Chapter 29 – Catharsis
Christian
She is so warm and so soft. First I brush my fingers along her cheek a few times indulging in her soft skin. Then I lean forward and brush my lips against her temple and start peppering her face with little kisses to wake her. I am never going to make the mistake again of leaving her while she is asleep. Even if it is only to go for a run.
"Five minutes…" She mutters sleepy patting my head softly and snuggling deeper into her pillow.
"Ana… I am going for a run, baby. I didn't want to leave without telling you." I whisper against her head. Slowly she turns around and her sleepy eyes focus on my face.
"Oh Christian…did you even sleep, you look exhausted." She says cupping my face with her warm hands.
I think it was four o'clock when my dad and I finally went to bed. Sleep didn't come easy though, so I think I slept just a few hours.
"I can sleep on the plane." I smile. She nods slowly and that V appears between her eyes.
"Is Taylor going with you?" She says suddenly sounding alarmed.
"Yes, why?" She relaxes slightly and averts her eyes. "Why Ana?"
"Because I worry okay…" She says the tears now pooling in her eyes. "If Elena is involved with those Russian."
"Nothing is going to happen to me, Ana." I sit down beside her, tug the duvet away and pull her on my lap. Her arms immediately wrap around my neck while she holds on tightly. I try to comfort her while slowly rubbing my hands over her back and that is when she softly starts to cry.
"Baby, why are you crying?" She shrugs but tightens her hold on my neck.
"Ana, look at me…" She shakes her head no and tries to bury her face deeper into my neck.
I decide it is better to let her cry this out. I can only imagine what she is feeling right now. She was the one who received the phone call from Annette, she was the one who saw the damage on Sebastian's body and she was the one who somehow held the entire family together. So fucking brave and strong. So while she cries softly, I keep stroking her back, occasionally kissing her hair.
When she finally calms down and she starts speaking, her words are rushed and frantic and I can't understand one single word she is saying.
"Ana…calm down…" I speak into her ear. "Calm down…"
"I…I can't…" She sobs. "I…can't …stop…" She slowly loosens her hold on my neck and sits up straighter. Immediately she starts wiping the tears from her face. When she finally meets my eyes, my heart breaks at the hurt on her face. "Promise…me…something…" She says grabbing the collar of my sweater.
"Anything" I whisper.
"Tighten security…Taylor alone is not enough…" She can barely speak since the sobs are shuddering through her body. Oh Ana!
"Will that make you feel better?"
She nods her head frantically, her eyes searching my face. "Then I am going to talk to Taylor so he can arrange for extra security, for us, for my family…"
"And…and for Sebastian…and your grandfather…"
"And for Sebastian." I agree. She nods and the tension seems to leave her body.
"If she…hurts you again…I will kill her." She says firmly. The determination on her face tells me that she isn't joking.
"Who are you going to kill?" My brother walks in with a half glass of orange juice. How the fuck did he get in here without me hearing him and what the hell is he doing here?
"Elena…" Ana says. She doesn't even look surprised that Elliot is here sitting on the bed smiling at her.
"Count me in…" He says and kisses the top of Ana's head. He rolls his eyes at me when I send him a glare.
"Good morning Elliot…" Ana smiles sweetly.
"Hi…why the tears, Ana?"
"Where the fuck did the other half of that orange juice go, Elliot?"
He hands her the glass of orange juice and shrugs sheepishly. "I wanted to make sure that it tasted good." He grins.
"I heard you cry…and orange juice always helps."
"Thank you." Ana says taking the glass from his hand. She immediately brings it to her mouth and starts sipping.
"So…the killing of the cunt…" Elliot says rubbing his hands together. "You know what Ana? You have permission to kill her first and when you are finished with her I'll kill her again."
She gives him a shaky smile and lets out a deep sigh. "Thank you, Elliot. You are the brother I never had."
"Be careful what you wish for, baby…" I mutter.
Slowly Elliot stands from the bed and looks at me. "You are going for a run?"
I nod and look at Ana.
"Mind if I'd join you?" He asks.
"No problem…Taylor is coming with us too."
"And Sawyer." Ana pipes up.
"Okay…I'll be downstairs, take your time." And probably just to piss me off, he leans down and plants a loud kiss on Ana's head.
"I don't think I have ever seen Elliot so angry before. I really thought he was going to strangle her." Ana whispers when Elliot closes the door behind him.
I nod agreeing with her. "He really loves you, Christian and I think that he partially blames himself for what she did to you."
"It is not his fault." I say.
"It is nobody's fault, Christian. All the blame goes to Elena."
Again her arms wrap tightly around my neck and I feel her entire body starting to shake. "Ana, talk to me."
"Christian…I am so scared. What if those people she is involved with decide to come after you? We are talking about a Russian mafia organization. They forge documents, falsify travel visas…they are into slavery!" She says frantically. "We don't even know who is involved." She takes a deep breath. "These people have no conscience, Christian. And you didn't talk to Annette…she sounded scared."
"Ana, listen to me." I cup her face in my hands and force her to look at me. "Welch and Taylor are on top of things as is my father. Nothing is going to happen to me, Ana. I promise not to leave your side, okay?" I kiss her pouty mouth. "You are stuck with me." Forever and ever.
She just stares at me, the tears rapidly falling from her eyes. "In a few hours we will be leaving for New York. Taylor, Sawyer, Reynolds and Ryan will be joining us and following us there." Slowly when the words register she slowly nods her head and slowly the tension leaves her body.
Finally a small smile appears on her face. "I love you." She whispers.
"Sir, a moment please?" Taylor is standing at the bottom of the stairs already dressed in his workout clothes.
"What is it Taylor?"
"Given yesterday events I had a meeting with Welch this morning and we decided to tighten security for you, Ms. Steele and your family. We've already assigned the best people in the field and instead of the covert security, your family needs to have security with them at all times. I also assigned two security officers to watch the premises here at Bellevue as well as at your grandfather's. He wasn't happy about it when I spoke to him, but he understood." He widens his stand and tilts his chin. He thinks I am going to yell.
"What do you have on Annette Quinn?"
"The last Intel we got was that she left Seattle and booked a flight to New York. She paid in cash."
"Do you have someone on her?"
"Yes, sir."
"Very good. Keep me informed, Taylor. I also want you to assign another CPO to Ms. Steele, preferably a woman."
"Already working on that, sir."
"Thank you, Taylor." I pat his shoulder and point towards the kitchen. "Coffee first and then we can have a run. Elliot is joining us."
It takes him a few minutes for him to start following me. Inwardly I have to laugh. He doesn't know what just happened!
"Your girl is pretty remarkable." Elliot says when we round the corner. This is the first thing Elliot has said since we left my parents house forty five minutes ago, which is pretty remarkable, since he never seems to be able to be quiet for longer than one minute. In the distance we can see the paparazzi standing at the gate, their camera's clicking while they start shouting our names.
"She is…" I agree and keep my eyes strained on the path in front of me.
"Where is Kate?" Not that I care.
His brow furrows and I don't fail to notice that my brother doesn't look at me. "She probably took 'give me space' very literally. When I came back from the boathouse and went to my old bedroom her stuff was gone. She left me a little note asking me to call her when I was ready."
"So Ana, did she know?" He asks and I can see from the corner of my eye that he is looking at me.
"She did. Ana knows everything there is to know about me, Elliot."
He keeps silent, probably thinking about my answer. "You could have told me, Christian. I would've helped you." His voice falters and he suddenly stops. Sawyer and Taylor also stop to give us some privacy.
"I know…" I start but I am cut off.
"Do you? Do you really, Christian?" He yells. His hands grabbing his hair in total desperation.
"Yes, Elliot…" I say as calmly as possible.
"Then why the fuck did you allow her to do that to you! Why the fuck didn't you come to me? Or to mom or dad! We would have helped you, man!"
"Because I didn't know how! I was ashamed! So fucking ashamed, Elliot! You have no idea!" I shout back as I feel the shame and guilt building up in my body. With the tears pooling in his eyes, my brother stares at me for what feels like forever. His mouth opens and closes, but no sounds come out.
"Mr. Grey, I would like to suggest to finish this conversation inside." Taylor interrupts my thoughts. When I turn my head to look at him he tilts his chin to the gate where the paparazzi are standing.
"Meet me in ten minutes in the library." I say to my brother without looking at him. "Ask mom, dad and Mia to join you."
Exactly ten minutes later my parents, my grandfather, Elliot, Mia and Ana have gathered in the library.
The silence is deafening and I feel as someone is squeezing my throat, preventing me to breathe.
Faces, weary from the lack of sleep stare at me. My lovely girl is the only one who gives me a small smile. Encouraging me.
I clear my throat and move my head to the sides. "I am only going to tell this once. Please don't interrupt me; it is already hard enough for me to share this with you."
My eyes stop briefly at my little sister. She looks so tired and her eyes are swollen from the crying. She also looks really small sitting in between Elliot and Carrick.
"We just want to understand." Mia whispers. "We are not here to judge you, Christian. We love you too much to do that to you." She sniffs and leans her head against Elliot's shoulder. "We just want you to know that we are here for you."
I take the few steps that separate me from her and swiftly kiss the top of her head. After a few seconds I take a huge intake of air and walk towards the window and with my hands tucked in the pockets of my sweatpants my mind goes back to that time.
"It happened the summer that I was expelled for the second time and mom and dad send me to the Lincolns to help with their backyard. I am not going to give you details; I just want to share how it made me feel and why I never told you anything."
"After it happened…I felt powerless, numb even. I wanted to cry, but I couldn't. I felt completely out of control." I shake my head in disgust. "As the months passed I questioned myself…was it really wrong what she did to me? In my head I denied it happened, because it was easier. I mean, if I hadn't made that smart ass remark about what she was wearing, she maybe wouldn't have…done it." I shrug. "Now as an adult and after excessive counseling I know I was wrong, but I was fifteen…I really thought I was the one to blame." Behind me I hear some rustling and sniffling but I can't make myself turn around to look at them. I don't think I can even walk at this point. It feels like I am paralyzed from the waist down.
I clear my throat and stare at the Sound for a long time before speaking again. "Then the shame started. I thought that by telling mom and dad they would feel embarrassed and that they wouldn't believe me or that they would send me away. That was one of the first things Elena said to me…that my parents would never believe me." I stop talking when I hear my mother gasp, but again I will myself to focus on the Sound.
"I remember feeling anxious and dirty…I felt so fucking dirty." A shudder runs through my body and I force myself not to think about that.
In the reflection of the window I see Ana walking to me. Careful, as though she is not sure of my reaction, she wraps her arms around my waist and leans her forehead against my back. Instantly my hands wrap around hers.
"I was glad that I was finally able to convince mom and dad to send me to grandpa and grandma to spend the summer. I had a great time that summer." I feel myself smile as a little bit of tension starts to leave my body. "Pops tried to teach me how to play chess and grandma tried to teach me the basics of making spaghetti. They gave me little projects to work on and I was actually happy. But while the end of the summer was approaching and it was time to go back home, my anxiety grew. I was afraid that she would be here, like she always was some afternoons drinking coffee with mom." I can hear my mother crying now. Please mom don't cry anymore. "Thankfully she wasn't. I think it was in the first week that I overhead mom and dad talking that she was lying in the hospital. She never came back."
I close my eyes for the next part. I might as well tell them everything, they will sooner or later find out anyway. "So I started in that new school and I vowed to myself to get good grades, because I didn't want to go back to Mrs. Lincoln…because as long as I would get good grades, mom and dad wouldn't send me back. The thought of ever having to go back to…her was the incentive I needed to stop drinking and fighting. Fast forward a few years and I were in Harvard where I met Ana. I had the most wonderful year of my life until I decided to be an asshole and break things up with her. At that time I really thought that I had nothing to offer to her. Anyway, since I was determined to start my own business and I didn't have the money I started working at a night club. I soon found out that I wouldn't get the necessary money as quickly as I thought working as a bartender…and that is when Elena Lincoln entered my life again." I snort. "And I really thought it was all a fucking coincidence."
I turn around in Ana's arms and wrap my arms around her. I kiss her hair several times inhaling her soft scent while I try to gather the strength to keep me going.
"One day, while I was on my break, Elena Lincoln entered the night club. She told me that she had a proposition." Releasing Ana shortly, I rub my hands over my face. Fuck, fuck, fuck.
"Before I share this with you, I have to ask you, never to speak about this with anyone. If this gets out…some way or another it could have severe repercussions for my business, causing people to lose their jobs." I don't look at them. I know my family and I know that they would never do anything to harm me.
"The proposition entailed working for an escort agency that provided escorts for clients, usually for sexual services. I worked for 'Servus' for approximately six month. One evening when I was escorting a client to a charity, I ran into Pops. The next morning he was standing on my doorstep and that is when I told him everything. He left after giving me the biggest verbal-ass-kicking known to men and somehow the next day I received a phone call from the agency that my services weren't needed anymore. It was pops who lend me the money to start GEH."
"Oh my god, oh my god…" My mother says again and again. Her voice sounds strangled and full of anger. When I cast a glance her way she has her mouth covered with her hand. She is staring at me, her eyes wide open while the tears rapidly fall on her cheeks. Slowly I watch her hand falling limb on her lap and turning to look at my father. Carrick is leaning with his elbows on his knees, his head bent forward.
"This is all your fault…" My mother whispers. "This is your fault Carrick Grey…you send our son away. You told him never to come back unless he did exactly what you had said. You took away his money…you…"
"Mom, no!" In four strides I kneel in front of her and take her cold hands in mine. "Please, don't…" I plead. "Please…"
"She is right, son." My dad says. His voice hoarse and grief stricken.
"No!" I yell. "No!" Rising to my feet I start pulling my hair and pacing the library. "I didn't tell you this so that you can start blaming each other!" I yell.
"I told you this…" I swallow and wipe the wetness from my cheeks. "I told you this, because you somehow deserve to know all of me… In order to get on with my life I needed to tell you this."
Kneeling in front of my parents I look at them. "I am happy now. I am ready to take the next step and to leave the past behind me. I want to grow old with Ana, I don't want to constantly feel anxious about someone finding out about my past…it is just that, my past. Please try to understand that. But don't blame each other." Again I look at both of them trying to tell them with my eyes what I so desperately want them to know.
My mother nods her head. "I am so sorry, Christian…I am so sorry…" Her cries are heartbreaking and just when I am about to ask her not to cry, I know that she can't stop.
Remembering what Flynn once told me when we the discussed telling my parents about what Elena did to me, I hold tighter on to my mother. He told me that when parents find out that their child has been sexually abused, it is often the worst experience they will have.
Anastasia
Watching Christian with his parents and siblings is heartbreaking and heartwarming at the same time. I am standing near one of the sofas with my arms wrapped around my waist when I see Christian's grandfather graciously standing from the couch and making his way towards me. He gives me a smile while he wraps his arms around my shoulders.
"He is going to need you now more than ever." He whispers.
"I know…" I smile when he hands me his embroidered handkerchief. He smiles back making the corners of his eyes crinkle. "My mother taught me never to leave the house with a clean handkerchief. She would always say: Theo, a good clean hanky can come in handy when you have to dab your forehead, you've got snot running out of your nose or when a nice gal starts tearing up." He winks.
"Christian always carries a handkerchief. I think it is a gallant and chivalrous gesture…"
"Glad I haven't lost my touch then." He says pulling me closer to his side.
"Mr. Trevelyan…uhm…thank you for being there for Christian. For helping him getting out of that agency…" Gently he squeezes my shoulder and smiles down at me. "I was just on the right place at the right time; I won't say I wasn't mad at the boy." He grunts. "But he is my grandson and I love him dearly. And I would do it again if needed."
It has been a while since everyone left the library. With his last strength Christian slumped into the sofa and pulled me with him. The moment he laid his head on my lap he fall asleep and he has been sleeping now for the last hour.
I wonder how this is going to affect him. Is he embarrassed, does he still feel guilty? And his parents? Poor Carrick and Grace. Elliot was uncharacteristically quiet. Holding on to his little sister he would close his eyes every now and then and bury his face in Mia's hair.
I caress with my fingertip along the stubble on his chin until I reach his perfect lips. He is so handsome.
He always tells me that he thinks I am strong and brave, but doesn't he see how strong and brave he is? He was somehow able to escape the abusive environment he was born into. Then Elena fucking Lincoln entered the picture and the abuse started again. He was in some way strong and brave enough to stop it and escape. Distractions and life in general carried him forwards, but he lost his sense of worth and sometimes even his sense of self. It amazes me how easily he can disconnect himself from painful feelings though. I feel the tears burning when I think about what she did to him. Not only did the abuse remain a horrible secret in Christian's life, but it also isolated him further from his family. One of Christian's biggest fears was that his parent's wouldn't believe him, and after seeing and hearing Carrick's reaction yesterday, when Christian accused Elena of abusing Sebastian, I think his fears were grounded. The idea that he always thought that there was something bad, wrong and dirty about him, what initially made the abuse happen, infuriates and saddens me.
I move, causing Christian to grunt in annoyance. He has to be extremely tired since he doesn't even wake up. His brow furrows, but those worry lines immediately disappear again when I finally manage to shift until we are both lying on the sofa face to face and I start to brush my fingers through his hair. When he relaxes completely I take one of his hands and pull it against my chest. Maybe disclosing his abuse to his parents is the start of his healing process.
I sigh and carefully I brush my lips against his. "I love you." I whisper and I vow to myself that I will do everything in my power to help him heal.
Christian is nervous. I can see it at the way he is chewing his bottom lip and staring into space. His phone clutched in his hands. He slept for two hours straight. The moment he opened his eyes he looked apprehensive and troubled and it broke my heart to see him like that. Instead of telling him how incredibly proud I was of him, I swiftly kissed the tip of his nose and when I crinkled my nose and said that he was in desperate need of a shower he smiled, albeit timidly. Hand in hand we silently walked to his room and while I packed our bags and tidied the room, he took a long shower.
Even though his parents and siblings all reacted like only could be expected; shocked, astonished but still loving, caring and accepting, he is still afraid of being rejected.
"Ready?" I ask.
Instead of responding his eyes search mine and he looks empty and so incredibly sad. I slowly make my way to the bed and climb on it until I am sitting on his lap.
"Talk to me, Christian." Mindlessly he throws his phone on the bed and takes both of my hands in his. His thumb is slowly rubbing over the silver ring I am wearing on my right hand. His eyes are strained on our hands. He slowly lifts my hand and starts to inspect the ring.
"Who gave you this ring?" He asks but still doesn't look at me.
"I bought it." He nods his head ones and then taps with his finger against my watch. "And the watch and bracelets?"
"My mom gave me the watch for my birthday. The bracelets are from my dad, another birthday present."
He keeps wiping his thumb over my watch and then a small smile appears on his face.
"Do you remember when you bolted out of that Italian restaurant where I was eating with Elliot and I ran after you?"
"Of course I do…" How could I forget?
"You gave me one minute…" He shakes his head and then finally his eyes meet mine. "You kept looking at your watch and I wanted nothing more than to rip it off of you and throw it in the nearest garbage can. You didn't even look at me."
"Christian, what is this about." I wiggle my hands free from his hold and cup his face and force him to look at me.
"Do you need anything? Do I need to call…uhm…" Shit if forgot the guy's name. When I look back at Christian he has his eyebrows raised. "I forgot the name of you psychologist…" I say lamely and feel the blush spreading on my cheeks.
"Psychiatrist and his name is John Flynn."
"Right…do I need to call him?" I can feel my heart pounding against my ribs.
"I have everything I need here with me." He takes my hands in his and kisses my knuckles. "You are all I need."
His brow furrows. "When I saw you that day I felt so many emotions. First I was ecstatic to see you again. I remember that you where wearing your hair in a bun and a few strands had come loose. I wanted nothing more than to tuck those strands behind your ear." He shakes his head as if he is trying to gather his thoughts. "Like I said…I felt so many emotions in that minute…but what I felt the most was guilt. Your eyes, those eyes that always executed calmness, kindness and love where now angry, cold and bitter and I knew I had caused that. It made me sick to my stomach causing inability to think of anything else." With a final squeeze he lets go of my hands and he lets his fall limb on his lap. His head falls forward and then he takes a deep shuddering breath. When he finally looks up at me, I see the moisture in his eyes.
"But what I felt yesterday when I saw the bruises and welts on Sebastian's back, was worse than guilt. I realized that if I had actually told my parents, Sebastian wouldn't have been hurt."
"Christian, you can't blame yourself. You were a kid yourself! It wasn't your fault that Sebastian got hurt…"
"It wasn't my fault, Ana, but I could have prevented it. She is into human trafficking. God fucking knows how many children have been victims of her depravity." His breathing is getting erratic as his eyes search wildly around him.
"Please…please don't do this to yourself." I whisper, but I don't think he hears me. He is too lost in his own thoughts. The guilt is eating him alive.
"Christian, you were fifteen years old!" I try again.
"I was only thinking about myself Ana! The only thing I could think of what that my parents were going to send me away the moment they found out…it was selfish…"
"No! You were a child." The moment I see the tears on his cheek the numbness I was feeling turns into sadness, pain and helplessness.
"Christian, will you please look at me. Please." Holding his head by his hair I push him backwards until he is looking at me.
"You weren't able to foresee the consequences, Christian."
"I always thought I was the only one." He says. His voice is just a whisper.
"Don't blame yourself, Christian. Please." I start brushing the tears from his face, but they keep coming.
"You can help him now. You have the resources…you can ask your parents for help. And you are not alone this time, because I will be here with you." Grabbing his shoulders I shake him a little. Shit, I want to shake the torment from his face.
"You'll help me?" He asks. And when he looks up at me I don't see the powerful CEO, or the attentive, caring and loving boyfriend I love so much. I see that scared fifteen year old boy, reaching out for help.
"Always…"
"Good…" He says. "Then let's have breakfast and get the hell out of here."
Christian
Walking down the stairs to the kitchen is like walking down death row. Even though disclosing everything to my parents and siblings felt liberating, there is still that lingering fear that when they have the chance to really think about it, they will turn their backs on me.
Everyone, except Mia and my grandfather are sitting at the table. Four heads pop up when Ana and I enter the kitchen. My mom and dad both smile at us as we sit down. At least they aren't yelling or crying anymore.
Breakfast is a quiet affair until I hear the softest giggle coming from beside me. Before I have the chance to look, I hear Sebastian's chuckle followed by my brother's boisterous laughter.
"Oh crap…" A little snort and a giggle follow and then I finally look at my girl sitting beside me. The giggle turns into soft laughter and then I see her taking the napkin from her lap while she uses it to cover her face.
When I look down I see that Ana somehow managed to flip the waffle from her plate letting it land on her chest. It is slowly sliding down of her white blouse, leaving a trail of cream cheese on its wake.
"Ana…how?" I ask in between laughter.
"I don't know…" She shrugs. "One moment it was on my plate and then it mysteriously landed on my chest…" Her eyes are wide and filled with laughter. Even in her clumsiness she is adorable and sweet.
My mother is wiping the tears from her eyes with her fingertips and this time I know it is from laughing.
"I am sorry…" Ana says again now looking at my parents. My mother simply waves her hand in the air, and my dad grins at her. Very unceremoniously she takes the waffle between her finger and thumb and places it back on her plate.
Biting her lip she starts to wipe the cream from her blouse which results in a huge stain. "I better get changed." She says rising from her chair.
Before I know what I am even doing I point at her plate. "Eat!" I bark. Very slowly she turns around and the simple tilt of her head and her lifted eyebrow tells me that I fucked it up again.
"That is if you are hungry of course…" I mutter petulantly. I shouldn't have looked at my brother or father because they are both smirking. Elliot is mouthing 'pussy wiped', until my mother pats his hand in annoyance and tells him to stop teasing me.
A smile appears on Ana's face and then she leans down to kiss my cheek. "I already ate a waffle and strawberries. I will be down in a second. I love you."
Ana has just disappeared when we hear someone coming down the stairs in an extreme hurry. Elliot looks at my parents and rolls his eyes. "Please tell me why you never taught her to gracefully descend the stairs instead of pounding her way downstairs like a freaking elephant?"
"I heard that! And to answer your question, that's your fault, Elliot." Mia says entering the kitchen and slaps Elliot on the back of his head.
"Why the fu…why the hell is that my fault?" He asks rubbing the back of his head.
"Because since I was little, you always told me that there were monsters hiding under the stairs." She says smiling. "God I was so stupid…" She adds as an afterthought.
"Remember when she got that new haircut?" Elliot winks at me and lazily takes a sip of his coffee.
"That bowl cut? How could I forget? She had that for half of her life." I laugh and watch Mia giving me the evil eye.
"Boys, don't tease your sister. Besides she looked adorable with that lovely haircut." She did not!
"I certainly didn't look adorable mother!" Mia huffs. "I looked like one of those Lego dolls."
From the corner of my eye I see Sebastian smiling at Mia's dramatic hand movements. When she looks at him she smiles back. "You have no idea what I had to go through growing up with these two here…it's a miracle I didn't end up traumatized."
"It wasn't that bad, Mia." Elliot pipes up.
"You especially were the worst." She says pointing her finger at Elliot. She turns her face and looks at Sebastian. "Every time he had to babysit me and I wouldn't do what he told me, he always threatened to call the police. Oh and when I started crying because of something he did, he would shush me, in a state of sheer panic over what our parents were going to do and the he would allow me to punch him."
Elliot throws his head back and laughs. "Fun times." He says wiggling his eyebrows.
Mia flips him off totally ignoring my mother's death glare. "But do you know what the most embarrassing moment of my life?"
Sebastian shakes his head no, his eyes huge as saucers. Mia sighs dramatically, however she is fighting off a smile. "One year I had the same teacher as Elliot. The poor woman was terrified. So you are Elliot Grey's little sister? "I swear" Mia continues. "Her bottom lip was actually trembling when I confirmed that Elliot Grey was indeed my older brother, she said; your brother was the loud boy making fart noises with his arm pit. I just want you to know Ms. Grey that I don't tolerate such behavior in my classroom."
We all laugh at that. I can totally imagine my brother sitting in the back of the class room making fart noises with his arm pit, thinking he was cool, but he only was a little irritating pain in the ass.
"Oh Elliot your hand!" My mother gasps. I wince when I see his bruised hand. "It is worth it…too bad it wasn't her face though." Elliot says indignantly. He shakes his head and locks eyes with me. "I am going to call you later and you are going to pick up the phone and we are going to talk." He says looking at me.
"Elliot." He cuts me off pointing his finger at me. "We love you Christian and you can't throw that kind of information at us and act as if nothing has happened." He throws his napkin on the table and stands.
"So I am going to call you and you are going to pick up that phone like the nice little brother you are."
I simply nod my head.
"I need to go." He says now glancing down at his watch. "I'm meeting Kate at her parent's.
"Dad, call me the minute you hear something about Elena." Elliot says as he gives my mom a kiss on her cheek.
"Laters!" He bellows.
"What…what will happen to her?" Our heads snap to look at Sebastian.
"Why don't we take a walk, Sebastian?" I ask rising from my chair. I avoid the looks everyone is giving me. Grabbing our coats from the hallway I lead Sebastian to my parent's backyard.
We spend the first few minutes walking in silence. The crunching sound of the gravel is somehow a soothing and welcome distraction.
Silently we walk to the wooden bench at the end of the path. The view is amazing even though the sky is gray and gloomy. This was always one of my favorite spots. It is far enough from the house to have privacy, but still close enough so not to feel totally isolated.
"Did you grow up here?" Sebastian asks. He has his hands shoved in his coat pockets while he stares to the house.
"I did. I was very fortunate to end up with Grace and Carrick." I admit. "We used to live in Detroit. That is where Elliot and I were born. I don't remember much about that time though."
"Your sister was born here in Seattle?" He asks still not looking at me.
"Yes, Mia was born in Seattle. My parents adopted her when she was a baby. We are all adopted, Sebastian."
He bows his head and stares into his lap. "I didn't know that…"
"Since I can remember Elena Lincoln and her husband were friends with my parents." I start carefully. His shoulders tense at the mention of her name.
"As a teenager I started drinking and getting into fights. I got expelled from two schools and that is when my parents decided to send me over to the Lincoln's to do some yard work." I stare at the water while I try to figure out a way to tell him that his feelings of shame are unjustified.
He turns his head to look at Taylor and Sawyer who are standing a few feet away from us.
"You can trust them." I say.
"At first…she was nice…" Sebastian starts. His voice filled with unease. "She came to the home a couple of times; spend time with us until one day she took me on a day out. It was…fun. I …I trusted her." He says his voice breaking.
"I lied to Mia yesterday. I lied to a lot of people."
"You were trying to protect yourself, Sebastian."
"I wasn't out for a run yesterday. She made me come to the house and she punished me…she said that I shouldn't have smiled at Ana and that I shouldn't have agreed on going with you to Bainbridge Island, but I really wanted to go to Bainbridge Island…I like your brother, he is fun. And as for smiling at Ana…me…I didn't mean anything by it…she smiled and I just smiled back."
"She won't be able to hurt you or anyone else anymore, Sebastian. She is in jail now." He nods his head, confirming he just heard what I told him.
"Will she get out?" His voice is trembling and I force myself to look away.
"No" The relief is visible in his body. His shoulders relax.
"There is a girl living at the home." He says after a few minutes. His hands are now resting on his legs. "Her name is Emma and she is five years old. Her parents also died in a car accident, she was the only survivor." He looks at me. "She doesn't talk, the psychologists think she is a mute and mentally disabled, but she isn't. She is very smart and sometimes she talks to me." He clears his throat. "Elena somehow knew that Emma and I were close…and she said that if I ever told anyone anything that she would adopt Emma too and…hurt her. That's why I never told anyone anything."
I pinch the bridge of my nose with my thumb and forefinger when I see him wiping the tears from his face with his sleeve.
He stays quiet as if sharing that piece of information has totally drained him. His entire body is shaking and I have no idea if it is from the cold or something else.
"Let's go inside, Sebastian."
When we walk into the kitchen my parents are still seated at the breakfast table.
"Sebastian, son…. yesterday, when you were sleeping, we called the social worker and brought her up to date on the developments concerning your adoption. She will be in later to ask you some questions." Carrick looks tired when he moves his gaze from his plate to look at Sebastian. "I understand if you want to do this alone, however, if you want anyone present I can arrange that for you."
"Grace and I would like to apologize to you." My dad swallows and forces himself to look at the young, broken kid standing across the table. "We would like to apologize for leading her to you…and for not being able to see who she really was. As a lawyer…"
"It isn't your fault Mr. Grey…" Sebastian says quickly. Shoving his hands in his pockets he takes a step backwards as if he is distancing himself from them, us. "I am going to pack my bag." Sebastian says emotionless.
"I guess Mrs. Cooper is going to take me back to the home. Thank you for breakfast and everything."
"Sebastian. You don't have to leave." My mother hurries to say. "Carrick arranged with Mrs. Cooper that you can stay here for as long as you need. We understand that you might be more comfortable here than back at the home. But the choice is yours. Just know that you are more than welcome." She says smiling.
"We also want you to know that Elena has been arrested. She won't be hurting you or other children anymore." My dad adds grimly. His eyes shift quickly to mine and then back to his plate.
"I also received a phone call this morning from the detective that arrested Elena. He will be coming in this afternoon to talk to you, Sebastian."
Rising from his chair, my dad kisses my mother's temple and clears his throat. "Now, if you all excuse me, I need to make a few phone calls."
"Mia and Ana are upstairs." My mother says gently looking at Sebastian. "You can sit in the library and we even have a pool table…or you can sit here with us." She pats the empty seat next to her.
"I'll just be upstairs. Thank you Mrs. Grey."
"Grace…it is Grace." She hurries to say before he disappears through the door.
"Does my handsome son have a few minutes to spare?" She asks smiling up at me.
"Of course." Taking of my coat I take the seat next to my mom. Her hand immediately grasps mine while her eyes start to fill with tears.
"Mom please don't cry." I whisper.
She shakes her head. "I feel the deepest despair, Christian. I can't stop thinking that I could have prevented everything. As your mother I should have seen the signs."
"Mom…"
"Just let me finish…" She sniffs. "I know you." She says wiping the hair from my forehead. "And I know that you are blaming yourself. But mostly you are afraid that we won't love you anymore."
When those brown, gentle eyes stare into mine intently I just nod. She is right, being rejected by my parents is my biggest fear.
She holds back a sob and takes a few minutes to compose herself. "Don't ever, ever think that we don't love you, because we do. That's why we are so devastated, Christian. And we believe you." She says slowly. "We believe that she did those horrible things to you." She pauses and looks at me waiting for a response.
"You believe me." I repeat.
"We are incredibly proud of the man you've become. You are loyal, trustworthy and so very loving and caring. I know that it took enormous strength and courage to share your story with us."
"And one thing you can never forget is that we love you." She squeezes my hand softly. "Your father and I are proud to call ourselves your parents. We. Love. You." She says slowly emphasizing each word.
"You love me." I whisper. My heart is pounding in my chest as I absorb the words my mom just told me. It feels as if a huge weight has been lifted from my shoulders.
Authors note: Hi ladies! Thank you all for your PM's and reviews on this story! Your thoughts are very encouraging and very much appreciated.
Unfortunately there will be no update next week; I have a few things I need to take care off, leaving me little to no time to write. So see you all on November 1.
