A/N: I have no excuse for the lack of updates, well I do, being a masters student is seriously bloody difficult, but that's about it. Hopefully this update will come as good news!
I know it's short, but I wanted to get something out there, enjoy.
Thanks to my girl for beta-ing.
Arizona was back there again. It was always the same dream; she was always stuck in those damn woods. Sometimes she'd been alone, sometimes Callie would be there, sometimes the kids; no matter what, every time she always woke up sweating and in pain. A couple of times people woke her up; a concerned nurse catching her as they came in to check on her vitals. Fortunately she'd managed to keep them from Callie who was taking on more surgeries now that Arizona's infection was under control and the twins were ever getting stronger. She knew that if Callie found out about the dreams, she'd never hear the end of going to see a shrink and that was something she really didn't want to do.
It had been two weeks since she'd been given the all clear infection-wise and despite Callie's efforts she still hadn't been allowed to go home. Although she'd got rid of the pee bag, moving around was still virtually impossible without two nurses either side of her. She'd started PT, but that was ridiculously slow and in Arizona's opinion they weren't pushing her hard enough. The anger she held was only ever building but she had to keep it inside; she'd already let it out on too many occasions; on Callie, Teddy, her parents and even Jess and that could not happen again. So instead she bottled it up, refusing to talk about it and refusing to acknowledge it.
A knock on her door gave Arizona enough time to plaster on a fake smile and remove the pain from her face; she needed to appear as well as possible so that she could get home and get better. Seeing it was Addison, she smiled even more, knowing that she would be the first to report to Callie at the slightest sign that everything wasn't alright, 'Hey Addison.'
'How you feeling?' Addison asked immediately, the same question everyone asked when they came into Arizona's room; she was kind of bored of it.
'Pretty much the same as I always am,' Arizona replied. 'Bored of these four walls, my leg hurts and I have to ring the buzzer every time I even think about peeing.'
Addison couldn't help a wry chuckle, 'Sorry, I guess you're bored of everyone asking you how you're feeling.'
Arizona shrugged, 'I suppose it's the obvious thing to ask...but when the answer hasn't changed for weeks you'd think people would stop asking.'
Addison smiled, 'I get that...I came to talk to you about Noah actually.'
Arizona's head shot up, any ill-feelings she had quickly disappearing, replaced with fear for her little boy, 'What's wrong?'
Addison didn't reply at first, handing Arizona the chart she had in her hand knowing that she'd instantly see what her, Teddy and Karev had earlier that morning. 'The decline only just started yesterday, we thought it might just have been a bad day so we didn't want to worry you but...'
'He's getting worse again,' Arizona said simply, her voice robotic as she held in the tears yet again.
Addison nodded, 'He's still gaining weight...he's getting healthier by the hour...in everything but his heart.'
Arizona sighed, 'Have you told Callie?'
Addison shook her head, 'I wanted you to see it first.'
'Good,' Arizona replied. 'Callie's been so happy lately...she doesn't need to know about this ok?'
Addison nodded, 'We've increased the penocin but...'
'Do it,' Arizona said, knowing what was needed, knowing that Addison knew what was needed too.
'Without telling Callie?' Addison asked.
Arizona nodded, 'He might pick up...in which case Callie doesn't need to know...she's dealt with enough shit for the past few months, I think it's my turn to deal with it for a change.'
Addison nodded, 'I'll keep it from her for now Arizona, but she's a surgeon and she's been in that NICU every day, she'll notice soon.'
'I know...and hopefully by the time she does Noah will have recovered...or a transplant heart will be available,' Arizona replied, the lack of emotion in her voice not reflecting in the way her own heart rate picked up at the mere mention of a transplant for her son. 'Does Teddy agree?'
Addison nodded, 'She wanted to come and tell you herself but she got paged 911 to the ER, she said to tell you she'll drop in when she's done.'
'Make sure her and Karev know not to tell Callie,' Arizona said, her eyes not meeting Addison's anymore. She couldn't; if she did she would lose the little control she had left.
'I will,' Addison replied. 'I'll keep you updated on Noah.'
'Thanks Addie,' Arizona replied, knowing that between Addison, Teddy and Alex they would have things covered. Addie nodded and left, leaving Arizona to her own thoughts once more. Instead of the self-pity she had been consumed in all morning, her thoughts were now solely directed to her son and the new struggle he was now going to face. She'd seen it before; babies with PDA's showing promise and then dropping off through the floor. She'd seen some come through it but she'd seen more... She shook her head, she couldn't think about that; couldn't dwell on the possibility that her little boy might lose his fight before he even got to live. What if he did? How would they survive that? The answer to Arizona was simple: they wouldn't.
X
3 DAYS LATER.
'Morning Dr. Torres,' the nurse Sandra greeted Callie as she entered the NICU.
'Hey Sandra, just checking in on my babies before I have to go to surgery,' Callie replied, the smile on her face a more permanent fixture now that everything was looking on the up. Arizona had been a bit distant for the last couple of days, but Callie knew she was just getting fed up of being in the hospital and having to rely on other people to do everything. Weaving through the incubators, Callie greeted the twins as usual, her eyes lighting up as she took in first Daniella and then Noah. Noah was still growing and was fast catching up his sister who was almost ready to be off of her vent. Glancing over at Noah again, Callie's brow furrowed, his vent setting had increased and his heart rate was very low; too low. 'Sandra, why is Noah's vent setting up and his heart rate still so low?'
Sandra visibly stalled, Callie saw the moment her eyes flicked to the wall and back again; the slight fear that lurked beneath them. 'Sandra, what's going on?' Callie repeated, her voice steady but slow.
'L-let me find Dr. Montgomery,' she stammered.
'No. You tell me what's going on,' Callie repeated, not understanding why she didn't know what was obviously going on with her own son.
'I-' Any reply Sandra was forming was cut off as Teddy entered the NICU, her eyes darting between the two women and quickly understanding what was obviously going on.
'Thanks Sandra, I'll take over from here,' Teddy said, an apologetic smile sent in her direction.
'What the fuck is going on Teddy?' Callie asked, her anger increasing as she still didn't know what was going on. 'Why don't I know what's going on?'
Teddy sighed, 'We wanted to make sure.'
'Who's we?'
'Me, Addison, Alex...' Teddy said. 'And Arizona.'
'Arizona?' Callie said instantly, momentarily thrown by the mention of her wife's name. 'Why the hell did you tell Arizona and not tell me?! Arizona's fragile...s-she's...what's going on?'
'We told Arizona first because Addison wanted her opinion,' Teddy replied. 'She's got more experience on this than the rest of us put together.'
'Experience on what?'
'PDA's in preemies...heart failure in preemies,' Teddy said, her voice small and apologetic.
Callie felt like the air had been totally knocked from her lungs, a rug pulled from under a feet with such a force she was sure she'd never breath again. 'Heart...' She couldn't finish what she wanted to ask, what she needed to clarify.
'I'm so sorry Cal,' Teddy said, walking forwards and trying to place a hand on Callie's shoulder only to have it shrugged off. 'We've put him on the transplant list...he's holding on...we just have to hope...'
'Hope?!' Callie shouted, standing from her seat and pacing between the incubators. 'What good is hope Teddy when my son is dying and none of you bothered to mention it to me? I've been walking around thinking that everything was ok...being happy and all the time you're putting Noah on the fucking transplant list?!'
'Cal...' Teddy held her hands up in defeat, not really knowing how to deal with an extremely fiery Latina.
'How long?' Callie asked, afraid to hear the answer.
'How long what?' Teddy asked.
'You know what,' Callie replied.
'W-we don't know Cal, it's different for every patient...'
'This isn't just any patient Teddy! This is my son; your godson!'
'I know,' Teddy said, the tears building, tears that she'd already shed but refused to reveal to anyone. 'But I still don't k-know...'
'Well I'd best go and ask someone who does then,' Callie replied with venom, giving one last glance to the twins before pushing past Teddy and out of the NICU.
'Callie wait!' Teddy shouted after her, ignoring the looks she received from everyone they passed. 'Callie don't go in there yet, have a minute to calm down...'
'Calm down?!' Callie replied, not stopping in her march to Arizona's room, 'I thought she wasn't strong enough to deal with stuff, well she obviously is to know that our son needs a heart transplant and keep it from me.'
Not stopping to knock, Callie threw the door open, Arizona's eyes instantly darting from the TV set to see a very pissed off wife staring back at her, 'Cal? What's wrong?' The appearance of a flustered Teddy behind her wife told Arizona everything she needed to know. 'You know,' she said simply.
'Yes, I know,' Callie replied. 'How could you not tell me this?'
'Cal, I was just protecting you from...'
'I don't need protecting!' Callie replied, 'What I need is to know what's going on with my own son... what I need is for my wife to be honest with me!'
Arizona rolled her eyes, 'Oh come on Callie, I was going to tell you when I had more answers. When more tests had been ran and...well hopefully when Noah had a new heart.'
'Oh, oh that's brilliant Arizona! When would you have told me huh?! When Noah was on the fucking table? When he'd died?! You know what, whatever, how long?'
'How long what?' Arizona asked repeating the question Teddy had asked.
'How long has my son got to live?'
Arizona sighed, her eyes staring at her hands as she said the figure which she'd been trying to ignore for the past 3 days, 'Two months if he continues to respond to the penocin.'
'And if he doesn't?' Callie asked, ignoring the stab she felt in her heart at the time frame Arizona had just given.
'A month, less than that if his PDA grows,' Arizona replied.
Callie took a step back, her hand instantly reaching out for the bed as she struggled to keep her legs.
'He'll get a heart Callie,' Arizona said, telling her the same thing she'd been constantly telling herself.
'You let me be happy Arizona! You let me think that everything was going to be ok!'
'It might still be Cal!' Arizona replied, once more the anger she had contained at everything coming to the surface and projecting at the wrong person. 'You don't know what's going to happen and if you're going to stand there and be pissed at me for trying to protect you Callie then you can just piss off.'
Callie's eyes went wide, 'Piss off? You want me to piss off?'
Arizona looked up for the first time, 'Yes Callie, I want you to piss off.'
Callie just nodded, turned on her heel and slammed the door behind her, she didn't know where she was going but she sure as hell wasn't staying in this hospital for a second longer.
