The rest of the Christmas holidays were spent with plans for numerous pranks, an animagus session whilst Remus went wolf, (in which Peter, Sirius and I gave out poor mice turtle legs non-verbally) and mostly, lots of failed courting with Lily. It was after a particularly loud quarrel with her at lunch that my friends began to take notice.

"James?" Remus asked tentatively, sitting down, eyebrows furrowed.

"Yeah?" I asked, looking up from the pumpkin juice I was swirling intently, trying not to think about what had just happened, as that usually brought on an uncomfortable embarrassment.

"Are you... Ok?"

"Me? Yeah, I'm fine, that's just typical Evans. She doesn't really know how to take a joke," I snorted, bringing the goblet to my lips and swallowing the pumpkin juice in one gulp. I licked the remains off of my lips, realising that I didn't like pumpkin juice all that much. Why did so many wizards drink it?

"Looks to me like James has a crush," Sirius teased.

"I do not have a crush!" I shot back too quickly, suspiciously. Sirius raised an eyebrow. "Peter," I began, too bored with this argument to be bothered to fight this battle, "will you please tell Sirius I do not have a crush?"

"He doesn't!" Peter squeaked obediently, "of course he doesn't! I've see people with a crush! They don't look like James at all..."

"Shut up Peter," Sirius sighed, rolling his eyes. "Must you always have him fight for you?"

"It's easier," I said, rumpling Peter's hair before rumpling my own, noticing a few first years looking over an giggling. I recognized them as Kaise's friends and hoped they weren't jumping to the same conclusion my friends were. I liked Kaise. She was quick, witty and had a brilliant criminal mind, the perfect partner in crime. A great... friend.

We hadn't kissed since the great romantic gesture, just sort of hung out. I wondered if she even wanted a boyfriend sometimes. She didn't seem to care like Sophia did. She didn't want sweet nothings and kisses by the fireside. I couldn't tell what she wanted. She was a mystery. I hadn't even received a single letter from her since the holidays started, except for the note that came with her present. It made me somewhat angry. I was supposed to be the indifferent one in the relationship, she was supposed to be the one who cared to much. It was as if I liked her more, giving her the authority to end romance whenever she pleased. It was infuriating because I didn't like to think that any girl held that power over me. It was also infuriating because I did like her.

The more I thought about it, I did want to kiss her. Dammit. She wasn't just a friend to me. She was the only other person than Lily Evans I would ever want to look down and see in the stands, the it would be a cold day in hell before I caught Kaise with a book.

James did have a crush. It wasn't on Lily, I was completely in love with Lily, but I had a crush on Kaise. Dammit. What's the point of a rebound if you like her more than the original girl? But new knowledge in mind I could do no more. It was out of my hands, the gods had spoken. Goodness I was pathetic.

So when the holidays ended and Kaise bounded up to my room to greet me- I always found it infuriating that girls were allowed into the boy's dorms but not vice versa- I grabbed her at the back of her neck and kissed her like I had seen myself kiss Lily in the mirror. She didn't react well, and with two hands on my chest she pushed away violently.

"James, what the hell?" she yelled, a little unused to my forwardness, or perhaps simply being kissed.

"I-I missed you..." I stammered. That wasn't entirely true. I kissed her because I wanted control, to have her know that I was the one who kisses spontaneously and controls when and where, and just because I liked her more than she liked me...

God, I'm going crazy.

"I-I missed you too... but I don't think we've done enough to miss... that," she said gesturing to the two of us. All I could think of was that she missed me too, maybe she did like me equally...

Absolutely nuts.

"I think we should be doing that some more. U-unless you don't want to..." There's me with my fat mouth again, all authoritative until I'm not, and I go back to melting into her fingers...

C'mon healers, lock me up in St Mungo's!

"I really like you, James,"

Wait... you what?"

"I-I just don't know how to initiate... that... I've never had a boyfriend before."

False alarm, turn off the sirens, everyone back to your posts, the balance is restored.

"That's alright, baby," I said, and for a second we both cringed at the pet name, and noticing the mutual cringe began to laugh easily. I stilled the laughter with an intense look into Kaise's eyes, searching for- there! Consent, willingness even, in the bat of one of her perfectly-lashed eyelids.

Then, Kaise found that girl I had kissed that one time in an abandoned classroom on the second floor. She reminded me that she wasn't mine to like, pulling my head down to meet hers as we kissed. It felt as good as the last one had, equal. We both gave, we both took and most importantly, we both enjoyed. And then, I felt something, like a stirring in my chest, like my heart was just realising what was going on.

I broke away from Kaise before the feeling could grow and she frowned at me, disappointed and... was she uncomfortable too? Because yes! She felt it, I know she did, and from my triumphant expression she knows I did too. There was a moment of awkwardness as we wondered who would say it first.

"I think I like you," Kaise said, after a while, letting her walls drop and letting me see the insecure first-year behind the prankster.

"I-I like you too," I assured her, and with a deep breath I did just as she had, letting her see the trembling twelve year old who was still just learning how to kiss a girl, still worrying he was doing it wrong.

My heart immediately picked up again at a gallop, thudding against my chest as Kaise stared at me. When I looked back, what I saw was much more attractive than the pretty girl with gold flecks in her eyes. This girl was nervous and complexed, a bit of a tomboy at times and not always appreciated for it. But maybe she was a little of a romantic too, when she allowed herself to be. Maybe her heart was beating double time for me.

Another kiss, no forced feeling, no convention. A soft, real kiss between two people who had seen each other, who had been missing each other for a long time. From my heart I scraped out a niche from all the Lily and placed Kaise inside gently, where she could rest for a while.

"I think that's enough of the feelings for today," Kaise said, pulling away again with an intake of breath through her teeth. I smiled, chuckling a little and rumpled my hair, looking around my dorm room. Kaise noticed the bag of her beans lying discarded on the floor by my bedside table. I imagine they must have rolled off.

"I see you got my present," she noted, her usual, cheeky grin gracing her face.

"Yeah, Peter loved them. He was our lab rat," one day I would look back on the irony of calling Peter a lab rat so many times. Kaise guffawed, taking one and blowing on it before popping it in her mouth, relishing the taste. I stared at her in shock. She noticed and raised an eyebrow.

"You don't know? That's how you remove the charm on these bad beans, all you have to do is blow on them," and suddenly I recognised why Kaise was so astonished. It was my own charm she had put on the beans, one we had used together to ruin any raids but ours. She looked up at me innocently, just a girl trying to explain to a boy how to lift a spell.

"Well played," I said, shaking my head at my own stupidity.

"Nice spell," she said with a smile, taking another bean and handing it to me. I blew and ate it, enjoying the tang of raspberry.

"Thanks," I said.

"Want to tell me what spells you're doing in the Come and Go room?" she asked nonchalantly, monitoring my reaction. I didn't flinch, just cocked my head to the side.

"Have you found it?" I asked incredulously.

"Don't toy with me, James."

"About what?"

"I know you found it."

"And what would make you think that?" I asked, hoping that the cracks in the lies I were beginning to formulate remained unseen until I could fill them in with trickery, or maybe a memory charm, although we weren't supposed to do those on each other.

"You haven't spoken about it. I expected that if you wanted to find it, you would have at least asked for my assistance."

"Peter had borrowed the same textbook last year," I informed her, at least a little piece of the truth wouldn't come back to bite me. Thankfully, I was saved from having to say any more, for as Kaise opened her mouth to retort with whatever evidence she had, the door to my dorm room burst open and Felix stood red-faced and looking very angry in the doorway.

"That bloody Gilderoy Flockfart or whatever his name is just came up to me and insulted my Quidditch team, my Quidditch team! Get into something comfortable, Potter, we're going to practice right now. Bad Quidditch team my... Oh, and get rid of your female friend too, no distractions!" James and Kaise stood stunned, staring at Felix as he gave me a look that said, well come on, get a move on! and when finally we realised that he wasn't joking, he was already off trying to find Bella and Michael who had just arrived as well.

"Uh... Bye Kaise," I said, not so delicately kicking her out of my room while I threw on my Quidditch robes and ran the the pitch.

Bloody hell, and I thought I was going mental for liking a girl.

A/N: Hello, please don't shout at me, I know this was a pretty bad chapter but I'm working on a Quidditch match and I didn't want to jump right into it. I thought I'd ease you in with a bit of romance first, unfortunately man-whore James is actually not going to make his appearance for quite a while so if that's what you're looking for, don't come here. While we're on the matter, I would like you all to know that I am strictly a K-T writer, and while you will still be getting sexual references (because how else would Harry be born?) you will not be getting explicit scenes. My parents are dying to read this people. Plus I don't... know how... to write one... not that I want to. Clear? Ok, rambling, enjoy read and review