"There are two kinds of guilt:

the kind that drowns you until you're useless,

and the kind that fires your soul to purpose."

-Sabaa Tahir (from An Ember in the Ashes)


Twelfth Doctor's TARDIS, Karn

When Sienna came to, she found she was laid out on an unfamiliar bed. She sat up blinking, disoriented. She strove to identify some frame of reference for her current circumstances but everything was a bit fuzzy.

She put her hand to her head. Hungover? she wondered. Then she remembered she had been sober for over six months. Couldn't be that.

She looked down at herself and realized she was wearing unfamiliar clothes. Gray sweat pants and a pink polo t-shirt. And crazy looking green argyle socks. Comfortable but not especially attractive. Where the hell had these clothes come from?

"Back with us now?" came a gentle voice from the door. Sienna turned toward the voice. She saw a familiar handsome face and everything came back to her at once. The Doctor. Karn. The swamp. Healing Dayle. She remembered the look of horror on the other Doctor's face.

"Is Dayle alright?" she wondered, jumping to her feet. She very nearly hit the floor. Fortunately the Doctor grabbed a hold of her arm.

"Dayle's just fine." he replied impatiently, helping her back to the bed. "You on the other hand need to rest a while."

Sienna looked back down at her clothes. "So. How the hell did I end up in this monstrosity of an outfit?"

The Doctor chuckled. "You were still wet from the swamp and Dayle wanted you to rest comfortably after you healed her. Don't worry. She dressed you. I had nothing to do with it."

Sienna snickered and pulled off the socks, wiggled her toes. "I didn't exactly accuse you of molesting me."

The Doctor was watching her in amusement. "Of course you'd rather be barefoot than have warm feet."

"Dude. Green argyle?" She smirked at him but then suddenly remembered something else. The distraught look on her best friend's face.

It's Vannah. Someone's taken her.

"Silas." she whispered. "He looked so upset..."

The Doctor looked down at the floor and sighed. "Yes, well. It seems he and Dayle are rather beside themselves over Savannah being taken." He sat beside her on the bed and stole a glance at her, then looked away. "Savannah's pregnant apparently."

Sienna sat blinking, finally understanding the implications of what had happened. "Savannah was taken because the Master thought she was me."

The Doctor cleared his throat. "So it would seem."

"And that motherfucker is going to take her to the Sisterhood and Maren is going to do something terrible to her." Sienna suddenly felt nauseous. This was all her fault. Unbelievable.

She got to her feet again. Unsteady or not, she needed to know what was happening.

This time the Doctor didn't argue. He simply stood alongside her and put one hand under her elbow to assist her in walking. When they reached the control room, Sienna saw that Dayle was curled in a chair, sobbing uncontrollably and the other Doctor was knelt down in front of her holding her hands. He looked at a complete loss as to how to comfort her.

Sienna's Doctor had a compassionate look in his eyes. "Why don't I go get Dayle some tea." he offered and disappeared behind a door directly off the console room.

Over near the console, Sienna saw her friend was leaning, staring off in to space. His jaw was clenched. Sienna knew that look. She made her way over to him.

"You alright Si?" she asked tentatively.

He looked up at her and a small smile came to his face. "Hey See. Glad you're alright. You sorta conked out after you did your healing thing on Dayle." He sounded friendly but something was obviously off about his voice.

Sienna shrugged dismissedly. "Yeah, it happens." She studied him. "So... Savannah...?" she trailed off.

Silas looked down at his hands and sadness overtook his face. "Yeah, Savannah." he said at length, then shrugged. She realized there were tears in his eyes.

Sienna was getting the distinct feeling that there was something going on beyond friendship there. How interesting. And a bit fucking weird.

She cleared her throat. "So what's the plan? Has the other Doctor figured anything out yet?"

Silas sighed. "He's mostly been consoling Dayle. She's a total wreck. She's blaming herself." He shook his head and his expression hardened. "This is my fucking fault."

Sienna narrowed her eyes at him. "How is it your fault dumbass?"

"I told them to stay behind when we came to find you. I told them not to come with us." He put his face in his hands. "I'm such an idiot."

"If it's anyone's fault, it's mine." the older Doctor suddenly interrupted. He was standing right beside them. He glanced back at Dayle who sat silently in her chair, staring off into the distance. "I should have made certain that they made it to the TARDIS safely before proceeding." He looked like he felt as guilty as Silas did.

Sienna made a sound of frustration. "Oh for fuck's sake. This happened because of me. Okay? She was literally taken because he was after me. So if we're playin the blame game here, I think I'm pretty much the winner." She pushed herself away from the console and headed back into the corridor. This was all too fucking much. She needed some time to think.

She wandered down the hall and when she came to a door, a tremendous sense of deja vu struck her and struck her hard. Her heart was racing as she pushed the door open and walked into a TV room with a big comfy green sofa.

She had been here before with her Doctor. She was certain.

I'm flattered that you were jealous.

But there was no logical reason for me to feel that way...

Sienna walked toward the couch, the memory becoming clearer. She sat down on the sofa, squinting as she remembered. The Doctor had been jealous that she was texting Silas. He had made a complete ass of himself in front of her mother. And then...

Don't you sleep?

Then she had invited him to sleep with her... in a bedroom... Sienna stood and turned to look behind her. That door. Her heart was pounding in her ears as she headed for the room. She felt slightly disconnected. Surreal.

She pushed the door open and found a tiny bedroom with a comfortable looking bed. On the bedside table sat a paperback copy of East of Eden by John Steinbeck.

She stared at the bed, remembering everything. They had only slept, cuddled up to one another. But then the next morning he had gotten aroused and she had started to seduce him.

She grew warm remembering straddling his lap and tentatively brushing her lips against his, unable to find the courage to really lay one on him.

Sienna, are you alright?

Don't mind me. I'm just drowning.

"Sienna, are you alright?"

The Doctor's voice right behind her made her jump a foot off the ground.

"Jesus! Are you trying to give me a heart attack." Sienna felt all kinds of flustered seeing him in that moment. She felt like their little intimate episode in this bed had just happened.

He studied her. "We're meeting up in the library attempting to come up with a plan. The other Doctor is reading up some on Apeiron in the old Gallifrey legends. We're hoping we can find something that can lend a little insight into what Maren might have in her possession. I'm sure we could use some of your ideas though." His voice was encouraging, clearly trying to get her involved so she wouldn't sulk alone, blaming herself.

Sienna blinked and swallowed, trying to recover her composure. "Yeah. Okay... sure." She started to follow him out of the small room but couldn't help glancing back at the bed.

The Doctor closed the door behind them, then looked up at her. "You remember that room, don't you?" He sounded curious, at least not all moody like he'd been the previous night.

Sienna tried to speak but found her voice out of sorts. She cleared her throat and tried again. "I do remember." She chewed her lip nervously. She felt slightly embarrassed, but had to ask. "One thing... what was all that about drowning?"

The Doctor sighed and leaned against the wall. "Before what happened in that room, not long after we first met, you tried to kiss me once. And when I didn't try to stop you, you panicked a bit. You later told me you were scared. That you felt you were in over your head. Because..." He suddenly seemed to find his hands fascinating. "You said because I'm not like other guys you've kissed." He smiled self consciously, finally making eye contact. "Whatever that means." He shrugged, then gestured toward the door that led to the corridor. "Shall we?"

Sienna felt strange and awful and confused. She shook her head, hoping to hold back the tears she knew were imminent. "Go on." she murmured. "I'll be there in just a minute."

The Doctor was looking at her with some concern. "Alright then. But don't be long. We'll need to make a move soon to ensure Savannah's safety." He studied her for a moment longer, then headed toward the corridor. At the door he turned. "We're just over in the library two doors down on the left. Join us soon, won't you?" And then he was gone.

When he'd gone Sienna slid down the wall she was leaning against and began to cry. She felt utterly wrecked. First the guilt about Savannah and now these bizarre pseudo feelings invading from her recovered memories. Like echoes. Feeling these echoed emotions was a bit like trying to hear something underwater. All muffled and distorted. It was an eerie sensation.

Her mind was so muddled, she didn't know which way was up.

She cried silently for a moment, feeling helpless. Little by little though, she pulled herself together and got back to her feet.

She paced the TV room, turning everything over in her mind. One thing was for goddamn sure. Those crazy bitches weren't going to lay a single finger on Savannah Moss if she had anything to do with it. Sienna was who they were after, and Sienna was who they would get.

She made her way quietly down the hall to the bedroom she'd slept in and found her combat boots on the floor at the foot of the bed. They were still soaking wet from her little swim in Moira Swamp. She stuck her sockless feet into the squishy wet boots and laced them up. She took a deep breath, then headed for the console room.

Nobody in sight.

The Doctor was going to be livid. Silas too.

But she wasn't about to let some pregnant girl, a girl who her best friend apparently cared for a great deal, get hurt in her place.

And besides, there was something else of interest to her in the caves of the Sisterhood.

The Sacred Flame, and hopefully with it the rest of her lost memories.


The two Doctors had connected telepathically to catch each other up on all that had transpired.

Five was fascinated to learn that Savannah's unborn child was telepathic and had been channeling Sienna's memories into her dreams- a distress call from the TARDIS, straight to another universe. Also how very different things had played out on Karn in the other universe.

"So you actually know this Ohila?" he asked Twelve incredulously.

"Quite well actually." he confirmed grimly. "I wouldn't exactly call her a friend but it brings me no joy to learn she's been wiped from time in this universe." He rubbed his forehead, troubled.

Five was sitting in a chair beside an antique globe. He narrowed his eyes. "It's become fairly clear that whatever has given Maren these unnatural powers is the very object the Master is after." He remembered back to the Tertiary Console Room. The last time he heard the Master speak. "He said something about collecting his eternity."

Silas suddenly perked up on the small sofa where he sat with his arm around Dayle. "Savannah had a dream about that conversation."

"So whatever this device is, it has something to do with eternity." Twelve was pacing the library, rubbing his chin thoughtfully. "What exactly are we looking for? A machine? A clock?"

Five nodded. "Likely something small."

"Hey, is Sienna alright?" Silas interrupted suddenly. "I thought you said she'd be joining us." There was a great deal of concern in his eyes and it gave the Fifth Doctor a bad feeling. It was taking her an awfully long time...

He jumped out of the chair so fast, he nearly knocked it over. They all turned to look at him, blinking in surprise.

He didn't pause to explain, just quickly made his way into the corridor. He entered the TV room to find it empty. His hearts sped up as he remembered the time she'd gotten upset with him and fled his TARDIS without a word.

She wouldn't...

He ran back to the room she'd been asleep in, remembering her bare feet and her wet boots that he'd observed on the floor near the bed.

When he walked in and found only a small puddle of swamp water where they'd been, he uttered a few Gallifreyan curse words and slammed his fist against the wall.

"What happened?" Silas was suddenly standing in the doorway, looking quite alarmed. He wasn't alone. Dayle and the other Doctor were right behind him.

The Doctor threw his hands up. "It seems she's decided to be a hero and run to the Sisterhood on her own." He kicked the bedside table as hard as he could. "I can't believe I actually walked out of that room and left her with that look on her face."

"Alright, that's enough!" Dayle suddenly shouted, making them all jump. It was the first coherent thing she'd said in hours. "Sitting around and wallowing in guilt and self pity is not going to help these girls. We need to get our asses over there and start knocking some witches skulls together." She crossed her arms, her jaw set angrily.

After a brief silence, she continued. "And if one of you motherfuckers dares to tell me I'm staying behind because it's too dangerous, I will make the rest of your life not worth living. Are we quite clear?" Her beautiful blue gray eyes flashed dangerously and the Doctor didn't doubt for a moment she meant what she said.

He cleared his throat. "Right. So... we do have Ohica on our side. Perhaps she can be of some assistance." He lead the way down the corridor to the console room. He was half hoping to find Sienna in there but wasn't surprised when it was empty.

"Okay. But how the hell do we find her?" Silas asked, leaning on the console. "Is there an Altruistic Witch Hotline that I'm unaware of?"

The Fifth Doctor rolled his eyes. "I've spoken with her once already. She was expecting me when I sought her out before. We just hope she's expecting us to seek her out again."

Twleve sighed and approached the console. "I suppose we need to get closer to the cave, see what we can see." He studied the navigational display and tapped a few keys. He flipped a switch and the TARDIS hopped to another location, presumably closer to the caves.

"We certainly can't go lurking around the caves with these two if we want to remain hidden." The Fifth Doctor pointed out. "The Sisterhood will pick up their human minds in no time."

"Agreed." Twelve responded. "It will have to be one of us."

"Well it makes the most sense for you to stay behind and man your TARDIS while I go check things out. We can keep in touch with technology."

He was antsy to get going. He was going to find Sienna. And once she was safe he was going to give her a piece of his mind. Of all the selfish, childish, careless decisions. That woman. He swore she would one day be the death of him. He had the unsettling urge to slam her into a few more walls.

Twelve dug through a drawer beneath the console and came out with a tiny earpiece. "Here. This will work quite well as a communication device."

Five nodded and stuck the ear piece into his ear.

"You be very careful. We'll be right behind you." Dayle gave him a hug, then looked up in to his eyes. She smirked. "You'd better calm down before you find Sienna."

Marvelous. Dayle had telepathically picked up his state of mind about Sienna.

"I'll see you all soon." He turned to go.

"Hey wait. What exactly happened back at the castle?" Silas wondered. The Doctor turned, hoping his face didn't appear as red as it felt.

"Yes." Twelve chimed in, his eyes narrowing curiously. "That period of time was conspicuously absent in our telepathic conference. Did those swamp creatures start that fire?"

Five furrowed his brow. "A bit of a long story. Must dash now." And he quickly exited the TARDIS before the topic could be explored any further.