Jane stomps her feet against the sidewalk, like she might be cold, but March is finally starting to warm up, and when Maura looks at her wife, she realizes that the brunette is more nervous than cold.
"Mama," Sofia says quietly, reaching for her hand, "Don't rub 'em like that. Member what Mommy said?"
Maura smiles as Jane lets her hands fall down by her side and Sofia takes one of them, rubbing it between her own slender palms. It is something both the girls have started doing, rubbing Jane's hands during down time, when they are on her lap watching TV, or when she is reading them their bedtime story. Jane smiles a little. "Thanks, nug," she says.
"You nervous?" Levi is standing beside her, close enough that there is no visible space between them. He looks up at Jane with concerned blue eyes.
"I am a little nervous," Jane admits, "for you. You sure you feel ready? You sure you don't want us to drive you?"
Levi grins a little, and Maura can tell he is actually more excited than he is nervous. "I always used to ride the bus." He says. "Jeremy and Finn ride the bus and we play x-men on the way."
"You membered to bring your doll?" Isabelle asks, eying is new back pack.
"Action figure," Levi mutters, "yeah. I got it."
Isabelle hangs on Maura's hand, brow furrowed, "Man doll."
"Action figure," Levi says a little louder.
"Enough," Maura says quickly, tugging Isabelle to the other side of her, shifting Noah to her opposite hip."Honestly, the two of you, it's every day."
Jane clicks her tongue, "Every day? It's every hour. Maybe spending more time away from each other is just what you guys need."
This is true. Levi and Isabelle have more fights than Jane and Maura can keep track of. It's been enlightening and interesting to watch their daughters settle into their new family life. Although it seemed at first that Sofia would have the most trouble with acclimation, she rarely fights with either of her brothers.
Actually, Maura muses, looking down at her dark haired daughter, seemingly lost in contemplation of her mother's hand, Sofia rarely fights with anyone. She is quiet and observant and intense, and the hardest to draw out of her shell.
"You guys are going to miss each other when you're all at school and don't get to hang out so much."
Isabelle rolls her eyes, "Mommy. We will see each other every single day. Get a grip."
Jane manages to both swallow her chuckle and force her voice into something like authority, "Isabelle, watch your tone,"
Isabelle kicks at the curb. "sorry," she mutters, not sorry at all.
"I'll miss you Levi," Sofia says from the other side of Jane.
Levi looks at her and smiles. "You too, Fee."
The big yellow bus swings suddenly into view and, Levi's face lights up. He looks up at Jane for permission as it hisses to a stop beside them. Two eager little faces press up against the window, waving and calling out through the glass.
"That's Finn and Jeremy!" he says excitedly, and Jane nods, raising her eyebrows.
"Yeah? Well, what are you standing around here for then?" She says smiling, "Go on."
He hugs her.
Jane wasn't expecting it, but she hugs him back hard. And when he pulls back he turns and hugs Maura too. He steps back and looks at them all.
"Bye…family," he says.
Jane laughs. Maura smiles, gesturing towards the door. "We'll be right here at four. Or Nona or Tommy will be, okay?"
Levi nods but does not look back. He bounds up the stairs, and calls out to his friends, his voice young and high in his excitement. He settles down in one of the seats next to his friend, already talking a mile a minute. The bus starts to pull away, and even though Levi is already deep in conversation with the two boys, he does not forget to wave good-bye.
Jane turns to the girls, and Maura sees that she is a little misty. "Okay, little girls. time to go to school!"
"Mama, when do we get to ride the bus?"
"when you are seven, like your brother."
Sofia sighs as she turns back to the house. "Oh, Mama...That's ages from now."
...
Jane straps the girls and Noah into their carseats, turning back to the door and turns to kiss her wife. "You nervous?"
Maura nods, and Jane leans in to kiss her. "I want you to remember one thing," she whispers.
"what?"
"This is your family. No matter what."
Maura is about to respond when Noah shrieks, both women turn to see Sofia grab at Noah's juice cup again. Jane rolls her eyes.
"For better or worse," she says kissing Maura good-bye. "I'll see you this afternoon?"
Maura nods.
"I love you. Love you babies. Be good!"
"Bye Mommy!" Sofia and Isabelle call, and Noah waves from between them.
Maura smiles as the car pulls away.
Remember this is your family.
...
"Thank you so much for meeting me here, Mother. I know you're only in town overnight, and that your schedule is quite full,"
Constance signals for a waiter without taking her eyes off her daughter. "Of course, Maura. You said it was of some importance, that it couldn't be done over the phone, and who knows when I'll be back through before Levi's birthday. That's the next event, is it not?" Constance turns to the waiter who has materialized and Maura feels her smile falter a little bit.
She's been planning this lunch for weeks, ever since her mother said that she would be coming through. But now that the moment is here, all the ways she's started this conversation in her head sound dumb and contrived.
"Maura?" Constance is trying to get her attention.
"mm? I'm sorry, what was that?"
"Did you want you usual? the spring salad? With chicken?"
Maura smiles, "Yes. That would be lovely, thank you."
The waiter gives a small bow and disappears, and Constance surveys her daughter, a tiny frown creasing her brow. "Well, I'd make polite small talk for a couple minutes if I wasn't afraid you weren't going to pass out on me. So let's just jump in with both feet, shall we." Constance looks at Maura closely. "You're not pregnant are you?"
Maura lets out a breathy sort of laugh, "No."
Constance smiles, "Well. That's something..." She waits but Maura does not add anything to the conversation. She twists her napkin in her lap, bitting her lip. "You're frightening me," Constance says quietly, and Maura looks up into her mother's face, trying to find the courage to speak. I want to talk to you about our family. Maura takes a deep breath, "I want to talk to you about...our family."
Constance's eyebrows shoot up. "You're not doing much to allay my fears, Maura."
Maura swallows, Jane and I were discussing how often Angela sees the girls versus how often they're able to see you.
"I want you to move closer to us." It comes out in a rush and totally against her will. She looks down at her plate, her face flushing furiously. She waits for her mother to say something, but the silence stretches between them.
Maura tries to calm her heart, and chances to look up at her mother. Constance sits as though paralyzed, her eyes wide and fixed on Maura.
"Mother?"
"You would like me to...move?"
"You're so good with the girls," Maura says quickly. Now that she has started, it doesn't seem that she can stop. "And you're going to love Levi an Noah. They are really great, wonderful kids. And It'll be Levi's birthday and then mine and then the fourth July, and...It doesn't make sense for you to be so far away from us." She looks hopefully into Constance's face, trying to read the expression there. Maura frowns...it looks like...pain. "Mother?" She reaches across the table suddenly, taking Constance's hand, "It's really going by so quickly. I want them to know you...Don't you want them to know you?"
For maybe the second time in her life, Constance appears to be speechless. She works her jaw for several seconds, before finally finding her voice. "I don't...I didn't know you felt so strongly about my presence in your children's life."
"Of course I do!" Maura says, feeling a rush of excitement. Her mother actually seems to be considering it. "Of course I do, mother, in all of our lives. In my life too..." she says this without thinking, and feels Constance's hand flinch in her own. She looks up into her mother's eyes, allowing herself to feel hopeful. "Oh, if you moved closer, you could babysit and see them whenever you wanted. You could teach them so much. Sofia's been asking about painting and drawing, and you know that I'm alright, but I'm nothing compared to you!" She's rambling, she can hear herself, but she can't stop. Especially not when her mother is looking back at her, an affectionate little smile playing over her lips.
"And every Sunday, well, not every Sunday, but most of them, we have family dinner. Every one comes and we play cards and eat and talk and...Oh. I've been wanting you there for ages, mother."
The change is immediate and complete. Constance's face goes hard and polite, like, well, like it usually is. She pulls her hand gently away from Maura's who looks down at the absence, confused.
"Oh, darling, what am I thinking. It couldn't possibly work."
"What?" Maura feels blindsided, panicky. "Wait-" she tries to replay the conversation in her head, "What happened. Was it something I said?"
Constance smiles the way a mannequin would smile if it could move it's lips. "No, no, Maura, I just got carried away. But let's think logically about it, dear." She reaches out and pats Maura's hand twice. Each one feels like a slap across the face. "It would never work."
...
...
"Maur, when you get a chance can you text me name of that toxin you found in the Langley victim?"
"You're going to have to give me a moment, Detective. I have several things that I'm doing today and believe it or not, they don't all revolve around you."
Maura knows that she's not going to get away with that. She'd yelled at her wife in the middle of the bullpen. Frost and Korsak and Frankie and half a dozen other stunned looking faces darting between hers and Jane's.
For her part, Jane had not bitten back, nor had she played off the incident with a snarky comment of jab. She'd looked at Maura for a long, long moment, while the bullpen waited like it was the final serve of a tennis match.
"Whenever you get to them will be fine, Doctor Isles." She'd said it without any note of sarcasm, not even as she'd used her wife's full title, just whenever you get to them. No heat. And Maura had turned on her heel, making sure that her pumps made the maximum amount of noise as she headed towards the elevator.
She knows what they are up there doing now, and it makes her feel guilty to think about. They are sitting around making fun of Jane now, she can hear them as plainly as if she is in the room with them.
Rizzoli you are totally whipped.
Marry Me, Janie, then maybe you'll stop busting my balls.
It's not like I blame you though...The Queen of the Dead gives me the chills too.
.
Queen of the Dead. Maura leans over the body, trying to focus, pretending it doesn't bother her that some of them still call her that. Focusing on the fact that her phone is buzzing with Barry Frost's ringtone and it's sure to say something comforting and noninvasive.
She sighs, looking down at the body on her table. "The victim is a white female, approximately twenty five to twenty eight years old. She appears in overall good health with recent dental work, including a filling in the," Maura leans closer, "first bicuspid, right posterior."
Maura snaps the recorder off, frowning.
"Did your mother love you?" She asks, leaning back against clean exam table behind her. "Did she love you enough to do things for you even though they wouldn't be convenient or 'practical.'" Maura makes air quotes, rolling her eyes.
"But that's what she instilled in me, isn't it. To be logical and practical and think rationally at all times. weigh the consequences. It's why I'm so good at what I do...because of her..."
Maura runs her hand through her hair, laughing wryly. "I am the Queen of the Dead, clinical. Rational." She points at the cadaver like it has argued with her. "But I'm going to find out what happened to you and how and who did it," she says. vehemently, "And surely that counts for something. And it's because of her that I can do those things. That Jane and Barry and Vince and I are the best...the best fucking team in the country." She shakes her finger a little. Or maybe her finger is shaking. "Let them call me that," she whispers, "Let them. What do I care. She taught me not to care when they called me boring or snobby or-or-" but she thinks of all the other horrible names that people called her and she can't go on. "What's Queen of the Dead to all of that?"
"No one calls you that anymore."
The voice makes her jump and she turns to see Jane leaning against the doorframe.
"Jane!"
Jane stands straight at once, looking apprehensive. "I didn't mean to eavesdrop, I swear," she says, "I just came to see if you were alright. And if you want, I will leave you alone..."
Maura shakes her head, turning back to the body, and after a moment of silence, she hears Jane step forward slowly.
"My mother doesn't want to move here," Maura says, and she's surprised when a tear falls onto the exam table in front of her. She wipes at her eyes, "She says it's not practical."
Jane makes a disgruntled noise behind her, but Maura doesn't hear her move closer. The doctor knows she is waiting, that she knows that Maura will give her some sort of sound that she wants to be held when she is ready. The realization that the detective knows her so well does not make her feel better, however, it makes her sadder. angrier. "She said..." Maura tries to remember exactly, "She said that when one weighs each factor...it just doesn't make any kind of sense." Maura's voice breaks, and she puts her hand over her chest as though the crack in her voice is indicative of the same thing happening in her heart. She looks up at Jane, and the brunette takes another step towards her that seems almost involuntary.
"Oh, Maura."
"Yes," Maura nods, and she reaches out, "yes, yes, please."
Jane has the doctor in her arms in two steps. She pulls the smaller woman to her as she cries, holding on tightly, murmuring.
"It's me. It must be me..." Maura chokes out between sobs, and Jane tightens her grip.
"No." she says fiercely. "No. Don't think like that, Maur. Don't go there."
Maura tries to get ahold of herself enough to apologize for snapping at Jane earlier. For not sending her the tox report like she'd promised. But Jane's deep alto is in her ear, soothing and sweet and gentle, telling her how beautiful and special and wonderful she is, and Maura doesn't think she can do anything but hold onto this woman for all that she is worth.
"Jane," she manages.
"Shh," Jane kisses her. "I know."
...
Frost shows up just as Jane is shutting the door to Levi's bedroom. Maura opens the door with a confused smile, standing back to let him in. "Barry. Is it the Langley case? I thought that-"
"Nope," Frost smiles, nodding at Jane as she descends the stairs. "Official best friend slash partner business."
Jane smiles, grabbing their coats out of the closet. "Thank you so much, Frost. They're all down and we shouldn't be more than...two or three hours at the most."
Frost nods, grinning at Maura's increasingly confused face. "Take as long as you need. You've still got fudge clusters in the cabinet, right?"
Jane grabs her keys, slipping her arm around Maura's waist. "Hands off, mister," She says pulling her wife to the door. "Come on, Maur. We can't be late."
...
The ride is short and try as Maura might, she cannot get Jane to tell her what she is up to. "Jane-"
"Shush, Maur, we're here."
Maura looks up at the hotel, her frown deepening. "My mother is staying here, Jane," she says turning to look at the detective. "As much as I would like to..." She bites her lips and runs her eyes over the detective, "can we pick another place?"
Jane's eyes widen. "Oh, my God, no." She laughs after a moment, "I mean...yes...you are a genius and that is a brilliant and...totally hot idea, but you're off the mark tonight." She gets out of the car and comes around the passenger side. "Come on, honey. Let's go."
Constance is in the lobby bar, pouring over an art journal and Maura feels her legs lock up as Jane pulls her forward.
"Constance," Jane's voice carries clearly and the older woman looks up, her eyes widening as Jane stops in front of her. She points at Constance and then at Maura, gathering herself.
Maura closes her eyes.
"This woman is your daughter." And Maura's eyes open and focus on her wife, because she has never heard Jane's voice like this. Deep and raspy and angry but also terribly affectionate and understanding. "This is your daughter. And you hurt her. And she doesn't understand why you did what you did."
Jane looks at Constance, her brown eyes searching the older woman's face. She squints a little, like her mother in law is far away and Jane can't see her clearly. "I don't understand it either. because I know you love her. And I know you love our children..."
She pulls out the chair across from Constance and guides Maura into it. She presses a kiss to her wife's temple, and looks back at Constance. "Fix it," She says quietly, "Whether you end up moving here or not. You owe her a better explanation than 'it's not logical' because I know you love her, and I know she loves you, and whether you meant to or not, you hurt her." She straightens up, her hand lingering on Maura's shoulder. "I'll be in the lobby."
Both Isles women watch her stride away and around the corner, and then Maura looks back at her mother.
She tries to smile, but is sure it looks more like a grimace. "I'm sorry, mother, I didn't know she was going to do this. We can have a drink and then I'll be out of your hair."
Constance looks away from the doorway slowly, and looks at her daughter. Maura feels her stomach tighten. But then Constance smiles, shaking her head.
"She is a bit frightening when she's worried about you," Constance says, chuckling a little.
Maura smiles nervously, "She hates it when I cry."
Constance looks shocked. "So do I, Maura."
Silence.
Constance looks back at the door, and then at Maura again. "Let me get you a drink," she says putting her hand into the air. "And we will set to work."
Maura stares, "Work doing what?"
Constance looks at her like she's crazy. "Fixing it, of course."
Maura feels herself smiling.
"Of course."
FA! you've returned to review! I love it. Got some mixed opinions on Leah...some of you feel bad for her, some of you think she got what she deserved...well. my jury is still out. clearly...it's time for some constance. :)
davis, julez, boo, rizzles,anyfey, jujuchick, everythingshazy, Emerald Demona, cstarj, gallifreyancircles, Thank you guys so much!
Jobee, BNH, AE. you guys and your reviews...seriously... I think that one thing I've been disappointed with in the series is the lack of continuity...with anything.
I hope that if you look within this story, and even between this and JGMAR, you'll find some...
anyway. here's pt. 1 of a three story arc. hope you enjoy. definitely let me know. and as always.
Happy Reading!
tc
