Chapter 24 / Taking Kisses From Beneath the Sheets (You'll Be Everything I Ever Need)

Stop sending letters

Letters always get burned

It's not like the movies

They fed us on little white lies

There's a bitter taste in the back of Sam's throat when she wakes up. The sun illuminates the master bedroom making it rather difficult to remain asleep for her considering she's blinded by it. The white silk curtains dance as a soft ocean breeze flows effortlessly through them with the sound of small waves crashing at a distance.

The blond smiles as she peels her eyes open and takes in her surroundings. Her bare leg is wrapped around another beside her in the bed, and her smile deepens as her eyes land on Freddie's peaceful face.

"Psst." She nudges him with her toe making him stir a groan. She chuckles at his resistance to wake up. It was never easy with him, especially when everyday was a vacation.

"Wake up." And just as she speaks a set of actual words nausea hits her like a wave forcing her to quickly sit up and endure it's back lash. "Oh, god." She mumbles shutting her eyes and rubbing her head quickly.

"What's wrong?" Freddie mumbles still half asleep from his position.

Sam just shakes her head in confusion. "I think I'm gonna throw up." She reveals rather abruptly for it catches Freddie's attention at an alarming rate making him blot up in concern. "We did have those calms last night." He sparked her memory a she nodded in agreement.

"Do you feel okay?"

He nodded a little hesitantly. "Yeah. Think so."

"You're right, it's probably that. I'll just take some Tums, relieve the acid balance in my stomach." She mumbles climbing out of bed and pacing herself to the bathroom. She felt like an overflowing vase, ready to tip over and spill at any moment.

And as she rummages through their medicine cabinet she realizes they're empty on Tums. "Freddie we ran out." She groans. Just her luck.

"That's okay, today's the nineteenth, we're going into town for groceries anyway!" He calls from the bedroom as he climbs out of bed and stretches before making his way to Sam who took acceptance on the side of the tub, cradling her head in her hands. "It's the nineteenth?" She swallows, quickly calculating in the back her mind on high alert and coming to the conclusion she's four days late.

Her eyes widen and her heart races for a moment. Of course she'd been late before, a few times. But just never over three days.

Crap.

"Really don't feel that well?" Freddie questions in concern as he stands in the frame of the bathroom catching her off guard.

"Yeah. No more seafood." She quickly grumbles trying to play it off all cool. But at the moment she's worried about her aim for the toilet bowl just in case rather than what Freddie may make of her sudden morning sickness. Freddie just nods in agreement and is about to give her a comforting back pat before the wails of a screaming baby filled the air.

Sam makes a move on reflex but Freddie quickly puts her to ease by saying "I got her. You, stay here and try not to to puke." and with that, makes is exit, leaving the Blond praying to god she it's not what she thinks it is.

Sure, she never really imagined herself as a mother—especially after being raised under such terrible circumstances. But after Emma, and realizing how rewarding the whole mother process had been, even under her current situation, she began to long for more. The topic never really came up with Freddie, seeing that they already had their hands full with the dangers from the company and handling their career's as well as a current baby and the fact they'd just officially gotten together a mere few weeks ago. But the more she thought about it, the more she wanted it. Maybe not at the moment per say, considering they still had their hands pretty full, with her album in the making and Freddie just barely gaining control of the company, but then again she was told that you never really plan for a baby, it just happens.

As she pushed through the nausea Sam stood making her way to the sink where she managed to rinse her face with cold water and instill some encouraging words in herself.

You're fine. You're good. You'll go to town today, buy a test when Freddie isn't looking. All will be good. She makes a quick plan in the back of her mind to put herself at ease at least until they could leave.

It would be a while though considering they alway make their way into town after Emma's afternoon naps as to avoid any her falling asleep on the boat and one of them having to stay back.

"Sam? Where's Sammy, hu?" Freddie's voice cuts through the silence as the bounces the joyful baby in his arms. "Oh! There she is!"

Sam instantly turns around putting on a calm smile for the show and attempting to take her from his embrace. But Freddie steps back with a playful bounce. "Oh, no, no. Mommy's sick, we're not gonna have her hold you! Silly mommy, hu?" He states speaking to Emma in that ridiculous manner.

Sam just shoots him an amused glare. "You know she's not gonna understand you any better if you talk to her like that." She states rather professionally.

"Oh, really?" One of Freddie's eyebrows shoots up in interest. "And you know this because you specialize in child development?" He teases as they make their way out of the bathroom and into the kitchen where Sam takes out a the ground coffee from the cabinet ready to make the morning's coffee.

Wait. No, no. You can't drink coffee. You may be pregnant, Sam, what the hell are you thinking? She curses at herself but continues for she knows Freddie may very well wants some as well. No wait, smart cover. Put the coffee on the machine.

She smiles trying to make everything look as normal as she watches Freddie place Emma in her high chair and search for the foamy cereal.

"But Freddie's quick to comment for he notices her rather unusual behavior, especially with the constant smiling. What with the smile? Didn't think nearly throwing up would make you so happy this morning."

Sam just shrugs and pays no attention to him.

"it's a smile Freddie, stop overthinking everything. Plus, the Gerber cereal is in the cabinet to your left—we do this every morning." She quickly saves her self making a silent note to tone it down a little.

"Right." He reveals that husky smile she knows best and turns her attention back to the coffee. "What should we eat for breakfast?" She questions then going to the nearly empty fridge.

"What's left?"

Her eyes peer around. "There's some raspberry jam, a jar of mayo, block of cheese, ketchup…" She trails off no really knowing what to make of anything in there. "Grilled cheeses?" Freddie suggests, but for the some reason the sound of the greasy sandwich makes her stomach turn in disgust at the moment and she's quick to shake her head.

"No."

"Well, the bread's still good, and here," He pulls out a jar of peanut butter from the cabinet and slides it across the island counter, making Emma giggle from her seat. "we could make PB&J sandwiches!" He annoyed a little to excited for he makes Sam chuckle.

"I haven't had a peanut butter and jelly sandwich since middle school, Freddie." She comments. "All the more reason to make some!" He suggested as she shrugged. It wasn't a bad idea, and the more she thought about it the more it appealed to her.

"Fine. But only because Emma agree's." She states referring to the baby girl who was hyper in her seat, reaching out for the jar that was too far away for her to reach.

In the afternoon while Freddie's tucked away at his desk in the kitchen, making a few calls to Brad and Parker who he'd left in charge, Sam made the effort to grab a few a lounge chair from by the pool and take Emma across to the beach.

And as she watched the eleven month old throw and crush sand around in her frilled pink sunhat, Sam kneeled before her in the sun right beside the line of palm trees that separated the beach from the house land. She bent down and bang to dig a whole, gathering as much sand as she could.

"Okay, Sammy's gonna take the orange shape and make a sea-star!" She exclaimed using the voice Freddie was earlier in the morning as she used one of the small colorful shovels to pact together the sand in the shape before flipping it back into the sand and removing the casting.

"Look at that Emma!" She grinned for she was actually enjoying her time just spent around the baby.

"What's that?" She asked just as Emma crawled toward her creation and smashed it with her fist. But Sam just laughed and shook her head. "Did you crush the sea-star? Did you?" She asked but Emma just continued about.

"I know! Before Freddie comes to go swimming, we can build a castle, and you can smash that too!" She claimed grabbing the larger bucket and filling it with sand. "You'd like that wouldn't you?" Sam continued hoping if she indulged herself in the many vicarious acts of child play she'd get her mind off the possibility of being pregnant.

And it worked that is until Freddie came down and the three of them were thigh deep in the shallow nearly see through ocean and she felt her nausea slowly creep back in.

She didn't know if it was the sway of the current or the smell of the sea salt but something her body wasn't agreeing with her.

"You okay?" He asked with questionable glance her way. Sam just nodded and swallowed holding no tighten to Emma who they were trying to coax into being put in the baby flotation device.

"We're never having clams again." She mumbles quickly using the same excuse as in the morning as she hands Emma to him.

"O-Okay." He comments trying retain the smile that he had trouble with, but he was horrible at it for Sam immediately noticed and did not hesitate before throwing him shade. "Oh I bet this is freaking hilarious to you Freddie!" She shouted turning away and bringing her hand to her mouth.

"You're gonna throw up!" He claimed as she splashed them both with a warning. "Watch out Emma! She's gonna blow!" He shouted as she heaved for a moment.

Maybe it is the clam's. Pregnant women aren't supposed to have morning sickness after noon, right? She asked herself in wishful thinking. But she knew that wasn't true, for she remembered when Carly was pregnant with Emma she not only had morning sickness in the morning but at night as well.

But that was all the thought she had time for before she felt the small chunks of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches mixed with clams ran up her throat and out into the water around.

"Oh and there she goes Emm's!" Freddie shouted a little grossed but with a half hearted chuckle as he made a little distance between her and them.

After a nice fretting shower and the extensive use of mouthwash and toothpaste Sam made her exit from the bathroom in her robe, immediately throwing herself on top of the white cold sheets in the master bedroom taking a moment to relish in the luxury of her cleanliness.

And after a moment she heard the small creaking of the aged wood beneath feet and the space next to her dip.

"Feeling better?" Freddie's voice rang out, his hand running the length of her back in a soothing motion.

Sam just nods. She feels drained and tired.

"Good. I put Emma down for her nap. We can boat into town after she wakes up." He mumbles closing the space between them and planting kisses across part of her exposed shoulder.

Sam moans in euphoria for it feels so damn good to feel his skin against hers.

"I love it here." Sam mumbles with a gentle smile.

"Oh yeah?" Freddie questions playfully.

Sam nods.

"Even when you're sick and puke-y?"

The blond nods again. "Especially when I'm sick and puke-y."

"Oh really?"

"Yeah, because I have you to take care of me." She groans as he pushes the robe further down her back and continues his trail of kisses.

"I tend to be really good at that." He mumbles in between a few.

Sam smiles once more and just lets herself relax for a moment until the thought that she could be pregnant surfaces in her mind once again and her eyes pop open as a mixture of dread washes over her and she's faces with the ultimate debate once more.

Should she tell him she's late? Should she tell him she could be pregnant? Or should she tell him after she's sure and not worry him until then? It was tough situation and it didn't help that she couldn't make up her mind.

"Freddie?" She questioned in the crisp air around them.

"Hm?" he was a little lost in massaging her back to notice the conflicted nature of the expression on her face.

She stayed silent for a moment not knowing why she even called his name before.

"Isn't weird how I only got sick from the clams?" She decided to go for it, hinting at the possibility.

Freddie stops for a moment for he hadn't really thought about it. "I don't know. Maybe you got a bad clam—"

"One bad clam?" Sam questioned with a frown, he honestly wasn't getting the hint.

Freddie shrugged. "That can happen, right?"

Now that she thought about it, it was possible. Still didn't explain why she was late, but bodies change, right? So it could be that it's just weird thing as she grows older. She quickly thinks it over.

"I guess so." She mumbled before getting up. "I hate to do this, but I promised I'd Skype Meghan at one and it's already a quarter in" She reveals as Freddie turns on his back and exhales sharply, disappointed in a playful manner.

"Well, you know, if you must." He smirks and Sam rolls her eyes as she makes way to the dresser and picks out a navy and white striped shirt and a pair of shorts.

"I must. You know you're mother's going to be there and she's gonna make some comment on my tardiness." They chuckle as she dresses and throws the robe his way obstructing his view for a mere moment.

"It wouldn't surprise me." He puffed out with a small smile.

Out on the deck, in the sun, lounging at the table that held a pitcher of lemonade, Freddie peacefully read "Communicating With Your Baby", a book he picked up at the airport, as Sam held the PearPad to her face, video chatting Spencer's wife, as promised.

"Is Marisa around?" Sam asked after they finished discussing Spencer's newest disaster as a college art professor.

"You know it. I swear that woman has nothing but time on her hands!" Meghan exclaimed with the shake of her head. Freddie chuckled from where he sat and glance up for a moment acknowledging her statement about his mother.

"She just lurks around telling me what Nolan should and should play with—I mean, no offense Freddie, but she's getting a little crazy!" Meghan complained with a small laugh. She enjoyed Marissa's interest in her son's well being but it was getting out of hand.

"I know how to take care of my own child!" She defended.

"It's only going to get worse—you should've seen her when Freddie was a teenager." Sam explained with an amused smirk. Freddie shook his head with a smile, reminiscing about the time without looking up from his book.

It was funny how time changed so quickly.

"We had to fly to Japan once, and she came with a whole rolling cart of her own vaccines. You haven't seen anything yet—"

"Oh great…" Meghan exhaled.

"Just don't be afraid to stand up for yourself. Once she see's you can do that, I promise she'll back off!" Freddie spoke from his spot beside Sam, but the blond just gave him a look of utter disbelief. "Oh yeah, because they worked out so well for you!"

He shot her a playful glare but continued to his book, as Meghan erupted in laugher from the tablet in Sam's hands.

"Anyway," Sam rose from her seat and began to walk the perimeter of the deck that wrapped around the upper level of the house. "I need to talk to you about something." Sam quickly revealed once she out of ear shot from Freddie.

"Okay," Meghan shot her a suspicious look.

"…I think I'm pregnant." Sam mumbled so quickly and lowly that Meghan barely heard it.

"Wait, what?!" Spencer's wife nearly exploded when she heard the news. Sam just nodded with a grimace. "I'm four day's late, and I was throwing up all day today." Sam explained biting her lip. She needed to tell someone before she completely freaked out and she knew Meghan was good with secrets.

"Does Freddie know—?"

"No! And it's gonna stay like that until we get to the main shore and I find a drug store or a pharmacy or somewhere where they sell pregnancy tests in Belize!" Sam nearly shouted once she was on the other side the house.

"Oh god." Meghan expressed. "Aren't you on the pill—or—did you guys use protection?" She questions quickly knowing of the two would come to play.

Sam takes a moment to think about it. They'd always used protection, but she stopped taking her birth control pills after her cycle regulated. "Protection, yes. Pills, not anymore."

"Okay, okay. So a condom broke!" Meghan exclaimed quickly trying to push it all off like everything was fine.

"Y-Yeah, probably—I don't know—listen, I just had to tell someone!" Sam quickly revealed.

"Okay, well, just calm down a bit. I mean, you don't know for sure so try to not freak out until you know for sure." Meghan quickly suggests.

"Yeah, yeah. You're right." Sam admitted. "I'll call you when I know, thanks."

"You better—! Listen, I think Nolan's up I gotta—"

"Say no more, Meg. Talk to you later."

Sam grabs Emma when she wakes up. Her room is stuffy and smells like baby powder so she opens the french doors and lets the breeze flow through now that she's away. Her hair is wild and some of it is stuck to her face from transpire but Sam can't deny the happy smile that erupts across her face as she walks in the room and finds her standing on the side of her crib waiting to be let out.

"Hi, Emma!" Sam exclaims going to up her. "How's my girl doing?" She asks, wanting to communicate as much as she can through her.

Emma just stood there hanging on the she side, adorable smile shining back to the Sam who was just playing with her, enjoying her time for the moment, before she raised her arm and pointed at Sam.

"Mama!" She declared very clearly making Sam stop in her tracks. The smile on her face quickly disappeared and was replaced by a quick frown.

The blond took a step back as Emma gazed at her with a blank expression.

It took a moment as all the emotions surface as Sam tried to keep them down, but eventually she smiled and nodded. "Yeah. Mama. I'm you're mama." She swallowed back tears that threatened to escape and smiled through, picking her up in her arms.

"I'm your Mama, Emms." She stated with a mixture of pure content and sadness.

The boat ride from the island is a mere twenty minutes of sea and wind from the main shore in Belize. Sam's riding with Emma, trying hard to hold on to her wicker hat for she learned the hard way that she burns easily, Freddie steers their small motor boat.

It's a nice clear day, and if you asked Sam she'd usually be enjoying the ride to shore, unfortunately today, her stomach is not agreeing with her. The way the boat rocks against the waves, and the strong smell of the salt gets makes her queasy for she has to hang on tightly to the sides and keep herself stable.

"You okay back there?" Freddie shouts through the conditions. But she can tell he's having a blast at the way she's reacting to everything today, so she shoots him a glare. "Just peachy!" She yells back trying to pull herself together.

"A-And how much are these?" Freddie questions in the background as he struggles to weight the fruit in one hand, and Emma in the other. Sam scans the perimeter for a mini-market or some type of convince store, and finally spots one off to her right, hidden by the tents and shops of the flea market around her.

"Freddie, go buy some apples, uh, gotta get a box of Tums from the mini-market down there!" She shouted, feeling al little guilty she was ditching him so soon, but she had to find those tests.

Inside, it's busy, dusty, and a little dark. Most the products are in another language—something in english, most she doesn't recognize anyway, either way she knows she's not going to find Tums here, even though it was front for what she really wanted to buy, Tums were actually on the list.

She scans the isles for the healthcare section, running her fingers over every box and container hoping she wouldn't accidentally skip over anything. In the end she has to explain to a eighty-year-old woman who didn't speak english if they had any pregnancy tests.

She began by drawing out a rectangle box, and repeating "baby". But the woman didn't understand and she knew it was only a matter of time before Freddie walked in behind her. "Uhh…" She struggled trying to think.

Then she drew a half circle from above her stomach to her waist and said "Test, test! Baby!?" She was at a loss but it seemed like the woman understood what she meant.

"Ahh! Una prueba de embarazo!" She stated in Spanish. Sam froze for a moment but then nodded trying to use what little she retained from her college Spanish course which turned out to be nothing. So she pulled up her phone and googled pregnancy test in the translate tab, turning her phone to the old woman who took a moment to find her glasses before she could read the text.

"Si! Si! Está embarazada!" The woman cheered and Sam nodded in relief. "Uh si, si!" She exclaimed as the woman put her glasses on and dragged her across the whole store.

In the end the pregnancy test's were in the cosmetic's section which confused Sam but she went along with it, quickly purchasing one and moving it in her bag before saying goodbye to the old lady with a "Thank you! Thank you!"

She nearly crashed into Freddie at the door, who it seemed managed to put Emma in her stroller without her throwing a fit.

"Did you find any?" He questioned with a smile as she took some of the bags that didn't fit under the stroller or on his arms.

"No, they don't sell american brand—that includes Tums." She gave out a small pout as they made their way back towards the market. "That's too bad."

"Yeah, guess we have to order some. Anyway, did you get those banana's I asked?"

After Dinner and after the movie had finished and Freddie was trying to put Emma asleep, Sam locked herself in their bathroom, her excuse; that she wasn't feeling good again, when in reality she just needed time to pull the pregnancy test from her bag and take it.

She knew she should've gotten more than one, these thing can give out false positives, but she simply ran out of cash at the front desk and only had enough for one.

The took the stick out of the box and thanked god the instructions were in english, although, pee on the stick and wait for the results are basically a given with any pregnancy test, the thing was, how to read it.

"Okay." Sam exhales sitting on the toilet. She made sure she had a lot of fluids during dinner for this particular build up.

After the test is complete she lets it sit on the counter for a few minutes, the instructions say anywhere between two to five minutes, and two to five doesn't seem long—logically speaking but to Sam it feels like years pass her as she paces around the bathroom in anticipation.

The door knocks once, then twice. "Hey Sam?"

"Y-Yeah?" She calls back. Theres a small hitch in her voice but she doesn't dare touch the door.

"You okay in there?"

"Super!" She replies quickly biting one of her nails.

"Alright. I'm gonna turn in."

"Y-Yeah! You go... go a-and do that!" She stumbles over the words.

Okay, Sam. You can do this. You can do this. She instills some confidence within herself and attempted to shakes off any nasty feelings as she holds her breath.

A pink positive stares back up at her.

Her heart stops.

She doesn't know how long she stares at it for, but it feels like centuries. She doesn't know if she's happy or sad, or mad, or whatever. This is the only point in her day when she wants to throw up and not because she feels queasy.

All she knows is that she has to tell Freddie.

So Sam wraps the stick in tissue paper and places it back in the box, placing it back in her bag. Somewhere she knows Freddie can't accidentally find it. She opens the door she shuts the light off in the bathroom staring back at the dark master before her.

She just stands in the door way with a frown on her face, her mind going on over drive.

"Sam?" She can hear Freddie's voice speak from the bed, but it's strange for it feels so much further away than he really is.

She doesn't reply though. She just stands there, trying to make sense of why the room seems to be getting darker and darker before her. At first she thinks it's her imagination but then she quickly comes to the conclusion that it was really happening.

"Sam?" The voice is a little altered but still resembles Freddie, although now it's definitely a lot further than she thinks.

Her head tips it its side in curiosity, her vision is doubled and obstructed by the thick black heed around her. She wanted to question what was going on—but she found she didn't need to for she knew a part of her understood what was happening.

"Sam?" The voice is a lot clearer now. And she can instantly tell it doesn't belong to Freddie. She closes her eyes for the world is making her too dizzy at the moment.

"Sam?"

"Spencer?" She's shocked at how low and rough her voice sounds.

She peels her eyes open this time, blinding light engulfs her vision as she stares back at her dead best friends older brother. "Spence." She mumbles in confusion. What was he doing there?

"Oh thank god." He exhales with a smile and she feels pressure in her right hand. She looks down and realize he's hold it. Her eyes then look around the room she's in. It's walls are blank and clean and the smell of hand sanitizer fills the air.

Hospital, she was in the hospital.

"Hey." Spencer's quick realize she doesn't know whats going on.

"Samantha?" A strangers voice rings out beside him and suddenly she's faced with a female face staring back at her. "I'm Dr. Peters. Do you know who you are?"

Sam nods. Of course she knows who she is, why would someone ask her that?

"Okay, good. Do you know where you are?"

Sam looks around once more and nods. "H-Hospital."

"That's right. You're in the hospital." The doctor repeated. "Do you know what happened?" She continues to ask. This time Sam looks to Spencer who's sudden relieved expression turns a little sour.

She thinks she knows. She thinks she remembers. It takes her a moment, for she even closes her eyes but slowly, it all comes back to Sam. The plan, their escape, the SUV's, dropping Emma at Marisa's, taking the gun from the car, going up the elevator, throwing up in the hall, Neal Burke betraying her, Brad, Parker, Mason, Archibald, SURI, Freddie.

Her eyes widen at the thought of Freddie as the rest comes back too easily after that. The shooting, Archibald shot Brad and Parker… and Freddie.

"Where's Freddie?!"

And from the hesitance in Dr. Peter's expression and the look on Spencer's face tell her it's not good.

Pulled apart at birth

Limbless and helpless

I can't even recognize you

I think you're crazy, maybe

I think you're crazy, maybe


Chapter inspired by Motion Picture Soundtrack - Radiohead