Hermione leaned over the railing of the Ferry, and watched another island slide by. Severus was behind her, as he'd been all day, one arm braced on either side, a protective wall between her and anything that might want to hurt her. Out here in the sunshine, with the clean, salty air in her lungs and Severus's strong wiry arms around her, she could feel the frayed edges of her heart knitting back together, much as it had on her first trip to these islands.
She hadn't saved Ron. But somewhere out there were families that she would save. Families that would not be ripped asunder. Their work meant that somewhere out there were wives who wouldn't have to mourn as she had, children who would not grieve the way hers had, mothers who wouldn't have to writhe in agony seeing their children suffer. Families would remain whole. It wouldn't help her family. It wouldn't save Ron. And that wasn't fair.
But even as she grieved yesterday, wishing intensely that things could have been different, she could not help but be aware of what she had. Her children had survived the experience, internalized it, grown from it, and were now thriving. Her heart had proven resilient enough to love again. And she had this beautiful, complex man behind her, her partner, her lover, her friend, who was even now willing her better with every fibre of his being. She simultaneously mourned what had been, while being intensely grateful for what was, and saw no problem with that simultaneity. But the closer she got to their island home, the more the present seemed to outweigh the past.
Interesting, that word. Home. The location where one's heart lived. The house in London had been home for her for so many years. She had planned to live there for the rest of her life. But as she well knew, sometimes life had other plans. And so, somehow, in just the few short months she and Severus had been together, the location of home had shifted. Home had become the open vistas and the rugged cliffs of the island where they fell in love. She'd loved going back to the London house, but it had felt like a vacation, not a homecoming. When her heart had been hurting, what she craved was this scrubby little patch of land in the middle of the Aegean. Home was the thrum of ancient magic under the soles of her feet, and vibrant blue of uninterrupted sky. Home was where Severus could walk with his own face, and know that he was welcomed and wanted. Home was where her past was quiet, and her present and future met, and became one.
SSSS
They returned to Arki in the late afternoon. The Taverna was already open for the evening, with Tedo stationed at his customary table. When the two of them disembarked, hands clasped, he let out deafening whistle to call them over.
Severus scowled, but did not drop her hand. "Tedo." He said, in fluent Greek. "You excessive prick."
"Severoos, you dirty letcher." He gestured to their joined hands. "Looks like you have finally taken your head out of your ass." The two men embraced, and pounded the other's back.
Severus smiled. "I missed your ugly face."
Tedo smiled. "Ever jealous, eh, friend?" Grabbing Severus by the shoulders, he placed the customary kiss on each of Severus' cheeks. "It's good that you're back. That crazy old woman of yours has been driving me to distraction. Borrowed my telescope and has been using it to watch every ferry that has come this week. She worried you'd decide to stay in England. Better go there first; she'll skin your shrivelled balls if you don't."
Severus nodded. "I'd rather avoid that."
Hermione, whose Greek was improving rapidly, had caught approximately every third word. However, she noted with interest that many of the words she did catch referenced to male anatomy. Male bonding, she decided; incomprehensible in any language.
After the the two men finished chatting, she embraced Tedo herself.
"Teodoro. It is so good to see you."
The old man smiled. "When you get tired of this one, you come to Tedo for a real man. Yes?"
She noted with amusement that Severus promptly came back and claimed her hand again. Hermione smiled. "I'm sorry Teodoro. I'm sure you are very skilled, but I prefer my men with more substantial...noses."
Tedo paused, looked at a mildly bemused Severus, then tipped his head back and laughed.
"Ah, Sevroos, you are a lucky lucky man."
SSSS
They were here at last. Ever since she'd asked it of him, the need to get Hermione back here had been driving. Without worrying overly about protecting his assumed identity, the portkeys had been easy to arrange. The ferry had been time consuming, but, he felt, therapeutic. The trek through the village with so many coming to greet them had been...taxing. But where he had affection he had patience. And so, their duty to those who greeted them had been done. And Mama, despite the fact that her dear aged eyes had momentarily teared to see him, had seemed to sense his need to complete the journey. After extracting the promise of breakfast in the morning, she generously sent them on to complete the trek up the hill.
Together, they breathed a sigh of relief when they finally crossed the threshold of the cottage. At last, they were home. They embraced there, door open, afternoon sunlight streaming in after them, and felt the tension fall away like ice calving from a glacier.
Severus walked to the bedroom to cast an extension charm on it, expanding it so that it would accommodate the needs of two people rather than one. A bigger bed had been his next priority, while Hermione focused upon expanding his closet, and accommodating the extensive wardrobe she had tucked into her beaded purse. But once their tasks were accomplished, it was Hermione who insisted that they christen immediately by making love on its ample surface. Severus did not disagree.
It never ceased to amaze him just how different it was to mate with a woman who loved him. The physical pleasure was almost secondary to the emotional satisfaction of bringing her to stunned completion over and over again. And now, while she was so vulnerable, making love to her was a transcendent experience, an opportunity to replace pain with pleasure. He felt...honoured to hold that fragile creature in his hands, and stroke her back to radiance.
Afterwards, with afternoon fallen into night, they stood at the railing of the terrace as they'd stood on the boat before. Though he knew them to be safe within his powerful wards, he still stood behind her, arms on either side. The need to protect this woman was fierce within him. It did not matter if the enemy was external, or a pain within. He would do anything that needed to be done to keep her well.
Thankfully her grief was subsiding. Their lovemaking seemed to have washed the last of it away. He could see the change in her posture, the subtle hunch that had lifted from her shoulders, the line that had eased between her eyebrows, the calm that had returned to her mouth.
"You are better now."
She nodded, leaned back so that her body was in contact with his. His arms released the railing, wrapped around her of their own accord. His ears caught her sigh as she turned more of her weight over to him. She took comfort from him. He knew it, and felt gratified.
"I am glad."
"It doesn't bother you at all, does it?" She asked.
"What?"
"This. That I still grieve for him."
He pressed a kiss to the top of her head. "It bothers me that you have pain. But the fact that you grieve for him does not bother me. Does how you felt for him somehow change how you feel for me?"
Hermione shook her head. "No. Not at all."
"Then I have no basis for complaint."
She laughed. "You know, Severus, sometimes emotions aren't that rational. Remember the Wizard's Cancer support group that I told you about? There were women there who had remarried, and even years later, complained that their new spouses were still jealous of the old ones."
Severus snorted. "Then their husbands are insecure idiots. Ronald and I are not in competition. Those who leave us behind have their own concerns once they cross the veil. They are not upset by what we have here. Why should I be? He is not here to hold you. I am. His time has passed. Mine is just beginning. I assure you, if it bothered me, I would tell you. It does not."
"Good. I have a feeling that a jealous Severus, might be...difficult."
He snorted. "I assure you, he is. May you never have reason to meet him. But also, you must recall that I grieved for a woman who did not love me for two decades of my life. I understand constancy. I know now that much of that extended time was fuelled by guilt and remorse, but nonetheless, I understand that the heart does not stop loving just because the object of affection has ceased to exist.
"And you? Having heard everything I've told you, does the fact that I loved Lily, and failed her, bother you?"
Hermione's face hardened. "I'm not jealous of what you felt for her. I'm bloody pissed at her. She was an idiot for not choosing you. And even if she didn't love you, I cannot imagine what would make her leave a friend like she left you. You needed her. She's supposed to be a Gryffindor. She should have bloody well tried harder. I would have. And as for you failing her...she didn't choose you, Severus. If she had, if she had even still claimed your friendship, you would have been there. You would have used your own body as a shield if need be. You would have carried her and her child, and the man that you hated to safety."
He stared at her, eyes unfathomable, then pulled her into his arms and lowered his lips to hers.
SSSS
AN: I apologize for the slowdown in posting. We are drawing near the end of the story now, and that has necessitated making some tough editing choices, which has, in turn slowed things down.
This chapter is the first part of a larger chapter, and it's a doozy. Severus feels that he can't make a life with Hermione without letting her know what he did in his years of dual servitude.
I really want to get this right, so it's going to take some time. I posted this first part so that you'd know that I hadn't abandoned you all. Meanwhile, I'm back at work on the hardest conversation I've ever written.
More soon.
