Chapter 29 – Hurtful
A hot bath and a glass of wine, two luxuries Carey Martin relished. Still even they couldn't help today. She was on pins and needles trying to figure out how to help her son's. The worst heartache as a mother was knowing that her children were hurting, and there was not a damn thing she could do about it. She again thought about Kurt. No matter what happened or how bad things had gotten, he always seemed to know what to do to make everything better. She wished she held the same knowledge.
She thought about Cody lying in a hospital bed and Zack God knows where. She just couldn't understand why he hadn't at least gone to see his little brother. Hell, his lover. The word still made her feel a sadness that she'd never known before. She wondered about what Moseby had recommended. Maybe therapy wasn't such a bad thing after all.
She stepped off the elevator just as Barbara walked around the corner. She welcomed the slight distraction into her thoughts. Yet, she now thought about poor Barbara, she'd never realized how devoted she was to her youngest child. She took comfort in that, but at the same time her heart went out to her, because she knew that Cody would never reciprocate those feelings.
"Carey," the young girl smiled giving the woman a hug. "I need to talk to you."
"Sure," she replied as she took out her key card.
They walked in stunned to see a man sitting on the sofa. She gazed around the room and noticed he was the only one in the suite. "Can I help you?"
The man just stood staring at her which unnerved her quite a bit.
"Who are you?"
"Mo…Carey."
"How did you…I'm sorry I think you may have the wrong suite. Perhaps you should talk to the front desk manager."
"Mom," Zack called walking out of the bathroom. "Um…this is my basketball coach."
"Basketball coach?"
"Yeah, Mr. Riley."
Carey's instincts were telling her Zack was up to something. After all a mother knows these things, but right now that wasn't important. She needed to talk some sense into her son.
"Zack we have to talk about your behavior."
"Mom not now," he groaned stepping around her.
She grabbed his arm and pulled him to face her. "Yes, now!" she demanded pointing over toward the couch. "Mr. Riley, I don't mean to be rude but this is a family issue and I'd appreciate it if you…"
"He stays."
"Excuse me?" Carey questioned. "Why is that?"
"He stays."
Carey didn't argue with him because she knew that he would leave and she wouldn't get the chance to say what was on her mind. She eyed the other man with suspicion, and yet something seemed oddly familiar. Shaking her head she turned toward her son as Barbara and the man sat quietly preparing to listen to the interaction.
"Okay he can stay, either way you and I are going to talk about why you haven't gone to see Cody."
"Cody is fine without me," he seriously said. "Why is everyone getting on my case?"
"What is with you?" she asked. "I thought you loved your brother."
"I do love him."
"Then act like it," she snapped.
"You don't understand."
"Make me understand," she insisted. "Why don't you want to see Cody?"
"I told you why."
"That's bullshit and we all know it."
Barbara couldn't keep her mouth shut any longer. "I don't understand you. Why are you treating him like this?" Barbara stepped in front of him.
"It's none of your business," he shouted.
"None of my business," she yelled. "I've spent almost every waking moment with him. Where have you been?"
"Well, give the girl a medal," he sarcastically replied.
"You're being an ass you know that?" Barbara told him. "You may claim to love your brother but you don't give a damn about him."
"Don't tell me I don't give a damn," he growled.
"You don't, not the way I do."
"Here it is," he smirked.
"Here what is?"
"The truth," he said. "You're in love with him. Not that it matters much."
"What do you mean?"
"Because, it's still me he wants. Isn't it? It's still me he cries out to."
"Yes it is," she sadly stated. "And you're not around to answer that call."
"But you are?" he sneered. "To play second choice."
"Shut up Zack," she sneered.
"Must hurt like hell."
"What?" she quietly asked.
"To know that no matter what you do, or how hard you try, he'll never love you. Never want you."
"Zack that's enough," Carey told him.
"You don't know what you are talking about," the young girl stated as tears started flowing down her cheeks.
"I think I do," he claimed. "You're in love with him, but he won't have anything to do with you. And you know why that is, because you can't satisfy him the way I can."
"Fuck you!" Barbara was furious as she slapped his face as hard as she could.
"What's the matter did I hit a cord?"
"You bastard," she grabbed her purse and left the suite. "How can you be so hurtful? I hope this finally makes him see what a waste of time you really are."
Cody was sitting up in bed and staring at the picture of Zack in his hand. The picture took him back to one of the many picnics' they'd shared in the park. But this one, especially because this one was the one where they'd promised that no matter what happened they would be able to get through anything as long as they were together. Now thinking back he thought how ironic the situation was, and how unrealistic that statement had been.
Every once in awhile he looked over toward the phone and thought about dialing his cell number, but couldn't bring himself to do so. What was he waiting for, he wanted to talk to him so badly. He had so many questions, one of them being his brother's constant absence.
He felt so alone without him, so lost, so angry. He was supposed care about him, if not as lovers, as least as brothers and friends. Zack either lied, or he had taken one look at what Cody was reduced to, and decided that this was one situation he didn't want to have to get through. If the roles were reversed he wondered if he would have done the same. But he knew in his heart that was not the case.
Barbara silently walked into the room and discarded her things in a nearby chair. He knew right away something was wrong because she usually tried to be cheerful around him. Watching her now, she was anything but.
"What happened?" he asked.
He could tell she was debating on whether to tell him. "Barbara come on I know when you're upset."
"What do you care," she sighed. "So I'm upset, I've been upset for quite awhile. So what?"
"What happened?"
She noticed the concerned look in his eyes, and she knew that there was some semblance of the boy she'd come to love still in there somewhere. But, telling him his brother was an ass wouldn't help matters, still she needed to vent. Maybe she should have waited until she had calmed down a bit before she came here. She could have called a friend or gone to the park instead. Either way she supposed it was too late.
"I stopped at the Tipton."
He became quiet and thought about what that meant. "Was Zack there?" he asked dying to know the answer.
Barbara saw the lost look in his eyes and sighed. She knew she couldn't voice her theories about how his brother felt. "I saw him."
"What did he say?" Cody asked. "Did he ask about me?" he pleaded and she could almost make out a slight glimmer of hope in his eyes.
"The truth is…" she began. "He was very quiet and didn't have much to say. But from the look on his face when I told him about you, I knew that his heart was breaking."
"Well, I guess that's something."
She had to turn away and pretend to organize his cart of things. "He loves you very much. He's just hurting right now and didn't want to make you feel bad. So he stayed away. He's only thinking about you, he's doing what he thinks is best for you." Barbara had to take a breath to keep from giving the lie away.
"He does?" Cody asked. "He didn't say…he didn't say anything about when he was going to be able to visit?"
Again the young girl took a deep breath. "Like I said, he didn't say much. But, I'm sure it will be soon."
"Do you think I should call him?"
Barbara was saved from answering when a nurse walked in with Cody's daily dose of medication. And as always a few minutes later Cody drifted off to sleep with Barbara sitting at his bedside. Gazing into his face she sighed. She thought about what Zack had told her, and logically speaking he was right. But she couldn't bring her heart to believe what he'd said as fact.
She began to cry as she ran a hand through his hair and ran a couple of fingers across his slightly parted lips. He looked so beautiful when he slept and she desperately wanted to kiss those lips once more, if only to help ease his pain. He may think of himself as half a person but she knew better. And no matter how hard she tried to reason her feelings away, they always came back with a vengeance.
Closing her eyes for a split second she leaned in and pressed her lips to his, shocked when she felt a hand grasp the back of her head and bring her closer. She only meant for it to be a small peck, a quick caress. But, he had other ideas and she couldn't stop herself when he opened his mouth and let her tongue wrestle with his. It was the most amazing experience she had ever felt.
When the kiss ended she leaned up and looked into his face he was still fast asleep. Her heart broke when in the next moment she heard him call out to his brother. Her tears returned as she grabbed a small blanket and covered him with it. As she then sat in the chair pulled her knees up to her chest and continued crying while Zack's words continued to haunt her.
"Zackary Martin, that was completely uncalled for. You owe that poor girl an apology. She's done so much for Cody. She's been there since day one and she didn't deserve that," Carey shouted at her son.
"Whatever," he huffed.
"You're skating on thin ice young man."
"I'm not twelve anymore."
"Then why are you acting like it?" She angrily asked. "It's time you grew up because right now you're being petty and selfish. You need to take a good long look in the mirror."
"You don't get it."
"No I guess I don't," Carey exclaimed trying to stay neutral. "Zack, you're not the one lying in a hospital bed right now. You're not the one who feels lost and alone here. You're brother is dying."
"What?" suddenly it was hard for him to breathe.
"Maybe not the way you think. But the Cody we love is slowly disappearing. He's being replaced by someone I don't wish to know. He needs you, and because you won't go to him. He's giving up on everything, including living. I understand that you've lost your father. I understand that you've given up. But you're not the only one who's hurting."
"I've lost more than anyone."
"Is that right, then answer me this?" she asked. "Do you even care about your brother?"
"You don't get it, do you?"
"What don't I get?"
"He's in there because of me," Zack cried. "If i hadn't done what I did, if none of this had happened then everyone would be far less miserable. I'm doing him a favor by keeping my distance. I don't want to hurt him anymore then I have."
"What do you think you're doing to him right now?"
"This pain is just temporary," Zack explained. "In a few months it'll be a memory and he'll forget all about it."
"Will you?"
"Mom?"
"Don't mom me?" she snapped. "Will you be able to forget?"
"That's not fair, this isn't about me. It's about Cody."
"Wow, that's funny coming from you," she snickered in disbelief. "You don't seem to remember that, he loves and admires you, not only that, but he needs you. You're basically turning your back on him. Not just physically but emotionally. All you can think about is yourself. I'm truly disappointed in you Zack. You're not the son I raised."
With that Carey marched out of the suite letting the door slam behind her. He turned around unable to say a word while his older self simply shook his head in regret.
An: Sorry for the slow update, I've been working on a story for the Strange Love Collection and also helping with the Suite Life Awards Show. The next chapter will be up soon and I'll also post an update to Heartfelt Misconceptions this weekend. I have some extra time this month so look for regular updates to both of these stories. :)
As always thanks in advance, please read and review!
