This is a longer chapter… And probably a tearjerker. Sorry ya'll!

Chapter 29: Don't Let Go

DEMI'S POV:

I arrived in a panic. I had just landed at Dallas-Ft. Worth International Airport. I think it's around 1 am. I've lost track of the time since I got that call from the doctor. It's like time is standing still but it's still moving. I can't describe the way I feel right now. I feel weak because I haven't had anything substantial eat or drink anything other than wine in the past 24 hours. I'm waiting for them to open the doors to the airplane. As soon as we landed, I literally jumped out of my seat to crawl over this old man to get my bag and rushed to the front of the plane. Of course the flight attendants scolded me about how I needed to stay seated and not to open the overhead compartments, but I honestly didn't care. Selena is more important. Selena was always more important. Selena will always be the most important. Selena is my everything and always will be. I don't know how she will ever forgive me or if I will ever forgive myself if she… if she doesn't make it. Thinking about losing Selena forever creates a lump in my throat. This lump makes me want to choke. I just can't think like that. I need to focus on getting to the hospital.

As soon as the plane gate opened enough for me to get through, I jumped off and ran down the walkway. I got out to the gate. I'm so frazzled right now. Thinking is a great difficultly right now. I need to focus. I need to find the exit. Baggage claims have exits. Where is the baggage claim? I rushed out to the area around the gate. There I saw the baggage claim sign. As I followed the arrows, I was running. I was running so fast. I could feel my heart beating in my cheeks. How could my heart beat this fast and not explode? What if my heart exploded before I got to see Selena?

I reached the baggage claim and saw the door to the curb. Some lady had pulled over a taxi. I took her taxi. I knocked her out the way. As she stumbled toward the ground I told her that this was urgent because my fiancée was in critical condition. I slid into the taxi and threw my bag inside. My bag hit the window and then thumped against the seat then onto the floor of the taxi. The driver turned around to stare at me. He was obviously very confused. I told the taxi driver to get to the ER at the Dallas-Ft. Worth Medical Center as soon as he could. He kept staring at me.

"NOW!" I screamed at him. He lifted his eyebrows before turning around. He shifted the taxi into drive and we went off. Looking behind me, I saw the woman chasing after us screaming. She was obviously irate. I could understand why and I felt slightly bad, but I needed to get to Selena as soon as possible. Even if that meant the taxi driver needed to engage in a high speed chase with the police. I would pay the fees necessary. I need to get to Selena.

We're driving from the airport to the medical center. We aren't going fast enough. We just aren't. Selena could be- well, she could be- if she's… Oh god! What if I never get to hold her hand again? Or kiss her? Or stroke her hair? What if the next time I see her it's to identify her body in a morgue? I can't. The lump in my throat was coming back and I could feel myself chocking. I can't handle this right now. I just can't.

"FASTER!" I cried through the tears streaming down my face. I need to see her. I need her. I need her more than I need air. I don't know what I'll do if this is the ending. Please, God, let this be some horrible part of a movie and there's a happy ending. If it's not, I can't don't think I can live out the rest of that movie. I just can't. I need a happy ending now more than ever. I felt the taxi drive faster. I had to let the driver know that I will pay for any and all tickets if he could just get me to the medical center quicker.

He looked at me as if to be reassured and I told him again that I would pay for the tickets if he just would get me the medical center faster. I also told him that I would give him a very large tip. He seemed satisfied with the idea of getting a large tip and then he sped up more. We flew through the next seven lights. I can't remember if they were yellow or red, but it didn't matter. We were getting there faster and faster.

We got to the entrance of the ER. I threw a couple hundred dollars at the taxi driver and as I was running to the front desk, my bag almost knocked out an old lady in a walker. I didn't even remember grabbing my bag as I flew out of the taxi.

"I need to see her!" I cried in between gasps for air from the running and the tears.

"Ma'am, I don't know who you're talking about. Please calm down," the receptionist told me.

"I can't calm down!" I screamed as I tugged on my face. God damn! I hate this all so much! "I need to see Selena Marie Gomez. I need to see her now. I'm-I'm her fiancée. Please," I begged. I just couldn't stop crying.

The receptionist handed me this pass to clip onto me and had a security guard escort me to a room. The lady had said room 90. Room 90. We passed by room 3 then room 10 then 19. Where is room 90? I kept following the security guard. Looking around, I saw so many people: doctors reading charts, nurses grabbing blankets, patients walking to bathrooms with cups to pee in, security guards walking around, other family members getting news from doctors. It looks like good news too because they looked happy. Would I get that news? Would everything be okay? Would I get that look of relief on my face when I find out that Selena is stable and is going to make it? All I can think of is that the doctor said not to get my hopes up.

The security guard took his badge and opened up a set of automatic wooden doors. We walked into this lobby. The sounds of heart monitors filled the air. I heard some ventilator machines. What kind of wing is this? Are… Are all these people going to die? Is Selena going to die?

We turned the corner and the security guard knocked softly and paused before opening a sliding door. He was blocking my view and I was dying to go in and see her. He stepped aside. I gasped so loud that what little oxygen I had in me had left my body. This had to be a mistake. That girl lying in that hospital bed was not my Selena.

I walked in and Priscilla was sitting next to the bed holding the girl's hand. It really was Selena. It wasn't a mistake. Priscilla was holding Selena's swollen hand and circling her thumb on top of Selena's hand. I looked at Priscilla. Her eyes were bloodshot and swollen. Her forehead was all blotchy from the crying. Priscilla looked up at me and shook her head. She let go of Selena's hand to give me a hug.

"Demi, I'm so sorry." She muttered into my shoulder as she hugged me. I felt my shirt getting wet from her tears.

"Why are you sorry?" I asked, holding back tears.

"Because I knew she was drunk and I told her it would be okay to drive down the street to stay in a hotel for the night."

"She was drunk? What happened?" I asked.

"Did they not tell you?" A man's voice said.

I shook my head and then turned around. It was Ricardo, Selena's father. He motioned for me to sit in the chair across from the left side of the bed from where I was standing. He kneeled next to me. Priscilla resumed her position holding and stroking Selena's hand.

"She was drunk. Her blood alcohol level was almost at .16%. She was on the verge of alcohol poisoning. Then to top it off, she was driving. She was driving her car down the highway while she was texting someone. She crossed over the median and got hit head on by a van on it's way to the airport. She's lucky she's made it this far. I-I need to get some coffee. Do you all want anything?"

Priscilla didn't answer and I told Ricardo no thank you. I sat in the chair. I felt like it wasn't sitting that the weight of this news would knock me onto the ground. I placed my head in my hands and shook my head. I don't understand how this could happen. I ran my fingers through my hair and then wiped away some tears.

"Mandy, Brian, and Scarlett are all on their way," Priscilla said without looking at me. She was just looking at Selena. "I'm blaming myself too, you know. I shouldn't have told her to drive to that hotel."

"No, Priscilla. It's my fault. If… If… If I hadn't have done what I did to make her so upset, we'd… me and her… we'd be at my parents' house enjoying the end of November together. If I had been a better… If I hadn't made her so upset she never would've been drunk and if I hadn't of been texting her relentlessly…" I stopped for a minute to swallow down some tears, but I wasn't doing a good job of holding them back for even a minute. "But I fucked it up. I fuck up everything," I admitted shamefully through my sobs.

I was sobbing into my hands when I felt a gentle hand lay on my shoulder. I looked up. Brian was rubbing my shoulder. I never knew he had such a gentle touch until now. I wiped away my tears and we embraced. How was I suppose to tell Mandy and Brian what happened? If Selena… If she doesn't make it, how can I tell her entire family she's… you know because of me. I just can't handle how much they'll hate me when they know the truth, no matter what happens. Mandy's hug followed Brian's. I held Mandy's hands after the hug. I didn't see Scarlett.

"Where's Scar?" I asked. I didn't expect her to be here, but I was still surprised that she isn't.

"She's with my sister. I didn't think it would be a good idea for her to be here right now."

I nodded in agreement. It's hard enough for me to be here. Let alone Scarlett. I turned to face my fiancée. It was the first time I had really looked at her since I walked in. Her hair was shaven off. Her beautiful chocolate brown hair that I loved to tug on during sex… Her head was wrapped in white medical tape. She looked as though they were starting to mummify her. As if they knew something I didn't, but I knew she must've had brain surgery. My eyes lower slightly and saw that both her eyes were black. Blacker than I've ever seen them covered in make up - even when her make up has been smudged from crying, sleeping, or both. Not only were they black, they were swollen. Her nose was obviously broken. It was also wrapped in white medical tape. There was a tube going inside each of her nostrils. Is she having trouble breathing? I could hear her heartbeat from the monitor, but I didn't see anything just for her breathing there.

My poor sweetheart… Her lips were swollen too. Her lips looked horrible. Her top lip was just swollen and black and purple. Her top lip had more black though. But they were obviously badly bruised; they looked even more bruised than after someone has lip injections. Her bottom lip was split open. It was purple and you could see where her lip had split because you could see a thin line of red surrounded by the rusty brown color that blood dries to. Her chin was scraped. It must not have been serious scrapes though because they just look like they had been cleaned off but there weren't any bandages on them. Her right cheek, however, had a small bandage on it towards the temple on her head. Her left cheek didn't have any marks on it. Nothing, not even a speck of dirt was on that cheek. I don't know if the doctors cleaned off her cheek or if they found her like that.

Her neck was in a brace. God, please don't let it be broken. Don't let that be the reason she'll… that she might die. Her right arm was in a sling. It must be broken. Priscilla was holding her left hand. The left arm looked all right besides the fact that Selena's hand was swollen. Her fingers were swollen too. There wasn't a cast or splint or whatever so I guess they didn't break. I scanned down her body. Her right leg was in a cast and slightly elevated. Her left leg had a brace on her knee and on her ankle. My poor baby girl, how could this happen? How could I let this happen?

There was a few soft taps against the door and then someone cleared their throat. I turned around. It was a man in a white coat with a clipboard in his hand. This must be the doctor who called me. What was his name? Dr. Michelle? No… That wasn't right.

"May I speak with Miss Lovato, please?" I looked at Mandy and Brian and then stepped forward. The doctor stepped out of the room and I followed him.

"I'm Dr. Mitchell. I called you earlier. I'm glad that you were able to get here so quickly," he told me. I didn't care about the small talk. I wanted to hear how she was doing. How was the love of my life doing? Will she make it? "I'm sure you have a lot of questions, but—"

"Yea, like why does her father know more about what happened than I do? He's basically disowned her for being with me. We're going to get married." I stared at him blankly. My mouth opened. Then, it closed. "We can still get married, right?" I asked.

He sighed and then held the clipboard towards his chest, "We don't know. She's stable. That in itself is a miracle. We had to operate on her brain. Her brain was swelling and we had to take out a piece of her skull so it wouldn't put pressure on the beginning of the spinal cord or do anymore damage to the brain."

"Anymore damage? What brain damage does she already have?"

"We don't know yet. It's more than likely her brain has been damaged in some capacity. It's too early to say where and what will be affected, but she can breathe on her own and her heart is pumping fine. That's a very good thing. Her neck is sprained. It's in a brace to keep it steady. Internally, we did operate on her stomach too. We had to remove her spline. It ruptured during the crash and we had to drain out the excess blood as well. She did get a blood transfusion. Her liver is doing well processing the amount of alcohol in her system and we're going to keep monitoring it along with her heart and lungs. She has some broken bones in her leg and arm. Her nose is broken. We did put in an oxygen tube to make sure she gets plenty of oxygen while the nose heals. Her knee was dislocated and her ankle is severely sprained." My voice cracked from trying to hold in the sobs.

"Listen," the doctor told me as he put his hand on my arm, "I've given you the worst of it. She made it through a long surgery. She's breathing on her own. Her heart is beating fine. She's stable. She's doing remarkably well. She's unconscious right now, but she isn't fully comatose either. We did all that we can do, now… Now, Selena has to decide if she wants to stay. She has the control right now. Don't give up because I've seen love work miracles in here. Don't give up, trust me."

I nodded and covered my mouth while I started crying. I thanked the doctor and then walked back into the room. Priscilla got up and let me have her seat. I grabbed Selena's hand and held on. You aren't leaving me yet, sweetheart. Not until we have a chance to talk it all out.

I woke up to a gentle shaking. I wiped my eyes with the one hand that wasn't holding until Selena's. I looked up. There was a nurse standing next to me. She smiled at me. I mouthed hi at her and looked at her, at Selena.

"I need to change her bandages, sweetie. You might want to leave the room," the nurse told me. I shook my head no and got out of my chair and I gently let go of Selena's hand in the process. I took a step back and watched the nurse slowly unwrap the bandages around Selena's head. I looked. I wanted to look but at the same time, I didn't. I didn't want to see what I had done to her. This was all my fault. As the nurse finished unwrapping the bandages, I saw her head. There were staples in her head. The staples were holding her skin together. The skin was pale and had blotches of bruises all over it. I looked away. I did this to her. When we talk… I'm going to tell her to leave. She doesn't deserve someone who almost killed her literally and probably emotionally. I felt tears welding up in my eyes so I stepped out of the room to take a deep breath, or 50.

Standing outside the door to the room was my family. We hugged and they told me they were sorry and that she would get better. They didn't know. No one knows what happened. Priscilla just knows we were fighting. She doesn't fully know. No one fully knows. I can't live with myself knowing that I did this to her.

Brian came towards my family and I as he handed me a coffee. We nodded at each other as he sipped his coffee and I just played with the lid.

"Is there a reason you're out here?" He asked.

I nodded, "the nurse is changing her bandages and I couldn't watch anymore. It's just too…" trailed off while I looked at my coffee cup lid.

"Sickening?" He finished. I nodded my head. I took a sip. The heat of the coffee burnt the inside of my mouth. I didn't care. I only cared about her. I sighed and slid down the wall. I kept playing with my lid in between sips of my coffee.

Minutes went by. Maybe it was actually several minutes, I don't know until the nurse came out and said that she would check in on Selena in a while and to page her if we needed her. Brian and I mumbled our thanks and he followed me into the room. I sat back in my seat so I could hold her hand. I rested my forehead against her arm. Brian rested his hand on her shoulder. He just stood there with his hand on her shoulder. He wasn't speaking. Neither of us was. The only noise in the room was that of Selena's heartbeat from the cardiac monitor. The rhythmic beeps of her heart beating were the current soundtrack and I didn't mind. Finally, Brian placed his coffee cup down and looked at me and said, "Why was she drinking so much? She normally never drinks."

I couldn't look him in the eye. Hell, I couldn't answer. I just had tears sliding down my cheeks and under my jaw line. I sniffled a few times. I could feel Brian's gaze on me. God, it felt like he had laser beams for eyes right now.

"I… We were fighting," I finally said. That's all I was going to say for now. I needed to talk to Selena before I talked to anyone else about what happened. I think Brian could hear the coldness in my voice and how I just wanted people to stay out of it for a little while. He grabbed his coffee cup and my half empty one and left the room.

"I'm so so so sorry, Selena. I don't deserve you. I never did. Your first girlfriend should be one that actually treats you the way they say they care about you, not like I've been doing." My head hung down. A tear slid down my cheek onto her hand. I took my index finger and smeared that tear into a heart.

"Mmhmm…" I heard. My head popped up. I looked around. Was that… Was that Selena?

"Selena?" I asked as I gently squeezed her swollen hand. Selena grunted. She was going to be okay! She was going to make it through! My eyes turned into waterfalls. Yes, baby, wake up. Please, wake up!

"Selena!" I exclaimed. "Selena, baby it's me. It's me Demi. Your Demi. Selena! Selena, are you there? SELENA?!"

The beeping of her heart monitor stopped for a second. God, no. "SELENA!" I yelled. "Selena, baby, wake up! Please wake up!" The heart monitor went flat. No. No, goddammit. No, not now. Not today. Not ever. Just don't let me lose her.

"SELENA!" I screamed through my tears. Doctors and nurses came rushing into the room. A nurse told me to leave but I couldn't. I was cemented to the floor. Tears were flooding out. My vocal cords were frozen. I couldn't even scream anymore. Another nurse grabbed my arm and pulled me out the door. I had just enough time to regain use of my vocal chords and was able to whisper, "Please don't go, Selena. Please don't let go."

The nurse dragged me outside the door and then quickly shut the door as she went back in. I ran to the windowed part of the room. Another nurse quickly grabbed curtains and shut them. All I could see was the tan curtain on the other side of the window and the shadows of people that the curtain was attempting to hide. I pressed my hand against the window. Another sob broke out of my chest. My forehead pressed against the cold window. My hand and head began to slide down the window until I was laying on the floor in a slump. I kept crying. All I could think about was that I was the reason that Selena is dead.

So… what did you all think? Please review! And try to avoid spoilers for those reading the reviews before reading the story/chapter. 2 reviews and I'll post a new one!