"Now remember, I warned you he was funny."

Marian pasted her lovely little half smile on her face, hoping against hope that her husband would be able to appreciate the humor sure to be in Count Friedrick's recent letter to her. She had written to the Count, enlisting his aid raising funds to pay King Richard's ransom to bring him home, and Robin was holding the response in his hands.

Robin smiled wryly. "Funny," he wondered. "I'll be the judge of that."

He opened the Count's latest parchment and read aloud:

"My dear Lady Marian,

"Perhaps I should call you 'Lady Hood,' now that you have joined your husband in the forest. I can only say that Robin Hood is a lucky man. I myself would willingly give up my luxurious bed and board, to sleep on the cold, hard ground and dine on squirrel meat, if it meant that you were beside me. The cold hard ground might not be so cold after all."

Robin looked up jealously. "Funny?" he asked.

"Keep reading," Marian said. "He's joking. He doesn't mean it."

"I only hope the outlaw appreciates all you gave up to be with him. The lack of charming society must be especially hard on you."

"What does he mean?" Robin asked. "Lack of charming society? I'm charming!"

"I wrote him that you would be reading his response to my letter. He wrote that for your benefit, dear, to tease you. Keep reading."

"If this is what he writes when he knows I'm reading, I'd hate to see what he wrote in the letters you kept from me!"

"Good, because you can't. I burned them. Keep reading."

Robin frowned, cleared his throat, and continued.

"As for me, I still wear mourning over the news of your nuptials. Will my heart ever recover the blow you dealt it? The only way I shall forgive you is for you to pay me a visit to Bavaria, name your firstborn after me nine months later, and struggle with persuading the outlaw 'his' offspring resembles him, not me. Then and only then will I recover."

"This is outrageous!" Robin cried.

"It is rather extreme, but remember, it's only a joke. You shouldn't worry. I obviously didn't tell him anything personal, did I? Keep reading."

Robin looked uncomfortable, but she did have a point. He found his place in the letter and read aloud.

"And now, to business! In honor of your beauty, and the kiss we shared in your castle courtyard-"

"What?"

"Oh...that. That was just a ruse to fool the Sheriff and Gisbourne. I'll tell you all about it later. Read, Robin."

"-castle courtyard, I am writing to inform you that I will not only willingly help you, but that I am more than able.

"You see?" Marian said, excitedly. "I told you he would help us!"

" 'More than able,' " Robin quoted, more and more disgruntled. "What does he mean by that?"

"Read it and see."

"I recently won a small fortune at the gaming tables, and I am ready to donate my profits to your cause. Furthermore, I hasten to inform you that I have seen Coeur de Lion himself! By a twist of Fate, Duke Leopold turned him over to my King, Henry Hohenstaufen, and your King Richard is currently being held captive in Bavaria! In addition to the 150,000 marks required for the ransom, Duke Leopold insists that Richard's niece, Eleanor of Brittany, daughter to Coeur de Lion's deceased brother Geoffrey, and sister to Prince Arthur, be betrothed to Leopold's son.

"There is one further condition. The remainder of the ransom money is to be delivered personally by no one other than your dowager Queen Eleanor herself. Thus, whatever monies you collect, fair Marian, must either be sent to me, or delivered to your Queen Eleanor of Aquitaine.

"I am proud that I have access to your King, and can thus provide help and solace to you. But I regret my own sovereign's role in holding your king hostage. Pray do not let this diminish your regard for me, my dear Lady Marian, lest I throw myself into the River Rhine.

"Until I hear from you, I remain, my dear Lady Marian, your servant, your admirer, and your friend,

Friedrick of Bavaria"

"Well!" Robin said, once again amazed by his wife. Marian's ape resembling little Count had actually seen Richard in Bavaria! Their flirtation was certainly fortuitous! And, Robin worried, stronger than he liked to admit, at least on the part of the Count. If Friedrick was happy to defy his own king to help Marian, then what did he really feel for her?

"Remind me to keep you out of Germany," he told her, possessively taking her in his arms.

...

Later that night, Isabella lay sleeping in her bed in Nottingham Castle, unaware that she would soon receive a midnight caller. Although she enjoyed the comforts of living in the castle, she was vastly unhappy. Prince John had returned to London, attempting to seize the Crown, and declaring Richard "as good as dead." Now that Sheriff Vaisey was back in charge of the shire, her brother Guy strode through the castle, surrounded by his men-at-arms, barking orders and holding his power over her head. Isabella only stayed because she had nowhere else to go.

She awoke with a start when she felt her mattress move. An intruder sat upon her bed! She reached for her knife, hidden under her pillow, and tried to strike, but a strong arm held her back.

"Isabella, if I wanted to kill you, you'd be already dead."

Robin! She hadn't seen him since she'd disappeared from his camp weeks ago! And now, here he was, alone with her in her bedchamber! She'd forgotten how handsome he was. She suddenly experienced a severe relapse from her acute case of "Robin Fever."

He released his hold over her arm, and she leaned up in bed, pushing back her blanket to reveal herself wearing a beautiful deep burgundy nightdress. She knew she looked bewitching, and she'd make certain he would not be able to resist. Why else had he come, after all? He must have tired of that Marian at last!

"Just as I suspected," he gloated smugly.

"What? You're staring at my nightdress. Or, to be more accurate, you're staring at my body under my nightdress. Would you have preferred to find me sleeping naked, as you do?"

"How do you know that?"

"Don't forget, I lived in your boring camp. What else was there for me to do but spy on you? In spite of our one-time very hot tryst, I'd never seen you naked, so I had to take a look. And I must say, you are a sight not to be missed, battle scars and all."

Robin didn't like the turn this conversation was taking. He should have expected it, coming from her.

"It seems you had plenty to occupy your time in my camp...scheming, and robbing, and carrying on with my men, as you did."

Isabella was reminded how much she detested him. And wanted him. He'd better not leave till she'd had her way with him. That was why he was here, surely.

She knew him to be very competitive. She would use that, since that blabbermouth Allan must have bragged. And for once, she wouldn't be lying, either. "Not 'men.' Only one. How is Allan, by the way? Now, he's a very satisfying lover. Perhaps he ought to be in charge of your gang. He knows how to take his time and give pleasure, not just take it in under a minute, like some first time adolescent schoolboy."

Robin winced. "Second biggest mistake of my life," he said.

"Not the first? Oh, yes, of course...that would be going off to war, leaving your precious little bride-to-be at home for five years."

He ignored that. "Well," he continued, "at least I can see my mistake didn't spawn what you lied to us earlier. That's the reason for my visit, Isabella. Since I was here, stealing the Sheriff's latest tax revenues, I figured I'd better check up on how the expectant mother is doing. Only, I'm delighted to see she's not expecting at all!"

Robin thought Djaq looked quite cute now, with her expanding belly, so he had come to learn the truth about Isabella. He was relieved beyond all measure when he saw Isabella's abdomen as flat and slender as ever before.

"Well, now that you know, we can move on." She leaned closer to him, seductively. "Come now, Robin, we both know you could have hidden under your hood in public to see me from afar. But no! Instead, you secretly break into my lonely bedchamber in the middle of the night! We both know you crave excitement and danger. And, it would seem, you crave me as well."

He laughed unpleasantly. "Not you," he said. "Not ever."

He stood and made his way to her window. "Goodbye, Isabella."

"Not so fast, Robin Hood. Don't you know I can destroy you any time I want?"

"Then what's stopping you?"

She held his gaze with her steely blue eyes. "GUARDS!" she screamed.

Robin climbed from her window and shimmied down the rope he had shot for his escape.

Isabella continued screaming for guards, while using her knife to slice through the rope. When he had nearly reached the ground, the rope broke, and he fell on his back.

"GUARDS! IT'S ROBIN HOOD! GET HIM!"

Robin stood up, dusted himself off, and snickered a very self satisfied laugh, before darting away, back to Sherwood. He was quite a bit richer than when he'd arrived tonight, both from money, and the knowledge that Isabella had never been carrying his child.

...

(Historical notes: 1) The Count's letter was historically accurate, with the exception of omitting more of the actual ransom demands. Leopold did transfer Richard to Henry, King of Germany, and Richard was held for a time in Bavaria. Convenient, eh? Also, Henry insisted no one bring him the money except for Queen Eleanor herself. And, of course, Prince John tried to seize the Crown and actually told everyone that Richard was "as good as dead." 2) To clear up the letter's confusion about Princess Eleanor & Prince Arthur, children of Geoffrey... Just in case you're asking, "Who?" and your head is spinning, here's the scoop: Henry II & Eleanor of Aquitaine had 4 sons who survived to adulthood: Henry, who died from heat exhaustion during the 2nd Crusade, Geoffrey, who died in a jousting tournament, Richard, called "Lionheart" or "Coeur de Lion", and John, called "Lackland" or "Soft Sword." Geoffrey's heir was Prince Arthur of Brittany, and King Richard had decreed that his nephew Artur should succeed him, should anything befall him during the Third Crusade. Richard later recanted and named John his heir. But, when Richard really did die, many people wanted 16 year-old-Arthur to be king. Prince John tried to have him blinded and castrated, but his plot failed, and he murdered him by his own hand one night at dinner and tied a huge stone to his belly and threw his body into the river. I only mention this because my next story will deal with Robin of Locksley trying to save the young Prince.)