"These are really big horses." Hailey said as she sat on the smallest horse daddy had in the barn. It was still a big horse. I laughed as I climbed on mine.
"They're working horse's honey. They have to be big so they're strong enough to help my daddy get his work done." We started out of the barn at a slow pace.
"That makes sense." She smiled over at me.
"Can I have a horse one day mommy?" I laughed a little.
"We'll see. Don't say that around your uncle Pake, he'll buy you a dozen of them." I said with an eye roll. Her face lit up and I realized that was stupid to say.
"He would?" she asked hopefully.
"I think he would. Your Uncle Pake has a big soft spot for you." She smiled.
"I like Uncle Pake a lot. He's funny." I smiled too as we rounded the corner of the fence, headed to the paths.
"I know you like Pake and Marie, but what do you think of my mama and daddy?" she looked over at me with a little smile that melted my heart.
"I love them. They're just like you said they were. They both give really good hugs too." I laughed a little.
"I'm glad you think so honey. I know they love you already." We didn't say anything for a while. We just slowly made our way on the path. The sun was shining bright. It felt warm on my face for early December. I pulled my collar a little closer around my neck as the wind blew.
"You warm enough honey?" I asked looking over at her.
"Yes mommy, you put a lot of cloths on me." I smiled.
"Just so you wouldn't be cold honey." She just smiled. We rode the horses comfortable for a long while in the quiet.
"Are we going back home tonight?" she asked out of the blue. I sighed a little, seeing my breath and looked at her.
"Tomorrow night sweetheart." I said trying to smile at her. She didn't smile back at me.
"I don't want to go mommy." She looked down at her horse.
"Why not?" I asked trying not to show I already know the answer.
"You're sad at home. You've smiled almost the whole time we've been here mommy. When you're happy, it makes me happy. I don't like seeing you cry mommy." I felt like I was punched in the chest. I'm hurting my baby by being like this. I swallowed back the lump in my throat.
"Here soon home will be happy again Hailey. I promise it won't stay like this forever." She looked over at me with hope in her eyes.
"You mean it mommy?" I nodded with a smile.
"Cross my heart." She smiled back at me.
"I love you."
"I love you too." From there on we laughed and played the rest of our ride. She completely trusted me with everything. She believed I was going to make everything perfectly okay even though I have no idea what's bound to happen.
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Scott
I sat in my little bugged apartment and looked over the files again. Something wasn't adding up right. Spud agreed to do a test on my 'drugs', meaning he must know something's off. I studied everything carefully looking for the tiniest slip up on our part.
"Something's not right." I said with a sigh as I leaned back in my chair, running a hand over my face and through my hair.
"What's your gut telling you?" said my little earpiece. I rolled my eyes.
"I don't know Michael. It's just something seems off." I closed my eyes and leaned my head back.
"Is it because of the tests?" I rolled my eyes.
"I don't know Mike; it's just something about this whole situation. Something's not right."
"You're going to have to figure it out before something bad happens Scott. I'm not risking your life so you can lose it. You're the best we've got, prove your stuff here and you'll be unstoppable." I rested my elbows on the table to hold my head up and sighed.
"I've been told that before Mike; doesn't really mean a thing anymore."
"Well that was when you were run by a dumb ass; now you're playing hardball with the big guns. That's all that really matters and that's all you need to look forward too." My mind went to Reba automatically.
"Sure."
"Get her off your mind Scott, now's not the time for this. If you keep thinking about her right now, you're not going to be focused and you'll end up dead. Now for your sake, focus." I rubbed my face again.
"I can't help it Mike, I miss her." I heard him sigh. I just stared at the papers blankly.
Spud has been known for his unpredictability.
"That's it!" I said jumping out of my chair suddenly as everything clicked.
"What's going on?" Mike asked in his serious stern voice. I picked up the paper and read it all over closer.
"He's playing mind games with me. Any cop would go in looking for clues; a dealer wouldn't waste his time with one client no matter how big. He's testing me to see if I'm a real dealer." I half smiled as I read the paper over again.
"Scott, you're a genius! So where're you taking the case from here?" I looked up confused.
"What do you mean me lead the case?"
"You've got everything, you know more about it all than anyone else. You call the shots Scott." My eyebrows went up. "As long as it's reasonable and you keep me up to date of course. You're risking my ass here too buddy." I laughed.
"I feel honored."
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Reba
"Reba, get up honey." Mama said tapping my shoulder a little bit. I opened my eyes.
"What time is it?" I asked rubbing my face with a yawn.
"4:00 in the afternoon." I looked over at Hailey. We were both beat after our horseback riding.
"I'm getting up." I said as I stood up.
"Since when are you a napper? You've always hated naps." Mama said as I tucked Hailey in. I smiled.
"Since I got old." She playfully slapped my arm.
"No you're not, because if you are, that means I really, really am." I rolled my eyes as we headed out of the room.
"So where is everybody?" I asked as we walked into the kitchen.
"Lori Anne and Marie ran to town for me, Pake and your Daddy are fixing something in the barn, and Kyra and Adam went on a walk." I smiled as I looked out the little window. I could see Adam and Kyra walking hand in hand off one of the trails. They were both smiling and laughing; they looked like they belonged together.
"Looks familiar." Mama said from behind me. I looked over at her.
"What looks familiar?" she looked at me from over her glasses.
"That sassy little redhead girl with that smart ass of a blond boy." I raised an eyebrow.
"What do you mean by that?" she pointed out the window.
"That's what I use to see when I'd look out that window. I looked out there earlier and I swore to God above it was you and Brock 30 years ago." I looked out the window and watched them fall in love a little deeper.
"They won't end up like we did though." I said trying not to think of those times.
"You can't say that, nobody knows those things honey." I let out a sigh. "Whatever happened between you two that was so bad it ended that?"
"Ended what?" she nodded towards the window.
"A love like that. What ended that? And don't you dare say that big blonde." She said pointing her wooden spoon at me.
"We just got so caught up in our busy lives I guess we just lost sight of how we got there." I looked out the window. "The kids, work, and the bills were more than what we were prepared for at the time. We didn't know how to keep time for us. We were so use to all this time for just the two of us, then it's like we stepped into these lives where we didn't even know each other anymore." I saw Adam pull Kyra to him and kissed her while she was laughing.
"Do you think things would've gone differently if you didn't rush into things the way you did?" mama asked softly from the other counter. I stood up straight, shaking those thoughts away.
"No, I wanted the kids more than anything in the world. I wouldn't change that if I could. Everything happens for a reason, meaning my divorce was supposed to happen the way it did." Mama raised an eyebrow at me.
"I know you wouldn't change anything Reba, but what I'm saying is if you didn't have the kids, do you think you would've made it?" I sighed.
"No." she just looked at me. "Maybe." I rolled my eyes frustrated. "I don't know, how am I supposed to answer that?"
"Well sorry for wondering, you're the one making goo-goo eyes." Mama said as she turned around. I hated when mama does that.
"What do you mean making goo-goo eyes?" she didn't look up from her mixing bowl.
"I've seen the way you and Brock look at each other, your mama isn't blind." My jaw dropped.
"I haven't made eyes at Brock in years!" I said in shock. She laughed.
"Alrighty then." I felt my temper flair a little.
"Why would you even say that?" I asked annoyed.
"You two were perfect together honey, I know you both still see it." Both my eyebrows went up.
"Yes I still see it, but I also see why we weren't good together. He has a tendency to lie and keep to himself. That and he's a little too good at up and leaving for my taste." I nearly spat. She put her hands on her hips and made that face, the I stepped out of line face. I felt my temper go down about three notches.
"Quit being such a stubborn ass Reba, you both still feel the same way when it all boils down to it. He's here for you when your little city boy wasn't." I felt a jab inside at the mention of Scott. Mama saw it. "You know what I mean honey. Brock's still here after all this time."
"Who was here when Brock wasn't? nobody. He left ME mama, not the other way around." I snapped before leaving the kitchen through the little backdoor.
"Reba, get back here." Mama yelled after me.
"Not this time mama." I said over my shoulder. I headed to the barn.
"It's alive!" Pake yelled when I came into view. Daddy did his deep chested chuckle.
"What do ya need Red?" daddy asked from the other side of the tractor.
"You guys almost done here?" I said with my arms crossed. I could see my breath and my jacket's in the house. I was shivering.
"Just cleaning up. What'cha need?" Pake said standing up with grease smeared all over the right side of his face. I smiled shaking my head.
"Do you want to go for a ride with me?" he gave me a confused look as he wiped his hands off on an old rag.
"Horseback ride? In December?" I nodded, feeling foolish. "Let me get some warmer clothes on." He looked me up and down with the same confused look. "You better dress a little warmer yourself, looks like you're shaking."
"I will, just wanted to make sure you'd go with me." A minute later we headed to the house. Daddy stayed in the barn.
"Alright so what's going on?" Pake said as soon as were out of sight of the barn.
"What do you mean?" I asked trying to play it off cool.
"Don't play games with me Reeber, I can read you like a book." I rolled my eyes.
"Mama." He nodded in understanding.
"Need me to grab your gear?" I nodded. "I'll be right back." He said heading up to the house. I leaned against a tree trying to block some of the ice cold wind. He came back a few minutes later all wrapped up in warm riding clothes and an armful for me.
"Thanks." I said slipping the sweatshirt on before putting my old thick working jacket on. I slipped my old work pants on overtop of my jeans and realized how tiny I use to be. It took a great effort to get into them. I slipped my hat on and wrapped my neck in my scarf before slipping my numb fingers into thick gloves. We headed into the barn and saddled our horses before heading out.
"So what'd mama do to tick off my 50 some year old sister?" I rolled my eyes.
"She tried telling me I'm supposed to be with Brock and that Scott was a piece of dirt."
"Sounds like mama." He said with a little laugh.
"I don't find that humorous." I said glaring at him.
"You know I'm just teasing." He said in that teasing voice big brothers do. "So what're your thoughts?" I looked back over at him.
"What do you mean my thoughts?"
"Do you want to get back with the old bag of bones or do you want to wait for your badge man or are you just going to say screw it all and find a hobo?" I scoffed, making him laugh.
"I don't want any of those options." I said annoyed.
"Now that's a lie. I know you still want to be with Scott, you've always wanted to be with Brock, and you love men who are down to get dirty in nature." I glared at him.
"Country guys Pake, guys who are working when they get dirty, not sitting on a street corner peeing themselves." He cracked up laughing.
"All joking aside, what is it little Miss Reeber wants?" I sighed.
"I don't know Pake. Nobodies given me two seconds to just let me breathe and think for myself. I have no idea what I want. I don't even know how Brock came into the picture here!" I said in loud frustration. "I should only be worried about Hailey right now, not all of this." I looked out at the path in front of me. He didn't say a word which led me to just keep talking. "I wanted to spend the rest of my life with Brock, I thought we were but he threw it away." I said raising my eyebrows. "I want to spend the rest of my life with Scott but he just can't seem to stick around long enough for that to even be a thought." I let out a sad sigh. "It's almost like I'm so insignificant no one wants to even try being with me for longer than necessary." I closed my eyes and took a deep breath through my nose.
"You know that's not true Reba." He said softly. I opened my eyes and felt the sting of the cold burn my cheeks.
"I haven't seen any proof of it to be not true." I said in a whisper.
"Maybe you should try things with Brock again. I've seen you two looking at each other this weekend, maybe that's what you need to try again." I just looked over at him.
"How have I been looking at him?" I asked flatly.
"Like you two are still 18 falling in love." I just looked forward. "How do you feel about him? Without all of us pestering your choices in one direction or the other." I felt the corner of my mouth turn up. That's the first time anyone's asked me what I want.
"I don't know Pake. Till everyone started forcing this upon me, I had no interest in getting back together with Brock. I was happy with the way we were. He was my friend and I was his. Until he tried getting back together with me that is." I said bitterly.
"Have you considered any of it since then?"
"Not really, I was happy with Scott." I said flatly. It made me miss him even more.
"Do something rash then. Kiss Brock; spend the night with him," I looked at him in utter shock. "Something. If it's there, go for it. If it's not, then you'll know."
"Pake, I'm not going to sleep with my ex husband." I stated still in shock.
"You slept with buff boy a few times, what's the difference? You slept with Brock for most of your life." I felt my eyes go wider.
"I was in a relationship with Scott and I was MARRIED to Brock. Big difference Pake."
"I don't see a difference Red." I rolled my eyes. "Just consider it. Just a peck on the lips can determine it." I closed my eyes.
"And how am I supposed to explain that one?"
"I don't know, figure it out." He said like it was a stupid question. I rolled my eyes.
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Hailey went to bed early so I took that as my chance to hide away for some quiet. I brought a thermos of premilked and sugared coffee, a box of crackers, and a can of spray cheese. I headed into the barn and went up to the hay loft. I turned on the little radio daddy keeps up there and sat with my feet hanging out of the loft. I opened up the crackers and started eating them with the spray cheese. I sat there like that for maybe an hour and a half.
"So this is where you ran off too." Brock said from the yard in front of the barn. He was smiling and shaking his head with his hands in his pockets. I shrugged.
"Old habits die hard." He laughed.
"Care if I come up?" I shook my head no as I held up the can of cheese.
"I've got snacks." He laughed as he headed into the barn. A second later he was coming up the stairs and sitting beside me. "Want a cheese cracker?" I asked offering him the box.
"Cheese crackers? God I haven't had these in years." He said taking the box. I smiled.
"Being home makes me want all this stuff." He nodded as he popped one in his mouth.
"I know what you mean." He ate another one. "It's like my inner kid is coming out again." I nodded.
"I feel youthful almost." I said pouring a little coffee into the little cup. "Until my body shows me my age. Want a cup?" I asked as I handed it to him.
"Thanks." He said as he took it. "And what do you mean your age shows you?" I shrugged as I let a big breath out. I could see my breath. It was really cold I guess.
"Horseback riding today. Kicked my butt big time." He laughed a little.
"You seemed to do just fine. I remember you saying that 20 years ago too. You're still young Reba."
"I'm old Brock, nothing but old." He rolled his eyes.
"I don't see it." I just looked at him. Something about being here with him like this was comfortable. He looked over at me and his eyes caught the moonlight just right and were glowing like blue topaz. I heard Pake's voice in the back of my mind.
Just a peck on the lips can determine it….
I leaned in a little bit and he hesitated for a second before leaning in too. We stopped with an inch between our lips. I could feel my heart racing in my chest. His breath was soft and warm on my face. I took a quick breath and broke the gap. His lips formed so familiarly against mine. Just as soft as I remembered them to be. I felt his hand slowly cup my neck, then into my hair. Our lips started to move together in an almost automatic, thoughtless response. I felt those old butterflies flutter in my stomach again and that fire rush through my veins. It wasn't as strong or empowering as I remember it to be but it was still there. As the kiss grew deeper, I felt him pull me closer to him. I felt a warning flag pop up and broke the kiss apart. We were both a little out of breath as we rested our foreheads together. He still had his hand on my neck area. His thumb was softly rubbing my cheek. I pulled back.
"That was different." He said oddly as he sat back normal. I had my cold hands between my knees trying to warm them up.
"Yes, just a little bit." I said looking out over the farm. The moon lit everything up pretty well. After that we both went into the house without really saying anything to each other. It seemed awkward almost. I went to my room and him to the couch. I lay there most of the night trying to figure out if that 'kiss determined it'. I rolled my eyes. Pake doesn't know anything. I don't know what that determine…
