Chapter 29

"I brought those reports you asked for" Mike, said walking into Tom's backyard, finding him at the patio table.

"Thanks, Mike" Tom sighed "I feel useless, sitting around at home. I need something to keep me occupied" taking the folders Mike, handed to him.

"It's only been a week. Use the time off to relax. Take a break. Clear your mind" Mike smiled, taking a chair next to his friend.

"I don't do well, with keeping still"

"Looks like you have a friend to keep you company, though" Mike smirked, looking at Maisy, who was curled up and asleep on Tom's lap "never really took you for a lap dog kind of guy"

"She's s puppy" he defended "and don't tell Sasha and the kids. I'm trying not to approve" looking down at the dog.

"Yeah" Mike, chuckled "Looks like it"

Tom glared at his friend "like I said. This-" he waved his hand towards Maisy "stays between us"

"Not a word" mike, put his hands up in defeat "Looks like you're feeling better, from the last time I saw you"

Tom nodded, flipping through the papers from Mike "pain is less and less everyday" Tom, shrugged.

"Good, Good" Mike said fiddling with his hands "and ah, you're doing okay? You're feeling okay?"

Tom looked up, setting the documents down "what's that supposed to mean?"

"Im just checking on my friend. I ran into Sasha, today. She mentioned you haven't been sleeping that well" Mike spoke softly.

Tom shook his head "unbelievable" he mumbled "she just couldn't let it go"

"If by she, you're referring to your wife, it's not like she came running to me. I had to pry it out of her. And only because I found her half asleep, in her office" Mike said bringing his chair to sit right in front of, Tom. "All she said was that you're not sleeping. The rest I can figure out for myself. I was there with you, I know what happened"

"Mike" he said firmly "I don't need you, her, or anyone else psychoanalyzing me"

"Okay" Mike nodded softly "and you're right, you don't need that. But your wife is worried about you, I'm worried about you. You clearly need to get something off your chest. If you don't want to tell me, that's okay. At least tell Sasha. It's not as if she wouldn't be able to handle it. Anything you and I, have been through, she's probably gone through worse" he sighed "just think about it". Mike stood up, patting Tom's shoulder gently "I'll come by in a couple days, with more updates" he said, starting to walk out.

"It was my fault...we never should have gone out that night" Tom, whispered.

Mike, stopped and turned around "maybe not, but it all turned out okay"

"What part of my wife, and unborn child, almost getting killed, is okay?" He snapped.

"That's what this is about?" Mike asked, walking back over to his friend "Tom, She's fine. They are both fine"

"What if-"

"What if, nothing" Mike interrupted "What if's wont get you anywhere. Trust me, I've been there. Nothing good will come from it. You're home, you're getting better. Your kids are happy and healthy, and have their dad. Do yourself a favour, and concentrate on that"

"I know you're right" Tom sighed "believe me, I do. It's difficult though" he admitted "to not think of the worse case scenario"

"I can't argue with that" Mike, agreed looking down at his hands. "But you do need to tell, Sasha"

"She'll just say that I'm being unreasonable, that everything turned out fine. That she's fine, that our baby is fine. That I'm getting upset about things I can't control"

Mike had to bite his cheek not to let out a little laugh "I should hope, so. Those are all true statements. You can't sit there and tell me, that you'd expect her to sit on the sideline while your life hung in the balance. Would you, if it was her?"

Tom sighed, thinking for a moment before answering. "I'd like her too, but you're right. She wouldn't. And no, I certainly wouldn't"

"See" Mike, finally smiled "as usual, I'm right"

Tom shook his head, grunting to hide a chuckle "let's not get carried away. I'll concede you offered a broad perspective, that possibly, altered my view on the situation"

"Potato's, poh-tah-toes" he shrugged standing up "But now, I really do have to leave. If I'm not home for dinner, with milk and bread in hand, you'll be the one, counselling me"

"I'll make up the spare bed" Tom, smirked "Thanks Mike, for everything"

"Anytime. I'll see you in a couple days"

"Dad, you can't mix those in yet!" Ashley sighed, taking the chopping board full of peppers, out of his hand "they'll get too soft"

"My apologies" he feigned, "I'll just sit back and let the chef, work"

"Please" she nodded, setting the peppers down, arranging everything she needed to do.

"It's better not to touch it" Sam, whispered to his dad "then she can't blame you, when it doesn't taste very good" he smirked.

"Sam" Tom warned

"I heard that!" Ashley, yelled "I don't see you doing anything useful. All you do is play your stupid games!"

"You're stupid!" He yelled back.

"That's enough" Tom said calmly, but with a no nonsense tone "You" he pointed to Sam "can go up to your room until dinner is ready. I've told you many times not to call your sister, or anyone else, stupid"

"You always take her side. She's mean to me, all the time, and she never gets in trouble" Sam stormed off to his room, blowing by Sasha, who was just walking around the corner into the kitchen, after arriving home from work.

"What I miss?" She looked to Tom, while pointing in the direction Sam, had stormed off.

"He called me stupid, and basically called my spaghetti sauce disgusting" Ashley spoke up, as she carried on with the task at hand. Seemingly indifferent to what just happened.

Tom just sighed and threw his hands up.

"Ahhh, I see" Sasha nodded, setting her things down before walking over to Ashley, taking a quick peek at the sauce in question "Well, it looks wonderful. You're very sweet to make dinner" she said giving her gentle hug.

"I knew you were going to be home late, and dad needs to rest. It's no big deal" Ashley shrugged.

Sasha, smiled and nodded, looking over at Tom "yes he does" she said softly, walking over to join him at the table "how are you feeling?" asking cautiously. They hadn't spoken since his nightmare last night, and she wasn't exactly sure if she'd be in for the same temperament.

"Better. Or, I was" he nodded upstairs, indicating Sam. "Listen" he said standing up "I'm sorry about last night, I shou-" Tom was quickly silenced by a gentle kiss.

"It's okay" she whispered, placing her hands on his cheeks "we can talk later, but you don't need to apologize"

Tom nodded, wrapping his arms tightly around his wife "I love you"

Sasha smiled softly, sliding her arms around his neck "I love you too"

"Really" Ashley sighed, but there was a hint of teasing in her voice "I make dinner, and this is what I'm subject too"

"I know" Tom smirked "it's a rough life you have" he said giving Sasha, another quick kiss "I better go talk to Sam"

"I think that's a good idea" Sasha, brushed her thumb across Tom's cheek before stepping out of his arms.

"And when we come down, you're going to apologize to your brother" Tom looked at Ashley, with a look she knew, left no room for question.

She sighed and nodded, and Tom left to go upstairs while Sasha set the table. "Did you and Sam, already take Maisy, out for a walk?" Sasha asked, looking at the dog sleeping on her bed.

"No" Ashley smiled "I think dad was playing with her today. He won't admit it, but she woke up for like, five minutes when we came home, then went right back to sleep"

Sasha laughed a little, grabbing four glasses "I knew he couldn't resist those eyes"

"And I caught him talking to her this morning, before school. Calling her a good girl, and how cute she was"

"It's good for him" Sasha nodded "would have been pretty lonely, sitting around an empty house, while he recovers. Obviously, I'd prefer he was never hurt in the first place, but the timing couldn't be better"

"Some things are just meant to be" Ashley agreed.

"Some days, I feel like I'm talking to a 25 year old" Sasha smiled "and other day's...especially when you fight with your brother, I'm reminded that you're 15" looking over at Ashley, with a raised eyebrow.

"He's so annoying. Always following me around" She sighed "and he starts it. All the time" Ashley said throwing her hands up.

"Believe it or not, he's going to be your best friend, for the rest of your life. And yes, he does have a knack for pushing your buttons" Sasha smirked "but it's only because he's looking for a reaction...good or bad. He looks up to you, show him someone he can look up too"

"I suppose I could try to be more understanding" she mumbled.

"Thank you" Sasha, smiled.

"Sam" Tom, knocked on the bedroom door before walking into, his sons room

"Go away" Sam mumbled into his pillow.

Tom, sighed softly as he walked over to the bed and sat down, putting his hand on Sam's back "We need to talk about this"

"You're just going to say I'm wrong, and Ashley's, right. What's the point"

"Not at all, But I can't say anything until you turn over and look at me" Tom said rubbing Sam's, back.

"Fine" he mumbled, rolling over and wiping his eyes.

"There" Tom smiled a little "if it seems like I'm hard on you, it's only because I know, that you know better."

"I was just joking, at first" he said softly "then she flipped out for no reason"

"I know you were, but your sister didn't, and it hurt her feelings. That however, is no excuse for what she said to you. Or, what you said, in return. You both know it's wrong"

"I know" Sam nodded "and I don't think she's stupid"

Tom, chuckled a little and nodded "Come on, let's go join the girls for dinner" he said standing up, pulling Sam with him "and if you're still hungry after, I'll grill us up a steak" Tom winked.

Sam laughed, and hugged his dad "I don't think we'll need too. Don't tell her I said this, but she's actually a pretty good cook"

"Kid's are in bed, dog is walked, and also in bed" Sasha, announced as she walked into the master bedroom. "and I see you're, in bed already".

"You told me to rest" Tom smirked, with a shrug "I'm just getting it warm for you. I know how much you hate, getting under cold sheets"

"Always making sacrifices for me" she said stripping off her sweater and pants before crawling in next to Tom "do you want me to change the dressings, on your wounds?"

"I did that all by myself" Tom Mocked, rolling on his side to face Sasha "what I want, is this" he said gripping her hip, pulling her in for a kiss.

Sasha, returned the kiss as her hands instinctively moved to his chest, down towards the hem of his shirt. It was the feeling of a bandage that brought her mind back to reality, even if her body wanted nothing to do with it. "No" she groaned, pulling back "A, ill be rushing you to the hospital with ripped stitches, B, we need to talk about last night, and C...well I'm sure I could come up with something"

"If I recall, I let you have your way with me while you were recovering" He said matter of factly, a small smirk playing across his lips.

Sasha scoffed "first of all, that's a complete mischaracterization. You are the one, that insisted on your own form of "physical therapy". Secondly, my stitches were out" she shrugged "game changer"

"I didn't hear any complaints"

Sasha glared at him with a dumbfounded look "I know a good thing when I see it. Can you blame me?"

Tom laughed a little, shaking his head "how is it you can make me agree with you, even when I don't want too"

"Trade craft" she smiled, tangling her fingers with his "or just infallible logic"

"Maybe both" he whispered, bringing her hand to his lips, kissing it gently, before resting it on his chest, while he moved his hand to her stomach "I'm sorry that I worried you last night. The last thing you, or our baby needs, is extra stress"

"I told you" brushing her fingers across Tom's, chin "There is nothing to apologize for, but I can't help you, if you won't talk to me"

Tom paused, his gaze focused on his hand on Sasha's, stomach "I know, that it's your nature to jump head first into the battle. No matter the odds, or consequences, and I love that about you. But what I'm struggling with, and what I could never forgive myself for, is if something had happened to you, or our kids, because of me" he whispered "when you told me, you were pregnant, and I saw cuts and bruises all over you..."

"Hey" she whispered, moving her hand to his cheek. "Tom, I will always support you. Personally, professionally, in any way that you need. I'm fine. Our baby is fine, our..." she paused, finally realizing what he had said "Ash and Sam, are fine. As much as I would prefer that you had stayed on ship, I know that's not you. I know you care too much, to sit back and do nothing. I love you because of that, not in spite of it. You need to stop carrying the weight of the world, on your shoulders, Tom."

"I think I did it for so long, it's hard not too" he admitted.

Sasha nodded, giving him a gentle and loving kiss "but you have others to share that with now. Me included. I can handle it...if you want to tell me about these nightmares"

Tom sighed softly, closing his eyes for a moment before opening them and looking at Sasha "It starts out normal...I'm up at my dads Cabin. I go out for something, and when I get back, I can't open the door. Darien, the kids, my dad...I can see them through the window. They are sick, with the flu. I have 4 needles in my hand, to cure them...but I can't get in. No matter how loud I scream they don't hear me, and when I kick the door in, nothing happens. I just sit there, and watch them die."

"God, Tom" Sasha whispers as she sits up, letting Tom, rest his head in her lap.

He just nods a little taking a deep breath, as her fingers pull through his hair "after that, I'm in the helo bay, on the James. It's full of coffins. Every crew member, and friend that died on my watch" he said looking up at Sasha "then I see my kids, they are standing next to a table, with a body on it" Tom closed his eyes "when I pull the sheet back, it's you" he chocked "and that's when I wake up. It's like a 100lb weight is sitting on my chest, I can't breathe, for a few moments it all feels so real"

"But it's not" she said softly, running her thumb, over his brow, resting her palm on his cheek "You're not to blame for every shitty thing that happens. You give more of yourself, then anyone I've ever met. I know, you take each loss personally, but believe me when I tell you, no one blames you, or holds you accountable."

"No one but me" he sighed, turning his head towards her stomach, kissing it gently "I have so much. So many things to be thankful and happy for..."

"You're waiting for the other shoe to drop?"

"Something like that" Tom nodded.

"No one can predict the future Tom. I mean, you and I, sitting here, like this" she chuckled "is evidence of that"

Tom smiled a little "I guess you have a point"

"I usually do" Sasha smiled "do you feel a little better?"

"I always do, when I'm with you. But yes, I do. I should of done this last night"

"You're so cheesy, sometimes" rolling her eyes, she lifted Tom's head up so she could slide back down under the covers.

Tom smiled, wrapping his arms around Sasha, so her back was to him, and he could comfortably lay on his side "You know, I meant what I said. It wasn't a slip of the tongue...about our kids. Just because you aren't their mom, doesn't mean they aren't your kids"

Sasha turned her head just enough to look at him. Smiling softly, she nodded. "I love you, you know that"

"You May have mentioned it once, or twice" he smirked, giving her a quick kiss.

"Smart ass" she murmured, turning her head beck to rest on the pillow, curling into Tom's body.

"I love you too" Tom, whispered in her ear.