Next chapter, not really a fan, it's more of a filler but anyway you can now unwedgie yourselves- enjoy Lumae


Meredith stared at the phone, shocked puzzled, confused, slightly horrified. She did not understand what she was looking at, it did not make sense but faint hint of fear and worry threatened to turn into something more. Just then Natalie came back into the room.

"Meredith," Natalie said surprised to see her back.

"I thought you'd left." She said, noticing her phone in the Meredith's hand.

"I'm always forgetting it, I can't wait until since finds a way to attach them to our hands or something." Natalie said oblivious to what Meredith had seen, Meredith handed Natalie the phone.

"I came back to ask where you wanted to meet, we did not discuss this, I don't want it to be at our house." Meredith said, ignoring the picture she had seen.

"Oh, yes I forgot that too, sorry it's just been a weird day, a weird couple of weeks, months. The Bean House it's a coffee shop hidden away from the world, it's quiet, good coffee and a carrot cake that will change your life, not joking, it's not far, we'll meet there." Natalie said.

"Natalie." Meredith said, she could not let what she had seen disappear into the back ground.

"Yes." Natalie said, looking at the message that was still on her phone, her eyes going wide in horror.

"What's that about." Meredith said.

"Nothing it's nothing." Natalie said, deleting the message.

"It's clearly not nothing, you as white as a ghost." Meredith said, the ball of worry morphing.

"It's nothing okay, nothing I can't handle." Natalie snapped, regretting it, Meredith was just trying to be nice she told herself, trying to adapt to the situation that she had help create and she snapped at her.

"Look, I know this is weird and awkward and I know it must be horrible to be in this room with me and I am grateful that you are not running at me with a pitchfork and that you are trying to cope and understand the situation that I helped put you in, and I know this is going to come off bitchy but just because I happen to be pregnant with your husband's baby, does not grant you access to all corners of my life." Natalie said.

"Okay." Meredith said slightly stunned, unsure if it was with Natalie's words or what she had seen.

"So, I'll see you at The Bean House tomorrow at 2." Natalie said, walking out.

Meredith just stood there, still unsure. She noticed Natalie had still forgotten to take the ultrasound picture with her, so she picked it up and put it in her bag. Today was indeed a very odd day. She found Derek waiting for her at the car, resting up against the door.

"You've got the keys." He said simply as she rummaged through her bag looking for the keys.

"Did you find Natalie." He asked as Meredith unlocked the car.

"Yes" She said getting in.

"We are meeting at The Bean House, where ever that is, I guess you can Google it." Meredith said, as Derek started the car. She was not going to bring up what she had seen to later.

The drive home was silent, filled with only the thoughts that clouded each of their minds. It had been an emotional and confusing day for both of them, it was not until they where sitting on the couch, that either could bring themselves to speak.

"How did it feel to see your baby?" Meredith asked.

"People think those ultrasound pictures are cute." Derek said.

"They are cute." Meredith said.

"Not to me, they just look like grainy baby shaped blobs." Derek admitted.

"You always looked amazed when we saw Bailey's ultrasounds." Meredith said slightly confused.

"Well, I was excited we where seeing our baby." Derek admitted.

"But this is your baby." Meredith said, puzzled by the lack of emotional connection Derek had towards the baby.

"But it's not ours." Derek said, a sad smile misting across his face.

It's his Meredith thought, was that not enough, she was prepared for that to be enough for her, she was prepared to try, why wasn't Derek. Why wasn't this enough for him.

"I'm scared of what you see, when you look at that ultrasound picture." Derek admitted.

"Is it a cute baby like image or is it the mistakes I have made. Is it the pain that I have caused, is it my indfedility, my errors that you see." Derek said, scared of her answer.

"Do you know what I don't see when I look at Zola?" Meredith asked.

"What?" Derek said confused.

"I don't see me bringing her home by myself because I had messed up your trial and you were angry. I don't see the moment Janet took her away from us because we were fighting. I don't see the spina bifida that brought her from Africa to our arms. I don't see her being abandonded at an orphanage. I don't see the countless negative pregnancy tests we did, or the silent moments after when I cried, for the lost oppuntnity. I don't see the positive pregnancy test, that disappeared that we lost to the gunman and my hostile uterus. When I look at Zola I don't see any of those things that ultimately brought Zola into our lives and our hearts. When I look at Zola all I see is our daughter, the bright, persasive, funny, loving little girl that calls you daddy and me mommy." Meredith said.

"When I looked at that ultrasound, I didn't see your indescretions or your unfaithfallness. I did not see you and Natalie betraying our marriage, I did not see what you did to me, or the pain your actions caused. I saw a baby, a tiny, growing baby, full of life and hope, unblemished by the horror that rattles the world. I saw a cute baby." Meredith admitted.

"I saw your baby." Meredith said, pulling the ultrasound picture out of her bag and showing it to Derek.

"I don't want you to hide your emotions towards that baby just because you don't want to hurt my feelings. It won't help either of us. We need to be open and honest or this will never work and I want it to work, so Derek how did it feel to see your baby." Meredith said, emphasining the your.

"It felt, that's my child, Meredith." Derek said his eyes lighting up wistfully.

It was his child, at the end of the day, it was his child and there was no avoiding that. No denying that, that grainy black and white image was his child and he could not help but feel love towards the grainy baby image

"She does not want the child." Derek said and Meredith did not need to be told who he was talking about.

"I know." Meredith said, she could agree with that statement, natalie seemed most disinterested in the baby.

"Some people don't want children." Meredith said.

"But I don't think you are some people, you are you and that baby, you want it." Meredith said.

"I do." Derek said, admitting it clearly for the first time. He had seen the heart beat that was his child and he could not, not love it.

"I want this child, I want to be able to love this child."Derek said.

"I want this child in my life" Derek said.

"I know, and that's okay." Meredith said as much as it pained her, what he wanted whilst unfair and painful to a degree, it was not undeniabbly uncalled for. He would not be him if he did not want his child in his life, he would not be her husband, the man she had fallen in love with, the man who was the father to her two children, he would not be that man unless he loved his third.

"Derek, after I discovered that Maggie was my sister, actually when I started to like Lexie, I couldn't help but think my life would have been better if I had grown up with them. If they had been in my life, the whole time, not just appearing out of the blue when my life was partly done. My life is good with them in it, and I can only imagine that it would have been better for them to be their all along. I know what it is like for long lost half siblings to show up mid way through your life and I don't want Zola or Bailey to have to ask the questions I did, to have to be confronted with that. I wish I had grown up with Lexie and Maggie and I guess even Molly. What I am saying is in a way maybe us taking the baby would be okay." Meredith finally admitted. It was true though she knew exactly what it was like to grow up without someone who could have been there, she did not want to deprive her children of that life, or opputunity.

"Are you saying." Derek paused.

"Yes, I am saying I am okay with it. If Natalie wants to give up her maternal rights, and it is on my terms, I am okay with it, with you." Meredith finally said what she had been feeling for days. A baby was not the worst thing to happen in life, arguably it was one of the better things.

"Okay we'll talk to Natalie." Derek said, a faint smile forming on his face, he leaned in, and their lips met for the second time that week and it did not feel weird.

"Derek about Natalie." Meredith said as they pulled apart, she had been trying to ignore what she had seen, but she couldn't any longer.

"Yes." Derek said.

"I saw something startling on her phone." Meredith said.

"And when I asked her about it she blew me off." Meredith said.

"What did you see?" Derek asked gazing into his wifes eyes.

" It was a picture of her and Trevor entering the clinic, with the words I FOUND YOU photo shopped over the top." Meredith said, the fear and confusion lacing her voice, causing Derek to stare in horror, this was not what he had expected.


Okay so wasn't that along and drawn out way to get the answer of the cliff hanger part and no one called it, let's see if anyone can call it now. So now I think I have made it somewhat clear that Meredith is slowly getting on board with the baby, but that doesn't mean it is going to be straight forward. Sorry for the latish update, but I got entranced by the most interesting book I think I have ever read, We are all completely beside ourselves, if any of you have ever read it I am sure you can relate to why I found it so mind blowingly enthralling and amazing, for those who haven't read it, you are really missing out. Feel free to leave a review about the story or what you think is going to happen to Derek on Grey's anatomy

Cheers

Lumae