45 Days

I do not own Criminal Minds.

'In adversity a man is saved by hope.' Menander

XXXXX

Reid looked out onto the near empty landscape. It was a cool day and he was sitting in what was now his favorite spot, the widow's peak, a small top floor balcony that overlooks the property

He was surprised how fast the time actually went when his first week in rehab had seemed like an eternity. 45 days, that was the length of time he had to stay to complete his treatment. Today was the 44th day and he was terrified. He was almost as frightened as the night Rossi and Emily dropped him off. Now he was scared for a different reason. Tomorrow he would be picked up and soon he would be going back to work, back to the real world.

He recalled how lost and afraid he felt when Rossi and Emily drove off. He had an urge to run, but run where? He had little time to feel sorry for himself when the woman in charge abruptly took him by the arm and led him to a late night meeting. He stayed quiet the entire time ignoring the curious looks from his fellow patients.

After the meeting he was led to his room by Ms. Welk and an attendant; Reid was surprised to learn that his room was on the third floor. Unlike the rest of the building, it hadn't been renovated and he had no roommate. The place almost reminded him of his apartment. The lamps were dim and the outdated patterned wall paper was yellow and faded.

Annie Welk mistook his expression for disgust.

"Sorry about the accommodations, but when your friend called at the last minute. This was the only room available" she explained.

Reid shook his head, "its fine… hey what are you doing?"

The attendant was emptying Reid's duffle bag and searching through every item.

Ms. Welk put up her hand, "Sorry but its protocol, we search everyone's bag just in case. You wouldn't believe the stuff people try to sneak in."

Reid was about to protest but he suddenly felt extremely tired. The events of the day were catching up with him.

"Everything looks ok, so goodnight Mr. Reid, breakfast is at 7:30 am, we'll explain the procedures and rules then. She nodded to the orderly and they left the room.

Reid fell back on the bed, he was too tired to undress; he felt enveloped by an overwhelming gloom, he leaned over and turned out the light.

He was just starting to relax when he heard what sounded like an old man coughing in the next room.

"I guess I'm not alone up here after all" was his last thought before he drifted off.

XXXXXXX

There was a banging at his door. It hardly seemed possible it was already morning.

"Dr. Reid, come down to breakfast". Boomed a male voice.

When several minutes passed and it was apparent that Reid had made no attempt to move; the large attendant from last night walked into the room and glared down at Reid. His name tag read Bob.

"Hey, this isn't a hotel. Breakfast. Is. On. now. Do you need help Dr. Reid? "

Spencer looked up at the behemoth and decided he didn't want this man helping him do anything.

"No, no sorry I'm up." he said as he sat up and rubbed his eyes.

Bob didn't move.

"No really, I'm up" he stood and realized he was still wearing his clothes from last night.

Bob opened the door and gestured to Reid to follow him.

Reid stumbled out after him; the place was lighter and brighter now. He saw the door to the room next door and another door at the end of the hall.

Bob led him down the three flights of stairs to a surprisingly nice looking dining area where the food was served cafeteria style. Reid took a tray and although the food actually looked appealing and smelled good, he found he had little appetite. He took a muffin and poured himself a coffee. He looked around the room. He counted 26 people seated at various tables. His eyes met the woman from last night. She waved at him and motioned for him to sit with her.

She eyed the amount of food on his tray

"I'm afraid you're going to have to eat a bit more than that Mr. Reid, you'll be starved by lunch"

"I wasn't hungry and it's Dr. Reid "He corrected. She already had his back up and he didn't know why.

She ignored his tone and smiled sweetly at him. "Yes, Dr. Reid. I notice you are wearing the same clothes from last night, did you sleep in them?'

"Yes I did."

"We encourage our guests to develop a routine, if night clothes were forgotten; we have a small shop where you may purchase them.

Reid raised his eyebrows. "Guests?" he said.

"Yes guests, you are not in a prison, if you prefer, you can say patients"

Reid did not reply, he felt an unreasonable amount of anger. He took a sip of his coffee and frowned as he realized it was decafe.

She continued, "Unfortunately because of your sudden arrival and the hour, we were unable to go through the procedures with you last night. Mr. Rossi filled us in on some of the details of your addiction over the phone."

Spencer tensed up at the mention of Rossi's name. It only heightened his irritation.

"I'm sure he did," Reid replied between gritted teeth.

The woman seemed to be smiling to herself. It annoyed Spencer to no end.

'Now after breakfast, we have group therapy followed by morning chores, we were going to have you cleaning the bathrooms but I think it might be better if we had you doing yard work. The fresh air and sunshine would be good for you. " She said as she glanced at his pale complexion.

Spencer merely stared at her. He noticed his cravings had started.

She continued "there's lunch, followed by a daily nature walk and then you will have your first private session with one of our staff therapists. Afterwards there is free time till dinner. May I suggest you take advantage of one of the many classes that are offered. There is no internet, TV is on for two hours only after dinner and bed time 10 o'clock." Now are there any questions?" she asked.

Spencer slowly shook his head. He was baffled, how in the world could this place possibly help him or anyone for that matter? Rossi and Prentiss must be out of their mind. He began formulating plans of escape.

"Good!" She stood up "Bob will direct you around today and after that you will have to find your own way about ".

Spencer stared after her as she walked away.

The nurse caught up with Annie "So how's the new patient? "She asked.

She smiled "Scared, craving, and mad as hell "

The nurse nodded "Ah, same as everyone else then."

XXXXXX

Spencer kept to the routine as best he could. He hated the group therapy. He felt he had nothing in common with these people. When he was asked if he wanted to share, he declined every time. He just wanted to fade into the back ground and disappear. How could these middle aged men, teens and homemakers understand how he felt?

He was surprised to discover the thing he least looked forward to turned out to be his favorite. He was handed a rake and a shovel and was told to clean up the front garden. The sunshine and cool air felt good and he got to be alone.

"Aren't you afraid I'll run away "he asked Bob the orderly?

"The nearest town is twenty miles away, good luck with that "Bob smirked.

When he was told to come in for lunch; he couldn't believe how the time had passed so quickly. He found he was actually hungry. Still he sat alone.

The hardest part was his therapy with a doctor Gibson. It was hard not to profile this small nervous man. Much of their time together was spent in silence.

Reid passed on the classes for meditation or yoga or art. Instead he returned to his room. He could smell cigarette smoke as soon as he got o this floor. The door to the other room was slightly ajar. He spied an old man looking at him through the small opening.

Spencer gave him a small wave "Hi," he said.

The door slammed. Reid blinked and went to his room and lay down. He yawned and thought of Prentiss and the hug she gave him last night. It made him feel warm inside. He would have fallen asleep but the bell rang for dinner and he trudged downstairs.

He longed to be home. He felt more like he was being punished than helped. Rossi felt all he had to do was throw money at a problem and it would go away; that he would go away. He noticed all the same people sat together at the same tables. It made him feel like he was at some crazy assed high school. Still the food was good and found he was developing an appetite

He went to bed angry. He flopped on the bed and then remembered his routine. Prentiss had packed his pajamas, several changes of clothes and underwear. He felt a little funny that she had handled his intimate things.

Thinking of Emily calmed him down. He lay down and turned out the light. He could smell the cigarette smoke again and then the coughing started.

"Are you alright?" Spencer called. There was no answer.

"My name is Spencer"

There was quiet and then a weak voice spoke, "My name is Stan."

The coughing stopped. Spencer reckoned that Stan had fallen asleep.

"Goodnight Stan" Reid whispered.

XXXXX

The next ten days proceeded very much like the first. Spencer had settled into a routine. He still enjoyed the yard; he found the tedious tasks such as weeding and raking meditative. He also grew to enjoy the strolls around the property they called 'nature walks'; though he took pains to avoid anyone who wanted to engage in conversations with him.

When they walked far enough away he would stop and look back at the old mansion; sometimes he could see the outline of Stan's thin frame standing in the window. He would wave at him, Stan never waved back. Once one of the older patients stopped and asked who he was waving at.

Spencer's time in the comfort zone was coming to an abrupt end. The next day as he entered Dr. Gibson's office, instead of seeing the therapist hunched over in his chair fiddling with his notebook, Gibson was off to the side and appeared to be brewing his own pot of coffee.

Reid took a deep breath; the coffee smelled amazing. Dr. Gibson turned and smiled when he saw the expression on Reid's face.

"You'll have to excuse me, I had a late night last night and the cafeteria coffee was just not going to cut it, so I brought in an old percolator. " He explained.

"Real perked coffee?" Reid said in an awestruck voice.

"Yes, would you like a cup? It's not de-cafe, but I won't tell if you don't."

"Yes please," Reid plunked down in an armchair and tried not to grab the coffee when it was offered to him.

He gave a huge sigh of satisfaction as he tasted his first cup of real coffee in nearly two weeks.

Dr. Gibson sat down across from him amused "I had a roommate in college who said good coffee was better than sex." He said.

"I wouldn't know," said Reid as he took another sip.

"Oh!" The therapist waited till Reid was finished before he broached his first question.

Spencer looked up at him.

"Spencer, I'd like to know if you have had any cravings."

The question made Reid snap out of his coffee nirvana.

'Time to pay for the coffee' he thought.

"Yes, sometimes I do" he replied honestly.

"What strategies are you using to cope with them?"

Reid leaned back in his seat, "I suppose I just wait till they pass, I endure them."

"What triggers your cravings?"

"Coming here for one thing, you do know that I was clean for years," said Reid defensively.

"Yes I do know that, what caused you to relapse?"

Reid was growing uncomfortable. He took a deep breath. He thought about being shot, of Rossi, the pain pills. He didn't want to talk about Hankle or Gideon and certainly not his mother and father.

Instead he launched into the story of Rossi and the ditch and how he had reinjured his knee. When he finished, Gibson seemed to be studying him.

He leaned forward "Reid do you really believe that agent Rossi is responsible for your relapse?"

Spencer stared at his hands.

"No, of course not. I know… a lot about addiction, probably more than you,"

"You mention Agent Rossi a lot and you seem very angry with him, Why is that?"

"I don't know!" Reid snapped.

Dr Gibson did not back off "Do you think if the ditch incident hadn't happened, eventually something else would have triggered it?"

"Maybe.. I don't know, "Reid felt tightness in his chest; he glanced at the clock, he wanted this session to end.

"So the ditch was convenient then" said Dr. Gibson.

Spencer looked up sharply "What no! You think I wanted to relapse, to go through this?"

"No I don't Spencer,"

Dr. Gibson sensed Reid's unease. He closed his notebook.

"Good session today Spencer, I'll see you tomorrow."

Reid darted from the room. He felt like he wanted to throw up; for the second time he thought about running away. He didn't' give a damn how far away the town was.

That night as he climbed the stairs to his room he felt a blast of the cool night air. He peered down the hall and saw that the door was open. He walked over and saw that it opened to a stairway that led to the widow's peak. He climbed halfway up and saw the red glow of a cigarette in the dark.

"Stan, are you up there?"

He saw the old man's face in profile. The face turned and for a moment looked directly at Reid and just as quickly returned to staring out into the dark. Reid backed down the stairs. He didn't want to intrude on someone else's private time.

XXX

When two weeks had passed Annie Welk came and sat down across from Reid at breakfast. She smiled approvingly at the amount of food on his tray.

"Dr, Reid, it's been two weeks, you have phone privileges now. Is there anyone you'd like to call?"

Reid thought about it. He wondered who he would call, what would he say. It would just be too uncomfortable."

"No thank you." He replied.

Annie looked surprised. "Ok, just wanted you to know "she got up, and Spencer thought he saw her write something in a notebook.

He was working in the garden later that afternoon when Bob came up to him.

"Reid, there's a phone call for you"

"For me? I thought all the calls were outgoing?"

Bob shrugged and walked away.

Spencer quickly walked to the hall phone, his nerves were a jumble.

"Hello" he breathed.

"Reid, hi it's me Emily."

It felt like his heart leapt up into his throat at the sound of her voice.

"Emily hi," his voice squeaked a little,

"I know that calls are supposed to be outgoing but I had to know how you're doing and Rossi can be very persuasive when it comes to breaking a few rules" she said.

"I'm fine."

"Are you really, you sound good. Reid look, I'm sorry that…"

"I'm getting used to everything, how's going with you. How is work?" he said, interrupting her.

He thought he heard Emily sigh and then she cheerfully updated him on the team. Once she began to talk about work and the cases they worked on, the conversation became less awkward.

"Emily, thank you for calling me I didn't have the courage to call anyone. It means a lot."

"Reid, you don't need to thank me,"

"Goodbye Emily"

"Goodbye Spencer,"

After the phone call Reid began to realize how much he missed everyone. He missed what now seemed like his former life. His cravings were now stronger than ever.

That night he found the stairwell on the third floor open again. He climbed the narrow staircase to the top, thinking he would find Stan. Instead he saw an empty wrought iron chair; He sat down.

The view was absolutely stunning. The night sky was so dark and clear he could easily make out constellations. He even managed to see the lights from distant farm houses.

He had been there for nearly twenty minutes when Reid noticed his cravings had eased off and he was relaxed. He understood why Stan liked it up here so much. As he leaned back, he felt something cold and hard under his hand; he peered down and saw it was an old ronson lighter and a cigarette.

XXXXX

Two days later he was sitting in Dr. Gibson's office. The doctor handed him a cup of coffee. It had become sort of a ritual with them. Reid hadn't taken his second sip when Dr. Gibson said.

"Spencer, let's talk about group."

"Ok, what about it?"

"You attend, but Dr. Welles tells me you don't participate, that's rather a waste don't you think?"

Reid was puzzled "A waste?"

"You're not using it"

Reid slumped down in his chair. "I don't have anything in common with those people," he said, his voice almost petulant.

"Really Spencer?" said the doctor raising his eyebrows.

"Yes really, have they been kidnapped, tortured, shot, Do they deal with the depths of depravity on a daily basis, seen the things I've seen? Reid burst out angrily.

"I don't know Spencer and neither do you, but from where I sit, it seems you have two very important things in common with all the members of the group."

"Yes I get it we're all here in rehab"

"That's correct, but more importantly you're all dealing with substance abuse. Give group a chance Spencer. You might learn something."

"Shit, there's always a price for this coffee" He thought.

XXXXX

The talk with Dr. Gibson had gotten under his skin, it gave him something to think about . He asked himself why he was fighting this so hard. Eventually and very slowly he began to open up in group. He discovered he had underestimated Dr. Gibson. The man was much more intuitive than he gave him credit for.

When one month had passed he was told he had a visitor in the common room. He was surprised to see that it was Hotch.

Hotch's eyes widened when he saw him. Reid had been planting some large shrubs in the back and forgot he was wearing dirty jeans and a t shirt, very un Reid like attire.

"Reid , you're gained weight," He blurted out.

No one had ever said that to him, Reid grinned. It was true,. The food here was especially good here plus he had a weakness for desserts. He just shrugged.

Hotch shook his head. "Sorry, I mean you look good"

"Thank you Hotch, I'm doing ok."

Hotch was staring him straight in the eye, that always made him uncomfortable.

"Reid, I needed to speak to you in person."

That didn't sound good; did Hotch come here to fire him?

Ever the profiler Hotch could read the younger man's expression.

"It's nothing bad" he assured him." I know you're coming home in two weeks. I want to know if you think you'll be ready to work.

Reid relaxed "Yes I think I am, I won't disappoint you"

Hotch shook his head, "Don't worry about me, just worry about yourself. We all miss you. I was genuinely worried Garcia might try to hide in the trunk of my car."

Reid laughed.

"I miss them too."

He really did , he was starting to feel homesick.

Hotch looked around the room. "Nice place, care to give me a tour?"

Reid nodded. He was grateful for the distraction for he was beginning to feel very emotional.

"Come on outside. I'll show you my garden." Spencer led his boss outside.

XXXXXX

Spencer found he couldn't sleep that night, The visit from Hotch plus the talk of going back to work sent his mind reeling. He thought he might climb up to the widow's peak , the fresh air might clear his head and help him sleep.

The door was already open as he climbed up the narrow staircase to the top. He sat down in the armchair, leaned back and took in the view.

Soon he became aware he was not alone. He turned around to see Stan standing in the shadows

"Stan, I'm sorry, do you want to sit here? I can leave." He offered.

"No, it's fine," said Stan quietly.

Reid turned and looked out at the cluster of stars.

"I feel like I'm doing better Stan."

"Cause you let go" said Stan.

"Let go?"

"Let go of fear, anger, pride, nuthin left to do but get better." He said simply.

"Yes, I guess you're right." He was about to ask Stan why he was here when he was startled by yelling.

"DR REID, ARE YOU UP ARE YOU UP THERE?" It was Bob voice at the bottom of the stairs.

Reid jumped up "All yours Stan," he said, gesturing to the chair.

He walked carefully down the stairs. Bob looked surprisingly upset.

"What were you doing up there? It's dangerous. We usually keep this door locked! "he barked

"Sorry, I didn't know."

"I could lose my job, what if you had taken a nose dive off the roof?"

Reid rolled his eyes. "I'm fine, just wanted some fresh air." He retreated to his room leaving Bob to curse and mutter to himself.

As he lay in bed he began to worry Stan might have been locked outside but very soon he could smell the cigarettes and he could hear the familiar cough. He went to sleep.

XXXXX

It was the forty fourth day. After that night two weeks ago, the door to the widow's peak had remained locked except for tonight. It seemed fitting since this was his last time. He hadn't seen Stan since that night either, only heard him snoring or coughing through the walls. He often thought of just knocking on the man's door, but there was something about Stan that seemed so shy and private he just couldn't do it.

He would go to bed soon. He had said his goodbyes to the group and Dr. Gibson and the rest of the staff today. Someone would be picking him up right after breakfast. He took one last look around the room and settled down in bed. Within seconds he fell into a deep dreamless sleep.

XXXXXX

Spencer stood outside the rehab centre with his duffle bag in his hand , He had been standing there for nearly half a hour. He knew someone from the BAU was picking him up, he just didn't know who. He squinted down the road trying to see into the distance but the sun was too bright. He thought he saw something.

Annie Welk and a nurse came out of the building. They had been watching Spencer fidgeting and rocking back and forth on his heels till they couldn't stand it anymore.

"You know what they say about a watched pot Dr. Reid" said Annie teasingly

Spencer smiled "I guess I'm just anxious"

He frowned as it seemed there was a vehicle heading his way. He hoped it wasn't Rossi. He could imagine three hours of awkward conversation. The familiar black SUV came closer. He couldn't tell who was driving because of the tinted windows.

The vehicle pulled to a stop, Spencer held his breath then exhaled as he saw Prentiss get out She held her arms open as she walked towards him.

Reid enveloped her in a tight embrace. He had never been so glad to see anyone this much in his entire life

Emily returned the hug "I see you're ready to go,"

Reid turned to the two women "Thank you" he said simply as he shook both their hands

"No need, you did the work, staying sober is on you," she stated.

Reid nodded "Goodbye, I'm not coming back,"

"Good! goodbye Dr Reid

Spencer opened the door to the SUV. he peered up and saw Stan standing on the baloney. He waved and the old man waved back.

He saw the puzzled looks of the two staff members.

"Stan, my third floor neighbor," He explained.

Reid got into the car. "Let's go" he said. Prentiss flashed him a grin. She revved the engine.

"Let's see if we can make it home in 2 hours" She stepped on the gas and the last thing Annie and the nurse heard was a high pitched shriek from Spencer.

"Interesting man." Annie mused.

"Yes and who was he talking about, who is Stan"

Ms. Welk shrugged "Damned if I know; that attic area has been empty for years. We just opened it up for Dr. Reid. Agent Rossi was adamant that Reid be admitted that night.

The two women strolled back in the building.

TBC.

AN: Hope this chapter wasn't too long for you. I know it's been a really long wait. Please read and review.