The shinobi narrowed his eyes in careful thought as he faced the difficult situation. Strategies raced through his mind as he systematically ran through each and every option open to him. None appealed.
His prey scrunched up his face and stuck his tongue out at him.
Ibiki fought the urge not to smile. Smiling would only encourage the boy, and that was the last thing he needed right now!
"You will take a bath." The ANBU torture division leader said with measured slowness, his voice stern but not his 'scary' tones reserved for enemy shinobi.
"NO!" Shunin wailed angrily and threw the remaining half of his open-faced peanut butter sandwich at his tormentor. "NO BAFF!"
Ibiki easily dodged the sticky missile, he was a top-notch jounin after all. But while he moved slightly to the side the kid made a dash to get around him. The scarred shinobi managed to get an arm around the boy, but the perfumed oil the kid had slicked himself down with was slippery as hell. Ibiki didn't want to think about what Kurenai would say when she found out her son had dumped an entire bottle all over himself. Suddenly, he lost his grip as the oil-slicked boy went right through his arms. Shunin squealed with delight as he squirted out of Ibiki's grasp and ran laughing down the hallway.
Scowling, Ibiki started after the boy only to feel his bare left foot squinch into something extremely sticky. His eye twitched uncontrollably as he looked down and picked up his foot. The remains of the open-faced peanut butter sandwich stuck to the bottom of his foot like glue. Sighing deeply, Ibiki picked at the sandwich pieces, trying to get it all off his foot. He wasn't worried too much about Shunin running around half-nude and covered in his mother's perfumed oils. It wasn't like the boy could go anywhere ….
The sound of the front door opening had Ibiki's eyes growing wide with horror. When had the kid learned how to do that? And why hadn't he been warned?
o.o.o.o.o
Shikamaru's life currently sucked eggs. Big rotten ones. Two of them, to be exact. One currently on each side of him.
"Oh Shika …." One voice made him cringe.
"….Maru, wait up!" The other voice made him want to throw up.
The two Suna fangirls flanked both sides of him as he slouched his way lazily down the street on his errand. He ignored both girls as they chatted at him. How had Sasuke put up with this all his life? Shikamaru sighed. He had a new respect for the Uchiha's stamina and willpower. It must have taken a lot of effort not to kill Ino and Sakura all those years ago. Even now, Shikamaru fought not to let his fists close up and knock these two twits into the next country.
This was all Shino's fault, Shikamaru fumed. He'd briefly wondered if either Ino or Temari had been the culprit, but it had turned out to be ridiculously easy to get information out of Suzue and Harumi. They were so eager to answer anything he asked. Which sucked. Still, he'd been able to garner the name of his betrayer.
But planning revenge against Aburame Shino was useless. First, it would be too troublesome. Second, what would be the point? Would it get rid of the fangirls? No. And even if he DID manage to get rid of Suna's least-wanted kunoichi, what would Shino do next to try and impress Temari? No, revenge wasn't in the cards. Not yet anyway. He needed another way. Besides, he knew Shino was suffering already. Hell, the whole village practically knew.
The bug-ninja had spent the last two weeks doing everything in his power to try and win her back. Temari was only ignoring him. Suddenly, Shikamaru smiled, making both fangirls coo thinking that they had said something to make him react like that. Hmmm ...that could work, right?
Shikamaru turned in at Kurenai's building with the missive from the Hokage's office as he considered his idea. It could work, he decided, it just needed some refining … and some help … and then …
The shadow-nin stopped and stared at the spectacle before them. Even the fangirls fell blessedly silent.
Shunin stopped and stared up at Shikamaru as well. The boy was nude except for a saggy diaper and he shone like the sun, glistening with something oily. His dark curls, full of oil and something brown and sticky, was sticking straight up in the hair.
Suzue sniffed the air. "Jasmine?" She asked, wrinkling her nose.
Harumi backed up a step, pinching her own nose shut. "Too much jasmine. Oil by the look of him."
Shikamaru nodded as he eyed Shunin carefully, then handseals flew as he stepped on the youngster's shadow.
Ibiki rounded the corner in a hurry and skidded to a stop. Shunin squealed and tried to take off, but was held fast by Shikamaru's shadow possession jutsu. The ANBU shinobi sighed and scooped the protesting boy up into his arms.
"You're not supposed to use jutsu on children like that." Ibiki said, then sighed. "Thank you though. Little monster doesn't want to take a bath."
"NO BAFF! NO BAFF!" Shrieked a squirmy Shunin as the boy tried to wiggle his way out of captivity. He almost got away, so slicked down with oil was he, but Ibiki was a determined man.
"Kurenai's not in?" Shikamaru was sure of the answer, otherwise Shunin wouldn't be running around loose like this.
"Lunch meeting with the other genin team leaders." Ibiki winced as one of Shunin's little toddler fists connected with his nose. There wasn't any pain, it was just that the boy was wearing too much scented oil and he stunk. Badly.
Shikamaru nodded his thanks and turned to leave, but something made him turn back around. He sighed as he saw Ibiki wince again as Shunin grabbed his head covering and started banging his little fists on the other man's skull.
"Ewwww!" Suzue and Harumi sneered, looking away from Ibiki's scars.
Shikamaru gritted his teeth. How could they call themselves chuunin and react like that to honorably attained scars? He had to get rid of the little twits, and damned soon! He sighed, looked at Ibiki. Pity moved him, that and experience with the tyke. "Pretend to cry." He said vaguely, and then turned to head out to find Kurenai.
Ibiki nodded, not really catching what Shikamaru said as he pulled Shunin's fingers out of his nose. "Don't do that!" He said sternly, and then he wondered if he'd over done it with the 'stern' voice as Shunin started wailing and kicking.
As several kicks connected to his ribs, he decided, the kid wasn't scared at all, just mad. Ibiki's eyes twitched again as he entered the apartment, making sure to lock the front door. Shunin slipped out of his grasp as Ibiki sighed and sniffed his fingers. Waaay too much oil on the kid. "Bath time." He said firmly.
"Noooooo!" The kid screeched and ran down the hallway to hide.
Ibiki sighed. "He sure has speed, I'll give him that." A crashing sound followed by a high pitched wail made him run after the boy. The evidence of a lamp on the floor led him to the correct room and he was finally able to corner the boy. But Shunin was giving him a mulish look that boded no good for Ibiki. How was he supposed to ….suddenly, he 'heard' Shikamaru's strange advice. Pretend to cry? Still, what could it hurt?
For lack of any better ideas, Ibiki took a seat and put his head in his hands and pretended to cry a bit. It didn't take ten seconds before a small hand patted his own hands and a strong smell of jasmine teased him. Ibiki peeked through his fingers to see Shunin put his head down on his thigh and try to comfort him. "It awright, it awright." The boy tried to comfort him.
Not wanting to lose this moment, Ibiki slowly raised his head. "I will get in so much trouble if you're not clean when your mother comes home." He whispered.
Shunin held up both hands. "Baff?"
Ibiki caught his breath and picked up the young boy, heading toward the bathroom. Damn, that Shikamaru was brilliant! Sure, as Asuma's student he'd been over here a lot and knew Shunin well, still …damn that Nara boy was smart to have figured this out! That or desperate. Ibiki grinned down at the boy as he deposited him into the bath water. "You're a little monster, aren't you?"
"Mon-ser!" Shunin giggled and splashed the bath water into Ibiki's face.
o.o.o.o.o
"But Shikamaaaru …" Harumi wheedled, twirling one finger in her long hair trying to look coy. "You have to stop for lunch sometime, surely the Hokage knows that. She won't mind."
He didn't feel like arguing the point that he was on an official errand. Especially since he wasn't, not really. He'd been hanging around the Hokage's office hoping for a mission, troublesome as that seemed. Shizune had taken pity on him and asked that he deliver a message to Kurenai. He'd accepted, anything to get away from …
"Oooo!" Suddenly Shikamaru was wrapped in a double set of arms, one girl blowing in his ear. He wasn't quite sure which one, because frankly it was too troublesome to care. They only did this when they spotted someone they knew and didn't like. Which apparently meant any kunoichi in the Leaf vilalge. Looking around, Shikamaru grunted a greeting to a smirking Anko. By her side, Sai just nodded quietly at him and said nothing.
"Little trouble, Nara?" Anko cooed mockingly as Harumi stuck out her tongue at the snake kunoichi. Anko snapped her teeth at the girl, who pulled back into Shikamaru's side. "They lack an appropriate sense of ...self preservation."
The shadow-nin's eye twitched in annoyance. Then he looked over at Sai. "You had this problem, how did you get rid of … it?"
Sai looked at the fangirls and nearly shuddered.
"How did you get away?" Shikamaru asked again.
Sai shrugged. "Anko took care of them."
"And then I took care of him." Anko smirked lasciviously as she winked. "And I still am."
At that, Sai looked over at Anko and then over at Shikamaru who still had two fangirls attached like limpets to his sides. Sai looked back at Anko who licked her lips at him. Sai turned back to Shikamaru. "Find a different solution, you can't have mine."
Anko cackled as Sai ushered her away from Shikamaru as fast as he could.
The shadow-nin sighed and shook his head. "As if I wanted your solution. She's scarier than these two." He muttered under his breath.
"What was that Shika-kun?"
He winced and kept walking, unfortunately they followed. They ALWAYS followed. Shikamaru slouched a bit more as he ignored their inane ramblings.
o.o.o.o.o
Kiba pushed his food around, his appetite non-existent. Shino hadn't even bothered to order any food. Ayame stood there scowling at the two of them.
"Is the food not good enough?" She asked, affronted. "And you, taking up counter space!"
"No, no, it's perfect!" Kiba tried to reassure her. "It's ...well, my teammate here is miserable over a girl and ...it's …it's just that I had a different date in mind for this afternoon."
Shino sighed and said nothing.
Ayame pursed her lips and nodded, then sighed. "Me too, but the other girl couldn't come in because she's sick with that fever that's been going around. I'm supposed to meet up with Naruto, but it looks like I'm stuck. I guess I'll just have to send a message to cancel."
Shino looked away without response.
Kiba clucked his tongue chidingly at his teammate then ignored him as he looked over at Shikamaru. "You look miserable too, go sit by Shino and you'll be a matching pair."
"He does not! Take that back! How can a creep like you even say such a thing!" Harumi scolded the dog-nin as Suzue sniffed the air as if smelling something rotten.
Everyone ignored them.
Shikamaru shrugged lazily and turned a gimlet eye on Shino in accusation. The bug-nin finally looked up and grunted. "This is all your fault, trying to impress Temari." Shikamaru said baldly.
"That blonde cow!" Suzue shrieked, balling up her fist. "Always looking down on us and making remarks about us to our sweet Gaara!"
Harumi smiled evilly. "Gaara? See, your love for Shika-kun is soooo shallow. Why don't you sneak out to Suna and leave me with my beloved?" She petted Shikamaru's shoulder and he fought the urge not to hurt her.
Suzue stiffened. "That's not what I meant, stupid nag! But you're the one who is shallow if you're already over your 'deep and impassioned love' for our Kazekage! But he has made himself clear and now I find myself drawn to Shikamaru like a magnet to a lodestone. That doesn't mean I've lost my ...respect ...for Gaara. Like you seem to have done."
Kiba rolled his eyes as Ayame turned away so the other girls wouldn't see her smile. The two girls kept bickering back and forth, back and forth.
Shikamaru sighed. "You know, on a cold day like this, it makes me think of hot chocolate." He mused aloud to no one in particular.
Twin gasps were followed by both girls making a mad dash for the nearest café.
"I'll get it!"
"No! It will be me who brings my beloved a rich chocolate drink!"
Kiba grinned and shook his head as he watched the two girls disappear. "How much time will that give you?"
"Not enough." Muttered Shikamaru as he turned toward Shino. "And now I have to drink two damned cups of that crap."
The bug-nin didn't blush as he too stared at Shikamaru. "I won't apologize. You hurt Temari and Ino a lot with what you did, dating them both like that. Lying to them."
The shadow-nin shrugged. "Not looking for an apology, I just want to know if you're done. Or will I need to keep looking over my shoulder?"
Shino shrugged. "Depends. I've tried for nearly a whole month now, ever since the Winter Festival and the only time she even spoke to me was when I sicced the fangirls on you. Unfortunately, getting back at you looks like my only viable option. Right now though, I can't even get her alone in order to talk."
Shikamaru nodded and looked off at the distant horizon. No one spoke for a few moments, each lost in their own dour thoughts. Finally the shadow-nin turned back toward them, waving to indicated he was speaking to both shinobi. "A favor for a favor?"
Kiba and Shino both stiffened, then shrugged at each other. "What kind of favor?" Kiba spoke first.
"I get Temari in a room alone with you, you take care of the rest." Shikamaru offered. "In exchange for your help ditching the Suna duo."
Shino thought it over carefully, then shook his head negatively. "No. That's only one favor. There are two fangirls, so there should be two favors. You have to do TWO things for me."
Shikamaru sighed. "What's the second favor you want?"
Shino held up one finger. "Get me alone with Temari where we can talk." He held up the second finger. "Help Ino out, she's miserable right now."
Kiba nearly dropped his jaw as he stared at his teammate. "Ino? Sure, hey …I'd like to see her snap out of it, but what's she to you?"
"Fellow ninja." Shino shrugged. "But if Ino gets happier, then Sakura won't be plastered to her side anymore. Then you can get your girlfriend back. I doesn't matter what you do, but if you can cheer up Yamanaka, you've got a deal."
Kiba grinned and slapped Shino on the back, which the bug-nin didn't really appreciate, but he did tolerate it. "I like the way you think."
"SHIKAMARU!" Two girlish voices yelled from down the street.
They all turned and stared at the two girls carefully bringing back huge cups of a steaming liquid.
"I won't tell those two what you're up to if you'll do something for me." A soft voice interjected from behind them.
Shocked, all three shinobi turned toward a suddenly blushing Ayame who held up her hands defensively. "Hey, you were the ones talking openly around me."
Shikamaru snorted and shook his head at his own slip, talking in front of Ayame could prove to be a troublesome mistake. "Why didn't you attend the Academy? That was actually a nice move. So? What do you want from me?"
Ayame looked away as she wiped down the countertop. "I just …if you'll just find Naruto and tell him that I'm stuck here at the ramen shop for a while. I don't want him to think that he's been stood up and I haven't had time to find a messenger."
"Is that all?" Kiba reached down and picked up his bowl, slurping down the last of his lunch. "I'll take care of that one for you. Shikamaru, you concentrate on Ino and Sakura and I'll find Naruto for Ayame. I've got the best nose for it anyway."
The sound of giggling came closer, as did the sound of two girls arguing whose cup Shikamaru would drink from first.
Shino actually fought not to smile. "How long do you think this will take?"
"When was the last time Temari saw you, physically saw you?" Shikamaru hurried, before the fangirls could get to him.
"Two days. My father needed me and I couldn't get away. I sent her a message, it was returned unopened."
"Perfect." Shikamaru nodded. "Any recent injuries that you've had? Ones that Temari already knows about?"
Suspiciously, Shino eyed the shadow-nin, then shrugged. "Small cut two months ago, in a swamp. It got infected. I've been fine though. It healed."
"Perfect." Shikamaru stated coolly. "Go home. Temari will visit you by the end of the day today. Don't let anyone see you in the village. You haven't run into any of Temari's friends today though, have you?"
"No." Shino sat up straight, as if weighing the dependability of the other shinobi. "When do you want me to think of a way to get rid of your ….excess baggage?" He finished just as Suzue and Harumi arrived, nudging each other while trying to spill the contents of the other girl's cup while keeping her own intact.
Shikamaru sighed and took both cups, turning his back to the girls. "Thanks." He mumbled, sending the two fangirls into squeals of happiness. His gaze bore into Shino's eyes despite the darkened glasses. "You don't have to think of a thing. I already have a plan, I just need assistance."
"I'll help you with whatever you need, Shika-kun!" Both girls giggled in harmony, having no clue they were volunteering to help get rid of themselves.
"Good." Shikamaru smiled ruefully. "This couldn't happen without you two." He said, trying to hide the deep sarcasm in his voice.
o.o.o.o.o
Kiba found Naruto easily, it wasn't like the blond shinobi was trying to hide. "Yo! Ayame says she's stuck at the ramen stand a while and doesn't want you to think she's trying to stand you up."
"Whoa!" Naruto whistled, grinning wildly. "I wouldn't think that of her. She's too nice to do that. But thanks for the message." Then his grin faded. "Oh, I guess that means no date this afternoon."
"Hey, you can always go to the ramen stand and keep her company." Kiba winked. "You might even get lunch out of it. Though, come to think of it, I don't see you over there as often as I used to."
Naruto shrugged and his grin grew wide again. "Good idea! Actually, it'll be fun! I haven't had as much ramen as I'd like lately. Ayame works there with her father. She likes to get away from the stand and go other places."
Kiba shook his head wryly. "You mean you actually give up eating your favorite food at your favorite restaurant …for a girl?? Boy, you must have it bad for her!"
"Uh, yeah! Wanna make something of that?" Naruto said rather defensively.
"Hey, not me!" Kiba groaned, holding up his hands to show he meant no harm. "At least you have a girl to keep you company right now. Mine's always over at Ino's. It's almost as if she's forgotten about me."
"Oops! Sorry about that." Naruto said, rocking back on his heels a bit as he suddenly turned a bit red and made waving motions.
Kiba stared at Naruto's odd behavior, then winced. He looked down at his dog. "Akamaru? Why didn't you warn me?" The nin-dog slouched down and whimpered. Why should he warn Kiba about her? Kiba liked her!
Sakura cleared her throat from behind him. Kiba plastered a smile on his face before turning. "Sakura!"
"Don't you 'Sakura' me!" The pink kunoichi scowled, but couldn't hold the ill temper. Her frown faded into a look of chagrin. "Am I really that bad?"
Kiba groaned as Naruto waved goodbye to both of them, then he reached out and caught her by the hand. "He's off to see his girlfriend."
Sakura looked down at their joined hands. "And you're not, is that it?"
"Oi, Sakura! Stop!" Kiba growled without menace. "I don't mean anything by it. I know Ino needs you right now, it's just …it's just that I miss you and need you around too."
The pink-haired kunoichi blushed and gripped his hand a bit more firmly. "I don't mean to slight you, Kiba. It's just …Ino has been my …well, friend and rival I suppose …for a very long time."
Kiba pulled her into his arm and held her close. "I know, and I'm a selfish jerk."
Sakura smiled up at him. "I like you as a selfish jerk. That means you want me around."
The dog-nin leaned down and kissed her forehead, mindful that they were in public. "So, can I walk you to Ino's?"
Sakura shook her head. "I just left her at the hospital. She's volunteered to take an extra shift." She frowned worriedly. "Ino's working too hard. I think she just wants to take her mind off of everything."
"No letters since that first one from Gaara?" Kiba asked, letting her go to hold her hand.
She shook her head. "No. And she won't let me read it."
"You did sneak a look anyway, what with being over at her house all the time, right?"
Sakura slapped Kiba's shoulder playfully. "You know me too well dog-boy." She admitted. "But there was only a list of plants on it. I don't get it."
"I thought she was going to write him back." Kiba asked.
The pink-haired girl shrugged. "She says she's going to, but ….every time I bring it up she just changes the subject."
"Speaking of changing the subject." Kiba teased. "What are you doing this afternoon?"
"Well…." She smiled coquettishly at him. "I was hoping to find a certain Inuzuka and find out if he can spare some time to take a girl out for a walk."
Akamaru perked up at the word 'walk' and barked his approval. Kiba grinned as well, his eyes showing how much he approved of the idea himself.
o.o.o.o.o
Yes! I'm back and updating, finally! Long trip. Mentally, emotionally, and physically draining to say the least. But I'm back at the keyboard.
This is just part one of Shikamaru's day ….more will follow! Hope you're enjoying it so far! As always, REVIEWS are welcome.
Coming up: Gaara's letter and Operation Shino!
