Again, I am sorry for the far too long wait but this past year I have just not had the time or the skill to keep writing. I've recently started to rewatch DA and I thought that I should probably finish this story. There are a few more chapters to come but I cannot make any estimation considering how long it will take.
Just in case you've forgotten, a small explanations of the individual characters.
Cora: married the Duke of Suffolk in 1890 and had a son called Sam who inherited his father's title and estate on the day of his birth because his father died before that.
Robert: married Lady Philipa, daughter of an English Earl because his parents wanted him to so. He starts regretting not having married Cora very early on in his very unhappy marriage. Philipa and he have one daughter, Mary (this is more a less the Mary from the show, with some alterations).
Cora and he meet a mutual friend's party and start an affair which they turn into a marriage half a year after Philipa's death between Christmas and New Year's 1913.
Mary: Only child of Robert and Philipa, more or less the Mary from the show, or rather how she would be if her mother had mistreated her the first 23 years of her life
Sam: Only child of Cora and the Duke of Suffolk, in general admires and loves his mother greatly (except for a year when he was a teenager), but is highly disappointed in both Cora and Robert, but more so in Robert whom he had come to look upon as a father figure.
Julie: Only child of Cora and Robert, born November 1914. She was conceived before Robert and Cora could get married and was a surprise because Cora thought that she could not have any more children (and she did not fall pregnant during the first 20 years of her affair)
Rosamund: finds out about the affair and befriends Cora
Violet: regrets making Robert marry a woman he did not like and therefore does not dislike Cora, although she forbade Robert to propose to Cora in 1890. Just as on the show, greatly loves her children and especially grandchildren.
Matthew: Who he is on the show, but has an easier time convincing Mary to become his wife, good friends with Sam
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A reminder of what happened in the last few chapters:
Robert and Cora got married at the beginning of the war and had a baby girl they named Julia, but usually call Julie.
Mary and Matthew (who are married by this point as well) are able to deal with the fact that Robert and Cora had such a long affair quite easily. The same is true for Lily, Sam's wife.
Sam on the other hand cannot stomach the thought of his mother having had an affair, even if it was with the Earl of Grantham, whom he actually likes. His relationship to Cora has cooled off and he does not want any relationship with Robert at all.
Matthew and Sam are fighting in the war together, Cora is running the convalescent home and Robert is brooding because the army did not want him. He has entertained thoughts of starting an affair with Jane but changes his mind when Cora receives a telegram, telling them that Sam has been seriously injured and is sent home for treatment.
At the end of the last chapter Sam and Matthew were on their way home.
Matthew
Somewhere on the English Channel-November 1917
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Sam's chest is still rising and falling rhythmically. More shallowly than Matthew would like but as he stares at it, he sees that his best friend is still breathing, that he is still alive. He has wondered throughout this journey whether 'being sent home for treatment' did not mean 'being sent home to die'.
He is sure that the only reason he himself was sent home 'to recuperate' is that the War Office wants to question him. He and the Duke of Suffolk along with their batmen were captured by German troops after all and against all odds were able to flee within less than 24 hours. That of course is quite an achievement in itself but Sam at that point had still been unconscious. Matthew and William, or rather Mason as he has to call his batman, carried Sam while Sam's own batman Thompson ran himself ragged trying to clear their way and protect their backs at the same time. They were extremely lucky that they ran into a field hospital by pure accident and that that field station included a qualified doctor. The decision to send Sam and him home had been made within an hour and after Matthew threating to bring down the wrath of the Minister Marquess Flintshire on the doctor at the field hospital, it had been agreed that both batmen were allowed a few days at home as well.
He wishes his mother was there and even more than that he wishes that his father was there. He lost his father when he was still young and hardly ever thinks about him but right now a doctor he could trust unconditionally is what he wishes for the most. Or the second most. Sam waking up would be the greatest comfort.
He wonders if the family knows about Sam. He hopes they don't because he cannot imagine how helpless they would feel, knowing that Sam was gravely injured and possibly about to die. And why did it have to be Sam? One of the very few men he knows who were against this war from the first day on. Sam only volunteered because he thought that as an English duke he would have to do his duty and because he was mad at his mother and step-father.
This war, he thinks, is the worst that has ever happened to anyone. And still there are young boys volunteering. Young boys who remember the entire young male population of their villages being wiped out during the battle of the Somme.
He is surprised that he himself is still alive. His mother who now works for the Red Cross once told him that the average life expectancy for upper middle class officers was six weeks after having joined the army. He has made through more than 150 weeks by now. And he was at the Somme. And still, he wants to go back. As soon as he knows whether Sam will live or die for sure, he will want to go back. He cannot stay home.
"Captain Crawley?" He looks up at the steward who has just entered the room. "We'll be in England in a few minutes. We have to get His Grace ready for transport."
He nods and on his way out of the room is passed by a doctor. "Major," he says and the doctor looks at him. "Send the Duke of Suffolk to the hospital in Downton. Not to Woodland Manor. The duke's wife and mother are at Downton Abbey." The officer says 'yes' but he is not quite sure whether Sam will be sent to his home or to his family.
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Cora
Downton Abbey - A few days later
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She can't remember for how long she has been sitting at her son's bed. It may have been five minutes, five hours, five days, five weeks, five months, five years, five decades. She watches his chest rise and fall again and again and looks for signs of Sam waking up. But there are no signs, not for waking up or anything else. Dr. Clarkson operated Sam as soon as he came into the hospital but there has already been talk of moving Sam to the Abbey. Dr. Clarkson says it is for Sam to recuperate but one of the nurses has been more honest and admitted that there was nothing that could be done for Sam at the hospital anymore. "Whether he will live or die at the Abbey, we cannot know," she said to her.
"Lady Grantham," Dr. Clarkson says and she looks up. "We have to move your son to the Abbey now. He will be cared for there as well as here. I am sure he will be more comfortable." She nods because she does not know what else to do. She begged Robert to talk to Clarkson, to force him to let Sam stay at the hospital, but Robert agrees with Clarkson. He too thinks that Sam can be cared for just as well at the Abbey, if not better. "And you can finally get some sleep," he added. She knows he has been worried about her, she can't remember the last time she slept. Or left the hospital. Or really talked to anyone. She hasn't seen Julie in days, but Julie is well and Sam is not and he needs her more right now.
And so she watches her son being put onto a stretcher and then into an ambulance. She follows in another car and only realizes that it is Robert who is driving her when he says "We'll be home soon, darling". She wants to thank him for picking her up from the hospital but she can't, all she can think of is Sam and she feels that she can't speak.
Once they arrive at the Abbey Sam is carried upstairs into a guestroom. She follows him, takes off her coat and hat and sits down by his bedside. She has no idea what is going on around her and she does not care. All she cares about is Sam.
She is dimly aware of Julie coming into the room once or twice but she ignores her daughter. She is sure that Robert will explain to their little girl that right now is not the time to ask for her Mama. Thinking about Julie makes her feel numb and guilty because she feels that she should not be thinking about her healthy child when she has another one at the brink of death. That thought makes her shiver and cold sweat runs down her face and she realizes that she ice cold. She tries to get up but can't. Tears sting her eyes and then…
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Robert
The same day
.
"Papa?"
"Yes, Julie?" he asks and when he looks at her he sees the disappointment in his daughter's eyes.
"Will you look at my picture? I drew it for Mama but she doesn't like me anymore." It breaks his heart to hear his little girl say these words. In this moment she reminds him terribly of Mary at her age, a girl frightened of her mother, dependent on her father.
"Let's see it then," he says with false enthusiasm. He would much rather talk to Cora, tell her not to ignore Julie. But the poor girl would probably feel even more abandoned then.
"This is Mama and you and me and Sam. Sam is playing with me and you are watching us. See? We are all smiling and there is no war."
Tears sting his eyes and he can hardly keep them at bay. The picture Julie draw is not very good, the people on the picture are unrecognizable, but what she said in three simple sentences are all his wishes. No more war, no more worries. Just happiness. But it is not to be.
"Julie, I have to talk to your mother. Please go back to nanny."
He watches her leave and for a second thinks of delaying speaking to Cora but he can't get around talking to her. Quite beside the fact that she has to stop ignoring Julie, she also has to sleep.
He knocks on the door and when nobody tells him to enter he enters anyway and for a moment he thinks that Cora has fallen asleep but then he sees the sweat on her forehead and how pale she is.
"Cora!" he calls out and in the second between his calling her and her opening her eyes he is afraid that this world is crashing down around him.
"Robert," she rasps more than she says. "I think I am sick."
He feels her forehead as gently as he can. "You are burning up. You have to go to bed now."
"But Sam," she says and he shakes his head. "I'll sit with Sam."
He stays with his stepson for half an hour until Lilly comes in.
"Go to Cora, Robert. Mary has offered to take the rest of my shift." He nods. Mary and Lily have both done more than they ought over the course of the last few days. He supposes that it helps Lily deal with not knowing whether Sam will die or not. Mary does what she can, taking over Cora's work of managing the convalescent home.
He squeezes Lily's shoulder, to thank her and to tell her that he hopes for Sam to finally wake up.
"How is she?" he asks as soon as he enters Cora's room.
"She is resting. The Doctor says she has to sleep and that the fever has to be brought down."
He nods. He feels as if he was nodding all the time.
"I will take care of her ladyship."
"You have to sleep Sully."
"Your lordship, I,"
"No Sully. Go to sleep please, you have done more than enough for her ladyship. I will not leave her bedside until you return well rested."
"Yes, your lordship," the faithful lady's maid says and he knows that she is leaving against her better judgment. She has been with Cora for 30 years now and she feels rather protective of her. She has after all spent a lot more time with Cora than he has.
He takes Cora's hand and realizes how thin it has become. He takes a closer look at her face and there is hardly any comparison between the slightly round face that used to look at him during her pregnancy and the haggard face that he stares at now.
"What has this war done to us?" he asks himself. He was in favor of it, he thought the Germans needed to be taught a lesson, but this seems unacceptable. He is sure that Cora's thinness has not been caused by worry about Sam. It has been caused by her working all day long, seven days a week. His mother once asked 'What is a weekend?' because she never had to work a single day in her life. Cora could ask the same question now because she hasn't had a weekend for months. She has overworked herself and it has taken a toll on her and on their relationship.
He thinks back to a few days ago when he thought of seducing her, of saving their marriage. And about how he knew he would have to be a good husband when seducing Cora to save their marriage became impossible the moment she found out about Sam. A good husband who doesn't think of maids working in his house. Naturally, his thoughts now turn to Jane. He stares at Cora. And sees Jane. Her liveliness and her chattiness, her openness towards him, her obvious desire for him and his desire for her. He considers an affair, wonders whether he could hide it from Cora. She probably wouldn't even realize it.
And then he remembers what Cora has been through for him. All those years she was his mistress and didn't complain. She accepted their fate, brought her reputation in danger much more than he brought his in danger. And it all been his fault. He could have acted against his parents' wishes, he could have married her when she was 20 but he was too blind.
"My darling, I am so sorry," he says and presses a kiss to her too thin hand.
It takes hours until she wakes up and then it is only for a short time.
"Robert?"
"Yes?"
"How is Sam?" The question shouldn't have surprised him but for a moment it hurts that her first thought is her son and her husband.
"The same. Lily is sitting with him."
"You promised you would," she says but he stops her.
"Lily is his wife Cora. She will take good care of him. And you are my wife. I didn't want to leave you alone."
She smiles at him. "Thank you. But please check on Sam."
He sighs exasperatedly but does as she asks.
Lily has fallen asleep with her head on Sam's bed when he enters the room. He gently shakes her awake, asks her to send the doctor to Cora and then go to bed herself. He should sleep too but he should also stay with Sam for a while if only to keep the peace between Cora and himself.
He stares at the boy and wonders what he has been through. Matthew did not say much and is now in London, no doubt being questioned by generals about their lucky escape.
"What are you doing here?" Sam is staring right back at him, his eyes wide open.
"I'll get a doctor." He calls for the doctor and when he returns Sam repeats his question.
"What are you doing here?" closely followed by "Where am I?"
"You are at Downton. You've been shot."
"Then why is Lily not here?" Sam asks in a tone of voice that is far too harsh for his critical condition.
"I sent her to bed."
"And my mother?"
"She is sleeping too. She is ill. But she will be well again. She asked me to stay with you."
"And you do as she asks." He wonders how it is possible that Sam can say so much, even if he uses a quiet voice.
"Yes. And I am worried about you."
"You are worried I might stay here too long." He wants to throttle Sam. It is only his gentleman's education that keeps him from doing so.
"No. I am worried about you because I like you. Very much. We got along very well once."
"That was before I knew that you had turned my mother into your mistress."
Robert feels as if he was turning in a circle. Sam and he have had this discussion before and he is sure that it will lead to nothing.
"Sam, I have told you this before. I wish I wouldn't have had to make your mother my mistress and it was my fault because I could have married her but that is long in the past. And whether you like it or not, your mother agreed to being my mistress. She was in fact the driving force." He wants to say more about it but Sam is going pale and Robert has to remind himself that his stepson is still fighting for his life.
"Go to sleep Sam. I'll tell Lily and your mother that you woke up."
In that moment the doctor enters the room, so Sam is not allowed to rest right away.
Sam's examination seems to take an uncountable number of hours and so Robert leaves and rejoins Cora. She is still asleep and so he decides to lie down next her and sleep himself.
.
"Papa?"
He is shaken awake by hands too little to belong to Mary.
"Julie," he says and his daughter climbs onto his bed.
"Lily said to wake you and Mama. She is talking to the doctor and will tell you what he said."
"Thank you," he says.
"Is it about Sam?"
"Yes."
"He is sick isn't he?"
"I am afraid so. He was injured in the war."
"Like all the other soldiers here."
"I am afraid so."
"Maybe I should visit him." He doesn't know what to say. He doubts very much that a visit from Julie would do Sam any good. But eventually they will have to meet, they are siblings, regardless of Sam liking it or not. If they can meet at all.
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Julie – Two days later
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"Who are you?" the man in the bed barks at her.
"Lady Julia," she says as confidently as she can.
"What do you want?" She wonders if the man can really be her brother. Shouldn't he be nice to her? Mary who is her sister is always very nice to her.
"I want to visit you."
"Why? Did your mother send you?"
"No. I just wanted to see you. Because you are my brother."
"Am I?" She wonders how stupid her brother is. Maybe he is still sick.
"Yes. Are you sick?"
"Of course I am sick."
"But Mama says that doctor said you would not die." Sam looks at her as if couldn't believe what she just said.
"Are you afraid of dying?"
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Sam
.
He doesn't know what to say.
How much of him does this little girl know? Of course he is afraid of dying. He will not die of his injury but if the war goes on long enough he might have to go back to France. The doctor said that he would make a full recovery. He wishes that wasn't the case because he does not want to return to the war. He can't stand it anymore.
"I won't die right now," he says and Julie nods.
"I am glad. You are my brother."
He nods. Until now he hadn't really thought about Julie as his sister. So far she has been nothing more than the result of his mother's indecent affair. Their mother's affair.
"How is our mother?" He is still worried about her. She has visited him twice but she still looked pale.
"She is on the bend."
"On the bend?" He has no idea what his sister is saying.
"It means getting better."
"On the mend. She is on the mend."
"That is what I said." He wants to argue but then thinks better of it.
"You are tired. Mama always says to leave tired people alone." Contrary to what she just said, Julie climbs onto his bed and the presses a light kiss on his cheek.
"I am glad you are my brother," she says and then leaves the room, leaving him alone with his thoughts.
So, I hope this chapter isn't as horrible as it seems to me.
Please let me know what you think.
Have a great Sunday everyone,
Kat
