"Once Upon A Time We Fell Apart, You Holding In Your Hands The Two Halves Of My Heart. Once Upon A Time We Burned Bright, Now All We Ever Seemed To Do Is Fight, And On And On. I Could Have Been A Princess, You'd Be A King, Could Have Had A Castle, Worn A Ring, But No You Let Me Go, Cause You Really Hurt Me." – Coldplay Ft Rihanna; Princess Of China.
"You're serious?! You're not coming?!"
Cato's incredulous face made it seem as though I had committed a crime, he had been far too sensitive lately, ever since we had gotten back from The Capitol his mood had shifted. The knowledge that I had put myself into a planning rebellion hadn't helped lighten his mood, but I wasn't about to change my mind just to make him feel easier about himself.
"I have to go to the Capitol, what do you want me to do?!"
"Tell them to reschedule until after the victory tour!"
His voice raised a few octaves, and I could already feel a huge argument coming on, more of those had been happening recently, neither of us were in good moods anymore, and grating on each others nerves wasn't helping. What had happened in the recent Games had so clearly affected Cato more than he would ever admit to himself, and this whole killing well known people without trying to feel guilty was simply failing.
Their faces were printed on newspapers and magazines everywhere I went, and not being able to talk about it to Cato wasn't helping. I knew I should tell him, it was wrong of me not to, but every time I tried my heart rate seemed to speed up and my throat conveniently constricted, my voice leaving me. I was scared and I didn't even know why.
I groaned at his stupid suggestion, his blue eyes defiant and hard, "Cato I cant just call them up and tell them because of my busy life I cant make their plan of my life for the next decade!"
"Oh it's only a fucking interview, its not like you have to suffer a weekend in someone else's bed."
I visibly flinched at his words, something so harsh and cruel, not only to me but to himself, had never come out of his mouth before. He didn't even look guilty; instead his glare only seemed to become fiercer, his jaw tensing considerably. I couldn't understand why is he was angry, at such an early hour of the day; he was still in his boxers and shirt for goodness sake. Whatever dreams that had plagued him the night before had never had this sort of affect before; I didn't even know what to say in my dishevelled state, I was still trying to wake up properly.
"What is wrong with you?"
"You wanna know what's wrong? That when it was your fucking victory tour I dropped everything to watch you the whole way through it, but you won't even give up a fucking weekend to help the girl when she's clearly struggling!"
He was full on screaming now, knocking over a couple of bowls on the kitchen counter, clanging and shattering on the marble floor beneath my bare feet, and I inched a few steps backwards. He was scaring me, and I had never had to deal with him like this, only I didn't help myself, I masked my fear and angered toppled out, fists clenching to step me from striking him.
"Stop making out that I'm some cold selfish bitch, this isn't easy for me either … or for any of us, I want to be anywhere but the Capitol."
"Oh here we go, the sob story begins!"
"What is this really about Cato?! Because you have been more than unreasonable with your moods lately!"
"Maybe if you took time out of your bubble of self pity about Mico you would know."
That was a real punch in the stomach, and it left my truly gob smacked, his tone dripped with acid, and even though his expression retracted from the hate and anger it once held to evaluate what came out of his mouth, I knew there was no way I could forgive him for stooping that low.
My lower lip trembled, and I tucked a loose strand of my hair behind my ear with a shaky hands, wisps of hair falling out from the messy bun I had put it in the night before. Suddenly I felt the opposite of hungry for breakfast, instead I felt as though I could regurgitate my stomachs entire contents for the past week. I had never in my life thought that anything that remotely cruel would ever be said to me, least of all from Cato. A man I had pulled down so many safety walls for, who I was trying with my absolute heart and soul to give everything.
"I'm- I'm gonna go get ready," I choked out, my eyes watering rapidly as I made my way around the kitchen table, and out of the kitchen, all the while Cato remained perfectly still and silent.
There had once been a time where I would have not only counted his remark with one just as cruel, but probably managed a nice punch while I was at it. That Faith had only disappeared within the last year and a half, yet it felt as though it had been years, I barely recognised myself anymore, I didn't know this overly sensitive girl who relied on another man to keep her together. It was everything I once stood up against, I believed in depending on myself, yet the thought of it now scared me beyond belief, solitude was once a calming thought for me, only now it brought complete and utter fear. I hated myself for it.
I hated that I could be so easily hurt now, I hated that I literally given so much of myself to Cato that he knew exactly how to hurt me. I was merely months ago that everything was going fine, perfect even, despite the fact that he had to be in another woman's bed, we were okay. I hoped that this was temporary, I knew everything was never going to be perfect, and I knew that the reason he was so off was because of what had happened with Noelle.
I could still remember that day, the day she had won; only I didn't expect it to happen so quickly, I had never been so horrified to watch something in my Nineteen years of living.
I rolled my eyes at the two beautiful men standing in the viewing room, one calm and collected, his hands buried in his pockets as he simply watched the other yelled at him. Finnick had never appeared more passive before, and I liked to think that he was trying his hardest to fight off a smile, because I was doing the same. Instead I took to rolling my eyes and tutting every few seconds, this argument was beyond stupid, not to mention completely unsafe.
To say Cato had been displeased with my revelation of joining the rebellion was definitely an understatement, in fact he exploded, the idea of it all clearly terrified him, and sounding like a scolding father he actually tried to tell me I would have no part in it. You'd think he would have learned by now I didn't listen to him once my mind was set on something, and even though he refused to admit it he knew that this rebellion could mean so much for the Districts. We could be free to live our lives normally, not having to look over our shoulder in constant fear, threats on our families made and blackmailed into doing Snow's dirty work.
It was a world that sounded so perfect and blissful that I began wanting it too much, over thinking on it, and Cato knew I was. Which was what scared him, thinking he would lose me in some way, his paranoia and fear going into over drive, scenarios of my death coming up in his mind. I honestly knew him too well; his emotions were so easily readable.
"I don't care what kind of crap you're into Odaire, she's not being brought into this!"
"You should really keep your voice down, don't want people hearing do you?" Finnick's voice was soft, and a charming smile eased its way onto his lips as if this entire conversation was a joke, "besides if I'd forced her into anything, you would know about it!"
Cato's nostrils flared, his face becoming redder at Finnick's insinuation, and I had to cover my face with the palm of my hand and stifle my groan, he was rising to Finnick's bait so easily. You'd think someone who had been friends with him longer than I had known him would tell that, instead he let his pride and anger cloud the fact that Finnick was drawing his attention away from the pressing matter.
"Real smooth! I don't care whether she was jumping on the bandwagon or not, over my dead body is my girlfriend going to get into some crazy shit!"
"Excuse me, may I remind you that you do not own-"
"Stay out of this Faith!"
I blanched, putting my hands up in mock surrender and matching his glare, taking a step back as he groaned, running a hand through his face and hair as he turned to me.
"Look I'm not tryna' tell you what to do, I'm-"
"Oh really?" I drawled, my tone dripping with sarcasm as I turned away from him, ignoring Finnick's chuckles as I pretended to concentrate on the screen, "'cause from what you were just saying, that's exactly what you were trying to do."
"I'm sorry okay? I'm just doing what I think's best for you."
"Ha, you sound more like her father than a boyfriend, and from where I'm standing she don't want either."
I heard Finnick's chuckles become louder, and his footsteps echoed as he begun leaving the room, Cato clearly trailer behind him and yelling a bunch of profanities. I could already see the other mentors popping their own heads out of their rooms, watching the commotion, Johanna scowling as she always did, Haymitch looking nonchalant with a glass of whisky in his hand.
I could faintly hear Haine's voice interject, neutral and on neither side, he always seemed like the one to be the voice of reason. Being older than both of them obviously helped, and even though Finnick was twenty four years of age he was still ridiculously childish, although a part of me couldn't blame him for it, killing at the age of fourteen must have completely ripped away his ability to have fun.
I rubbed my eyes tiredly, glad that I hadn't needed to go out for any celebrity appearances in the last few days, meaning I could give my face a chance to breathe from the layers of make-up they suffocated it with. I looked up towards the second smaller screen, the one concentrating on our own tributes, while the larger one was what the game makers broadcasted in the show to Panem.
My brows furrowed in confusion, and then widened at the site in front of me, both the tributes from one lay on the floor, Precious with her jaw ripped off and bleeding excessively, while Dre lay a couple of feet from her, hunched over his body, blood pooling and mixing into the dirt while he covered his abdomen.
Strike stood on his own, his hair dishevelled, face streaked with blood and eyes wild. He didn't look right, something had clicked in his head, something between a wide grin and a grimace on his face, whether he couldn't decide if he was excited or horrified with what he had done, and something had me thinking that the barrier between the two had disappeared for him.
Noelle stood on the other side, as if she had just gotten back from somewhere, her face still passive as ever, yet her eyes were slightly wide, a large dagger geld tightly in her hands, dripping with blood, and as two cannons went off I realised she had killed both the tributes from Seven on her own.
"What have you done?"
Strike ignored her statement, giving her one fleeting look before kicking Dre in his side, sending him rolling onto his back, teeth gritted together in pain as if to stop a yell escaping his lips. His wounds caused bile to run up my throat, and I covered mouth with my hand, gagging and gasping. Strike had torn his stomach open, intestines and blood spilling out all over him and the floor.
"Snake!" He spat out, blood seeping out of the corner of his mouth, staining his perfectly white teeth.
Strike barked out and extremely sick chuckle, spitting on him before kicking his head …continuously.
".. Cato?"
I whispered out, afraid that if I spoke any louder I'd begin crying, I hadn't seen something this sadistic before.
"Cato."
He still didn't hear me, and I covered my ears to block out the sounds of Dre's skull crunching beneath Strike's boot, dying slowly and painfully, his nose crushing into sawdust. I closed my eyes, hoping that it would erase what I had just seen; I didn't think anyone was capable of enjoying a kill that much.
That was when I corrected myself. I had. I had broken Patroclus's wrists, cut out his tongue, gorged out Sunny's eyes and left them both to be eaten by mutations. I had done some equally as sadistic and hadn't regretted it, instead I enjoyed it, and nothing could have possibly been worse than to be reminded of what I had done while watching a boy do the exact same thing.
"CATO!"
I screamed out, the boys arguing match halting abruptly, and I waited as I heard Cato's footsteps come back into the room, stopping at the door, and most likely drinking in the site that was in front of him. I sob escaped my lips, nightmares that I wished I could forget entering my mind, things I had done in and outside of the Games, people I had killed, families I had destroyed.
I felt his footsteps quicken in pace, his arms encasing me and turning my head away from the screen, his hands pushing my head into his shoulder, and I could feel all of the muscles there tense. Yells of frustration came from the television as Strikes beating continued, long after the canon for Dre had gone off, and I bit my lip to silence my sobs.
"Don't watch anymore."
His voice was hard and collected, like he knew how to deal with this stuff, and it made me wonder what he thought when I was going on a killing rampage, whether he felt as sick as I did now. The thought only made me feel worse, and balled his shirt into my fists as tears slid down my cheeks, dampening his shirt.
"I think you've done enough."
Any other time, being in the right frame of mind, I would have been proud to see that she was still so calm about the situation, rational plans going through her head, she must have known it was no longer safe to be around Strike. The boy had completely lost himself, the claustrophobia of being contained in such a dark and narrow space must have been what set him off, sitting around doing nothing for days when he had worked all his life to fight to the death, and the constant head butting of top dog between him and Dre.
I turned slightly, peeking out to look at the screen and it wad focused on Strike, he had that look on him again, and the same one he always had when watching Noelle. It was intense as ever, and a chilling feeling sparked from the pit of my stomach, accelerating and spreading into to the tip of my spin in record time, hairs on the back of my neck standing up.
"What is it with you?" He spat out, his teeth gritted and eyes burning with a lust that was more than just for thirst of blood, "you're up and then you're fucking down … backing me up one minute and then judging me with that face the next."
He stalked towards her, and she stood her ground with him, defiant like she always had been, not even flinching as he loomed over her small frame, sighing softly before she attempted to walk past him. Only he grabbed onto her elbow, yanking her backwards and forcing her into the stone wall a couple of metres behind. Her back collided with it harshly, and the only indication she let on of it paining her was when she closed her eyes tightly for the briefest moment, opening them to glare at Strike. He took hold of her chin with the other hand, his anger rising at the fact she hadn't even yelped in pain, breathing heavily over her.
No. He wouldn't. He couldn't. He couldn't be so far gone to even consider something so … diabolical. The look in his eyes said it all; every fibre in him had completely fallen into a pit of darkness, no more was the over confident and rude Strike, now it was just a shell of a man full of impulses that would have been buried away if a conscious still existed.
"Let go of me."
It was the first time Noelle's voice had ever wavered, and the panic in her eyes was beginning to show, she was trained to analyse people's body language, she must have had an idea of what was going through her head. Death clearly never scared her, but this was something, she had no control in this, and fear was created from things that were beyond your control.
The large screen had switched cameras minutes ago, clearly the game makers themselves knew what would unravel between the last two remaining tributes, and instead had once again set the flesh eating beetles on the last remaining tributes.
"Does this always happen?" I whispered, my voice raw with emotion, I couldn't sit through this.
Cato's arm tightened around me, and he tried pulling my head away once again from the screen, and for some stupid reason I fought against it, pressing my hands into his chest so that I could turn and properly face the screen.
"Every other year or so … they censor it out of the television broadcast."
He sounded regretful … guilty.
"I can't do this Cato."
"I know."
Strike punched Noelle, hard, and her lip busted quite harshly, blood dripping from it slowly. She hit back, punching him square in the eye, and he let out a loud groan, only the punch wasn't hard enough to make him let go. Instead he grabbed onto her shirt collar, pulling her away from the wall and slamming her into it once more, eyes burning with emotions that he probably didn't even recognise.
"Please don't."
Strike let out an amused scoff, not even the least surprised that she had actually begged him, well beginning in the way she would. He looked prideful, more than pleased with himself for finally terrifying her, a sickening grin on his face as he began tearing at her clothes, delivering another blow to her cheek every time she fought back and screamed at him.
One of Cato's arms released from me, only I barely noticed because of the horror that wad unravelling before my eyes, and he turn the screen off. I should have yelled at him, I should have told him to do something to stop it, only there was nothing he could do, nothing either of us could do to stop the act of cruelty going on in that arena, except turn the television off.
I chocked back several sobs, failing miserably as I continued to pack my small bag for the weekend, now dressed in simple dark blue jeans and black v-neck shirt, which was a size too big for me, I rubbed at my face and tried to ignore the dull ache in my chest. I would never say something so cruel to him, no matter how seething angry I got at him, because hurting him was like hurting myself, I considered him a part of me now.
Only it felt as if that were one sided, especially since he hadn't even bothered to come into our room and say something to me. I knew things would be tense with us after those Games, and I knew that he had been helping Noelle out a lot more than I had, but he seemed to know all the right things to say to her, simply because he knew how it felt to be violated. I didn't even know what to say to her, how can you congratulate a girl who had to kill a boy in his sleep because he had brutally raped her, and even though that part wasn't broadcasted on national television, it was still going to be humiliating.
But it didn't mean I didn't care, I spent a week doing nothing but trying to break through to her, only to have a small accomplishment when she asked me for advice. I felt beyond awful, if I had told her to just do it on her own she wouldn't have had her dignity stripped from her in that way, everything would have been much less painful.
I winced once more as I thought of the blowing words Cato had yelled at me, and a strangled sob once again left me. Mico. He brought Mico into it, for reasons completely unknown, something was wrong with him, very wrong and it was even worse with us. It was all becoming too much to bear, the man I had come to whole heartedly depend on for emotional support was the very man I wanted to be a thousand miles away from.
I thrust the bag over my shoulder, slipping my shoes on and opening my door, tears still streaming down my face uncontrollably and I halted in my steps in the hallway. Green eyes locking onto blue, his face still passive yet his shoulders were no longer tensed. I hesitated quickly looking to the staircase, before back at Cato, watching him watching me, wondering if he was going to actually make a move or continue staring. I took a shaky breath, before continuing to walk, only to be stopped as Cato blocked my path, his hand raised to attentively touch my shoulder, and I recoiled away from me.
Skirting around him as he begun to bustle out with a string of words attached to an apology, and I begun to panic, suddenly being touched by him wasn't something I craved, not right now at least, the man who stood before me didn't feel like Cato.
"P-please just don't, not right now at least," he looked genuinely hurt by the fact I was so afraid to be near him now, only it was over shadowed by the guilt he so was so clearly beginning to feel, devastation was clear as day on my face, "this isn't you Cato, please just leave me alone for a few days."
I turned my back on him, ignoring him as I rushed down the steps of our house, his calls for my name faded into the back of my head as I shut the door behind me, continuously wiping my cheeks to rid myself of the fountain of tears.
I had never been completely drunk before, in fact the only time I was ever remotely intoxicated was when Ivy had convinced me into sharing several bottles of wine with her. It seemed to work for so many people when they were though, a temporary yet effective way of forgetting all your troubles, putting them in a hazy portrait in which you could no longer make then out. It sounded perfect.
I had the perfect opportunity to, sitting at a bar on my own at a huge party, drinks free all night and fresh out of the shower from an afternoon of killing someone. Yep, I had every reason to get drunk right now, but I didn't, because something like that required a lot of balls, and after the week I just had I didn't have any, so instead I sat at the bar, in my strapless black silk dress, hair done up and make-up perfect by Karina, drinking my one glass of red wine, watching others lose themselves.
I remembered the plan pleading this time, insisting on the fact I couldn't do this to his daughter, and because of that I hesitated. Hesitated. The large bruise on my ribcage now could prove just how stupid hesitating could be, only now I felt twice as worse for what I did because shooting him in the head after his kick in my ribs made me feel a little satisfied. I couldn't feel that way, I could never allow myself to be brought down and consumed by this, because that was Snow's plan. He was breaking me from the inside out, waiting for when I cracked and completely destroyed myself, and it was working.
I didn't know how much more of this I could take; I didn't know how long it would be until I couldn't take anymore.
"Well don't you look all dolled up Princess?"
Haymitch. It should be no surprise that he was here; after all I'm sure the man could smell an open bar from a mile off. With his suit creased and hair as messy as always, he leaned beside me against the counter, elbow resting on top as he passed his empty glass to the bartender, asking for another.
I didn't reply to him, only taking another sip of my drink and swallow the lump in my throat, I had longed for the entire afternoon to just curl up in bed and cry, just cry for hours without a second of interrupting. The old me could have punched my face, sneering at me and urging to man-up, because I had become so pathetically weak, this was not the person who was raised by father, this was the person who had allowed every blow from Snow to bring me down.
"Ah, rather melancholic aren't we?"
"Well my personal life is hanging by a thread, and Snow's got me wrapped around his wrinkled finger. Rather melancholic indeed."
Haymitch chuckled, his eyes softening as he took in my slumped posture and defeated look, smacking a hand on my shoulder he smirked, briefly turning to the bar tender to take his drip, sipping on it once before he spoke again.
"The luxury of being a victor my dear … let me know when that personal life completely crumbles, that's when Snow's won."
I understood the meaning of his words, telling me to hold on in his own way, and I nodded to him, our glasses chinking together before he straightened, and walked past me, only turning back once and calling my name, glass raised in the air as if for a toast.
"We should get together, have lunch and discuss things."
I agreed, once again understanding the meaning of his words and turning away, a smile on my face at his drunken behaviour as he stumbled around a few party goes. He wanted some sort of meeting, most likely in the same café as before, and I was hoping it was some form of instructions to help this thing begin moving, it felt as though everything was a ticking time bomb, and I wanted to nip that in the bud before it was even close to happening.
Haymitch was probably the most surprising person to ever befriend me, because he had weaselled his way in without me even noticing, but strangely enough I didn't mind, in fact I welcomed the idea of a friend who didn't cause unnecessary arguments or brought on painful memories, he gave me a motive and amused me with his annoying antics, not that I would ever admit it.
So I wanted to get this out before I go on holiday AGAIN, this Friday but its only until Monday, and I didn't want to keep you all waiting again because I have been so sucking with updating recently. I thank you all for alerting/favs/reviewing … its lovely and I hope it continues! On that note I would like to ask one of my reviewers (Silentxangel) on where on earth they have disappeared to?! Your reviews were highly valued because I wrote a lot of my chapters with the help of your criticism and advice!
PiecesInTheirGames: Hai bby. You know you were happy when I updated tho ;) and thank youuuuuu even though I don't agree and I think the fillers were crappish but thank you for your amazing support 3 Haha yeah I know, its just I didn't have enough to write to go in such detail about these games so I was showing snippets of what I imagined! LOL jus wait until you see how much of our RP I use in the later chaps! I was crying when I did that, it was totally unintentional XD Anyway thanks for the review bby 3
ILoafPeeta3: Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed them! And yep yep rebellion is sooooooooon :D cannot wait for it! Thank you I appreciate it and hope you liked this chapter! Xx
HermoineAndMarcus: Thannk you and I shall x
LuliCullen: thank you I hope you like this one too!
xxxRena: Thank you I did it was lovely, and yes totally cute! Thanks for reviewing!
Hazu23: Thanks! And haha he hasn't been coping with it very well at the moment!
xXRosexScorpiusXx: Well and truly flipped didn't he! And urgh I'mm glad I did because I wouldn't have been able to write it all out again in such detail, and yes Strike has become unbelievably creepy with the way he behaves! Hes gone craayyyy! Awww thank you that means so much! And I hope you enjoyed this chapter!
Kiralol101: YES YES! THE REBELLION FINALLY ARRIVED! Yes I adore Cato, always trying his best in things! Thank you! I use a lot of inspiration from multiple films so the idea of the mountain and beetles came from two different films Your hunch was correct, Strike is a very messed up boy and well … it was inevitable. Yeah I thought that would be the most subtle place since Snow wouldn't have been watching there, and definitely will take convincing for Cato. Yeah I do like Garret Hedlund too, four brothers and tron legacy are my favourite films from him, he was awesome in those. And don't worry good luck with college!
