CHAPTER 50

Pure

I hang the phone after talking with Annie and then with Effie. Just to tell her we were going.

I walk to Peeta's bedroom and sit on the bed with my legs crossed.

Peeta's on the bathroom taking a shower, and I can hear the water dropping.

It's weird. It's weird to suddenly talk to Annie. Part of me thought that she hated me. But deep inside me, I knew she was incapable of hating. But then again, another part of me wished she hated me. Then, I wouldn't have to see her again, and I wouldn't have to see Finnick each time I thought of her. Finnick and Annie, the way they looked at each other, deeply and totally in love. When they rescued Annie from the Capitol. Their wedding day. So much happiness. Ripped away. Partly, because of me.

I know I will never get rid of that guilt. But without having to see Annie, I thought it was going to be a lot easier.

And I dislike myself for that. For thinking like this. That's a selfishness I don't want to live with. All this time here, since the war. Just me, and then Peeta and me. Everything else, everyone else, was forgotten for a brief time. But that's not okay, because we've all been through the same, and I don't want to forget.

So I will keep my promise, I will go there with Annie and meet everyone else. And I will help her, no matter what. I owe her, but not just because of that I will help her, I'll do it because I want to.

I'm snapped back into reality by a silence, indicating that Peeta's done with his shower.

Suddenly, he opens the door, and he's just wearing his jeans. I guess he forgot his t-shirt.

And like that, he walks to the closet, like if it was the most casual thing, and I turn around blushing, part of me wanting to watch. Still, I blush and face the wall.

"Sorry", says Peeta.

"It's okay", I say shortly, and I hear Peeta giving a small laugh. Sideways, I turn to look at him, and he seems to be lost in a memory.

"What?", I say. I just look at his face.

"Nothing. I was just trying to remember how they called you, back in the Quell... pure", he says. "That's how they called you. Pure".

"You remember that but you don't remember giving me the pearl?", I snap getting a little angry out of nowhere. "I'm not pure". I say pushing the annoyance the word provokes me away.

Peeta stands there, looking at me. "If you say so", he says.

To prove it, I totally turn and face him. Begging for the blush in my cheeks to go away.

I raise my eye brows at him.

With a grin, he rolls his eyes at me, beginning to turn around.

I take a pillow and throw it at him. "I'm not pure!", I say. A little laugh escaping from my lips.

"Can I do this, then?", asks Peeta walking towards me and leaning to kiss me. His lips touch mine and I stumble a little, feeling myself blushing all over again.

He kisses me hard although the kiss last just a few seconds before he pulls away and looks at me. I think I'm not able to hide my surprise by the look he gives me.

He laughs and walks away, towards the bathroom. Firstly, unconsciously I watch him.

Then I find myself being unable to look away, and even though he's not looking at me, I smile, bitting my lip. And I realize one thing. Maybe I can't be totally pure with him.

Minutes later, he comes back, fully dressed now. But his hair is still wet, almost damped.

"How did it go?", he asks sitting beside me on the bed.

I realize his talking about my phone call with Annie. "Oh, good. I guess".

"How is she?".

I remember how she sounded at first. Like if nothing wrong had happened, how she gladly picked the phone up. And then, how she broke down and cried. I wonder if that's part of her now, since she won the Games, part of her personality.

Or maybe it's not. And she was trying to be strong and sound okay. And then at the question of 'how are you?', she told the truth... to a friend.

"She's scared", I say. "I can't even imagine what she's going through, but I would be terrified".

"I would be too...".

"She's so strong, and so brave. I don't know how she does it.".

"You're strong and brave too. I guess we all are. We all had to be. Otherwise, we wouldn't be here".

"Yeah, but now is different. She'll bring a child into the world. Without-" It hurts to finish the sentence.

"Without Finnick", Peeta says quietly. "Without a husband. With a husband who didn't even know he was going to have a child... Because of you". What he just said shoots a pang of pain through my chest, but I quickly push it away, realizing what's happening.

Peeta's breath is getting faster, and I look at him. He's staring at the ground, and he puts his hands

to his ears. I immediately know what this is. He's getting into a flashback.

I drop to the ground sinking on my knees in front of him, I hold his face with my hands, and try to find his eyes, even though he has them shut.

"Not real, not real", I whisper. Peeta gasps, and I know he's fighting it. "It's just a flashback, not real. Stay with me, I'm right here", he tries to push away, but I ease him by caressing his face, bringing him back to me. "Not real, Peeta. Just a flashback. I'm here with you, stay with me", I emphasize the last words, wanting them to stick on Peeta's mind.

He gives a couple of ragged breaths until he finally slows his breath down, and eventually he takes his hands away from his face.

"Always", he whispers opening his eyes.

And he gets back to me, I see his azure eyes. "You're with me Peeta, it's okay", strongly, I hold his hand and then, I stand before going back to sit beside him and kissing his forehead lightly.

He looks down, but I don't release his hand. "How is this okay, Katniss?" he says with a rough voice.

"You were able to control it, to fight it".

"How is this control?-" he says this louder, but before he can keep talking, I cut him.

"It's not", I reassure. "It's not, but it could be. You were able to fight it off, Peeta. Can't you see that? You didn't hurt me, you didn't hurt anyone... Are the therapy sessions with Dr. Meredith helping?", I quietly ask. I just remembered what he's doing with the Dr. I guess they've had three or four lessons.

"Yeah. I guess they are. It wasn't that bad this time. But still, I wish I could do something".

"It's okay, we'll get through this", I say caressing his hand.

He takes a while, but he finally nods; not very convinced. "Thanks, Katniss", he whispers.

"Anytime", I say kissing the palm of his hand.

After that, there's a long silence. I begin to wonder if Peeta wants to be left alone for a while.

Maybe he does.

"I'm going to take a shower", I announce.

"Okay".

He's still looking at the floor, I look at him for a moment before I release his hand and walking towards the closet to grab some clothes. When I'm done, I enter the bathroom, and I give him a last glance.

"Are you going to be okay?" I ask.

"Yeah", he says with a small but reassuring smile.

I nod and close the door behind me.

/ Happy Valentine's day everyone! Do you have any plans for today? I don't. Well, if you could consider watching Everlark/Joshifer pictures all day and writing Everlark fanfiction, then that's my plan. Please favorite this if you liked it, and leave a comment if you'd like:) The reason i'm updating earlier is because the last chapter was awfully short, but I'll update again soon! Have a good day! /