Author's Note: Hi there, i'm sorry for the long wait. I've been busy lately as i'm nearing the end of my school semester so i'm trying to get last minute things done before then. Still Glazier Blue helped big time with this, so I have to thank her for this. Enjoy.

Chapter 29: Unresolved Feelings.

It had taken some time for the rat master to recover, and not just from the extensive drug intake, but from the traumatic roller-coaster events of the day! Now all he had to contend with was the worry of finding his son safe and well. He just wanted all of his boys home... But with one heart attack episode after another, the old rat could well and truly say that this had indeed aged him.

He sat in his dojo, waiting and trusting that his boys would bring their brother home... One thing he was sure of, this episode had rocked his family to the core. The damage was done, and the father worried if all of his sons would ever truly recover. Especially Donatello. He had been suffering long before this had happened... The passive turtle had concealed so much anger until it had burned its way through, leaving a gaping hole in his soul, leaving him vulnerable and exposed. Their enemies had seen this and taken advantage of it, consequently penetrated their home and created a rift between his tightly knitted family... and somehow, even with all the signs he had noticed on the way, HE had still not seen this coming.

His most quiet boy had in fact been over looked... Splinter sighed, trying to breathe his way through the pain that his heart now carried. He couldn't help but feel that he had let his son down as a master, as a teacher, but most of all, as a father. Things had been done and said that could not be taken back or even forgiven so easily on both sides. Donatello had to face what he was most afraid of... But even Splinter worried because even though all had been revealed, were they still going to meet resistance at mending these broken bridges?
In a poor attempt to distract himself, the old rat's thoughts turned to their friend Leather Head. After the explosion in the elevator shaft... there had been a lot of damage. All their exits had been blocked off, trapping them in. But with thanks to their large friend and his rather excellent timing, he had come to their rescue and dug them out. After that he had followed his sons to top side to help persuade the Foot clan to give them information on Donatello's whereabouts.

Although this had taken all night, it would have taken longer without him. After that the brothers had only stayed long enough to eat like a pack of starving wolves before heading out to the ship. Leather Head however, offered to remain behind to assist him with more of the cleaning up. When enough had been done and it was time to rest, the crock had insisted on staying, knowing that he was having trouble walking on his own power. But Splinter was adamant that he would be ok by himself. After much reluctance he respected his wishes. They had so much to thank their large mutant friend for. Splinter had no idea how he was going to repay him for his kindness.

His thoughts of LH were cut off as he recognized the cries of his name from at least three of his sons, indicating that they had in fact returned and by their tones, they had returned with results. His next instinct was to be alarmed. It was a struggle for him to get up quickly, and impossible for him to run. He had to place both hands on his walking stick, eyes squeezing shut as his arms burned as he tried to get up. His legs still didn't have enough stability to hold himself, but he kept on going. Breathless, but he made his way out of the dojo, anxious to see what had happened.

To his joy, Donatello was with his brothers. To his horror, he was unconscious while being carried over his brother's shoulder before being laid out on the floor and cradled between them. Splinter repressed a gasp as he leaned down to touch his son's face, not caring that his legs buckled. The touch just as much to confirm that Donnie was in fact real! Had his son spent the night in a freezer? His olive-green skin was at least two sickly shades paler. He was shaking violently. His breathing was fast, and his eyes were refusing to focus on any particular point in the room. He also didn't fail to notice the long trail of water from all of them, as if they had swum back to the lair.

The master quickly checked his son's pulse. It was irregular… He was very disorientated and yet drowsy. The rat was sure that his son was suffering from hypothermia... Not to mention there was a clear sign of a head injury. How bad, he didn't know yet. At least he was still shaking. That meant his body was still trying to fight. It's when victims of hypothermia stop feeling the cold meant that they were shutting down. He also had heavy bruising on his upper arm, roughly in the same place were the clone version of his son had been shot. But instead of a gunshot hole, there were puncher wounds. And deep cutting around his wrists, indicating that he had been tightly bound. 'What had that man put him through to get him in this state?' Pushing his worrisome thoughts aside for the moment, Splinter quickly went into medic mode.

"Take him to his room! We have to get him warm, but slowly. We can't risk his blood pressure dropping down any more. If we get him warm too fast, we risk him going into shock. Michelangelo, you go get lots of blankets for all of you. Raphael, after he is in bed, go to the lab and get me your brother's stethoscope and blood pressure cuff. Then go to the kitchen and make something warm for him to drink. High in calories but NOTHING with caffeine.

"Like what? We have nothing but coffee and caffeine sodas." Raph pointed out.

Good point... "Leonardo, go to my room and look for the green herb box. Look for the label that says 'Ginseng' and the salve cream in there I can apply to his chest. We must get his chest warm before anything else." Splinter quickly instructed, but before his sons could carry out his instructions, he placed a hand on the blue clad turtle shoulder. "Once we have him stable, you come back here and tell me everything Bishop did to your brother!" This time the rat couldn't hide the anger from his voice. Grimly the brothers nodded before lifting his limp form and rushing him upstairs.

Three days later

Time had phased in and out for Don. It was disorientating. It was hard to comprehend where he was and who he was with. However, after a lot of care and treatment, he finally gathered enough strength to emerge from his bed. He had only really become coherent again 6 hours ago, but had no desire to leave the warmth of the many, many blankets he was wrapped tightly in. Now he was up, he saw that a new mask and gear and... and his bo-staff had been placed out for when he was ready. He had no idea what time it was, nor what day, but he could hear everyone down stairs. Really, he should have remained in bed. A nasty coughing fit warningly ripped through him as the cold air hit his skin.

But he couldn't wait any more.

Being left alone with the fog of memories cluttering his brain... what had been reality and what hadn't been was almost as bad as any nightmare he had actually lived through.

Bishop and the helicopter was his last memory... after that his other senses told him what had happened. He remembered the feeling of his body been laid down, warm blankets drying his cold, quaking skin until his shivering subsided. He hadn't realized he had been clenching until he felt the warm but strong smelling herbal cream being massaged into his limbs, mostly his hands and toes, which instantly relieved the stinging burns of the bitter cold and made him relax. Donnie looked down at himself as he dressed. His wrists and ankles were bandaged up, but his shoulder where the needle had been implanted was still rather swollen. Every joint, right down to his thumbs, felt stiff and sore. Even his throat hurt when he made a sound out of it... but after everything he was just glad to know that his ability to speak was still there.

Throughout his recovery, Don remembered that someone had been holding his hand almost the whole time. It wasn't always the same person either, as the feel and texture would regularly change. He felt a furry hand caressing his cheek before raising his head to pour a sweet hot liquid down his throat, but it had a sour after taste on his tongue. It made him wince, but he recognized right away for what it was, and it brought the greatest sense of relief beyond anything he could have hoped for. Home was the only place he could get this horrible yet wonderful stuff. His father's herbs wouldn't only help him to heal from the cold faster, but it would also assist breaking down Baxter's drug-induced euphoria in his system too.

Before Don could leave his room and face his family however, he had to formulate something to say first. In the last three days of recovery, he had allowed him to play back the week over and over until his and his clone's dark memories were one swirling vortex of combined emotion. Throughout the battle he had fought his corner, protecting his family from himself. But now there was just him to answer for what he had done, and everything now was a jumbling mess... His brain felt more like soup! Then the oddities started pouring in and his fuzzy brain tried to process all the facts as carefully as possible.

The facts!

The only facts that mattered was that his family had barely survived him, and that he had hurt and betrayed them in the worse ways imaginable. Confessed his darkest and most shameful secrets. The resentment he felt towards them. The fact was there was no defense for his childishness and selfishness, thinking that they had been better off dead rather than suffer that future. How could he have believed that there hadn't been any other way out!?

This had taken 'self-reflection' to a whole new level! And now that he was awake, the eerie echoes suddenly bombarded him, as though his mind were still trying to rejoin after having two bodies separate them. For example, as he gradually got the feeling of his limbs back, so did the pain of his injuries that he had not received directly... Donnie moaned as he rubbed a particular sore spot in his chest... The most glaringly obvious oddity arose with a vicious stab as he remembered where Leo's sword had penetrated through the clone's heart... The memory of the cold metal slicing through his skin made him quiver... How could he be feeling that? Unless... unless that part of his mind was still there, inside of him, remembering how he died and letting him know that he was still there! That would mean he wasn't in pain from the sword, he was just remembering it.

Phantom Pain? Was this like those people who claimed they could still feel their limbs even though they had had them amputated? This was a plethora of oddness!

Donnie shuddered at the thought as he stood up, making his way over to his full-length mirror. That side of him may have been dark and destructive, but it was still part of him that... logically, no matter how much Donnie could try and repress it, there was just no way to lock a part of yourself away in a box labeled

"Do Not Open. Delusional self-stewing in its own craziness inside..." No. Someday, something would find a way to unlock that box again... And what then? This posed the question, was he still a danger to his brothers?

Donatello had honestly thought he had run out of ways to make himself sick with self-loathing. "Hello again." He felt rather silly but at the same time, surreal as he greeted himself in the mirror. Touching his face as though to confirm that it was really... well... him!

He had beaten the darkness of temptation... but at what cost? The kind and passive turtle he had always known himself to be may have won over this time, but the fact was he had looked inside himself and found so much hatred... There was no victory here, only a cruel realization that part of him was... poison.

The intelligent turtle dragged his feet while he left his room. He was in no hurry to greet his brothers. He had just made it as far as the stairs when he paused again, rubbing his face as he mentally prepared himself for what was to come when he faced them as his true self... and yet he was no longer the same as he was before.

His chest tightened like a pulled elastic band waiting to snap. And his cheeks burned with the humiliation of it all. So much complete and utter humiliation!

Don's tired mind spun through the possibilities, not sure if he was blowing this out of proportion. Nothing was rational, which left him nothing to cling too but the shame! He just couldn't connect with his rational side of his brain... Had that link been taken mentally and destroyed along with his clone? He had spent so long fighting his smart brain with the emotions of the heart, now that seemed to be all he had left to think with... Crud!

He worried about what awaited him down stairs... The looks they would give him for the injuries he had caused. How could he explain all of this? Well, first he would have to confess about that future he was taken too. Great! Tell them something else to make them hate him more... A terrible future that was coming for them... wasn't it? Don suddenly froze. WAIT! Could this be a NEW reality now? A whole lot of 'what if's' exploded in Donnie's head. He needed time to go over all the steps that led him to that last dreadful day... If only he could peak back into the future to see?

No! Donnie shook. He couldn't yank at that thread right now. Later! There were much more important things. For instance, how to even start making this up to them for his failure to protect them... If nothing else, he most certainly deserved punishment! That was for sure, but what could his redemption be for the almost complete destruction of his clan?

Donnie buried his face in his hands trying to pluck up the courage to go down the stairs and face his justified punishment. For him to suffer was the only way they could possibly forgive him...and maybe forgive himself. Yes. He would be willing to accept any punishment no matter how bad... and he would NOT cry, or ask for mercy. In fact, worse for him, the better it would be. He couldn't deny that darker part of himself any more... but at least that would be a sure way of keeping in line.

Did that make sense? Gosh! Donnie hated been so emotional... Maybe that was the consequences of letting the heart take charge. His gut twisted painfully as he made his way down the stairs... It was time to face the music.

Just as he reached the bottom step, ready to meet the first angry face, he instead got - "Hey bro, finally up?" Raph's a little too calm voice made him jump just as much as though he had shouted.

Maybe it was because it was unexpected. Don turned to meet the just as calmer expression of his red clad brother. No trace of that anger he had a reputation for... What was going on? For once Raph had every right to be angry with him. To his further surprise he found the three of them all comfortably sitting in the TV room, waiting for him. Even though everything had been cleaned, and the rubble swept away, it was still a rather big mess and a lot to repair.

"Hey Donnie. How you doing? You look all sunken-eyed." Mikey looked around from the still working tv screens. He would have been the picture of concern if his face hadn't lit up like a Cheshire cat grin at the sight of Don being home. How could he be happy after all his comic books had been destroyed? The purple turtle didn't answer but instead felt very confused and apprehensive, slowly made his way towards them.

"Good morning Donatello... You look... well... a little better at least." Leo looked him over with concern. His smile was warm, but not as warm as the other two. The use of his full name, together with that slight air of authority tone, Donnie knew once the pleasantries were out of the way and they were sure Don could stand under his own power, they would get down to business. Punishments weren't much good learned if you were half in a coma anyway.

Well this was all cataclysmically awkward!

Silence had reigned supreme for a full minute before Don realized that he still hadn't answered them yet... Honestly, he just didn't know what to say... He wanted to apologize A LOT before asking for forgiveness, but that just seemed so redundant right now. They all stood to greet him, waiting for what they all knew would be his first real response since his abduction.

"Uh h-hi...everyone" ... Oh, that was brilliant. Such a genius! The words burnt his throat, or was it just his face was burning?

"Is that all we get after storming and sinking a ship for you?" Mikey chuckled. He was about to jump forward and hug him, but Leo's hand and a stern look stopped him in his tracks. The orange clad turtle smile faded, glaring back, declaring with his eyes that he wasn't happy, but made no further attempt to reach Don. Raph meanwhile was standing cautiously closer to him, separating him from the others. His stance was guarded, as though a part of them was expecting Don to flip out... The new spatial awareness was hardly surprising.

Hoping they hadn't noticed his cheeks darken more, Donnie found a point to stare at on the floor. His hands clenched at his sides as he waited for it to begin. Could they just start the punishment already?!

"Before anything else could you please come with us into the Dojo Donatello? We need to talk."

Donnie nodded, while looking at his three brothers with a mixed expression of nervousness and sorrow. He wanted to get this done... No tears! Not outwardly anyway. No more weakness. He had suffered enough embarrassment for a life time.

As though he was walking to his own execution, the purple turtle kept his eyes respectfully low. "Why you shaking in your shell there, bro? Worse part's over." Raph nudge his shoulder as they walked.

Still Don didn't return the smile. If anything, he was confused. Why wasn't he angry?

"Yep it's over!" Mikey chimed in joyfully. "Seriously bro this dying thing, it's funny once, maybe even twice but after that..." Mikey trailed off in his attempt of sad humor... Now he just looked sad. "But it's all ok now. We all made it back and it's all just going to be hunky-dory." He brightly added as the four entered the room... and it was just the four of them. Splinter was nowhere to be seen. That just brought another pang of guilt. His father... How could he redeem himself for harming him?

What was Mikey talking about? NOTHING here was hunky-dory. Why were they not yelling at him? Or at the very least giving him the silent treatment? An angry scowl would make more sense than this joyful and welcoming relief he was getting. They were going to punish him. Why be nice to him first letting him think it was all going to be ok? Was... was this their way of been cruel to him like he had been to them? He couldn't take the tension. Before they sat down - "Don't do that!" He finally exclaimed, making them freeze.

Leo's brow creased. "Do what Donnie?"

"Be nice to me." Donnie broke away from them to go to the middle of the room, sitting on his knees preparing himself. He took his bo-staff and placed on the ground in front. "Let's just do this... I won't fight you." Both of his eyes were on the ground with shame. He didn't deserve to look upon them.

Silence ascended as the brothers looked at one another... Confusion was an understatement. They could tell it was taking Donnie all he had not to lose it. They were speechless, they were not at all sure what to do as they watched Donnie sitting silently with his head low, waiting for them to do... what exactly?

"Donnie, we just want to talk." Leo cautiously stepped towards him.

"I will tell you everything you want to know... b-but you won't thank me for it! But as my leader, I ask you do what you need to do first." He pleaded with a shaking voice. It was taking everything Donnie had not to sob, but he wouldn't cry and make them feel bad while they delivered justice. "I betrayed you... There is no defense for my actions. Please do what needs to be done."

"Do what Donnie?" Mikey this time ignored his leader quickly approached his kneeling brother, coming down to his level but Don wouldn't even make eye contact with him. Instead he kept his eyes tightly shut. Even when his little brother brought his hands up to his face, he just flinched away. He couldn't look at them... not after what he had done. How could he even begin to explain this? There had to be some suitable series of words together?

"That clone was connected to my brain. It shared all of my thoughts and fears. The only difference being it wanted to act upon the darkness 'he'...no... 'I' felt. I am responsible for all that happened. All that hatred is in me. Bishop just gave my fears its own body." He explained, shaking his head in self-loathing.

"We know Don." Leo answered in a controlled tone, but he couldn't quite hide all the hurt. "But if that is true, then why are we still here? What stopped it...him...you...from killing us? ...who stopped it exactly?"

"I did..." Don said slowly. "I, as in this part of me! I never wanted you dead... You're my fam— but it DOESN'T matter. My fears and resentment caused this to happen and I almost killed you. I made you suffer all because I was afraid of... things that happened. Things I should have told you all about a long time ago."

"Yeah, that I will agree with." Leo stepped forward. "You let your depression get so bad and you didn't come to us... This is why Sensei teaches us not to have secrets. They destroy you and then when it mattered, you had no defense against the likes of Bishop and Baxter. We could have lost you forever, Donnie. What was worth that? Because I really want to know!"

In response to his brother's question, Donnie could only lower his head more.

"Look, why are we going over all this with a freaking tooth comb?" Raph finally stepped in. "What's done is done." He looked down at his crestfallen brother on the floor. His instinct was to reach out to him, but he could see Don was pushing them away. "So, you have a dark side Don but guess what! … Drumroll please. We all do! Even oh so perfect Fearless here does!" Not missing his opportunity for a dig. "We are all capable of bad things... And you might find this hard to believe, so do I!" As normal, the hot head summed things up in plain and simple terms, wrapped up nicely in a roll of sarcasm.

Leo rolled his eyes. "I would have put it a little more elegant than that, but essentially yes."

Don fixed him with a look and frowned. "Even on the worse day of your life Raph, you would never do what I did." He said sadly and looked away.

Leo came to join them on the floor. He cupped his hands around his brother's face, not letting him turn away. "We've all made mistakes in this, Don. Us just as much as you. I knew something was wrong, yet I chose to overlook it... We weren't there for you as much as we should have been... But we are now." Leo was just about to ask Donnie to finally open up about that place he had been sent to by the Ultimate Drako so he might finally release all that pent up rage and fear that had fueled all of this, but he never got the chance.

It would have been so easy to just let them forgive him, but all those actions could not just be swept under the carpet without consequences. This could not be left to fester. Not addressed all that pent-up rage could explode again. Clone or not, he wanted to suffer and not be let off the hook.

"No. Regardless of how all this happened, it happened. I'm a monster! I…I don't deserve to look at any of you." Donnie continued, remaining on his hands and knees. The ultimate sign of submission, but his self-control started to waver. "I - I shamed our clan...Why aren't you all disgusted by my presence!?"

"Don please," Leo tried to hold onto a conversation that was rapidly de-railing. The memory of killing the clone was still raw. For that moment his entire world had been crushed... He'd made a mistake and dear god he had killed Donnie.

Now he was here looking at Donatello alive but with the same broken soul he had before.

"Punish me!" Don choked, with a raw nerve on display.

"What?" All three looked at him in surprise.

"Please…I want to be punished. I don't care what it is…May it be physical or even scarring."

"Wh- Wait, you want us to beat you while you're down!?" Raph voice at a whole other level of confused mixed with anger.

"I did to you... Inflict on me what I put upon you and maybe he...me will know never to bother you again." Donnie pleaded rubbing his chest as the twinge of pain from his heart surfaced.

"He?" Leo repeated quizzically. All dumb struck by the strange statement... Strange because like the clone had done, Don was referring to a part of himself as though it was still a 'second' person. It was only then the brothers realized just how badly this situation had affected him. Leo even noticed how aggressively his brother was clutching his chest in the place where he had stabbed him...

Donnie caught the look his brother was giving him and had already guessed at what he was thinking. "I didn't know I was a clone body when that happened... You did nothing. I threw myself on your sword."

"… Wh...Y... you...you did throw yourself on my sword... on purpose?" Leo having his other worse guess realized. The leader then found himself shaking when his brain caught up to what Donnie was admitting to. His brother intentionally wanted to die... but why? To protect them? This caused a whole new level of dread.

"It's also the one thing in all of this I don't have regrets about. It was the only way to save you from him... me."

"Don't say that Donnie! Don't you EVER say you were ok taking your own life!" Mikey sobbed, body trembling as he tried to ignore the confession that was declared. There was no way he wanted to believe his brother wanted to die for real.

"It wouldn't be the first time." Don snapped back... Crud! He hadn't meant to say that out loud. Their look of horror at his statement quickly forced his gaze back to the floor. "Please just punish me."

"My son." A new voice at the entrance of the dojo. "I think you have been punished quite enough." Don's heart skipped a beat at the sight of his father.

The aged rat looked just the same as before, only much more tired. Dark circles under his eyes, and his arms shook as he had to use both hands to hold onto his walking stick. The after effects were still apparent even days later, making him feel sluggish.

"Sensei, you should be resting," Leo rushed to his side.

"I am fine. But I very much wish to speak to your brother." Splinter made his way over with Leo's aid.

"No…Father…Master…" Panic started to swell. There was just too much guilt and shame for him to contend with.

"Donatello, I-" Splinter didn't get a chance to speak before his third youngest had moved across the room to come and meet him, only to fall at his feet.

"I'm so sorry. Sorry sorry s-sorry…. Please, Fath— Master, punish me. He must not… I mean 'I' must not be allowed to become— He MUST know his place in the clan. There was so much hate there, consuming everything of who I really was—" Don begged, hoping that his father would deliver justice. The pain in his chest was feeling worse by the second, as though the hatred inside of him was actually trying to tear its way out… it dawned on Donnie that he was in fact afraid of himself and what he was capable of.

Not at all used to seeing this son so emotional, Splinter and his brothers did feel quite alarmed, and wondered how they could do damage-control on this.

"My son please stop," Splinter knelt down so he could face him, trying to take him into his arms but Donnie pulled away, shaking his head.

"How can you call me your son? How can you forgive me so easily!?" Don was openly fighting the tears now, but he still would not let them fall... He didn't deserve their sympathy.

"Don't you understand!? It was part of me. My intelligence, my ambition, mixed with all my anger! I let it consume me, and Bishop used it to consume all of you! I condemned you all and who is to say that this darkness won't take me again when things get too hard?" He placed a hand over his heart. "I need help, because I am just NOT strong enough to deal with this... But you cannot be the ones to help me. Not when you could become the victims of it... Until then..." He paused a moment gathering his nerve to say the last statement. "I don't deserve to be a brother…a son…or a student in this clan." At that everyone, even Splinter froze. What was he saying?

"Donnie, ya talking nonsense bro!" Raph argued instantly. He tried to comfort him, but he was shrugged off.

"If you will not punish me in the way I deserve to be, then I will!" No matter how much it hurt, he had to do this in a way his father could not deny him. All their eyes widened as they watched. Forcing his composure, Don reached up and untied the knot of his purple bandanna. The disregarded fabric then landed on his Bo staff. "I hereby disown myself from the Hamato clan, for my name stains it with dishonor. I leave so I may find a way to earn it back."

Mikey gasped, eyes wider than dinner plates but couldn't speak. "Donatello?" His father shook his head, but that was all he could say. Without another word, Donnie then stood and turned to leave behind three brothers and a father in a state of complete shock.

"You're not serious? He's not serious? Donnie!?" Raphael tried to say, but his words only came out in an indistinguishable mash of sounds.

Not one of them were able to comprehend what had just happened. It was only a few seconds, but by the time it had dawned on them, Donatello had already left the Dojo and they herd the lab door slam closed.

"W-what just happened?" Mikey jaw dropped so low that it was practically on the floor. "Did...did we just let him walk out... out of our family?!"

"Oh, shell we didn't!" Raph jumped up, winding himself up in the silence before he took any more action. His mood loitered somewhere between shocked and furious.

Donnie knew he wouldn't have long. The moment he closed the door behind him, he began to hyperventilate. What had he done? What the freaking shell had he just done?! The room was spinning so fast, Don found himself having to hold his knees. The memory of the stab wound in his chest seemed all too real right now... or was that because his heart had just broken in two?

But this wasn't just him running away from his shame like the coward he most certainly felt like. He had to suffer, and this was the worst kind of suffering he could think of. But more than that, he needed time to get his head straight... He had to take a step back. A large and far step back, because if this messed up part of his mind ever decided that the lair and his brothers weren't enough for him again, then he wouldn't be able to do or say anything to stop it...

At least this was how he rationalized it... It really did suck having just the emotional turmoil in charge. Donnie was so lost in thought he hadn't heard his brother, Raphael, banging on the lab door. Above Raph's yelling he could also hear his little brother somewhere in the background... sobbing. Why couldn't he just stop hurting them.

"DONNIE! Donatello get your shell out here NOW!" Raph roared, banging on the door. Don looked up with wide eyes. Cold sweat was running down his face. His hands were shaking, and his heart was pounding. His eyes were burning as hot tears ran down his cheeks... At least he hadn't let them see his tears fall. All he wanted to do was open the door and let his brothers in. To let them hold him in their arms. Just to feel safe... But this wasn't about what he wanted.

For once Don had to think about what was right for them, even if the right thing was for him to not be here... He had to get out of here and find somewhere quiet to think. He wasn't any good to them. Heck, he didn't even think he could fix the toaster right now, but... where would he go? What would he need to take with him? How could he prove that he was worthy to be in his clan?

Something caught his eye. It was next to the door by his feet... His rucksack... Packed and ready, waiting for him. His clone had already loaded it before for when he was running away, but for a different reason. Well, that seemed to be a clear sign from the universe that he really should just go! He saw the other door that led to the garage. There wasn't much damage, and it led right to the sewers.

"Damn it Donnie let me in!" Raph yelled. Looking around, all he saw was Mikey looking helpless at him... and Leo standing in the doorway of the dojo with a lost expression that the red clad turtle had never seen before. What was Donnie thinking? He had said plainly that he had not wanted to go with Bishop, but had he just not wanted to stay with them either?

No! Raph was not having this. They had all seen the look in his eyes. His purple clad brother was not at all sounding like himself...still. He was hurting... He was suicidal! At that thought Raph drew out his sai and rammed it straight into the lock. It didn't give in, but Raph was not giving up! With a second violent thud, the lock finally gave way. Raph pried the strong lab doors open... only to find it empty! No sign of Donatello in here anywhere... but the garage doors at the other side were wide open.

"Where is he?" Mikey and Leo were right behind him.

"He's gone. The sneaky little idiot is gone!" Raph ranted, making his way towards the garage. "I'm going after him and dragging his sorry tail back here, kicking and screaming if I have too...
He didn't mean it... he...he's just upset."

"Raph." Leo stepped forward already knowing he was going to be shouted down. "If he doesn't want to be found right now, then you won't find him... You can't -"

"I don't want to hear it Leo! He didn't mean it! Bishop messed him up... We just got him back. You're not seriously just going to let him walk out!?"

"YES, I really am!"

"WHAT!?" Both Raph and Mikey yelled in shock. Leo couldn't be ok with this! The look on his face said he very much was NOT... It was the look on his face that stopped Raph from punching him.

"He...he disowned himself...Oh god... he stabbed himself on purpose to save us…. But Raph, if we drag him back, it would just make it worse..." Leo trailed off as he realized what he had just said, and that it was really happening! All he could manage now was to open and close his mouth like a goldfish. Raph, however, didn't have any problem finding his words.

"In what universe can this possibly be any worse?" Raph yelled, enraged.

"My son!" The old father had appeared at the lab doors, calling for Donatello. The brothers spun around to find their master looking around the room searching only to find him gone. The look of sorrowful disappointment on his face was utterly heart-breaking. Splinter turned away and quietly made his way back to the dojo.

"I think it did just get worse." Mikey sighed with big, pleading eyes before exiting the lab too. "I didn't even get to say sorry for never appreciating him."

A/N: Hope you Like. Shocking turn of events right? Well Don still has unsecured feelings about what happened, and they just can't be resolved like that. Anyway I hope you liked this one. Till next time.