29. Playing with fire (3.22.)
Let's have dinner, let's see what happens.
By the time you figure it out, you really will be too late.
Sara's words stuck into his head, his ears. Sitting in the waiting area of his ear specialist he wished for a second he couldn't hear. Couldn't hear Sara's words anymore. Repeating themselves all the time, her voice, clear, sad, hope fading away with every word she said, every word he answered.
Let's have dinner, let's see what happens.
By the time you figure it out, you really will be too late.
He knew about the possibility that it was too late when he made a decision. Or did he already made a decision? He said no. Quickly. Too quickly. Perhaps. Was it a defense reaction? Or was it what he really thought?
I don't know what to do about this.
Did he really not? Or was he just cowardly? Scared of what might happen? Of all the chances that may happen to him. No, they would happen. So was he scared? Or not ready yet? Scared and not ready? The only thing he knew was, he was confused and had made a mistake.
By the time you figure it out, you really will be too late.
Probably she was scared and this thought scared him. He didn't want it to be too late. He hated the thought of being late, no matter if they were too late with evidence or when he was too late with…private things. Double checking prevented you from making mistakes it could be also a reason why you're late; miss something out. Something important. Somebody, who is important to you. What did that tell him about himself?
By the time you figure it out, you really will be too late.
No.
Sara…I don't know what to do about this.
It was obvious he had no idea what to do about 'this'. Why did he call them 'this'? If he had to say no, why couldn't he say, he had no idea what to do about them? They weren't a thing, they were…them. And there was something between them, she knew and he…he just admitted he felt it too. But apparently he was too afraid to admit to it. Or not ready yet?
I don't know what to do about this.
He felt what she felt and was scared about it. Unfortunately she couldn't be really mad about him for it. She was scared about them too. Scared they both might miss out a chance. Some chances came just once in your life and she had the feeling that after her…wasted time with Hank…they might gotten a second chance. Why not take? Give it a try, see what will happen if they have dinner. Together. Alone. A dinner together wasn't a one night stand. It was dinner. Food, conversation. Not too different to the breakfasts/coffees they usually had after a case. He hadn't been comfortable with them at the beginning, now he seemed to enjoy them.
I don't know what to do about this.
His words hurt, his behavior hurt even more. He pushed her away. Why? Was it because he was her boss? Or was there somebody else? No, there was nobody in Grissom's life. Was there? He never mentioned anybody, then again, he never mentioned anything about his private life. About his relationship. Not to her and for what it was worth, she doubted he told anybody. At least their colleagues never mentioned somebody special in Grissom's life and gossip was always appreciated in the lab. She had heard by now if there was somebody.
Now what? She worked herself through to ask him out, made it easier for him and all she got at the end was nothing. Not even a coffee together. All she had was a beer in a crowded bar somewhere on the Strip. Surrounded by people and still alone.
And still, she wasn't ready to move on.
