but it shook when I spoke.
"On the battlefield, I don't know where or how…I wasn't there. I just heard Her singing and I knew what had happened and it was too late for me to do anything."
I sniffed and tried to wipe away my tears, "Have you found his body?"
He help me get up and then wrapped the cloak around me, "I'll take you to the Houses of Healing first and then search."
"I want to look."
"No sister, I have not done you many favours, but I will give you the one of not looking at a battlefield." His expression remained firm and unwavering, "No, don't ask that of me, Melusida. It's not something I can do in all good conscience."
I finally nodded, even though I did not wish to, "Yes, Dòmhnall."
He kissed my forehead, "I will tell you as soon as I have found him and brought him here."
We did not ask for permission to leave or wait to see what the others had to say about it, Dòmhnall just put his arm around me and led me down the steps. I glanced up at the Citadel, seeing Boromir standing on the steps looking towards us, Aragorn at his side speaking hurriedly to him and Gandalf framed in the doorway, he frowned and looked towards my brother and I.
"Come Melusida, I have no desire to speak to anyone here."
I followed Dòmhnall down the stairs, my heart still aching when I saw Boromir and his look of agony. It hurt to know I still did not wish to cause him pain, but he could so easily forget mine.
"I cannot forgive him, Melusida." Dòmhnall muttered, on seeing where my gaze lingered
"It is easier to forgive those who were wrong, than those who were right." I whisper.
"You are not seriously suggesting he was right with what he did?" Dòmhnall said.
"No, but right and wrong are concepts that are not so easily defined any more, little brother. I cannot truly say Melusine was good, nor can I say that about myself."
I felt embarrassed by being taken to the Houses of Healing, apart from feeling tired and aching there was nothing really wrong with me and I protested fiercely to Dòmhnall about that, but he insisted a healer see to me. As we came to the houses there were already men standing about or lying down in the courtyard, the ones standing looked so grim and lost I could not believe they would ever find hope or love again. They looked at us with cold, hungry eyes as though we had something they did not. Those lying on the ground either tossed and turned, moaning in agony or lay so very still and quiet that I feared it was already too late for them. Whether they were of Rohan or from Gondor, their armour and clothes were streaked with blood, ash and dirt; most of them, even those who were standing looked as if they were near death and not willing to fight it anymore.
A painful choking noise by my feet caught my attention and I saw a young man convulse in his makeshift bed, his hand reaching out and grabbing hold of my skirt.
"Please…please…send for my mother…please."
I felt tears filling my eyes and as I looked around no one seemed willing to help this man.
"Melusida!" Dòmhnall called over to me. I glanced up and then looked back down at the soldier. If this had been my brother he would want some show of heart, I could never be a cold lady, lifting up my skirts and turning my noise up. I knelt beside him and took his hand, his eyes barely even seeing me. Tears fell down his face.
"Mother…mother…"
I kept my own tears at bay, as I murmured a pray to him, "Divine Mother, whose Essence lies in all, Goddess is Thy name. Thy blessings come, my will be done, in accordance with Your Divine Plan. Give me this day, the wisdom to love and not hate, for the good of all, with harm to none. And bless me with compassion for those I do not understand, as well as those who do not understand me. Illuminate Thy path of Truth before me, and awaken me from my own illusions. For Thou art the Universe, Love and Spirit within. So be it, Blessed Be."
A firm hand seized my arm and lifted me to my feet, as the man's breathing seemed to deepen and the fears of his brow were lifted. I turn to see Cobryn, his expression was like so many of the others, grim and forbearing, but he pulled me away towards Dòmhnall.
"Forgive me, for what I said. You are still that girl I once knew and loved." I saw tears gather in his own eyes and despite the hardness of his armour and the coldness of his expression I wrapped my arms around his neck. Cobryn seemed taken aback at that moment, but he then relaxed and hugged me back. He gave me a small kiss to my cheek. Dòmhnall gently clasped us both on the shoulder.
"Come Melusida. Cobryn, when you are truly well, we shall leave this place, go back to Rivendell."
Cobryn nodded, "I will be glad of that, I have served Gondor well enough and I miss my home."
"Did you…did you see where my brother fell?"
Cobryn's face grew confused and then grief-stricken, "I…no…But if you did not see him fall, how do you know he is…?"
"Excuse me." I said and made my way to an archway, I kept my eyes fixed on the mountains, rather than the battlefield spread out before us. I did not want to believe he was dead, I wondered if there would ever be a time when I accepted it. Rivendell would not really be our home without Hamnet there. Suddenly a bright flash of light filled my mind and gripped onto the column, gasping at the air. I had not had a vision like this for many months. I stepped away from the arch, not desiring to pitch forward over the edge.
I heard someone calling my name, before the darkness overwhelmed me and I could feel myself falling to the hard ground.
I open my eyes and I am standing directly in front of the picture, the one in Rivendell. The light is cooler, greyer now, I shiver in the wind. It casts aside the curtains of all the pictures, not only is there Melusida in the lake and her flight from the city of Minas Tirith, but also Calaeriel in the forest, my father fighting against Lord Denethor, my family's banishment, my childhood with my brothers and the Elves, the fellowship, my seeings with the Lady Galadriel, my death and then me in Gondor; I hold my mirror in one hand and the other is stretched out as though warding off my enemies. The mirror holds my own reflection, though I do not have it held up to my face.
A soft rumbling begins, and at first I think it is thunder, but then the walls and floors begin to shake. A scream flies from my mouth and then the pictures begin to crack, fractures in the wall appearing like fork tongues of lightening. All the pictures are destroyed, the breaking of the walls splintering and severing the paintings, until the picture of Melusine is the last one left. The rumbling continues and I fear the picture will break, but it stops and it is the only one left without injury. I slowly touch the painting, the smooth wall cold under my fingertips. Someone steps up behind me and gently embraces me, a kiss landing on my neck, a murmured voice in my ear.
"Forgive me, I beg of you."
I wake up in a smaller bed from my old one, though the room is fairly similar, tall archways on the windows, the pale stone, thick hangings and drapes on the walls and bed. There is no desk in this room, only a chest for clothes and two chairs, one of which was occupied by my brother. I turn my head to Dòmhnall and he instantly comes to my side.
"Where's Boromir?" I ask, it surprises even me that I should ask for him and Dòmhnall visibly stiffens on hearing Boromir's name.
"He's outside." he says coldly, "He followed us to the houses, on the pretence of seeing his brother…"
I put my hand on Dòmhnall's chest, "Please don't say something like that, Boromir cares as much for his brother as you care for me and Hamnet."
Dòmhnall cleared his throat and ran his hand through his hair, "As soon as he saw you fall he brought you back up to the Citadel, he said there would not be enough room in the houses of healing."
"Quite rightly so." I said and my brother glared at me, "What Dòmhnall? I know what he did was wrong, but Gandalf and Pippen were involved too and Boromir knows that what Gandalf says is often of good sense."
"So you support them now?"
"No, of course I don't…"
There was a soft knock on the door, my brother gazed a while at me, before getting up and opening the door. He stood back and then walked to the window, turning his back as Boromir came into the room and knelt by my bed, he took hold of my right hand and gently kissed it. I softly touched his face.
"I'm still angry." I said.
He nodded, "As you have any right to be."
I sigh, "And I don't want to forgive you, but I like you too much not to want to."
He glanced up at me, "Do you think you will some day?"
I nodded, "Perhaps, if Gandalf explains his reasoning to me and I want to see Pippen again." I got up from the bed and Dòmhnall turned and walked towards me as though he would stop me from getting up.
"Another thing, unless I crack my head open or I am somewhere inconvenient, I do not want people to keep putting me in bed whenever I have a seeing. It's very annoying and confusing when I wake up."
Dòmhnall frowned, but nodded his consent and I put my shoes back on my feet.
"Sister, I think it best I do not attend when Gandalf reveals his thinking, I will not control my anger." Dòmhnall muttered. I gave him a hug.
"Go to the kitchens, have something to eat and then sleep. You look exhausted; you have no need to get angry on my account. We shall save our tears for our brother." I say and Dòmhnall bows his head, I feel his body shake with sobs and I hold him tighter to me. He may be a head taller than me, but he is still my little brother.
"I will have someone search for his body with you; he was a good man to Gondor and a better brother to you both." Boromir says gravely.
My brother's head jerks up and I expect him to argue with Boromir, but he bows his head and mumbles a quiet thank you.
"Why does not Cobryn search with you?" I suggest, "He knew Hamnet."
"I will find him again in the houses." Dòmhnall says, he goes to the door, but stops beside Boromir and clasps his shoulder, "Please keep my sister safe."
Boromir bows his head and places a closed fist next to his heart, "Upon my honour, I will."
Think I'm so close to finishing now, been saying that for ages, but I really am! Though I've been working so much on my other fanfics, I forgot to write any on this for ages. So I've only just finished chapter 29 today, I'm guessing 30-32 will probably be roughly where the story ends. Again big thanks to everyone reviewing, especially Certh, M&N and slienmachine.
