Hey Everyone

Thanks everyone for the support and your amazing reviews. I really am starting to feel in control and I'm loving getting back to writing :)

Again thanks so much to AlexxxJ who is absolutely amazing! She's not only helping me out with proofreading she's also helping me work through my ideas and helping me keep on tracks without going down a doomy gloomy path. It may seem that way at the moment but i promise there will be better soon.

Cheers
Lexi xx

Chapter 28

Kensi threw her phone onto the lounge. She had just tried to call Deeks but he kept rejecting her call and now it appeared as though he had turned off his phone completely. She had spent last night and all of today thinking about what she should do. She was completely aware she hadn't handled the talk well at all. It wasn't much of a talk before she took off. Kensi knew she did that a lot, if it got too emotionally draining she would run. Kensi prided herself as a person who was always in control, but with Deeks she didn't trust herself to make smart decisions.
The more she thought about their relationship, the more she saw all the holes, all the times he had let her down, the lies and the friction. The only thing they seemed to get right was their sex life and because of Lily it was tarnished by not being able to take their time, it was like they were teenagers with a curfew. Kensi didn't want that. Unfortunately she also didn't want to be without Deeks, she had realised after about an hour of just walking around aimlessly.

Kensi missed him already and she hadn't seen him for a day. She wanted to be with him, feel his protective arms around her, but he wouldn't even answer his phone now. It was probably for the best, she didn't know if she really wanted to get back with him. Maybe she did… maybe she wanted to be a step mom, maybe even a mom one day. Kensi had always said she didn't want to have kids, she was never the nurturing type but since she had been off work and spending more time with Deeks and even Lily, she found herself thinking she wanted that. Kensi saw pregnant women and started thinking what it would be like if she was pregnant, what it would be like to have a baby, to have someone completely dependent on her, just like Lily was with Deeks. The question she had been asking herself was did she want that with Deeks?
Well if he wasn't going to answer his phone she was just going to have to go over to his place later that night. Lily would usually be in bed by 9.30 and out to the world by 10, so if Kensi planned to be there by 10.30, she and Deeks would be able to talk. If he even let her in the door...

Deeks walked into the house with Lily trailing behind him. You could cut the tension in the room with a knife. Lily didn't know what to do. Did she go to her room and not come out until he said so? Should she wait here until he gives her an instruction? Should she ask what she should do or would that anger him even more? This was completely uncharted territory so she just stood there, thinking that would probably be the best option. Deeks turned and saw his Lily just standing off to the side looking upset. He'd be lying if he said he didn't want to make it all better, tell her it wasn't a big deal, he hated seeing her upset. But he had to stand strong; if she always did whatever she wants he'd never have any control. She may have thought she was all grown up but she was far from it. His daughter was still 15 years old, she was still a child. She needed boundaries and she needed structure and that's what she was going to have, whether she liked it or not. Deeks may have failed with relationships but he wasn't going to fail at being a dad. He had vowed to be nothing like his own father and he had succeeded, but it seemed he had gone too far into the other direction, he was just a push over. Lily was spoilt, but she was a product of her environment. She always had everything she could ever have wanted, she could always have friends over, go to parties… hell even when she got completely drunk and high she was only grounded for a few weeks! If Deeks had been caught doing the same when he w as a kid, it wouldn't have been worth coming home.

"Lilianna go to your room and start your homework. I'll call you when dinner is ready." Deeks told Lily as he walked into the kitchen. He couldn't look at her anymore, he was going to crack if he looked her in the eyes, it would have been his undoing. Lily nodded silently and walked off to her room and closed the door quietly behind her.

Deeks sat on the kitchen bench thinking about what to cook for dinner. If he was honest it was the last thing he wanted to do. He was so drained, he was fairly certain he hadn't slept at all the night before. He closed his eyes as he took a sip of beer. As far as days went, today was probably the worst. He couldn't believe he had actually thrown his phone out of his car door. Deeks grabbed his house phone and called Eric telling him to shut down his phone remotely. He really didn't think that through at all.