XXIX : Rejection

Remus

My eyes widen. I gasp in shock as his lips touch mine. It feels good. It feels like it always has. It feels like we've never been apart.

It feels right.

I close my eyes and lean into Sirius, his black hair brushing my trembling hands. I want this so much.

But then…but then…Michael's voice, calling my name. Michael's face, bruised and battered and his eyes full of love. Michael's comforting arms when Sirius was no longer there. Michael.

I can't do this to him. I know now that I don't love him like I love Sirius, never did, never can, but I also know that he loves me that way, and I don't know if Sirius does.

Too little, too late, Sirius Black. You can't betray me then steal me back with just a kiss and a "sorry." You hurt me so deeply that day. I can't forgive you that. You lost me the moment you kissed her.

How long has it been, Sirius, since the lips you forced against mine touched hers? How long since she felt the same euphoria, the same love, the same feeling you're pouring into me? How long since you looked in her eyes, the eyes that are as grey as your own, and told her you loved her like you told me so often before?

Has it been days? Hours? Minutes? Can she still taste the lingering touch of your mouth as you hold me close?

How long has it been, Sirius?

It doesn't matter. I don't care if you kissed her once then never again. In fact that would make it worse, if you couldn't even leave me for someone you loved truly.

I don't care any more. You live your happy life, flitting from partner to partner and back again like a butterfly. Do you see our hearts wilt as you leave? Do you even care if we never love again, as long as you get your moment with us?

Well, screw you. I do care about the people I leave behind. I'll not let Michael cry the way I cried.

The way I'm crying.

Hot tears stream down my face. I try to hold them back. I cry too much. I have to be strong, I have to be a man, I won't cry like a little boy any more. I won't. I WON'T!

I put my hand on Sirius' chest and push him away. He reels, confused. I take advantage of his moment of weakness and catch my balance.

"Sirius. Don't do that to me again. Never again. If you think that all you have to do is apologise and that makes it all better, you don't know me. You never will." I turn my back. "I hope we can still be friends, Sirius, but I doubt it."

I walk away, to the Great Hall, to my friends, to Michael.

Away from Sirius.

Behind me, I hear his gasp, his sobs. So he really did think that would be all it took.

You underestimated me big time, Sirius. I'd find it funny if it didn't make me cry inside. All this time I thought you knew me, but clearly I was wrong.

I walk on; I take Michael's hand.

And I don't cry.

You'll never make me cry again, Sirius. Go back to your happy fickle life. I won't let you hurt me any more.

I'll never let you make me cry.

---

Lalalalala, ANGST::bangs head off wall:: angst…angst…angst…angst…

Awwww, I know I promised (repeatedly) that the puppies'd get back together, but I didn't say WHEN, did I? Noooooope….::smirk::

I am evil in human form. Muhahaha.

Lalalalala…

In other news, Ruthie (that's me, in case you were wondering) is vewwy sowwy for taking so long to update. ::bows down and begs for forgiveness::

PLEASE DON'T HURT MEEEEEEEEE!!!!!

Hurt my German teacher instead, for he doth torture me with German coursework in my Moon-and-Stars-writing time aka half term. And yes, people, this is a prime example of leaving things to das letzten minuten. (which is really bad German)

Also, this weekend I shall…OH MY GOD NOOOOO!!!! SPEAK TO ME INTERNET! SPEAK TO MEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!

(Yes, if you hadn't noticed, my internet is on-and-off fading to off. I shall attempt to put this chapter up in one of its rare "on" moments.)

Lalalalala…

I'm all out of creative ways of saying that most of the concepts and characters in this fanfic belong to one Ms J K Rowling but Michael and Sophie belong to me…

Oh wow, I pulled it off for another chapter!