(A/N)
Hey it's... not Wednesday.
I'm terribly sorry about the horrible delay but I had a lot of shit to do like conventions, photoshoots, rehearsals, work, etc.
BUT for letting you guys wait that long, I'm giving you an extra long chapter today, how about that?
More notes at the end of this chapter!
CheeZy - out
P.S.: The second half of this chapter is unedited because it's already 10 pm here and i just finished writing and wanted it up by today so I would have it out of the way. I might edit out mistakes later on but for now, enjoy this chapter :)
Eren's POV
It was a warm afternoon in the middle of June. We were walking along the crowded streets of New York, heading back to the hotel we were staying at. It was our second to last day until our Visa would expire and by this time tomorrow, we'd be sitting in a plane back to Germany. We decided to spend the last week at the city we had liked the most and seven out of eight voted for New York City so here we were, having a small holiday at our favorite place out of the twelve we had visited. I was the only one who didn't vote for New York City. I hadn't even voted for anything because everyone already knew that I would go back to Florida in an instant, just to get a chance to cuss Levi out
Eight months have passed since Levi had almost completely eradicated himself out of my life. The only things I had left to remember him by were my own memories, the necklace with the four charms and the only existing picture of the both of us.
/
„There you go", Levi hummed as he fed a small piece of cheese to Liberté who was sitting on his right hand. She gave a pleased chirp and the feathers on her head stood up like a crown.
I had been struggling to fumble my phone out of my pocket the whole time and finally managed to grab it, opened the camera and held it into the air.
Levi was still distracted, completely focussed on Liberté and stroking his finger down her neck. I raised my other hand behind his head, mimicking bunny ears, grinned and secretly snapped a photo of us.
„Yo, Levi! Say cheese!" I chuckled and nudged my elbow in his side.
He looked up from the bird and right into the camera. Yet before I could snap another picture in which he was not looking away for a change, he had covered the lens with the palm of his hand.
„Don't take pictures of me, brat. I'm not photogenic!" He wrapped his slender fingers around my phone and locked it. „Save the battery for something better than horrendous selfies."
/
It was a cute picture. I took it one morning when I had been about to go to work and dropped by at his place to pick up my charger which I had left there the night before. He had gotten up literally five minutes ago, was still in his pajamas and wasn't wearing any of his piercings. While Levi was looking like the natural beaut he is, I didn't look too bad in it either. He actually had the tiniest of smiles playing around his lips which I only noticed after I was staring at the picture for what had felt like hours in that one night in October, lost in thought about why he would leave me like this.
I had been completely devastated once Levi had said his goodbye and left. Mikasa had found me two hours later, sitting on my bed and staring at the naked white wall with such an angry expression on my face, it had looked like I had wanted to make the wall crumble to the floor just by staring at it.
„Where's Levi?" She had asked and looked around the room as if she had expected him to hide somewhere.
„Gone!" I had growled. „That literal son of a bitch!"
All my feelings for him had turned into anger at that moment, then had soon turned into regret, then into sadness until they had finally turned into ignorance. I didn't care anymore.
I had done as Levi had told me. I didn't call him, I didn't text him, I didn't come to see him. Not that I could do any of those anyway. Once we had arrived in Atlanta, I couldn't resist anymore and had wanted to write him an angry message, about how much of a fucking jerk he was for leaving me like that and expecting me to not talk to him ever again. But I found both our text conversation and his number missing. Sure, I could have asked Erwin for Levi's number but knowing Levi, Erwin would be a dead man if he did that. So there was no chance I'd be able to get my hands on Levi's phone number ever again.
As the months have passed, I had eventually stopped thinking about him. Sure, I would never forget him, that was impossible. I was wearing his necklace every single day but I blocked out the memory of who gave it to me and what it stood for. It was simply a piece of jewelry. Nothing more and nothing less.
Well, one can dream right? As if I could ever forget about that grumpy little midget, not care about him anymore or not waste a thought about him.
The truth is, Levi was on my mind at least once per day, if not more. There was always something that reminded me of him, something that made me think ‚Levi would have enjoyed this' or ‚Levi would freak if he saw how filthy this is' or ‚I can literally picture Levi rolling his eyes at that'.
Depending on the day, those thoughts were either angry, sad, or happy. Or maybe even all three at the same time. There were days when I hated him, regretted every minute I spent with him and all the feelings I had had for him but there were also days where I missed him, wished I could talk to him at least once more and see how he's doing.
„Eren, watch where you're going!"
Someone tugged on my sleeve and pulled me away from the lamppost I was about to run into.
„Jeez, do I have to watch out for you 24/7?" Mikasa shook her head and waved her hand in front of my face. „Earth to Eren! Did you leave your brain at the hotel this morning or something?"
„Ehh what?" I stuttered even though I had heard her loud and clear.
„He's thinking about him again", Jean sneered from behind me and I almost turned around to punch him in his horsey face.
„I wasn't!" I only clenched my fists instead, digging my fingernails into the palm of the hand. „I don't give a shit about him anymore, how often do I have to repeat that?"
„Yet you treasure his necklace like life itself, you wouldn't even let anyone touch it." To prove his point, Jean grabbed the leatherette ribbon on the back of my neck and pulled on it, what made me quickly grab the four charms in the front and pull it into the other direction.
„That's not because of him!" It totally was because of him. But I wouldn't dare to say that.
„Jean, stop picking on Eren", Marco joined in and pulled Jean a bit away from me by his hand. „He has his reasons. You haven't been in his situation so you wouldn't understand."
„Fine. Please just never leave me like that asshole left Eren, okay?" I heard Jean whisper to his boyfriend and a few quiet smooches followed.
/
It was one o'clock in the morning and the heavy bass from the night club we were heading to was just around the corner. We had walked the whole way from the car without meeting anyone but gay couples or single lesbians who were either walking the same direction as us or heading home with their One Night Stand for this night.
„Hey, faggots!"
Levi stopped dead in his tracks and I immediately felt him tense up.
„Levi, you're squeezing my hand a bit too tightly", I whined and tried to wiggle my hand free from his iron grip.
His gaze darkened and his eyes were wandering along the sidewalk and the narrow street behind us, looking for the person who had just insulted the both of us. He wasn't the only one getting his rage up at the slur but I preferred to not freak out again tonight. Only one hour ago, Levi and I had gotten into an argument about how I always get angry at the most inconvenient times and over most irrelevant things. So for tonight, I wanted to avoid any further conflict.
Yet Levi seemed to think otherwise, I could already see him going on a rampage.
„Hey! I'm talking to you, Cocksuckers." A boy, who looked like an ugly crossbreed of Dudley Dursley and Augustus Gloop and probably wasn't even eighteen yet, stepped out of the shadows. He jumped down the sidewalk on his side and crossed the street, approaching us with big steps. „Get lost, we don't want to see your kind around here!"
„Our kind? You mean humans?" Levi deadpanned and watched the boy as he got closer. His jaw was clenched tightly and I could see the effort he had to put into holding himself back. „I'm sorry, I didn't know this was the pigsty."
I giggled at Levi's comment, placed the index finger of my free hand underneath my nose and pulled it up to make it look like a pig's snout. „Do I fit in better now? Now that I look like someone from your kind?"
„You're neither fat nor ugly so I highly doubt that you would", Levi added which had me starting to laugh uncontrollably.
His way of insulting and belittling people was slowly rubbing off on me. Not that I would go around throwing unnecessary insults at whoever crossed my path but I started liking to stand my ground and snap snarky remarks at the ones who treated me wrong.
The boy, who had by now reached us and stood a few feet away from us, stared at Levi and me in disbelief, opening his mouth to say something but no word came out. I was still cackling, trying to calm myself down but the look on the boy's face was just priceless.
„Tch, you ran out of insults already? Pathetic", Levi hissed and turned back around. „Shouldn't you be packing your bag for Kindergarten or something, little piglet?"
/
I sighed and started taking bigger steps to catch up to Armin who was a few feet in front of me, staring at the screen of his phone and starting to hastily type every now and then.
„Don't be bothered by me, I just don't want to listen to Jean and Marco making out or whatever", I mumbled to him and slid my hands into the front pockets of my black skinny jeans, only to pull them back out after a few seconds to brush my hair out of my face. It had grown all the way down to my shoulders by now and a few annoying strands kept falling into my face the whole time.
I was pretty picky when it came to my hair, I wouldn't let anyone with a scissor near it apart from that one hairdresser, who sadly happened to work all the way back home in Germany. Thus I haven't had a hair cut since one year but I actually quite liked the longer hair on me. I could twirl it around my fingers when I was thinking or wildly headbang along to songs I enjoyed. Also, it made me look older. I could get into clubs without having to show my ID and someone even sold me alcohol without asking my age. And I was only twenty yet.
The eight of us kept walking for several more minutes. I lost count of at how many shops Connie and Sasha stopped in front of the windows, trying to imitate the mannequins and pulling weird faces along with it.
We were about to enter our hotel when a young woman with shoulder long white hair and round glasses stopped us.
„Hey, do you guys like rock music?" She asked and stood in front of Mikasa, Armin and me.
„Um… kind of. Why?" I asked and brushed my hair out of my face again. Damn this was annoying.
„I have tickets for the No Name concert tonight but my friends are stuck in a huge ass traffic jam and won't make it in time. Do you want them?" She asked and pulled three tickets out of her bag.
„Um… Whose concert?" Not that I really knew many rock bands but I at least heard most of the names before. Yet I've never heard of No Name, if I understood that correctly. Who would come up with such a name anyway? It just sounded uncreative to me.
„No Name. It's only one guy but he has a live band with him from time to time. This is his first big concert ever and it's already sold out! His first single practically went through the roof six months ago. He's said to be the newcomer of the year!" The woman squealed and waved the tickets around in front of my nose.
„Oh yeah, that guy", I lied and shook my head in a how-could-I-forget-about-him manner. „How much do you want for them?"
I started digging through my pockets for my last loose cash that I had. „I can't offer a lot, I'll tell you that much."
„You know what? Just take them." She held the tickets out towards me, but since I still had my hands buried in my pockets on the search for money, Mikasa hesitatingly took them in my place.
„For free? Are you kidding?" Armin gasped and the girl giggled in response.
„He ain't Beyoncé, kiddo. The tickets didn't cost a fortune so just take them and have a good time, okay?" She shouldered her backpack again and ran off without any other word.
„That was… weird." Mikasa mumbled and looked down at the tickets in her hands. „Which three of us should go though?"
I really wanted to go. It's been years since I had gone to a concert, the last one being Krafklub at a small club in Berlin. But out of courtesy I didn't want to right away shout that I wanted one of the tickets. I would just hope that there will be one left for me.
„I've got better things to do than going to a concert tonight", Jean shrugged and wrapped his arm around Marco's waist. I pretended to stick my finger down my throat and made an excessive gagging sound. „Shut up Jäger, at least I'm not a desperate single who looks like a girl!"
„Call me girly again and Marco will have to find another horse to ride tonight!" I bitched at him.
„Guys, stop!" Marco, whose face had turned the shade of a tomato I might add, pulled us away from each other before Jean and I could get into a fight right here in public.
„Are you coming or do you want to strike roots out there?" Sasha came running out of the hotel again.
„Sure", Annie mumbled and pushed Jean and me, who were still giving each other grim looks, out of the way and joined Sasha and Connie who were already in the lobby.
The rest of us followed and we took the elevator upstairs to our rooms. Mikasa, Armin and I were sharing one room as well as Annie, Sasha and Connie did (Annie tried to get a single room but there was none so she had to share one with Sasha and Connie), and Jean and Marco had a room of their own, mostly because no one wanted to have them anywhere close once they were behind closed doors.
On the ride upstairs we figured out who actually wanted the concert tickets, which were Sasha, Connie, Armin and me. A few rounds of Rock Paper Scissors later it was decided that Sasha had lost and wouldn't get a ticket.
„But without Sasha it's gonna be boring", Connie rolled his eyes and fanned himself with the ticket that he won.
„Love you too", I huffed sarcastically and patted him on the shoulder.
„You should take it." Connie scratched his shaved head and shoved the ticket towards my sister. „The three of you would have more fun than if I would go in your place."
„Thanks", she mumbled and accepted the ticket which she immediately slid into her Tote bag.
„I reckon this will be a hell lot different than Krafklub. So we have to dress up properly!" I was rushing around our hotel room, gathering my clothes and trying to find something to put on that didn't look too hipster. Which proved itself to be rather difficult.
/
„Levi?" I mumbled sleepily and slouched out of the bedroom, following the soft sounds of the guitar down the hallway. The tune sounded familiar but I was too tired to remember which song it was right now.
The music paused and I heard Levi mutter a few words, seeming to have a hard time saying them and a few more chords followed before the music paused once more.
„What song is that?" I asked and yawned, leaning against the doorframe to the living room and watching Levi through half lidded eyes as he set the guitar aside.
„A stupid song." He hastily gathered the sheets that were spread out on the coffee table into a pile and held said pile up to his chest.
„Why are you being so secretive about it?" I kept repeating the few chords that I heard in my head, trying to remember how they continued and to finally have the whole song come to mind. „Oh wait… was that a Kraftklub song?"
Levi hesitated before he gave me an answer. „So what if it was?"
„Aww admit it, you like them!" I giggled and hopped on the couch next to him.
„One song okay, only one song! Stop that Eren!" He tried to defend the sheet music in his hands but I managed to pull out the first page nevertheless.
My eyes flew across the chords and a grin crept onto my face. Did he know that this was my favorite song? Or was it just coincidence?
„Do not take this the wrong way, brat." Levi snatched the paper back out of my hand and put it back with the rest. „There's no particular reason why I picked this song, I just like it and found out about the lyrics later on, got it?"
„Sure thing." I rolled my eyes. „After all, it's not a Love Song, right?"
Kein Liebeslied. Or ‚Not a Love Song' in English. That one song that got me into Kraftklub in the first place. A song about the problems of falling in love and not knowing how to confess.
„Can you play it for me?" I begged and started bobbing up and down in excitement.
„Tch, I won't sing for you, brat. We talked about this several times already."
„Fine. Then you'll play and I'll sing. Deal?" I held out my hand and he pushed it away with a faint nod.
„Deal."
/
„Ready to go?" I asked and looked at Mikasa and Armin who were both casually dressed with random band shirts and black jeans.
I had decided to go for Levi's Ramones shirt which by now had lost a lot of color and was now a grey-ish red instead of the bright deep red it used to be before. I had probably worn and washed it way too often. It didn't smell like Levi anymore either. I missed that salty smell of tea and windex even though I couldn't remember it properly.
„Ready." Armin nodded.
„Ready." Mikasa agreed and adjusted her red scarf.
„Do you really want to keep that scarf on? It's going to be super warm in there. There are no seats so I guess we'll be cramped into a tight space with several thousands of people." I walked over to her and took the scarf off from around her neck. „You can put it back on later. It would only get soaked with sweat or you might even lose it."
I knew how much that scarf meant to her, after all this scarf was what had sparked our close friendship and sibling love. She would only take it off to shower and to sleep. Or when I asked her to because I knew it wouldn't survive whatever we were up to.
I had actually planned to look up that No Name guy before we left for the concert but I somehow didn't find the time for it. I had been too busy packing and getting ready and once I finally had the time to google him, we had already left the hotel and I didn't have wifi anymore.
Luckily, Armin had figured out where we had to go and how we would get there before he as well didn't have wifi anymore.
With a combination of walking, bus and subway we reached the concert hall within 30 minutes and still had 3 hours until the doors would open but even though we were super early, there was already a huge crowd in front of it. High pitched screams from fangirls and people roaring songs we didn't know greeted us upon our arrival and right away that bubbly feeling of excitement started to spread inside of me and I started grinning. Concerts always give me this amazing feeling, I'd go to a concert every day if I could.
„OH MY GOD, LOOK!" A girl screamed from the front of the crowd and several others joined in. Suddenly, the whole crowd started cheering and the whole mob moved forward.
Armin threw me a worried look and I just shrugged, suggesting that we should just go with the flow and try to see whatever was going on over there in the front. We were soon swallowed up completely by the mob and got separated. Armin and Mikasa could take care of themselves while my curiosity made me push my way through the waiting fans until I was close enough to the front to see something else than just the reflection of the crowd in the windows.
But once I laid eyes on the man pulling a grimace on the other side of the window, I wished I was anywhere else but here. The safety pin on his bottom lip was hard to miss and his black hair was as neatly parted at the top of his head as always. The blue bandana around his wrist, the three piercings in each ear and that pale skin, which made him so unique to me; The huge pair of sunglasses may have been hiding his eyes but there was no doubt about it.
I have broken my promise.
I didn't mean to. I didn't know.
I could twist and turn it however much I wanted, but fact stayed fact.
I have come to see him.
Levi's POV (The song featured is called Wings Of Freedom by Melifiry and is an english cover of Jiyuu no Tsubasa)
June. It was a rather cold day for it being summer but this is New York we're talking about so what did I expect? I was walking along a big hallway, humming a song more for practice than for amusement, and was nervously playing with the safety pin on my lip.
It has been eight months since I had left Eren alone in his room, with nothing but a goodbye and a necklace to remember me by. I knew by now that that had been unnecessary and just uncalled for but at that time, it had seemed like the only right thing to do. Sadly, I only realized a week later what a big mistake I had made. But I had made my choice and I had to live with that.
I had missed him a lot for the first weeks. And I still did miss him now but it's more a feeling of ‚I wish I could see him again' than that painful feeling of loss which I have had in the beginning. I had lost count of how many times I had been about to call him until Erwin had persuaded me to finally delete his number because he couldn't see me pathetically crawling back to Eren again after I had been the one to end the contact between us.
I finished the song I was humming and started it over from the beginning, whistling it this time.
/
„You put your lips together like this", Eren pursed his lips and a soft whistle came out, „and just blow the air out. It's no magic work."
I tried to copy him, blew my cheeks up but instead of a nice whistle, only air came out like I was about to blow out candles on a birthday cake. This had been going on for several minutes now and so far I had made close to no progress. Once Eren had discovered that I couldn't whistle to save my life, he found it necessary to change that immediately because ‚A musician that can't whistle ain't a good one'.
„You're blowing too hard", Eren giggled and whistled again. „Be more gentle."
„That's not what you said last night", I grumbled and saw his cheeks go from their normal color to a deep crimson in a matter of seconds.
„Levi!" He whined, hiding his face behind his hands.
„Tch" I shrugged and lay back down on my back with my arms behind my head. „Let's just face it; I can't fucking whistle."
„Come on, give it one more shot!" Eren started nagging and was shaking me by my shoulder.
I rolled my eyes, pursed my lips again, ready to make a fool out of myself once more, but much to my surprise, a very very faint whistle came out. It sounded horrible and completely out of tune, but it was a whistle nevertheless.
/
Stupid brat, I can't keep him off my mind for one day, can I?
I stopped front of the door that lead to the entrance hall from where I could already hear cheers and screams coming through the glass front.
„There you are, Levi!" Erwin jogged up to me and placed one of his huge arms around my shoulder.
„Is it already time to head for the dressing room?" I sighed and wanted to turn back around to go backstage and get ready for the performance.
About half a year ago, without any warning Reluctant Heroes had been placed fifteenth in the US charts immediately after it had been released on Youtube. I didn't know what had happened or why it did. I just woke up one morning to the ringing of my phone and as soon as I picked up, Hanji had started babbling about my single having one million hits on Youtube after only two days. That had been around the time when I had finished my album and had been talking to the agency about how we should sell it and they had offered to publish a teaser on Youtube to see how successful it could be. Turns out, people fucking loved it.
And now here I was, in a quite big concert hall, about to give my first ever concert in front of several thousand people. I'm usually not the type of person to get all nervous but this here was the real deal and I had to pay a whole lot of attention to not start trembling doing the easiest tasks like drinking or walking.
„You still have some time. Do you want to go outside and say hi to everyone?" Erwin suggested, handing me a pair of huge sunglasses before he placed his free hand on the door handle.
„Thanks", I mumbled, put the sunglasses on and everything around me darkened.
I pushed the big double doors open, stepped out into the huge entrance hall and was right away greeted with screams and cheers from the fans who were pressing themselves against the huge windows.
„This was a mistake, Erwin." I growled and looked over my shoulder to see that my bulky friend was right behind me. Mental support. I was still new to this and didn't really know how to handle it. He didn't either but I felt less awkward with him around.
„Look at them, how they're all excited just to see a grumpy midget. I think that's pretty impressive, you should be proud", Erwin chuckled and gave me a soft nudge on my shoulder.
„I guess you're right", I muttered and made sure that my sunglasses stayed on when I leaned my head forwards and ruffled my hands through my hair, only to comb it back into place with my fingers again.
I've never shown my face in public so far when I was going as No Name. I had changed my alias from Rivaille to No Name shortly before Reluctant Heroes was released because I had made up my mind of what I wanted to represent. I didn't hide everything about me for the sake of mysteriousness but to make a point that one didn't need a name or a face to be a person others looked up to, to make money and be successful. All you needed was talent and passion.
„Well, you gotta do a bit more than just standing there." Erwin took a few steps back to give me space to do… well something. „Say hi, wave, smile, I don't know."
„Do I look like Sharpay fucking Evans who puts on fake smiles and pretends like every shitty fan is her best friend", I scoffed and made a lazy salute with my right hand towards three girls who were grinning at me through the windows.
„This ain't High School Musical, Levi. And you're not dressed in pink and sing about how fabulous you are. You're No Name, a musician who is on his way to the top. Be yourself, that's what they love you for." He was slowly retreating, backing away towards the double doors.
„By being myself you mean I should act like a dick?" I rolled my eyes, aware that no one could see that behind my sunglasses anyway.
/
„For fuck's sake, Levi! Why do you always have to be so fucking rude?!"
„Language, brat", I warned him but there was no stopping him now.
„You tell me to watch my language while you're the one who throws unnecessary insults around like confetti at a rave party! I hate that you always call me brat like I'm some snotty nosed toddler, I hate that you feel the need to belittle me every time you get a chance to, just to make fun of me. Your massive ego annoys the shit out of me, Levi!"
I sat back and crossed my arms in front of my chest, waiting for him to just calm the fuck down already. It wasn't unlike him to have an angry outburst every now and then but he was really obsessing over it this time.
„Do you think it's okay to degrade me all the time? Not only me, this one goes for basically everyone you talk to. Do you think it was necessary to say those things to my sister? Do you even think at all? Or do you just open your mouth and a spate of insults and slurs comes out?"
„Tch", I huffed and turned my head slightly to the side and stared at him with a grim look. I knew I was a jerk. I just liked to speak my mind, say things as they are and not sugarcoat anything. Sure, maybe there were a few unnecessary things I've said every now and then but that's just my way of talking. And the people who are close to me know that I don't mean all of it. And so should Eren.
„See, that's what I'm talking about!" Eren was dramatically flourishing his hands around and paced up and down in the living room while I was just sitting on my couch, legs crossed over each other with a bored look on my face, showing him how fed up I was with this.
„Are you done?" I muttered and arched one eyebrow up.
„Fuck you. Yes I am." He plopped down on the couch next to me and grumbled some incoherent words.
„Still angry?"
„Yes."
„Good. The sex will be better when you're furious."
/
By now I was basically having a contest with a bunch of fans outside the concert hall about which of us could pull the uglier grimace. Yes, I could move my stone face into something else than a disgusted or angry expression. I didn't want to give my fans the grumpy midget treatment so instead I tried to pretend to be a normal funny dude and not scare them away with deadly glares. My grimace diversity wasn't really impressive but I tried my best.
I was just sticking my tongue out and poking my fingers against my cheeks, obviously losing the contest, when my gaze fell upon a young man, probably around his twenties, with hair all the way down to his shoulders and a washed out Ramones shirt clinging tightly to his torso. His brown hair was falling into his eyes but nevertheless I could see the dumbfounded look that was plastered across his face as he stared at me. Probably just a fanboy seeing their idol for the first time. Everyone has that moment at some point in their life.
„Nice shirt!" I mouthed at him and gave him a faint salute with my right hand.
I could see him stiffen up, pulling his head between his shoulders and turning his head away quickly, pretending like he wasn't even looking at me. The neckless around his neck swung wildly along with his movements as he turned around and quickly dived back into the crowd and disappeared. A long and slender blue feather was attached to it along with a few other charms that I couldn't make out. A key maybe?
A cute boy with nice long hair and a good taste in music, wouldn't push him out of bed…
„Levi?" Erwin called from behind me.
„What is it?" I turned around and pulled the sunglasses down a bit to glance over the rim and look at him.
„We've got to go. The doors will open soon and you still haven't finished the rehearsal", he said with his typical dad voice which he used whenever he felt like he had to be the responsible one again; Just like whenever Hanji freaked out about something, Petra was too shy to even breathe or I was about to let out a tirade of insults.
„Tch. Yeah whatever", I grumbled and slid the sunglasses back up, waved at the fans who were still pressing themselves agains the windows, and followed Erwin backstage where I was right away greeted by Hanji, who had a headset over her head and a stack of paper in her hands.
„What the fuck, four eyes," I hissed and snatched the papers away from her. „What are you doing?"
„I'm helping! They gave me this headset so I can double check the sound!" She squealed and pointed at the headset.
„No, you won't!" I snapped and flipped through the sheets, which were mostly just the lyrics and chords to my songs along with the estimated time it would take to perform each of them and so on. The usual backstage stuff. „Erwin, can you please put her in a straight jacket or something?
I went through the final order of the songs again with Eld, who would be my drummer for tonight, as well as with Mike and Moblit, two rather new acquaintances of mine who Hanji introduced me to after I had complained that I couldn't perform on stage without a band, who would be my guitarists.
I wouldn't need them for every single song, some would have to be playback because synthesizers were a thing and I wouldn't need a band with me for that. But I was glad they would be there with me on stage. Not that I had stage fright but even I tend to get nervous sometimes.
„Levi, the doors have opened!" Hanji's excited voice yelled right into my ear what made me rip off my headset.
„HANJI!" I yelled and tossed the small in-ear-headset on the table in front of me. „Get off this frequency this instant or I swear I will kick you out!"
I could still hear her squealing through the tiny earpiece and ramble about something I probably didn't care about.
With a sigh, I pulled my black and red vest off the hanger next to me and slid it on. I was wearing nothing underneath it, it would be hot enough already on stage with the long coat I was going to wear so I didn't want to put on any unnecessary clothing. My fingers hooked into one of the holes in my black jeans and gave it a firm tuck, tearing the fabric open and leaving a bigger whole than before. My blue bandana was tied securely to one of the belt hoops and as well as a silver chain.
„Levi… Levi… LEVI!" I heard now Erwin's voice come through the earpiece and I let out an annoyed „Tch" when I put it back on.
„What is it, eyebrows?" I growled and continued to dress up.
„30 more minutes. Hurry up!"
My feet slid into the knee high combat boots which I solely bought for this concert and I shivered when the cold leather of the black, long coat slid up my arms. I made sure the safety pin was perfectly in place, put the necklace with Liberté's white feather around my neck, took a last look into the mirror and tidied my hair before grabbed the white cloth from the table and jogged out of the dressing room.
/
„Okay, you're good to go," Petra giggled when she adjusted the white bandages, that covered the top half of my face completely, with a few bobby pins to the back of my head. The white, barely see-through cloth wrapped itself over my face from my nose up over my eyes and all the way up to my forehead.
„Are you sure they won't come off?" I asked and tugged on the fabric, desperate to see anything more than just shadows dancing around in front of me. „Fuck, I can't see shit. I don't remember it being that bad during the photoshoot."
I had worn these bandages before, when we were shooting the picture for the cover of my album, but back then I had been at least able to see something through it. But now it was just dark grey with a few black shadows moving around.
„You'll see stuff once the spotlight shines through it. It's quite dark in here right now." Her voice was calming and the tension eased a bit though it didn't fully ease up.
„Guitar." I reached my hand out and someone, I couldn't tell who, handed me my skull-shaped guitar.
„Ready to go in ten, nine…" I could hear the stage manager's voice starting the countdown through my headset and I felt Erwin place his huge hands on my shoulders, giving them a reassuring squeeze and shoving me towards the entrance.
„You've got this, shorty." He muttered into my other ear which wasn't occupied by the ongoing countdown and I took a deep breath.
„Zero. Good luck out there!"
As I entered the stage, the spotlight lit up for a split second before they turned off completely, leaving the whole hall in complete darkness. Due to the sudden flash of light I could spot my mark in the middle of the stage where the mic was ready on its pole, memorize its location and take several huge steps towards it in the darkness. Petra had been right, once the light was shining through the bandages, I could actually see things. Everything was tinted in white, like I was looking through alabaster glass and I could only guess how many heads I was seeing in the audience but going by the volume and the fact that I had sold more than 3000 tickets, it must be a whole lot.
I could hear nothing but the cheers and screams coming from the crowd, ringing in my ears when I plugged the cord that someone handed me into my guitar and as soon as I gave it the first firm strum, I felt like I was going deaf.
I stood there in the middle of the stage, feet apart and my gaze lowered when the lights came back on. Immediately, beads of sweat started to form on my forehead underneath the fabric. Adrenaline was rushing through my veins and my heart started to flutter in a way it hadn't done in the past eight months.
„Oh my friend, behold this victory!" There was no music playing but I sang loudly into the microphone in front of me and even more cheers erupted from the crowd. „This is our first gloria! Oh my friend, rejoice as we prepare! Our next battle is now!"
/
„And then you start with that… interlude thing," Eren suggested and put down the pencil after he had scribbled the words down above the chords to the song.
I gritted my teeth and read over the words again as well as the notes Eren had scribbled down on the side which were a lazy summary of what the song should be about.
„We will…. not sacrifice ourselves in vain?" He continued but I immediately shook my head.
„That's too short for such a long passage", I muttered and tried to come up with a sentence that would hold the same meaning. „No longer will our sacrifice be for nothing."
„We will fight to be free", Eren added and he started grinning that bright grin that he always put on when he started coming up with ideas that weren't always necessarily good ones.
„Fight 'till the last." I couldn't help but have my voice singing the words every so slightly even though I had sworn myself to never sing in front of him.
„Let's hear it!" Eren was jumping up and down on the couch next to me like an overly excited bouncing ball.
„How often do I have to repeat that I won't sing?!" I hissed but pulled the guitar on my lap nevertheless.
„I didn't say you would have to sing. I will do it" he giggled and quickly wrote down the lyrics we had just come up with. „Oh my friend, behold this victory. This is our first gloria! Oh my friend, rejoice as we prepare. Our next battle is now!"
I joined in with the guitar and after I played the short interlude, Eren kept singing. He had an amazing voice and I bet if he tried, he could be damn successful in the music industry. But he didn't seem to care about making it there as much as he seemed to rather not know what the hell he would do with his life once he was back home in Germany.
„Fight 'till the last!" He dragged the a out since that's as far as we had come and without hesitation, I came to his help.
„Fight! We clash with forces barbaric, and colossal we will attack them!" I mumbled while he was still dragging out the last word
He turned his head to give me a wide grin and it took me so much effort to not smile back at him. I could feel this song would be special, to both him and me, and it would be something that will connect us even if all boundaries got lost.
/
„Fight in the name of gloria,
Singing our victory!
Flying in the Wings of Freedom we bear!"
I wasn't the one playing the guitar. Mine was gently resting against the stool behind me and right on front of the drum kit on which Eld was drumming away. Mike and Moblit were taking care of the guitars so I had both my hands free to hold onto the mic and flourish my other hand around in sync with the loud music and the lyrics.
„Vows etched upon our very soul,
We will not falter here!
We cut through the madness and fly high!"
I ripped the microphone off the mic stand and took a few steps back.
„We sore into the blue"
My coat was fluttering through the air as I turned my back to the audience, revealing the huge crest with two wings crossed over each other, one a bright blue and the other a shiny clean white, that was sewn on to the black leather across the entire back of my coat.
„On the Wings of Freedom!"
I punched my into the air and the music stopped with a loud clash from Eld behind the drums.
My breath was going quick and the adrenaline in my veins had reached 100%.
Oh how I wished Eren could see this. How the audience loved the song, how successful it had become and how I still refused to forget him like I had planned to do. How much he still meant to me.
Eren.
And suddenly, it hit me. I remembered the boy from earlier. The boy who had stared at me in awe like I was some sort of fucking alien. The boy with the long brown hair and a t-shirt just like the one I used to own before I had given it away. The boy with a necklace around his neck which several charms attached to it, including a slender blue feather and something that looked like a key.
He had broken his promise and had come to see me.
Oh how long have I waited for him to do this.
…
„A song for reluctant heroes, oh give me your strength. Our live is so short…"
I sang the final line to the final song and as soon as the music had faded out, the crowd was going crazy and I bowed my head slightly and pushed the bandages back into place.
„Thank you." I breathed into the mic and put it back onto the microphone stand before bowing again and leaving the stage through the door through which I had entered.
„Holy fucking SHIT!" I yelled after I had kicked the door closed behind me and pushed the bandages up and away from my eyes. „I can see! I can breathe! I need a fucking shower!"
I could see Hanji cackling in a corner but within seconds, I was tackled by a tight hug from Petra.
„That was amazing!" She squealed and squeezed me even tighter.
„I'm sweaty, don't hug me please", I groaned and pried her arms away from around me. „I'll be off taking a shower!"
„Clean freak!" I could hear Hanji yell after me when I left the room in a hurry to get some time on my own and to get all of this disgusting sweat off of me.
I took a shower in record time, as usual, and I quickly threw on my jeans again afterwards as well as an oversized My Chemical Romance shirt because I couldn't be bothered with fabric clinging to my body right now.
When I left the bathroom, rubbing my hair dry with a towel, Erwin greeted me without one word and offered me a bottle of ice cold water. With a thankful nod, I took it and downed it in one go. I knew there was a reason he was considered my best friend. He knew what I needed. Which was no one talking to me right now and water.
„Hey, great performance out there!" The stage manager came up to my side and patted my shoulder. I cringed at the body contact but I was too exhausted to tell her to keep her hands off of me. Also, No Name wasn't as much of a dick as Levi was. So I needed to behave. „There are two kids, asking for entrance to the backstage area. They seem to be fans but I won't let anyone in without your permit. They claim to know you though and told me your name. Maybe acquaintances of yours?"
„CODE RED! CODE RED!" Hanji shouted and also ran up to me. Can't people leave me in peace for one goddamn minute? „He's here, Levi! You know who, he's here! He wants to get in!"
„FUCK!" I punched my fist against the wall next to me and pain shot through my wrist and up my arm. „I knew it! I fucking knew it was him! FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT, FUCK FUCK FUCK!"
I slammed my fist repeatedly against the wall with every word.
„Sir, please-" The stage manager said in a stern voice but I cut her off mid sentence.
„Take me to those kids that wanted to get in!" I hissed.
She gave me a confused look but motioned me to follow her. For a few seconds I did, walking behind her like a duckling behind its mother but I soon walked past her and hurried to the backstage entrance.
„Move!" I hissed to the two body guards standing in front of it, their backs turned to me, and they quickly obeyed and moved aside, revealing a tall boy with shoulder long brown hair standing there, next to him an asian looking girl with black hair about the same length as his. Without her red scarf for once though.
„You fucking…" I started and stepped towards him, my fists clenched and my mind overflowing with too many emotions at once.
Was I angry? Was I disappointed? Was I upset? Was I excited? What was I feeling?!
„I... I really loved the concert." That voice.
„And?" I growled and hoped that I could hide the fact that my bottom lip was trembling. My heart was bumping in my chest at such a rapid speed, I don't think it had ever been this bad before.
„I didn't mean to turn up. It was an accident, I swear! I didn't know it was you until I saw you! But since I have broken my promise already, I thought I could at least give it a shot and try to talk to you." Eren bit down on his bottom lip and lowered his gaze towards his feet. He was still wearing those worn out white converse, torn open completely on the inside by now and looking like they belonged in the trash.
I didn't even manage to get a word out. I was only panting, hissing my breath out through my clenched teeth and staring at him like I was about to rip his head off.
„Let's go", Mikasa mumbled. „He doesn't seem like he wants to talk to you."
„Sure. Levi..?" It was obvious that Eren had already made up his mind. „Maybe we'll meet again some time. I'll make sure to come to your concert again once you go on tour in Germany."
„I…" I pressed out but before I could say anything else, Mikasa had took Eren by his shoulder and dragged him away. Eren brushed his hair out of his face before he turned his back on me and gave me a sad smile and a faint wave with his right hand.
My lips curved into the tiniest of smiles but he had already turned around and left. Only Mikasa turned again to look me dead in the eye and drag her thumb across her neck.
And just like that, Eren was gone again.
I had my chance but I let it slip through my fingers.
I didn't run after him.
Because I guess we just weren't meant to get along.
My name is Levi. Levi Ackerman. I am a singer and song writer and eight months ago, I met a boy who turned my life upside down. He was way too young for me, he was way too different from me and he was too good of a person to ever deserve to be friends with me. And nevertheless, I think a part of me fell in love with him. A tiny part. But I left him, knowing that if I spent anymore time with him, I would have fallen for him completely.
Because after all;
Opposites attract.
(A/N)
If you were hoping for a happy ending, you were reading the wrong fanfiction.
ANYWAY
THANK YOU SO MUCH for taking your time reading and finishing this story.
I'd love to hear what you thought of the ending and of the whole fanfic in general so PLEASE leave me a review and tell me what you liked best, what you didn't like at all, what made you laugh, what triggered feels and so on!
I've come up with this story around October last year and started writing around November so this fanfic took half a year to complete. Rather long compared to how quickly you can finish reading it. This story has been on my mind basically 24/7 over the past 6 months and I kept trying to come up with good ideas, funny references and touchy scenes. I hope you guys enjoyed reading this story as much as I enjoyed writing it (if you ignore my weekly desperation once it was Wednesday morning and i hadn't finished the chapter yet).
I originally wanted to add links to Eren's selfie as well as Levi's album cover in this and the previous chapter. I drew them over the last two weeks and I'm actually quite proud of them but fanfiction net doesn't let me post links from Tumblr. So, I'm extremely sorry but unless you're gonna stalk my twitter, you won't be able to see the "fanart" I drew. If you want to check them out though, you can find me as cheezykun on twitter . I'll probably have the pictures pinned to my profile for the next two weeks or something.
