She liiiiiiives!

Haha, on my friends comp, so a small update guys. I don't own it.


And great ews! They finalised the dub cast list and should release the first volume of the dvds in the next three months or so! If the dub sucks I can just turn on the jap with subs.

I'm in love with my best friend. I dont really know how it happened, but here I am. I think... he might... like me too. But that could just be wishful thinking... in all honesty, I dont think Lavi's gay. He's always whistling at girls, and flirting and nudging me and asking if I think a girl walking by is pretty. I dont really like it... I dont want to look at girls, I want to look at Lavi, but... He's so much older than me... I'm only a fourteen year old brat, and he's seventeen. He's so cool and smart and he always seems to have some girl or another begging him to date them. It hurts, but I want Lavi to be happy, and I want him to be my friend, so I dont think I'll ever tell him how I feel. It would just make things way too weird. Lavi probably wouldn't want to talk to me if he found out I'm gay.

Allen sighed as he shoved his journal back into his desk drawer. Lavi was coming to pick him up soon, they always hung out on fridays nights, unless Lavi had a date, then he usually just sat home and watched movies with his dog, Timcampy. A car horn rang out and Allen jumped up, racing down the stairs and grabbing his coat before running out to meet Lavi as he grinned from behind the wheel of his beat up sedan.

"Hurry up Allen! The movie starts in half an hour!"

"Its not my fault you took so long to get here!" Allen laughed as he climbed into the car. The redhead pouted as Allen laughed, putting the car into reverse and pulling out onto the road.

"You don't understand Allen! The evil panda was making me study! It took me FOREVER to get away! I'm just glad I made it in time!" Lavi looked pathetic enough that Allen could even pity him.

"Whatever, Lavi..." he chuckled, "What movie are we going to see?"

"That new romantic comedy that just came out! I want to ask someone out, but I want to know if the movie is good before I go, or if we'll just make out through all of it." The bubble of hope that Allen had felt swelling in his chest popped and he sighed sadly and turned to look out his window. Of course that would be the only reason Lavi took him to a 'date' movie...

"Sure, thats fine with me..." The redhead glanced over at him for a moment with a concerned glint in his eye.

"You alright Allen? you sound a bit off..."

"I'm fine!" Allen turned to Lavi too quickly with a smile that was too bright to be real, "I don't know why you would think I'm not!" he laughed a strained version of his usual chuckle and Lavi was only worried more by it, but he decided to say nothing.

"Okay then Allen. Whatever you say." The rode in a companionable silence for the last few minutes of their drive before they arrived at the movie theatre.

--

"Okay Allen, spill. Did... did Yuu talk to you?" Lavi leaned towards the younger boy over the table they were at in their favourite pizza place with an characteristically serious expression on his face.

"Kanda? About what?" Allen looked up from his food and Lavi instantly looked uncomfortable.

"Err, well you've been acting odd the entire night... so I thought Yuu might have talked to you about something I told him and it was making you uncomfortable around me... but if he didn't then there is nothing to worry about!" Lavi smiled sheepishly with a dismissive wave of the hand, but Allen was too curious for his own good sometimes.

"What would possibly make me uncomfortable around you Lavi?"

"Ah, its... its nothing..." Allen raised an eyebrow with a look on his face that clearly said he wasn't buying it.

"If you think its enough to make me uncomfortable around you, then its not nothing Lavi. Seriously, just tell me Lavi! We're friends no matter what and nothing you tell me will change that!" Allen really didnt know what he was in for, Lavi was one to let bombs of secrets go randomly, so the younger of the two should have known that his proding would get him just that; a bomb.

"I... I think I might... be... gay..." Lavi blushed madly and looked away quickly, as if admiting this was something to be ashamed off.

Allen was just pretty sure his mind had imploded.

"A-Allen?" the redhead dared a glance back at his friend, only to find him blinking stupidly, with shock written clearly over his face. With a groan Lavi rested his hands in his face.

"Damn, I knew I should have waited to tell you that... you're only young so... Damn, I'm sorry Al I-"

"G-gay...?" Allen cut him off and Lavi looked up, in confusion.

"Y-yeah... maybe... probably... I'm pretty sure actually..."

"B-but... all those girls..."

"Well... I... wanted to think I was normal I guess... so dating a bunch of girls instead of the person I really wanted to as out was easier..."

"Wh-who?" Allen still hadn't quite gotten ahold of his spinning mind, but if Lavi was gay... maybe...

"Who do I like? I um..." Lavi looked away again, as he rubbed the back of his neck, "Ah screw it, I've told you this much... Its you."

"Kanda?" Allen's face fell as he looked down at his pizza, sitting mostly forgotten on the table and Lavi turned back in surprise, having heard such out of place sadness in Allen's voice.

"Kanda? No! I mean... you, Allen Walker, the one sitting in front of me..." Silver eyes looked up to meet emerald in shock.

"M-me?" Lavi nodded slowly and started to look away.

"I... I'm sorry if it makes you.. you know, uncomfortable... and if you dont want to hang around me anymore its okay, cause I mean.. if it were me, I would be really freaked out having an older guy like me, so its okay... I'll um, just go..." the redhead stood to leave, but a pale hand shot out a caught the sleeve of his jacket.

"Wait! I... never said it makes me uncomfortable..." Allen blushed but refused to look away from Lavi's confused eyes.

"If... y-you want to... go on a d-d-date with me... I'll... I'd l-love to g-go..." Allen Stammered out, feeling his cheeks get hotter as he spoke.

"Allen... you... don't have to force yourself, you don't like me like that, it's okay, I get it..."

"No you don't Lavi!" Allen stood with a determined loom in his eye, if Lavi was brave enough to say his feelings, then Allen wanted to be able to as well.

"I... I do like you that way! I... have for a while, but I didnt want to say anything because I thought you would be grossed out..." Lavi looked torn for a moment, glancing around the mostly empty resteraunt before taking Allen's hand and smiling.

"Come on, we should talk without an audience." Allen nodded and followed the older boy out into the darkness outside of the building.

--

They had been dating for a months. A month of pure bliss, and Allen really didnt think he could get any happier. He and Lavi were just lounging on his couch together, watching some random anime, but not really. They were both more interested in cuddling than the TV.

"Hey Allen? I was thinking..."

"Uh oh..." Allen grinned teasingly and Lavi pouted at him, before continuing.

"We haven't really gone on a date in a long while, why dont we go to the movies? We could go make out in the back of the theatre..." the redhead grinned goofily as Allen rolled his eyes with a smile.

"And we can't do that here because...?"

"Well it wouldn't be making out in the back of a theatre if we did it here..." Allen laughed and pushed off the couch, giving Lavi's hand a pull.

"Alright then, let's go!" It wasn't long before they were in Lavi's car and driving,

"Hey Lavi...?"

"Yes Allen?"

"Is... this okay?"

"Is what okay?" Lavi glanced over at him and Allen sighed, trying to find the right words.

"Well I mean, I'm 14... you're 17... won't... you get in trouble for dating me?"

"Why would I? Its not like we're doing it! I'm waiting till you're ready and legal for that, so what we do is perfectly fine. You dont need to worry about me Ally-babe! I'm fine!" Allen smiled and nodded, opening his mouth to say something back, but suddenly, there was a screeching sound, and the white haired boy screamed, and the redhead felt a great force hit him as a truck that had suddenly swerved onto their side of the road collided with them. Before they were hit, the boy next to hm ripped off his seatbeltand jumped ontop of the older boy, sheilding him from the oncoming debris.

"Allen!" a peice of debris flew through the windshield and Allen felt a sharp pain on his head, before things slowly faded to black, Lavi's cry of pain being the last thing he heard before sinking into oblivion.

--

One emerald eye cracked open and Lavi groaned as pain shot through his right eye. 'what the hell happened?' he thought with a grimace as he sat up.

"A... Hospital room?" he murmred to himself, his only visible eye widening in terrified shock as the car accident came back to him.

"Allen!" The redhead jumped up and rushed to the door, throwing it open and startling the nurse who had been about to come in. The frantic teen gripped her shoulders, eyes wide with fear and desperation.

"Allen! where is he!? what happened!?"

"C-calm down son! please! relax!" The nurse pried the boys hands off her and gently led him back to his bed, "Your friend... is alive, but..." she paused, searching his face, sitting him down on the edge of the bed and breaking the news to the distraught teen.

"He was pronounced braindead twenty minutes ago. I'm sorry... We did all we could..." Lavi's eye widened and his brain seemed to shut down, not processing anything else the nurse said.

"Allen... oh god allen, I'm so sorry..."

--

It wasn't my intention to make Lavi suffer like this. I was only fourteen year old kid in highschool. No one suspects they would die at such a young age well, I didnt Die excactly, but I might as well have. It had been sudden, I'd only felt a little headache, then I was standing on the side of the road watching as the paramedics loaded me into the ambulence. I was still breathing and everything, but... My mind was forced out of my body. Later at the hospital... they had pronounced me braindead. Lavi blamed himself for the crash even though the person behind the other wheel had been drunk.

'It's my fault Yuu, it's... If I hadn't asked him out on a date on that night he'd be alive dammit!'

On that night... He'd asked me to a movie since we hadn't gone on a proper date in a while, he's was alwats so sweet about stuff like that, he loved to treat me like I was the only thing that mattered to him. As he was driving us there, a man in a four wheel drive had suddenly appeared outta nowhere and smashed into us head on. I'd jumped on Lavi at the last second, but I think that only added to his guilt, because according to him it was him who was supposed to have died or become braindead or whatever you call what happened to me, him who was supposed to have been struck in the head by that... I can't even remember what hit me...


He often visits me in the hospital still. I'm an orphan, but my guardian is almost always out of the country but no-one ever had his contact number. I bet he doesn't even know I'm dead yet. Since they needed his permission to turn off the machines keeping my empty body alive, I've been laying there for.... How old would I be now? Sixteenish? Two years...

The Nurses always smile warmly at Lavi as he walks in. The've watched him as he came in, every week without fail to sit with the shell of his boyfriend, and it hurt them to see such a kind boy so... depressed. He smiled all the time, but they were always empty, as if he had lost the spark that made his smile shine.

"Hey Allen..." Lavi said softly, sliding into the chair beside the younger boy's bed, "It's good to see you..." he always spoke to Allen, even though everyone insisted he couldn't hear anything. Lavi still spoke to him.

"Yuu has been good... heh, always on my case about being reclusive though... that Tyki guy who's always hitting on me seems to have backed off a bit, and I'm glad... it makes me uncomfortable. He's a bit creepy and I hope he leaves me alone, like the others did soon." He smiled, brushing a white strand of hair out of Allen's eyes gently, running a finger along the jagged scar on his forehead from the accident.

Lavi... He looks so sad when he smiles at my still shell of a body.



I watched as Lavi lay on his stomach on the his bed, writing something down in his notebook, his wild red hair flopped lazily in his one good eye, he'd taken to wearing an eyepatch after the accident and I missed looking at his other eye, it felt like that black fabric was a blemish on his face.

I'm actually sitting next to him as he works, but he can't see ... Sometimes I think he catches glimpses of me in mirrors, or out of the corner of his eye, but he only thinks he's hallcinating. He's in university now, studying to be a historian. As I watch, he groans, cards his finger through his hair and sits up. closing the book and reaching for the bottle of water on his bedside table His eye rests on the framed photos of us together he has on that table, but I wish he wouldn't look at them. Thinking of me causes him pain.

I wish he could move on, but he's rejected every person who's asked him out for the last two years. Even that hot guy at his part-time job. Our friend Kanda has repeatedly told him to move on and try to stop dwelling on the past, but I dont think Lavi will take his advice.

'Why won't you listen Lavi?' He can't hear me, even if I shouted until my throat was raw he would never be able to hear me. He picks up one of the framed photos, and my voice catches in my throat. It was us on our first date, at the circus. It ws kind of a lame place to take someone on a date, but to me it had meant everything.


I hear a sniffling noise, and my gaze return's to Lavi's once-handsome face, now pale and shadowed by two years of guilt, nightmares and depression. He's cryng again, hot tears running down his face as he remembers the fun we had. He'd used to be so fun, so cheerful, so optimistic with his eyes full of warmth and laughter.

Lavi held his favourite picture of him and Allen, not noticing the tears that poured from his eyes.

"We only had a month to be together..." he whispered to himself, gritting his teeth in anger. why hadnt he paid more attention to the road? if he had be watching... he could have avoided the truck, and they could still be together and happy, Allen wouldn't be brain dead and laying in a hospital bed all alone most of the time, everything would be right. Lavi ran his fingers through his hair again and sighed shakily, wishing that everything was just a bad dream he would wake up from and be seventeen again, with Allen alive and happy and safe in his arms, where he belonged.

'Please Lavi, forget me! Smile and laugh and go out with friends! Find someone special and be happy!'

I say this, I scream this over and over but I know he can't hear me. I put my arm around his thin shoulders and he looks up, confused. He can almost feel me touching him, and that makes me withdraw my hand. Perhaps I should just take all his photos of me away, unplug my body, and walk into the weird glowing door I keep seeing at random places... But I can't leave; not until I know Lavi will be ok. Right now... He's not ok. I can feel it.

Just at that moment, there is a knocking on the front door of his apartment. He gets up to go answer it wiping his face as he goes, and I follow. It's our friend Klanda at the door, looking stoic and annoyed. Lavi smiles an empty smile.

'Hey Yu-Chan, wassup?' he leaned against the doorway casually, but there is unhapiness emanating from him, the photo still clutched in his pale hand.

Kanda made an annoyed sound and crossed his arms. 'Idiot, i've been texting you for an hour. You owe me thirty dollars for my wasted phone credit.... Actually,' he added after a pause, 'Make it fifty since I had to drive hear just to talk to you since you weren't answering your home phone either.'

'Sorry...' Lavi gave a hollow laugh. 'I was in the shower.'

'For two hours?' the japanese man raised his eyebrow. He made another annoyed sound and checked his watch. 'Look, I'm going out tonight with Lenalee and the others, and you're coming. Got it?'

To my dissapointment, my... Is he my ex boyfriend? Shakes his head, and opens his mouth to no doubt say something about having work to finish, but Kanda suddenly pushes past him, grabs his boots from the corner, then grabs Lavi by the front of the shirt and drags him out the apartment door, the lock snapping shut as he slammed the door. I chuckled as I followed them down the pathway to our old friend's car; he never took no for an answer even as a child.

Kanda tossed him into the passenger seat followed by Lavi's shoes, then gets into the drivers seat and starts the engine. Lavi is a little confused by what happened, by he nontheless buckles his seatbelt and pulls on his boots, sighing heavily.

'I don't feel like going out Kanda.' His voice sounded flat.

'Che, well I got news for you; you're going out. You need to, Usagi. You just called me Kanda, and that's alwas a bad sign.' Lavi shruged and sits back against the leather seat, giving in.

I felt sad at the way he was acting; back when I was alive, it had been him begging Kanda to go to parties and such, not the other way around. As the pull onto the highway, Kanda's phone beeps to signal a text. Watching from the backseat I can't see what it says, but Lavi leans across to read it and the aura around him goes dark.

'Yu, why is Tyki coming with us? I've already said I'm not interested.'

Kanda shrugs. 'He overheard me and Lenalee talking and asked to come. He likes you Rabbit, and it would be good for you to try to socialise. I normally don't care what you do but the way you've been acting is getting on my nerves.'

'I love Allen. I'm not cheating on him.'

I wince. He sees us as still together since we never broke up, but it's horrible. He's held back in life because of his feelings for me. Why can't he accept i'm dead?

It's not like I want to be this way! I've tried so many times to find a way back into my body, but it's like theres some kind of seal or lock on it, Preventing my spirit from returning. I... I remember when I was thirteen, wishing like hell Lavi would fall in love with me, and I would go over imagined situations in my mind in which either of us would confess and share a kiss, but now... I wish I had never met him if only it would spare him this pain.

When i'm near him it feels like he's dying inside, and it makes my chest tighten and my throat hurt. I want him to be

happy.

I hate this.

Wah such a sad oneshot. Well, review please.

Big huggles and thanks to nella for helping me so much!

If you guys give me fifteen reviews i'll do a sequel to this oneshot, if yo want it.