~O~
Listen to the mustn'ts, child.
Listen to the don'ts.
Listen to the shouldn'ts, the impossibles, the won'ts.
Listen to the never haves, then listen close to me...
Anything can happen, child. Anything can be
-Shel Silverstein-
~O~
Easter Eggs
Elizabeth examined her boots, tapping the toes against the ground to test the fit and make. If she was going to be running around the grounds she didn't want to be hindered by shoddy workmanship. Beside her Charlotte was tying his long hair into a low ponytail. The change of pronouns had tripped her up at first but there were bigger fish to fry and it was a simple request.
"So what's our plan of attack?" He asked, beginning a long braid.
"I don't know where Mr. Tanaka might have hidden the eggs but I have some ideas," Elizabeth replied thoughtfully. The sharp, competitive streak that had been drilled into her from the moment she was old enough to hold a sword reared its horned head as she scanned the immediate environment. "We'll start with the side gardens and then work our way to the central grounds."
"And if we run into the others?" Charlotte finished the braid and tossed it back over his shoulder where it fell to her waist like a thick, golden rope.
Charlotte's eyes widened as Elizabeth pulled out a rapier that had been concealed by the fullness of her skirt. The polished metal gleamed viciously as she swished it sharply, catching the sunlight and scattering it like sparks. The look in Elizabeth's bright green eyes was the same cold determination that she'd seen on board the Campania. It was probably the way Elizabeth looked at all of her opponents, like they were mere obstacles to be shoved out of the way of a bigger prize.
"We win at all costs. On me!"
"Roger!"
Snake and Finnian crept along the stone pathway. The gardens were surprisingly devoid of hunting pairs but the two could hear voices over the hedges and across the grounds. There was shrieking, thuds, and the occasional violent BOOM of what sounded like a stick of dynamite. Still they'd managed to rack up a good amount of eggs courtesy of Snake's menagerie and sharp senses.
They paused beneath the looming topiaries as the diamond-speckled snake around Snake's neck tasted the air in little flicks. After conferring with it for a moment, Snake pointed ahead of them. "The smell of eggs is coming from over there! Says Wilde."
"I'll go get them!" Finnian sprinted off, leaving Snake to guard their quarry as well as their own egg. Not that he minded, Snake thought as he exhaled quietly. Rushing to and fro was better left to people like Finnian and Charlotte. He watched the younger boy turn a corner and disappear from sight.
Almost immediately, a shock of goosebumps raced up the back of his spine. Spinning around instinctively, Snake let his eyes scan his environment. Wilde flicked his tongue in and out rapidly, raising himself up higher in a clear threat response. "Who's there? Says Wilde."
There was no response for a moment, and then the grey-haired man from earlier stepped out from behind a wall. "Ah, so you caught me," he grinned unrepentantly. "I figured it would be more efficient to steal eggs from others. So make this easier on all of us and hand over your bag."
Snake's eyes narrowed as he watched the other man. The butler was alone, but if it came down to a fight he would lose. However he couldn't simply surrender, especially not to someone so irritatingly smug. "I won't give you the eggs. Says Wilde." Snake raised his hand, and as if responding to some unspoken command, a mass of reptiles in all colours and sizes began to pour out from the grass and hedges. They hissed and slithered towards the other man, surrounding him on all sides. "But since you picked a fight with us, we'll take your eggs as compensation! Says Wilde."
It worked for a few minutes, and then suddenly a sound pierced his brain. It was a low, rumbling note, like the wind roaring through a cave. The snakes stopped their assault, equally as incapacitated, and Snake whirled around to search for the source of the noise.
There, perched on the roof of the manor's guesthouse, was the other butler. He was holding an instrument that resembled an enlarged flute, almost a metre long and slightly curved. The earl stopped blowing long enough to fix Snake with a sharp look. "A first-rate butler ought to be prepared for all circumstances!"
So saying, the butler leapt from the top of the building and landed mere feet from Snake. At this point the droning was almost deafening. It made his eardrums hurt, his eyeballs felt as though they were vibrating within his skull. Even Oscar and Wilde had disappeared beneath his jacket in an attempt to hide from the noise. The hand clutching their egg loosened a fraction, and then a little more...
Suddenly there was a flash of a blade and the noise hissed to a halt. The butler's eyes widened as he found himself only holding onto the top half of his flute and staring down the point of a rapier. Elizabeth skipped backwards, her rapier pointed to the ground as she eyed the two butlers with sharp green eyes.
Charlotte stood behind Elizabeth, his scythe balanced over his shoulder and a ribbon-covered basket filled with eggs in the other hand. "My, I didn't realise we could cheat!"
Charles Grey smirked at them and shrugged. "Technically there were no rules against stealing from others."
Elizabeth sniffed disparagingly. "I suppose dishonourable people have to have some way to justify their actions. You might as well leave then. I won't allow you to rob them of their eggs."
The butler narrowed his eyes thoughtfully. "What makes you think you'd be able to stop us?"
Charlotte shrugged and flicked the switch on his scythe. The sharp blade fell to the ground with a heavy thump, the silver chain glinting in the sunlight. "I mean, you could definitely risk it. I don't like you so I'll take any chance to just fight you."
Charles weighed the loss of pride from backing out of a fight against the doubtlessly inglorious amount of gloating he would subject the Phantomhives to when he won. After a few moments of deliberating he huffed and stepped back. "Fine. I suppose we'll just have to find the Lady's egg to win," he smirked at Elizabeth and performed a mocking bow.
The two watched the butlers leave and then Charlotte turned to Snake, his grin melting into a concerned frown. "Are you alright?"
"I'm fine. Says Wilde," Snake climbed to his feet a bit unsteadily. Both of their eyes went to the smashed egg, the shell fragments swimming pitifully in the yolk. "We lost, says Wilde."
"Looks like it," Elizabeth's sharp expression melts into contrition. "I'm sorry, if we'd only come earlier-!"
She's interrupted by the basket of eggs that's dropped into her arms. "It's okay, says Bronte," Snake replies as a dark brown serpent coils up his waist and settles on his other shoulder. The two snakes hiss simultaneously. "Don't let them win."
"To win we need to either find more eggs or be the first ones to find your special egg," Charlotte tapped his lips thoughtfully. "And you won't tell me where it is because giving someone an unfair advantage is dishonourable or whatever-"
"It is the literal definition of cheating."
Charlotte continued as though he hadn't heard anything. "So I'll have to find it on your behalf!" He clapped his hands together, grinning widely. Then he cocked his head at Elizabeth. "What's with that look? Do you not want to win?"
"Of course I do!" Elizabeth scowled, then she pouted and folded her arms petulantly. Her cheeks, already flushed from the spring sunshine, grew pinker as she studiously avoided eye contact. "I just...I kind of wanted Ciel to find my egg..."
"...oh. Oh! Oh..." Charlotte pursed his lips. On the one hand, he'd never experienced romantic love. All the books and poems described it as an uncontrollable madness that swept in with no rhyme or reason and turned its victims into addled idiots that did stupid things like go to war or commit dramatic suicides. Still, he liked Elizabeth, and didn't want to ruin her moment with his usual brand of malicious wit.
On the other hand, he really wanted to win. Like, really wanted to win. Mostly because the Queen's butlers irritated him and he planned on being impossibly smug about defeating them. He would have included Sebastian in there too but the demon had a pretty good poker face and was also hundreds of years old probably. An egg contest probably seemed insignificant to him.
Coming to a decision, Charlotte leaned over and picked up one of the snakes. "I'll be borrowing Goethe!"
"Wait, where are you going?!" Elizabeth yelled as she ran after him. "Slow down!"
Ciel loathed the prince and his retainer. He thought this as he marched into the hallway, fuming and to the happy cheers of his opponents. Sebastian followed behind him, hiding his snickers behind his free hand. "For shame young master," he lamented melodramatically, "how do you feel about your cruel trick?"
"Shut up!" Ciel snapped. He shoved the doors open and stormed into the gleaming banquet room. It was the only room left on their search. As annoying as Sebastian was, he was a fairly effective bloodhound. Even if they didn't find Lizzie's egg they'd still managed to amass enough painted eggs to seize an unquestionable victory.
He glanced around the room. It was almost entirely bare, so there weren't many places to look.
"It's Lizzie," he reasoned as he half-heartedly peered into a vase and set it back. He was surprised Charlotte hadn't already snatched it up but then again, it was Lizzie. For all her airheaded ways, she was staunchly honourable. Still, as he looked around he grew more impatient. "It shouldn't be anywhere difficult."
"Uh huh," Sebastian hummed. "Young master?"
"What?" Ciel turned to look at him, then his eyes followed the direction Sebastian was pointing.
There, almost 10ft high and balanced delicately where a candle should have been, was a glamorous egg. Ciel gaped up at it in shock, his neck bent all the way back to stare. "How!?"
"Knowing the lady..." Sebastian trailed off and they both descended into a brief silence as they considered the logistics necessary to accomplish this.
The earl shook his head with a scowl and turned away. "Ugh, just go and get it down already!"
"Are you sure?" Sebastian smirked at the boy's retreating back. "Wouldn't it mean more if you got it yourself?"
Pride welled up in Ciel's chest, battling things like sympathy and empathy and caring about the feelings of others beyond whether or not they can be useful to you. Finally he hissed and whirled back around. "Go get a ladder."
As Ciel climbed the stepladder, he wondered then he'd become such a pushover. Then he wondered why the hell he'd made the ceilings in this room so fucking high. Finally, as he stretched his fingers towards the prize, he wondered if they had rats.
Unfortunately after that he couldn't think much of anything. The stepladder collapsed out from beneath him as Sebastian leapt to knock the incoming projectile out of the way, leaving the earl dangling from the chandelier.
The two Charles stood in the doorway. Grey smirked, obviously the source of the attack. "Sorry but we'll be taking victory today!"
They clashed in the centre of the room, but Sebastian was at a disadvantage. Not a real disadvantage though, but he couldn't display his supernatural abilities and a servant really couldn't attack nobility without some form of retribution. Along with protecting their egg, Sebastian was quickly losing ground. Ciel clung to the chandelier with one hand but he could feel his grip slipping. "This is a game, your status means nothing! You can break the egg!"
"I can't!" Sebastian yelled back as he avoided a sharp jab with – was that a didgeridoo? – and rolled to his feet. "That would shame the Phantomhive name! Please wait a few seconds!"
I'm going to murder him, Ciel growled internally. His arm spasmed and he quickly amended that thought. If I don't die first. Wouldn't that be a way to go.
His head jerked up as the vent above the chandelier fell open. Charlotte stared down at him. "Hey," he grinned as if they were two old friends meeting at a tea room and cheerfully ignoring the fight occurring below them. "Didn't think I'd see you hanging around."
"I'm going to murder you at some point," he gritted out, "and I will be justified."
"That's fair." The chandelier began to sway as Charlotte pulled his contorted body out of the ventilation shaft and began to scramble down the metal chain connecting the bulk of it to the ceiling. Upside down like that, Ciel was once again reminded of her spider-based circus moniker. Then one finger came loose as he stopped right in front of him. "Need help?"
Ciel scowled at the Cheshire cat grin on his face. Three fingers. "I hate you."
"Well that's not very nice."
Two fingers. "Hate."
Charlotte pouted. "The youth of today, so brash and foul-mouthed," he sighed and then grabbed Ciel's wrist just as he was down to one. "But I like you. It would be unfortunate if you broke something."
"I'm awed by your empathy," he grumbled as he was pulled to relative safety.
"Coming from you, I don't know whether to be insulted or pleased."
Below them, the three butlers clashed again and again. Then, just as it seemed that Sebastian was cornered, there was a quiet crack.
All five onlookers – well, four of them anyway – gaped in shock as the egg in Phipps ladle broke apart, revealing a very tiny, very yellow, and very alive chick that began to chirp as soon as it's head came free.
"What the hell is this?!" Grey yelled.
"Oh no, how unfortunate, a few fertilized eggs must have been chosen by accident," Sebastian smiled. "And the rules do say that a broken egg is grounds for disqualification. In other words..."
Phipps stared down at the baby. "...we lost."
A few minutes later, when everyone was back on the ground and Charlotte was off cooing at the baby chick and conversing with Phipps, Ciel eyed Sebastian as he shook the cramps out of his hand. "You planned this from the start, didn't you?" He muttered. "Now who's sneaky?"
The butler only touched his finger to his lips. "I can't have my master embarrassed in front of his future wife now, can I?"
Ciel only grimaced at the reminder and turned away. His gaze landed on Charlotte. Her hair was out of its braid and she'd gone back to using female pronouns. Still something had changed about her. She looked restless, like there was something she needed to be doing and it wasn't here. He hoped she got that sorted quickly and didn't make it a problem for him to deal with.
oOo
Very few carriages run at night, and the ones that do were often unscrupulous predators, but Charlotte was capable of protecting herself. She jumped down from the compartment, her suitcase light and the rabbit ears she'd worn that afternoon decorating the unconscious driver's head.
The mortuary loomed in front of her, the windows dark and empty. Charlotte reached for the spare key. It was where it always was: inside the jaws of one of the decorative skulls that rested on the windowsills. Charlotte smiled as she pulled it out and, for a moment, she felt a pang of homesickness so strong that she nearly doubled over.
Taking a deep breath, she shook it off and pushed the door open. The mortuary was empty, of course it was. The air was stuffy and thick with the smell of old chemicals and meat. Everything had a distinct layer of dust over it. It was also surprisingly not ransacked, although she supposed thieves were a bit more leery when the target was so closely associated with death.
The moneybox was beneath her Papa's desk, which was clear of all the usual papers and debris. He had been here at some point and Charlotte felt both glad that he'd survived, and upset that he hadn't tried to get in touch with her after that night.
No matter, if he abandoned her then she didn't need him. She didn't need anyone. Charlotte counted out the paper bills and coins. In the Phantomhive manor, Sebastian swept old papers from the young master's desk and paused to read a short article. French Silk Company Owner On Brink of Death!
Charlotte grinned viciously as she strode out of the mortuary, now several hundred pounds richer, and leapt aboard the carriage. The horses galloped off, the wheels flying across over the cobblestones.
She was going home.
While I was considering the Boarding School arc, I was wondering how best to integrate Charlotte especially since the Undertaker is a key character. Then it occurred to me that they seemed like a pretty genderfluid character so sometimes I will be using masculine pronouns. If anyone has any issues with this, the exit button is to the top of the screen. If you are non-binary and I did something rude, let me know.
