Mai on... Iroph!

"No one ever said shipping in Avatar: The Last Airbender was the work of the sane, but the pair with most potential for being outright disturbing is the illegal match of Iroh the Dragon of the West and tiny Toph Bei Fong.

"For all he had once sought to accomplish in life GRRR I'M GOING TO GET YOU EVIL WALL Iroh in his old age pretty much limited his activities to annoying Zuko and playing Pai Sho all the time WHICH ANNOYED ZUKO and drinking more tea than could be good for any human being WHICH ANNOYED ZUKO and trying to liven up the world around him with fun and culture WHICH ANNOYED OHHHH YOU GET THE IDEA and seemed to be essentially embracing the idea of a full retirement when out of the blue ACTUALLY THEY WERE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BLUE AT THE TIME Zhao tried to kill a fish and Iroh found his moral sensibilities offended and his subsequent argument against said fish fry got him labeled a traitor and made into a fugitive from all Fire Nation forces and territories. Zuko was also in trouble mainly for being a moron but he eventually got tired of living in the wilderness with just his uncle for company HE WAS WILLING TO TOLERATE 'MUSIC NIGHT' BUT APPARANTLY NOT SEVEN DAYS A WEEK and besides he had to go off by himself in order to rediscover the Eye of the Tiger or something OR MAYBE HE SAW ANOTHER 'BUT DADDY I DON'T WANNA!' ARGUMENT COMING AND DECIDED TO QUIT WHILE HE STILL HAD ONE GOOD EYE so Iroh was left to travel the Earth Kingdom by his big fat lonesome.

"In a parallel story BECAUSE WE DIDN'T HAVE ENOUGH OF THEM YET the Avatar's new Earthbending teacher Toph was having mommy issues with perfect little Katara 'BUT MA I DON'T WANNA SHARE MY EARTHBENDING TENTS!' and after Aang decided to side with his Waterbender SURPRISE SURPISE NO I'M SERIOUS MY JAW IS ON THE FLOOR Toph figured she may as well lose the losers and ran off in a random direction but not to find the Eye of the Tiger BECAUSE REALLY WHAT GOOD WOULD ANOTHER EYE DO HER which is just as well because the only thing she wound up finding was a senile old man who's first reaction upon being attacked by a tiny blind girl was to make a pot of tea. Despite the absurdity of the situation WHY HAVE TEA IN THE MIDDLE OF NO WHERE I MEAN I TRY NOT TO DRINK MUCH BEFORE HEADING OUT WHERE THERE ARE NO BATHROOMS the two apparently enjoyed themselves and got to talking in ways that made them both feel all warm and fuzzy for the first time in days because really all the other people they knew had too much stress in their lives and couldn't handle it. They didn't say much but Iroh told Toph that it was okay to have a few lackeys around to follow her orders and Toph speculated to Iroh that when his nephew was having a temper tantrum WHICH WAS ALL THE TIME BACK IN THOSE DAYS he was likely to respond more positively to 'Hey don't worry kid you know I love you' than 'You must restore balance and drink tea' and then Iroh sarcastically claimed he didn't love Toph and Toph laughed and things probably would have gotten a lot creepier at that point but then all the tea caught up with Toph and she ran off to find a nice bush and Iroh continued onward in his never-ending quest to throw himself between Zuko and Azula in various dangerous situations.

"They met again briefly in a battle a little while later and although they didn't get a chance to say 'Hi' they obviously made a big impression on each other because Iroh was distracted to the point of nearly being killed by Azula which is saying something because he's an old master type who always makes sure he looks good in battles even if he doesn't accomplish anything and as a member of the royal family he had an instinctual expertise in watching Azula for treachery. When Iroh got blasted by said treacherous Azula ALTHOUGH REALLY WHY DIDN'T ANYONE ELSE DO ANYTHING ABOUT HER IT'S NOT THE WATERBENDER CARED WHAT HAPPENED TO IROH Toph lost control and actually allowed her face to take on some kind of expression SHE HADN'T LOOKED SO SAD SINCE SOKKA TOLD HER SHE LOOKS LIKE A MALNOURISHED BOY BUT THEN I CRIED WHEN HE SAID THE SAME THING TO ME but Zuko took that moment to take a temper tantrum IT HAD BEEN ABOUT TEN MINUTES SINCE HIS LAST ONE SO HE WAS DUE and everyone was forced to run away so that he could cry over his uncle and not seek any kind of competent medical help NOW YOU SEE WHY HE WAS CONVICTED OF STUPIDITY.

"The pair didn't let Zuko stop them from seeing more of each other though because I've heard that he visited her at he house in Ba Sing Se bringing gifts THEY SAY THAT'S WHAT KYOSHI WARRIORS CALL THEIR SERVICE PAYMENTS WAIT WAS THAT IMPLICATION TOO SUBTLE and she in turn tied herself to Zuko on several occasions for the express purpose of telling him how awesome and wise his uncle was and that's why he should drink more tea and bring balance to the world and really it was rather obvious that she was trying to get in good with the old man but because she doesn't have the most expressive eyes I've never been able to figure out if she truly wants him IN THAT WAY or if she's just looking to link up with some rich old dude who will kick the bucket and leave her everything while she's still young and beautiful OR AS BEAUTIFUL AS A MILITANT TOMBOY CAN GET and Zuko is still unmarried and susceptible to grief over the loss of his uncle who thought the blind Earthbender was really neat.

"Most men would probably consider Toph as clever as Azula, but her ploys are pathetically transparent to anyone capable of thought."