Christine found herself sitting, drinking and listening to Erik and Rick talk. Which she was fine with, she was mostly interested in her drinks anyway. The dinner ran well into the night, and when they got up for the first time in hours, Christine realized she had too much to drink. Thankfully it was tequila though so she wasn't going to be regretting it in the morning as long as she had a couple bottles of water before passing out. "I am very drunk." Christine hugged onto Erik's arm to help her stay standing up as the three of them stood in the elevator.
"I can imagine you are. Let's get you home and to bed."
"Hmm okay. I think bed sounds good. My boobs have been sweating all night."
"I told you they'd be sweaty."
"Well whatever." She pressed her face against his arm, and Erik withheld his comment even though he was probably going to have makeup stains on his jacket. "That's what I get for letting the baby die. My boobs are giant and I have no way to make them smaller besides waiting. They're really hard and they hurt."
"I know." He wasn't sure what to say to her self loathing knowing she didn't care about what he thought.
Christine yawned, and she giggled when Erik tapped her nose. "Why'd you tap my nose?"
"Because I wanted to." The elevator reached the ground floor, and the three of them walked outside, and to Erik's relief the sidewalk was empty for the most part. "So Rick, it was a pleasure having dinner, don't forget to text me with your schedule so we can figure a time out to do the test."
"It was, I enjoyed it very much. I'll get my schedule over to you in the morning, and you two, just remember, it gets better. The pain doesn't go away really, it just becomes apart of your daily life. You learn how to live with it."
"Thank you. It's just- it hasn't been very long so it's still fresh. It will get better though, I agree. Hopefully sooner rather than later. I hate seeing her so sad."
"I'm not sad right now. I'm just drunk." She took hold of his hand, and she smiled at Rick. "Good night good man. I hope he's your son, I like you. You're pretty awesome. Like Erik deserves a family. He's such an amazing guy and I'm so fucking lucky to have him in my life, and to know I'm worthy of his love. Like so worthy he's willing to wait for me. Fuck." She felt herself crying before she had a chance to stop it, and she knew her mascara was doomed. "I need to count my blessings. Losing a baby sucks but I'm alive and I'm in love and the man loves me back, I'm employed and comfortably living in New York City when there's so many homeless people struggling to make it from meal to meal."
"That's a good way to look at things, but just because someone is hurting worse it doesn't mean your pain should be ignored... Alright, I'm going to let you two go. Get her to bed." Rick waved to the two before starting to walk away from the two.
"Night."
"Have a good night, Rick." Erik put his arm around Christine, and they turned and started the walk back to the condo.
. x .
They got home, and Christine went into her room, put her pajamas on and went into the kitchen for water. Hangover or no hangover, she was thirsty. "I'm gonna go to bed." She threw away the first water bottle, and uncapped her second.
"Hey," Erik grabbed her hand, and pulled her up against him and into a hug. "You're an amazing woman, Christine." He kissed her head, and she sighed as she tried not to give in. She missed him so badly, but she didn't want to make him hate her by agreeing to enter a relationship and being unable to be a decent girlfriend at that point in time.
"I feel like I pissed someone off. First my parents, now Alexander. I'm scared something might happen to you. Like I'm not supposed to be happy or something like that."
"No, this is just how your life has panned out, but I'm not going anywhere. Even if we decide not to get together in the end I'll always be available as a friend. We just went through something that will keep us together for a while."
"Maybe… But thank you." She hugged him tighter, and she sighed. "I wasn't kidding when I said you're amazing. I don't deserve your love."
"Yes you do. You deserve better than me, but I'm too selfish to let you find better." She giggled as she gave one last squeeze before letting go.
"I'm glad you're selfish. Thank you for the hug, I needed that. Goodnight."
"You're welcome, and goodnight. I'll see you in the morning." The two of them turned to go their respective ways, and Christine went into the bathroom so she could scrub her makeup off. No matter how tired she was, she wasn't in the mood for a makeup breakout.
. x .
Two weeks had gone by, and Christine didn't really do much. She didn't cry but she didn't smile much either. She just sat on the couch existing. She'd toy with the idea of going into the nursery every once and awhile, but she couldn't get herself to do it. That door had been closed in her life, she didn't have any real reasons to go in there.
They found a cremation place, and Alexander's ashes were ready, but she couldn't pick them up. She'd cry until she fell, then she'd be sitting on the sidewalk crying like an idiot, so Erik went. He didn't fare all that much better when he got home, and so that day was pretty rough. She saw him crying, and the urn and she started crying, he hugged her and they just sat there and cried for half an hour or so.
It felt great, she was pretty sure it was a well needed release of emotions, and it made her happy knowing Erik wasn't afraid to actually display some besides happiness and annoyance every once and awhile. She especially loved his hugs. They were comforting, and his arms wrapped overlapped each other with her, so she felt safe on top of comforted. Once the crying ended, they found a spot to keep the ashes. For the moment on top of the fridge was the best place they had. They were definitely going to rectify that.
Before they knew it a month went by, and suddenly Meg was being rather text-y. She was continuously asking how the baby was doing and to let her know when her water broke, and Christine couldn't figure out a way to tell her about what happened. So she just played along.
Meg asked her the first day of November to meet her at this nice little brunch place near Meg's place, and Christine almost didn't go, but with Erik's convincing she went. She needed girl time, plus Meg needed to know about Alexander so she wasn't waiting for a baby to magically come. She pulled herself together for the first time since dinner with Rick, and she made her way to Mace's. It was cold, but she actually enjoyed it. It helped with the pain somehow. She was originally going to wear a dress, but she wanted warm legs so she opted for a jumper with long pant legs. She was glad she picked that, but also she wasn't because her obvious lack of baby gave her no time at all to gather her thoughts.
She opened the door to the place, and she stopped when the restaurant was empty, and was decorated with baby decorations. Meg, Annie who was Meg's mom, Alicia, Jackie and Maggie who was an old friend of her and Meg were sitting at a table in the middle of the restaurant laughing, and she almost left since she entered unnoticed. She slipped her jacket off removing the extra layer of security she had, leaving her jumper which was fitted in the torso with no sleeves, and a low turtle neck neckline. "Hey Meg? What's going on here? I thought we were meeting for brunch." Christine walked over to the table, and the laughing ended, and confusion radiated off them. She couldn't have been more uncomfortable.
"I… Decided to throw you a baby shower, but it looks like you already had him and decided not to tell me." Christine tried not to be offended by the idea of Meg thinking of Christine that way. That she was even remotely capable of something like that.
"No that's not what happened. I just didn't know how to tell you over text and I'm awful face to face so let me explain. He stopped kicking a month ago, so I went into the ER and they couldn't find a heartbeat. I gave birth to him after being induced, and the umbilical cord had wrapped tightly around his neck. So he didn't make it. He's not at home with Erik and I didn't decide to tell you that I didn't have a baby, he's on top of the fridge in an urn. So yeah. Thank you for this baby shower, I'll pay you back and everyone for their gifts if they can't be returned, but I think I'm going to go home." She smiled through her tears, and she walked away from the table. She was putting her jacket on when Meg stopped her, and she was expecting Meg to try and get her to stay, but instead all she got was a hug.
"I'm so sorry." Meg felt awful, she should've listened to Christine and not thrown a baby shower as she originally requested, but she wanted her friend to have that experience even if it as a few girls and some tacky gifts. "Please stay though, I'll take the decorations down and we'll just have a nice afternoon. Erik told me you haven't left the house in almost a month but didn't tell me why. I just assumed it was because you were getting further along and it's cold out. Either way that's not healthy."
"I know it's not, it's just easy. I'll stay, but please do take them down. I'll cry the entire meal if they're staring at me."
"Okay. Go sit down and I'll work on that." Meg rubbed Christine's back before letting go, and Christine walked over to the table and sat down.
Christine felt better once the awkward sorry's were through, which left nothing but happy things to talk about, which she needed. Well mostly happy. "So Meg tells me you're in a relationship with Erik Dessin? I might be from a small town but even I know that's big." Annie was all for gossip, especially if it was with her girls. She knew it was awful, but she couldn't help it. Obviously she only liked the gossip if they weren't getting hurt.
"I was in a relationship with him." Annie's smile fell, and Christine could relate to that. "He's the father of Alexander, which was our little boys name. I broke up with him before I knew I was pregnant, and after leaving the wedding I moved in with him. We're just friends for right now, but we're hoping the relationship will start up again further down the road."
"So were you two together while you were with Raoul? How did that work?"
"Yeah I cheated on Raoul. I feel awful about it, but had I broken up with him I would've been homeless so I stayed. I left Erik deciding to work on Raoul and I's relationship, I found out I was pregnant, and I planned on just getting married and terminating the pregnancy, but even if Erik hasn't crashed the wedding I don't think I could've gone through with it."
"I'm so sad you couldn't make it, mom. That wedding wasn't one you wanted to miss." Meg walked past the table with a handful of streamers.
"I know, but I couldn't get off of work. We were understaffed that week even with all the calls I made. I hate allergy season."
"Allergy season is the worst." Christine grabbed a glass of wine that was close, and when it was grape juice she almost screamed. "Will there be any booze at this party? I can't deal with just grape juice."
"I'd say we could get some but I feel like we're enabling a habit you don't want to pick up." Christine frowned, and she couldn't believe she was drinking so much it was quickly obvious to people that haven't seen her in a while that she potentially had a drinking problem.
"Let's just say it's best that my parents died when I was fifteen and not twenty one. I have coping problems, but y'know. A glass of wine won't kill me."
"But the bottle you'll end up finishing in two hours might. Fruit juice only today. So when will I get to meet your friend/potential future boyfriend?"
Christine realized when she felt her bitchy attitude kick in over a glass of wine, that Annie was doing her a favor. It took her a minute, but she reigned in the bitchy. "I uh… I don't know. When would you like to meet him?"
"If he could come here that'd be pretty amazing." Annie smiled, and Christine got a please from Maggie.
"What you want to meet him too?"
"I mean yeah. Neck down he's handsome. I'd like to see it in person." Christine smiled since she had to remind herself the mask was a little off putting if you don't have the chance to get used to it.
"I'll call him then. See if he's up for some boozeless brunch." She grabbed her phone and dialed his number, and her heart started pounding when she put the phone up to her ear.
"Hey Christine, what's up?"
"Hey I'm being requested to request you join us for brunch."
"Meg's requesting I join?"
"No her mom and my friend Maggie are requesting. It turns out Meg threw me a baby shower so there's a few people here. You know the rest of them though."
"Employees?"
"Mhm." She knew she'd regret mentioning that.
"I don't know. I mean I won't be able to talk much and we both know I'm a talker." Christine giggled which made Erik smile. "I'll be there in a few. I'm just finishing up some paperwork at work that Nadir wasn't sure how to fill it out. Oh also Rick and I finally picked a date to do the test.
"Oh yeah? When will you two get it done?"
"Next Monday."
"Erik that's amazing. I'm really excited, and I hope it ends well. You deserve it." She started tapping the table since she wanted to get off the phone and for him to get his ass to brunch.
"I'm still working through it all. I don't really have any emotions towards the possibility yet."
"Understandable… Well I'll see you in a little bit. Hurry up I'm hungry."
"Okay I'm almost done."
"Okay cool. Bye."
"Bye." Erik hung up, and she sighed and realized Jackie and Alicia were staring at her.
"What?" Christine had to remind herself that to them, Erik was the big, scary boss. Not the Erik she knew.
"We just could never imagine talking to him like that." Alicia seemed to be in shock.
"Even if I were in your shoes I'd be scared he'd go all boss on my ass after telling him to hurry up." Jackie picked her glass of probably apple juice and took a sip.
"Well he's actually a really nice guy. Like he'd only go all boss on my ass when I ask him to… If you know what I mean."
"I don't know how anyone couldn't know what you meant." Christine giggled at Annie who seemed surprised by Christine's statement.
"I asked him a lot. I don't know why but it's really hot watching him take control like that… Mm." For the first time since giving birth she was thinking about sex, and it was pretty fun. "Anywho, he's not a scary boss man to me. He's Erik, and he makes me feel like his equal, which is incredible because I'm a pea and he's a horse."
"Yeah. He's really nice, he's just bitchy." Christine looked over at Meg who was still working on the decorations.
"He has his PMS days."
"Yeah. Like the day of your wedding when I went to him, he was super PMS-y. It's like would you cut that shit out there's more important things going on than your mood swings."
"He wasn't PMS-y after the wedding so I think he was just upset that the wedding was happening."
"Could be it, but still." Meg set a large pile of the decorations under a booth across be restraunt, then moved onto the table decorations. "What did he expect hooking up with an engaged woman?"
"Well seeing that I told him I loved him the night before he and I broke up, he probably expected me to leave Raoul. Which was a good expectation."
"You told him you loved him not even twenty four hours before you left him? No judgement but that's cold." Meg went to reach across Christine to get a decoration, but stopped and took it from Christine when she grabbed it for her.
When there were agreements around the table Christine was starting to feel judged. "I know. Awful timing. However I'm feeling just a little bit of judgement."
"I said no judgement from me. The others I can't speak for." Christine rolled her eyes as Meg smirked, then she decided to pay attention to the better friend.
"So Maggie, how are you doing? It's been a little over a year since I've seen you last."
"It's doing good. Jarred got promoted at work so we were able to upgrade from a one bedroom to a two bedroom apartment which gave us an office which is great. We just celebrated our fourth anniversary and that's about it. Life hasn't really changed much. Especially in comparison to yours. You were head over heels in love with Raoul, what happened?"
"I don't know. I found a good job, he wasn't treating me very well, and I met Erik. He was fun at first, but it didn't take long for me to fall head over heels in love with that idiot."
"Then why am I single?" Christine froze and looked to the right, and she sighed when Erik was in fact standing next to her.
"I'm not sure. Probably because I love you too much to ruin to ruin our relationship by getting into one right now."
"Ok I'll accept that answer. So how's everyone's afternoon going? I'm Erik." He offered Annie his hand, and she smiled.
"Annie, Meg's mom."
"It's a pleasure. You raised an wonderful woman."
"Oh thank you."
"You're very welcome. And you are?" Erik moved his attention to Maggie, and Christine shook her head when Maggie's eyes had been plastered onto his butt.
"Maggie. I'm a friend from college."
"Well I'm always happy to meet a friend of Christine's." Erik sat down next to Christine after that handshake was over. "Hi Jackie, Alicia and Meg."
"Hey, so quick question, Erik." He looked at Jackie, and when she seemed nervous he had a feeling he knew what she was going to ask for. "What did it feel like crashing a wedding? I'm curious, I don't think I've ever known anyone who's done that. I honestly was starting to think it was just a movie trope."
"It was frightening, exhilarating and humbling. Frightening because I didn't know if someone was going to like attack me, exhilarating because I just ruined a relationship in front of a bunch of people, and humbling, because it showed if you don't get your shit together the person you love could be gone in seconds, even when you think you've got them locked in at a wedding. I hope I never have to do it again."
"I can imagine. So I think everyone here can agree when I say I'm so sorry for your loss. I can't even imagine going through this." Jackie pushed a glass of apple juice over to him, and Christine watched him take a drink, and then watched the disappointment set in.
"Thank you, and this is apple cider. I don't want to be picky, but champagne maybe?"
"This is a non-alcoholic event. Apparently I have a drinking problem." Christine sighed as Erik suddenly seemed fine with the drinks.
"Oh in that case I'm fine with this."
"Why did you withhold that judgement until today?"
Erik tapped on the table as he sighed and considered his thought process. "I don't know."
"As long as you know." Christine shook her head, and she looked away as Erik smiled at her.
Meg had told Annie several times about how she was rooting for Erik which she originally found ridiculous, but when Annie saw his smile, she understood why Meg was picking sides. That was the smile she hoped to see when Meg finally found someone to settle down with. Hell, she wanted to find that smile for herself. The one where he smiled like nothing brought more joy to him than her, like she was the most amazing and awe inspiring woman he'd ever met.
