Chapter 29: My Life Would Suck Without You

December 23rd - 11:45pm.

"That was..." Nikki said breathlessly.

Harry laughed. "I know."

They were both lying on their backs in Nikki's bed, out of breath and smiling broadly.

"I mean, it's always been good... but never that good!" she said.

"Yeah, well... I've missed you," Harry shrugged, staring up at the ceiling through the darkness.

Nikki snorted. "In which case, I'll have to go away more often."

Harry frowned and rolled onto his side so that he was looking at her, even if he could only see a sliver of her face in the light from the streetlamp outside the window.

"Please don't," he said quietly.

Nikki turned over as well, so they were now mirroring each other in the centre of the bed, their faces just inches apart.

"I won't," she assured him. "I promise you."

Harry laced his fingers with hers on top of the thick duvet. "Okay," he said with a small smile, something in him believing her without a shadow of a doubt.

"Harry, I am so sorry," she whispered, her voice thick with sincerity.

"Why did you do it?" he asked her, something he'd wanted to do properly for twenty-three days.

Nikki took a deep breath. "When my dad died, my world stopped turning. And that wasn't because of how much I loved him – goodness knows it wasn't that – it just seemed so unreal that it was my father on the slab, rather than another anonymous body. And then the guilt that came took my breath away. I'd let him down..."

She stopped, but Harry knew there was more she had to say. He waited, and after a couple of minutes she continued, slowly and uncertainly.

"When he called us on the night he died to ask for money, I was – having sex with you. So his calls went unanswered and... well, you know what happened. It was my fault I didn't answer the phone, I know that. But at the time I blamed you."

"Oh," Harry muttered, unable to think of anything else to say.

"You have to understand, Harry. I was so confused and messed up. As much as I hated him, my dad was the only family I had left. I'm haven't even reached forty yet and I've lost everyone. I must be jinxed or something. Everyone drifts away, it's like trying to keep water in cupped hands. My head was chaotic, I wasn't thinking rationally at all, but I convinced myself that I couldn't let myself love you because you'd get taken away from me too. Blaming you for missing my dad's phone calls was just my 'logical' excuse to end things."

Harry sighed, running his fingers up and down her bare upper arm. "Why didn't you tell me this sooner?"

"Because things got messy. I couldn't bear to look at you and see the pain and hurt in your eyes. The pain and hurt that I'd caused. Leo told me about the state you were in and..." She trailed off sadly.

"I wasn't that bad," Harry said meekly, trying to make her feel better.

"Harry, look at your hand," she demanded.

He lifted his fist and held it up in front of him. His knuckles had healed nicely since the incident, but even from the little light in the room he could see the shine of the scars and shadows of old bruises.

"Yeah, okay. So maybe I was a little messed up too," he conceded.

Nikki sighed. "And it was my fault," she mumbled, touching his injured hand lightly with her fingertips.

Harry bit his lip, unsure of whether to ask her what he really wanted to, what was plaguing his mind even now. Nikki obviously knew him too well, though, because she said, "What is it?"

"When we split up," he started slowly, "you told me that you didn't love me anymore-"

Nikki was shaking her head, so Harry stopped, frowning.

"I never said that," she explained. "You said that. I just let you assume that it was true."

"Why?" Harry asked, dumbfounded.

"Because if I had told you that even though I wanted to end things, I still loved you, then you wouldn't have let me go. And I needed to go. Or at least, I thought I did at the time."

"But-" Harry tried again, only for words to fail him once more.

Nikki placed her hand on his cheek, her fingers gently fiddling with his hair. "Harry, I never stopped loving you. I haven't stopped loving you for the whole six years that I've known you! There have been times when I've wanted nothing more than to slice off your head and serve it to Leo on a silver platter, but even when you are a complete pain in the arse you're still the love of my life."

Harry didn't know what to say, so he closed the gap between them and pushed his lips to Nikki's, his hand resting on her waist. When they broke apart they just looked at each other for a moment. Neither of them said anything, they didn't have to.

December 24th - 7:45am.

Harry groaned as he was pulled back into semi-consciousness the next morning, his back stiff from sleeping in an unfamiliar bed. He was faintly aware of being wrapped up with someone else; there was a very real, very familiar body in his arms. It took a moment for the events of the previous evening to come back to Harry, and when they did he smiled broadly and opened his eyes.

Sure enough, he was in Nikki's bedroom in Leo's house. The steely grey light of a winter morning was seeping through the thin curtains; a shadowy blanket draping everything in the room.

Nikki was still asleep, he could hear her soft, rhythmic breathing. Then, suddenly, there was a bang from downstairs and the sound of voices. Realisation hit Harry and the contented bubble that he'd been in just a minute previously was well and truly popped. Sighing, he carefully propped himself up on one elbow and gazed down at Nikki, gently running his fingers up and down her bare arm and pressing kisses into her hair until she started to stir.

"Mmm…" she mumbled, still with her eyes shut. "Being woken up like that is so much better than my alarm."

Harry chuckled, wrapping an arm around her waist and pulling her into him. "Happy Christmas Eve," he muttered. A smile formed on Nikki's face and she rolled over in his arms to face him, finally opening her eyes.

"Today's going to be perfect," she said, "and tomorrow's going to be even better."

"Tomorrow, yes," Harry agreed, pressing a quick kiss to her lips. "But today…"

Nikki frowned, then a look of dawning comprehension spread across her face. "We have to tell Leo about us," she realised.

Harry nodded. "Unfortunately."

"We just have to bite the bullet and do it," Nikki conceded. "Rip off the plaster."

"What to do we say? How do we justify it?" Harry asked uncertainly.

"We tell him that we love each other. There's nothing more we can say."

Harry nodded, and after giving Nikki another quick kiss they both climbed out of bed. Harry re-dressed himself in the clothes he wore to the party, whilst Nikki rifled around in her wardrobe. Nerves were creeping through his veins. What if Leo didn't agree with their reconciliation? They couldn't fall out with him, not the day before Christmas. Harry just hoped that maybe Janet would still be there to talk some sense into Leo if she had to.

He perched on the end of Nikki's bed as he waited for her to get ready, too preoccupied to notice her quietly talking to him. Eventually he looked up and realised that Nikki was standing in front of him, her hand extended. Harry was irresistibly reminded of Leo doing the same thing to him while he was sat on the bathroom floor, injured and defeated.

Taking a deep breath, Harry laced his fingers through Nikki's and the pair of them quietly left the bedroom.

December 24th - 8.10am

As they descended the stairs, the sound of Janet and Leo quietly conversing in the kitchen became louder, until eventually Harry and Nikki were stood outside the kitchen door and could hear the chink of cutlery on china.

"How do we do this?" Nikki whispered.

"I don't know," Harry confessed. "You go first."

Nikki took a deep breath and stepped through the kitchen door, whilst Harry listened intently.

"Ah, Nikki! Good morning, do you want some breakfast?" Leo said. There was no response from Nikki, and Harry knew that she'd frozen and didn't know what to say. So he took this as his cue.

"Good morning!" he said cheerily, stepping into the kitchen. "Did someone say breakfast? What are we having?"

Harry didn't know what was funnier. Janet dropping her spoon with a clang into her bowl, or Leo stopping still with a spoonful of soggy cornflakes halfway to his mouth. Both were rather comical. Harry just stood next to Nikki, one hand on the small of her back, and waited for someone to say something.

Eventually, Leo put his spoon down, cleared his throat and said, "I - I don't… understand."

"We're umm… we're back together," Nikki said in a tiny voice.

"But this time yesterday you were barely speaking," Leo frowned.

Janet placed her hand on Leo's arm from across the table. "They've obviously sorted things out, Leo."

"We have. We talked things through and-" Harry tried, but Leo held out his hand to stop him.

"Three weeks ago your relationship fell apart. You both fell to pieces. You stopped talking, stopped living together, stopped being friends as well as lovers. I have never seen either of you in such a state. How can that suddenly be forgotten and everything go back to normal?"

"Like Harry said, we talked, Leo. Talked properly and got to the bottom of things. I know that it was all my fault that we broke up-"

"Nikki…" Harry started, but she placed a hand on his chest to shush him.

"It was my fault, and I accept that. But it was a mistake, Leo. You told me I was making the wrong decision, but you know how messed up I was about my dad and everything, I wasn't thinking straight."

"Even so," Leo protested, looking directly at Nikki. "If you broke up once before what's to stop it happening again?"

"Because we love each other, Leo!" Nikki argued. "I love Harry more than I've ever loved anyone in my life, and that scares the hell out of me! So I'm going to need your support, not your disapproval!"

Nikki's words seemed to ring in the air in the frosty silence that followed. Harry shifted on the spot awkwardly, not sure if he should say something. This conflict was clearly between Leo and Nikki, her being the one who broke up with Harry and Leo being the one to clear up the mess. It was obvious that as far as Leo was concerned, Harry was the innocent party.

"Leo," Janet said complacently. "You know that Harry and Nikki are meant for each other. Everyone can see that. They love each other. They're adults, they know what they're doing. It's obvious that they're not going to make the same mistake again."

"I'm never letting her go this time, Leo," Harry said firmly, taking Nikki's hand just to prove his point. She squeezed his gratefully.

Leo observed the two of them through narrowed eyes, but eventually he sighed and stood up. "I'm sorry. It was just a bit of a shock for Harry to walk in here this morning," he said. Harry released a long, relieved breath and Nikki walked forward to hug Leo before she joined Harry's side again and wrapped her arms around his waist.

"I have to admit, you were very sneaky. I had no idea that you were here, Harry," Leo said, then suddenly pulled a disgusted face. "Oh God, I've just realised what you were here doing. Eugh, that's really put me off my breakfast." He pushed his bowl away from him.

Harry laughed. "Yeah, sorry about that."

"Well I take it that this spontaneous reunion means that you're moving in together again then?" Janet asked.

Harry looked at Nikki, he hadn't thought about that. She raised her eyebrows at him, as if to ask whether Janet was right, and when Harry threw her a sideways glance that clearly said 'I'm up for it if you are' she grinned and nodded.

"I cannot believe that the pair of you just had that entire conversation without actually speaking," Janet pointed out.

Harry laughed and Nikki giggled whilst Leo said, "I know. Annoying, isn't it?"

December 24th - 10.20pm

"Have you left out a mince pie and glass of sherry for Santa?" Harry asked mockingly as he pulled a t-shirt on.

Nikki threw a pillow at him from where she was lying in bed, a pillow which Harry caught easily and flung straight back at her.

"Shut up," she scolded. "I love Christmas."

"That much is obvious," Harry commented dryly, referring to the afternoon that they had spent putting up and decorating a huge fir tree.

Nikki just glared at him from over the top of her book as Harry climbed into bed next to her, grinning. He reached out his arms for her embrace. Nikki snapped her book shut and sighed. "If I must," she said, snuggling down the bed and into Harry's arms.

"I'm glad you moved back in," he told her quietly, pressing a kiss to her shoulder.

"Me too," she smiled.

"And I'm sorry I mocked your festive enthusiasm," he grinned, causing Nikki to tut and playfully slap his arm.

They lapsed into a comfortable silence for a while, before Nikki suddenly said, "Harry, I'm sorry about everything-"

Harry cut her off by pressing his finger to her lips. "Will you stop apologising! This has just made us stronger, Nikki, because we both know what we've got to lose. Now let's just forget about it and move on."

Nikki nodded. "That sounds like a good idea."

"I'm full of them," he joked.

"Full of it, more like," she laughed.

Harry playfully flicked her on the nose, causing Nikki to screw up her face in protest, but she giggled and placed her hand on the side of Harry's cheek before kissing him fiercely.

"I love you," she mumbled against his lips.

"I love you too," Harry breathed.


Just a bit of a cheesy chapter for you all. Plus the morning after! :D Sorry it's taken me so long to upload, college has been hectic! It's only Monday and I already have a headache!
The next chapter's going to be the last chapter. Which I won't actually believe until it happens. But it might be extra long to compensate. Christmas Day and all that ;)
xxx