A/N: I've been having a really bad day so I read some of your reviews and I just wanna say thank you because you guys are AWESOME. And since you earned this chapter, enjoy it.
Callie was overwhelmed by everything that has happened to her. Arizona was asleep on her couch. After she cried herself out to sleep she passed out and Callie didn't have the heart to wake her up but she had to move in to a different room to be able to focus.
So she was tossing and turning in her own bed. She wished she could cry herself to sleep but she wasn't feeling sad. She was mad and angry. She spent so much time hating Arizona for dumping her so quickly and without a real reason and now she was back saying that she would have a kid with her. Callie sighed and gave up. She knew sleep won't be happening.
Callie checked her watch. It was just a few minutes pass three in the morning. She couldn't go in the kitchen because Arizona was sleeping on the couch and she couldn't go to Mark's because he was either asleep or doing the McNasty with his girlfriend. Callie heard the front door opening and Cristina's mischievous laugh filling the silence. She jumped on her feet and pulled Cristina in her room.
"Woah you crazy or what?" Cristina hissed at her. "And why is my cousin knocked off on the couch? Please don't tell me that YOU broke the 'no couch sex' rule because that's just nasty."
Callie rolled her eyes. "No rule was broken, don't worry. And Arizona fell asleep on the couch."
Cristina raised her eyebrow, sending Callie one of her judging looks. "Aren't you two broken up?" she questioned.
Callie didn't know how to answer that. They weren't back together and she wasn't sure if they were still broken up either. The whole situation was very confusing. She just had to wait for Arizona to wake up and then have an actual conversation with her. "I don't know," she replied honestly. "Hey uhm what do you know about her brother?"
Cristina sat down on Callie's bed. If she couldn't go to her room she would at least use Callie's bed to get some rest. "Tim? Not that much, really. We weren't that close. I know he was in the army and that he died. I was there and Arizona wasn't but she was really hurt. Why?"
The Latina wasn't really sure if she should mention but she needed to get it off her chest and she knew Cristina didn't care enough to tell anyone. "Do you know about any issues that Arizona might.. have?"
Cristina yawned. "Yeah I know. But I don't think Arizona knows that I know. Her mom called me a day before Arizona moved here. She was worried and all that mother shit. Did she tell you?"
Callie nodded and rubbed her face. "Along with many other things, yeah. Thanks for the conversation."
"Whatever. You dragged me in your room," Cristina said and left Callie with a shrug.
Callie was still confused but now also a bit more tired. Maybe sleeping would do. She just had to lay down, get comfortable and picture something that makes her happy or at least relaxes her. At first it was the beach in Miami where she grew up. She smiled at the memory of her teenage self running along the long beaches at the crack of down. She had the energy to do all that back there. But then something else crossed her mind. It was like a homemade video. Of a little girl. Brown eyes, dark hair, olive skin, beautiful smile. But there was something else about that girl. She had dimples.
She surprised herself when she realized she was okay with that thought. And it slowly pushed her towards the dreamland.
When Arizona woke up she felt even more tired than she felt last night. She looked around and realized this wasn't home and that she was most likely on someone else's couch. Callie's couch. In a moment of panic Arizona looked around and noticed how quiet the apartment was. Cristina's door was closed but Callie's was opened.
Arizona couldn't help but at least peak in. Maybe Callie already left and was too polite to wake her up. But she was wrong. Callie was deep asleep. While they were dating she noticed how much the brunette liked sleeping on her stomach. She looked so beautiful, she thought. And Arizona could feel her heart breaking. She broke up with her. But she also confessed love and many other things last night. Though she never got the reply she was hoping for she was still happy Callie at least let her stay.
Callie let out a soft breath and moved slightly but didn't wake up. Arizona couldn't turn around or at least stop staring. She had this gorgeous, perfect woman all to herself once and she blew it. And she knew there weren't many chances of getting her back.
Arizona felt like doing something ridiculously crazy. She walked closer to the bed and crawled under the warm blanket Callie was wrapped in. Callie didn't even stir. Arizona placed a soft kiss on the tan cheek in case this would be the last kiss she ever had the chance to give to Callie. "I'm sorry." Then she realized how silly she was being and started moving away.
"Stay."
Arizona froze and held her breath until she couldn't hold it anymore. She exhaled loudly. She didn't expect Callie to respond in either kind of way. Even if she wanted nothing more than to cuddle closely in her former girlfriend's body.
But she couldn't refuse. This might as well be the last time she would have the opportunity to hold the brunette in her arms and she wanted to make it last for longer than just a second. As Callie tangled herself in Arizona the guilt has spread through her body making her feel nauseous. She kept repeating that she's sorry over and over again.
"Sleep," Callie mumbled. She knew they were playing with fire as they had yet to talk about whatever this was now but she just wanted for Arizona to shut up and sleep for longer. Just as they got settled and quiet Callie's alarm went off making her whine and cover her head with her blanket.
Arizona smiled sadly and reached over to stop the alarm for Callie. "I uhm.. I'm gonna go," she mumbled and sat up. Her hair was a mess and she was still in last night's clothes. Great job thinking this through Robbins, was running through her head.
Callie wanted to argue and convince Arizona to stay some more but had to get ready for work and Arizona was very distracting. Especially when she was sitting there running her hand through her hair which looked like after sex hair. And how she kept bitting her lip, probably from being nervous, but it had a completely different effect on her.
Arizona gulped as she felt Callie's eyes grew darker and moving over her body. She wished she could forget everything and just jump on Callie but that wasn't a possibility. Not yet anyway. "So I'll.. Just go," Arizona said and stood up. She had work as well and she wasn't looking forward to meet Jessica's mother.
"Arizona," Callie whispered.
The blonde took in a deep breath, counted to three in her head and threw herself at Callie. Literally. She maneuvered herself so she was sitting on Callie's lap, her legs on each side while Callie was still laying. She leaned down and didn't waste time kissing her softly. Instead she immediately ran her tongue along Callie's full bottom lip.
It all happened so fast to Callie that she didn't even have time to take a breath before her mouth were invaded by Arizona's tongue. She gripped on Arizona's hips and kissed her back with just as much force. The kiss quickly knocked the oxygen out of her lungs and her head was spinning though she wasn't sure from what reason exactly.
Arizona pulled away and breathed heavily. She was still close to Callie so their breaths mingled in the middle creating an electric rush going through both of their bodies. Arizona wanted nothing more than to lean in for another kiss but as her eyes closed she knew they had to talk before they would do anything else.
Callie raised her head to get another kiss but Arizona pulled away and stood up. Callie couldn't open her mouth to say anything so she just watched Arizona walk out of her bedroom and then heard her front door opening and closing. Her head fell back in the pillow. Woah. She couldn't think, she couldn't move. Her heart was still racing. But as she looked at the big red numbers written on her alarm she knew she had to get moving.
After she managed to get her body out of the bed she rushed through her morning schedule, skipping breakfast, and walked quickly to the hospital. And of course she would have a busy day exactly that one time when she didn't sleep good.
Callie bought a cup of coffee and a pound cake, laughing to herself as she remembered her awkward conversation with Arizona. It was almost unbelievable how she tried to hate Arizona and at the same time couldn't stop thinking about her.
"Laughing at a pound cake? Now that's a new one." Mark. Of course he would be around whenever something was happening to Callie. He had a perfect timing of finding things out. "So care to explain?" Mark asked after Callie failed to reply to his first question.
"Uhm yeah. Just thinking." She wasn't even sure what was the question so she was hoping she somehow got the answer right. She was at the coffee shop and remembering the very awkward conversation her and Arizona had about that same pound cake.
Mark chuckled. "Is it about Blondie doing the very quick walk of shame from your apartment in the morning? The great Mark Sloan sees everything." The tone in which he said the lest sentence sounded like Big Brother's voice and freaked Callie out.
"She wasn't doing the walk of shame. I think she was running away. Or she was just hurrying up. I don't know really. She came to me last night because some kid died in her arms and told me she loves me and I'm still trying to process the whole thing." Callie didn't mean to just blurt it all out but she needed someone to talk to and Mark was her person.
Mark firmly nodded. "Karev told Lexie who told me that Arizona was holding that girl when she died. She broke down. It was bad. That's all I know. And the fact that Blondie was crying in an on call room for like two hours after it. Oh and she's talking to that girl's mom today. Must suck. That's why I never wanted to be in peds."
Callie tried not to look worried as she listened to Mark. Knowing Arizona's issues it seemed even double worse now. Did she hurt herself again? Pushing those thoughts away she responded to Mark. "Oh are you sure it wasn't because pediatric surgery is just simply too hardcore for you?" she teased. She knew Mark would just snap back and she needed some of that to help her feel better about everything.
Mark just shrugged, surprising himself and Callie. "Lexie talks a lot about going into pediatric surgeon. And it's stressful but she's handling really well if you count the fact that her attending had a breakdown."
Of course everyone knew about Arizona except for Callie. Though she couldn't imagine how much it must have hurt Arizona to lose a patient in a way she did. It was always hard but it was especially hard with children. They might be resilient but they're not immortal.
Arizona rubbed her face and sighed. She had to talk to Jessica's mom and tell her the terrible news that she failed to save her daughter. " Michelle," Arizona breathed out. She was told to call her that way after many phone calls she had with the woman. She was always in contact since she couldn't visit her sick daughter every day.
"Doctor Robbins."
Arizona felt her heart breaking and she hasn't even started yet. Michelle knew her daughter passed away but she still needed to talk to her. "Do you want to talk in my office or do you... Do you wanna see her?"
Michelle didn't believe it was true until the pause Arizona made in between the question. Her little girl was no longer alive. "Oh my god."
Arizona watched the other woman starting to cry. It was so sad. She felt like she failed yet another patient and a parent. "I'm so sorry," she said quietly. Those words escaped her mouth quite a lot in that day.
Michelle shook her head and pulled Arizona in a hug. "You did nothing wrong. You kept my baby girl alive longer than any other doctor would have managed," she said between tears. "I wanted to take Jessica to Mexico for stem cells. I was raising money and so far I raised 25 000 dollars. I want you and the hospital to have it. Of course if you spend it for your own stem cells research."
Arizona gasped. "I.. I can't accept that money." It was too much. She knew Michelle worked hard just to be able to keep Jessica in a hospital.
"I want you to have it. Jessica would want that as well."
Arizona took a deep breath. "Would you want to see your daughter, Michelle?" Arizona's tone was soft, sad even. She walked to the elevator and clicked the down button that lead them to the morgue. Arizona pressed her hospital ID card to the machine next to the door until the green light appeared. She opened the door and let Michelle walk first. Jessica was laid there on the cold, metal table. She was covered with a sheet up to her neck.
Michelle pressed a hand to her mouth and let out a loud sob. Her little girl was pale and her skin was cold. There was no longer a smile on her face. A smile that was there no matter how bad her day was. "Bad dreams, bad dreams go away. Good dreams, good dreams here to stay," she whispered as tears streamed down her face. "Bad dreams, bad dreams go away. Good dreams, good dreams... here to stay." She was starting to get choked up and couldn't continue. "You... you have to do it three times."
Arizona got the hint and moved closer to Jessica. She did the same motions with her hands that Michelle was doing just a second away. "Bad dreams, bad dreams go away. Good dreams, good dreams here to stay," she finished for her. "Was that okay?" Her own insecurities were going over the top. She felt like she failed at everything. Girlfriend, doctor, sister...
Michelle pulled her in another tight hug. "Thank you so much. For everything you've done. For making my daughter feel special even when she was in her worst." She heard nurses talk about how Arizona held Jessica while she slipped away. And beside the pain of losing the most important person in her life, she was relieved. Her daughter was no longer in pain and while she couldn't be there for her when she was passing away, Arizona was. "You are going to make an incredible mother one day."
