The next day
"That was a great movie Roger. Thank you for taking me." Keely smiled looking up at Roger as they held hands walking through the park.
"Well thanks for coming with me. I have a tendency to come off really pathetic when I like a girl." he smiled looking down at her.
"I think it's cute. I mean, when people look at you, they think that you're this suave, smooth guy when it comes to women. I like knowing that you're not." she smiled stopping as they faced one another.
"I'm glad you think it's cute because I'm probably gonna be doing it a lot." he smiled looking down into her blue eyes before her cell phone rang.
"I'm sorry Roger. I have to get this. Hello." she said into the phone turning away from him. "Julia, I'm sorry, but I can't come in right now... Because I'm kind of busy... Well it's your school too. Why am I the one who has to take all of the responsibility for everything?... No, I'm not coming in right now... because I'm on a date for a change and I think after all this time, I am entitled to a social life... none of your business... I'm not talking about this with you right now... Good bye Julia... Yeah, yeah good bye." she laughed before closing the phone and turning back to Roger. "Sorry. My um... my business partner. I own part of a dance studio." she smiled looking up at him.
"That's OK. I understand. Do you have to go?" he asked looking down at her.
"No, it'll keep." she smiled looking up at him.
"OK, now where were we?" he smiled lifting his hand to her face before leaning down towards her.
"Um... Roger, there's something I need to tell you before we go any further. It um... it might change the way you feel about me." she said lowering her head before backing away from him.
"What's the matter Keel?" he said looking down at her.
"I'm um... I'm HIV positive." she said looking up at him.
"No. Oh my God, I'm so sorry Keel." he said looking down at her in disbelief. He couldn't believe this beautiful creature, so full of life was positive.
"No... um...I'm sorry I should have told you earlier, it's just... I don't date much. Actually, not at all since my diagnosis and I'm not used to telling people." she said looking up at him. "Does it change the way you feel about me?" she asked taking the front of his shirt in her hands. Her eyes glistening with tears.
"No, oh God, no Keel. Of course not. I'm um... I'm positive too." he said looking down into her eyes. Holding her shoulders.
"You're what?" she asked looking up at him.
"I'm positive too." he said looking down at her.
"Oh my God. I'm so... I'm so sorry." she said letting go of his shirt and backing up more. She was clearly upset.
"No I'm sorry Keely. I wanted to you earlier too. So many times, but I didn't know how." he said reaching out for her hand.
"So, what do we do now?" she asked looking up at him.
"I don't know. All I know is that I like you and I don't want this to stand in the way of what's happening between us." he said looking down at her.
"But it is in the way. Normal people don't have to worry about this when they first start dating someone." she said looking up at him.
"We are normal Keel. We're young and we like each other. Why should we let it stop us from having what everyone else in this city has?" he asked looking down at her.
"Because we can't do things everyone else in the city does." she said looking up at him.
"Yeah we can Keel. We just need to be careful when we do." he said lifting his hand to caress her face.
"Can we just take things slow? Please." she asked looking up into his green eyes.
"Sure Keel. I understand. How about I walk you home?" he smiled looking down at her.
"Thanks. Um... I'd like that." she smiled looking up at him as he held her hand tight and they started towards her apartment. "Um.. I heard you used to work with Tommy a few years back." she smiled looking up at him as they started walking to her apartment.
"Is there anything Tommy didn't tell you about me?" he laughed looking down at her.
"He didn't tell me why you quit your band or the bar." she said looking up at him.
"That's a long story. I'm not ready to talk about. Not yet anyway." he said looking down at her.
"OK, but when you are ready. I'll be ready to listen, OK?" she told him as they approached her apartment.
"OK." he smiled looking down at her.
"Do you um… do you wanna come up? We can talk some more." she asked smiling up at him.
"Sure." he said looking down at her as they entered her apartment.
"So what do you do other than play in the band and fight with inanimate objects?" he laughed looking down at her.
"Well, you know I own a dance studio, so I'm a ballet dancer. But right now I mainly teach little girls how to be prima ballerinas too." she said getting up on her tippy toes and doing a double pirouette.
"That must be fun." he smiled looking over at her as she danced to the kitchen.
"It is. I mean, I love being around my girls. They're so cute. You should see them in their little tutu's dancing around. " she gushed handing him a beer from the refrigerator.
"That's cool." he asked looking over at her.
"They remind me of myself when I was a little girl. All I ever wanted to be was a dancer. Ever since I was 4 when my parents put me in ballet class, I was hooked." she said opening her water bottle.
"Yeah, I know what you mean. Ever since I got my first guitar when I was 13, all I ever wanted to be was a rock star. You know, playing huge stadiums, groupies, roadies touring, all that fun shit. But the sex, drugs and rock and roll isn't all it's cracked up to be." he said looking down at her.
"I know what you mean. I came to the city and figured that this was gonna be the best time of my life. That I'd look back on it when I was older and have fond memories." she said as she led him into the living room.
"How did you get... you know?" he asked sitting on the couch.
"It's complicated." she smiled sitting next to him.
"Well if you ever want to tell me, I know a little bit about complicated." he said looking over at her.
"Thanks Roger. I appreciate that." she said looking down as she curled her legs underneath herself.
"So, it must be nice living here all by yourself. You don't have anyone breathing down your neck knowing your business all the time." he said looking over at her changing the subject.
"It's not so great, trust me. I don't have that many friends." she said looking over at him as they smiled at each other uncomfortably.
"Having a lot of friends around all the time does have it's moments. I mean, we're there for me when I was diagnosed and they really stuck by me." he said looking over at her.
"I wish I had friends like that." she said looking down.
"What's the matter Keel?" he asked reaching out for her.
"Just thinking about how screwed up my life became after I got here." she said looking up at him.
"Do you want to talk about it? I'm a bartender. We've been known to be great listeners." he smiled looking over at her.
"Well the cliff notes version is that I blew my knee out at a performance and I was told I would never dance professionally again. I um... I'm an alcoholic. I started to drink a lot when I first found out. I met this guy in a bar and I was really stupid. I had a one night stand and he was drunk and I was drunk so I guess we didn't remember to use protection. Stupid, huh? Especially in this day and age." she told him quietly looking up at him as tears stung her eyes. "I saw a poster on the subway about HIV and unprotected sex, so I figured I'd get tested. I um... I went on a bender after I was diagnosed. Danny found me and took me to the hospital. He saved my life. I quit drinking after that. I used my inheritance from my grandparents to buy the dance school and I started teaching. That was 4 years ago." she said wiping the tear that escaped her eyes from her face.
"I'm sorry Keel." he whispered reaching over to wipe her tears from her face.
"Hey, it's OK. I mean, you play, you pay, right? I'm OK. I mean I'm healthy, I'm sober and I'm not dead yet, so I must be doing something right." she said looking up at him.
"You're not alone, you know? Not anymore." he said pulling her into his arms.
"It's hard not to feel alone in this, you know?" she said holding on to the back of his shirt burying her face into his chest. "I mean, of course the guys in the band know, but we don't talk about it. I don't usually tell people right off. Actually, you're the first guy I've dated since I found out and... I don't know the protocol, you know?" she said looking up at him.
"Well you're not alone anymore Keely. And I'm glad you did tell me. I like you Keely." he said caressing her face.
"I like you too Roger. That's probably why I told you. I don't want you going into this blind." she said looking up at him.
"I understand." he smiled caressing her face.
"Do you want another beer? I could use some more water." she asked wiping her eyes before getting up from the couch and going into the kitchen again for more water.
"No thanks. Um... these are great pictures Keel. Who took them? And why aren't there any of you here?" Roger asked looking around her apartment as he got up from the couch. Pictures were hung up all over. They were of the guys in the band and people in the city.
"I took them. Photography is my hobby. I've been doing it since I was 14 years old. I like taking pictures of different things. I have a dark room in the walk in closet in my room. New York has so many interesting people and things to photograph." she smiled looking over at him.
"Wow. A singer, dancer, and a photographer? Is there anything you don't do?" he asked looking over at her.
"And I play a little guitar too." she smiled looking over at him.
"Oh man, Keel, you have no idea how hot that is." he laughed throwing his head back before looking over at her.
"You liked Joan Jett and Lita Ford when you were younger, didn't you?" she laughed walking back into the living room.
"Uh... yeah. You can say that." he laughed wrapping his arms around her.
"I was thinking that maybe I can do some newer rock chick stuff, like Melissa Ethreridge or something and I could play my guitar." she smiled looking up at him.
"That would be awesome. I would love to hear you play." he smiled looking down into her eyes. "But I'm serious Keel. These pictures are amazing. You're really talented. I love the black and white." he smiled as he looked up at the pictures again.
"It's my favorite film to use. I find it more dramatic then color. Maybe I'll even take some pictures of you one day. If you'll let me." she smiled looking up at him.
"You would get along great with my roommate Mark. He's a film maker and he likes taking pictures too." he smiled looking over at her.
"I'd love to meet your friends." she smiled looking over at him.
"I'd like that too." he smiled looking down at her. "You really are a great photographer Keel."
"I just dabble. My real passion is being on stage. Whether it's singing or dancing. There's nothing like having a room full of people watch you. It makes you feel like you're exposed for the world to see." she smiled as they sat on the couch again.
"I know what you mean. I used to feel like that when I was performing. I didn't think I missed it that much until you got me up there." he said looking down at her.
"We could do that every week you know." she smiled taking a swig of her water.
"I... um... I don't know Keel." he said looking over at her.
"Oh come on. You're amazing Roger. I've never heard anyone like you. You're really talented" she said smiled playing with his hair.
"I had my time up there. I like watching you." he confessed looking into her piercing blue eyes.
"But you're better than me Roger. Don't you see? I'm a dancer who happens to sing. But you... you belong up there. When I was singing with you, I felt it. Everyone in that bar felt it. It's where you belong." she said looking over at him.
"No Keel, you belong up there. You've got this presence that makes me feel like you're singing to me." he smiled looking over at her.
"Well um... I have been. I saw you staring up at me the other night." she smiled looking up at him.
"Yeah well, I've been up there. My time is over." he told her quietly.
"It doesn't have to be Roger. You can be up there again. I want you up there again. With me." she said reaching up to caress his face.
"I been there, done that and I screwed it up Keely. I don't want to screw it up again." he said looking over at her.
"Roger, you're not gonna screw it up again. I won't let you." she smiled looking up into his green eyes.
"Oh you won't, huh?" he laughed looking over at her.
"No, I won't. I'm not gonna let you throw away your talent." she told him before shifting on the couch.
"I'll think about it, OK Keel?" he said lifting his hand to her face.
"OK. Good enough." she smiled looking up at him. "So, tell me about yourself. Something no one else knows." she smiled looking over at him.
"Um... I'm a... I'm a twin. Well I was, but my older brother died in a car accident with his friends when we were 16." he said looking over at her.
"I'm um... I'm sorry Roger. What was his name?" she asked looking over at him.
"Randall. Everyone just called him Randy. He was really cool. Popular too. He was a jock. He played basketball. One night, he went to a party and the kid he went to the party with got drunk and high and he hit into a telephone pole. Randy died instantly." he said looking down into his lap.
"I'm so sorry Roger." she said reaching out to take his hand.
"I um... I never told anyone about Randy. He's not someone I like to talk about, you know? I mean, my friend Collins knows, but no one else does. I don't know why I told you, it's just... I don't know. I feel comfortable with you." he smiled looking over at her.
"I'm glad. I feel comfortable with you too." she smiled squeezing his hand.
"So, tell me something else about yourself." he smiled playing with her hair.
"I'm scared of you. I mean, not scared of you as a person, but I'm scared of where this is gonna lead. I come off as this tough rocker chic, but on the inside I'm scared to death. I don't want to get hurt. But I still want to experience things that normal girls my age get to experience, you know?" she confessed looking up at him as tears brimmed her blue eyes again.
"I know what you mean. I'm scared too. But a couple of really close friends taught me something." he said taking her face in his hands.
"What's that?" she asked looking up into his green eyes.
"Life is too short. Especially ours. If we live our lives in fear, we won't be living our lives at all. It's because of them I'm here with you now." he said looking down at her.
"How do we go about living our lives despite our fear?" she asked looking up at him.
"Well that's the hard part, isn't it? Um... maybe we can do it together. If you want to." he said looking down at her.
"OK. I'd um... I'd really like that. Thanks Roger." she smiled looking up at him as a tear escaped from the corner of her eye.
"No, thank you Keel." he whispered looking down at her before reaching his thumb up to catch her fallen tear.
"For what?" she asked looking up at him.
"Trusting me." he smiled before kissing her forehead.
"Well you're easy to talk to." she smiled looking up at him as they continued to talk. It was sunrise by the time Roger got home to the loft. Mark and Collins were sitting up drinking coffee.
"And where have you been all night?" Collins taunted smiling over at him.
.
"I was at Keely's place. We went on a date and then we were talking all night." he smiled looking over at him.
"Keely, huh? So tell us about this Keely girl. What are her intentions?" Mark teased as Collins laughed.
"You two think you're hilarious, don't you?" he smirked before pouring himself a cup of coffee.
"I don't know. Are we hilarious Marky?" Collins laughed looking over at Mark.
"I think so." he laughed looking up at him.
"You two are such dorks." Roger laughed looking over at them.
"So, tell us about her." Collins pushed looking over at him.
"Well her name is Keely O'Reilly, she's irish. Obviously. Incredibly talented and she's really great. She has the most awesome hair and her eyes knock me on my ass whenever I look into them. And she's a great photographer. You should see her pictures Mark. They're great. And she got me on stage for the first time in years the other night and she wants me to do it again." he smiled sitting on the stool at the metal counter.
"You're singing again? That's awesome Roger." Collins smiled looking over at him.
"Yeah. I'm pretty excited about it too." he smiled looking over at him.
"And she's a photographer? Wow. She should fit right in with this bunch." Mark smiled looking over at him.
"She's a dancer and an actress too. She owns part of a little dance school here in the Village. She teaches ballet. Oh and she plays guitar. She's incredible." he smiled excitedly looking over at him.
"Oh really? Your fantasy girl." Collins laughed looking over at him.
"And you're falling for her?" Mark asked looking over at him.
"I don't know. Maybe. I mean, I've only known her like a week and we haven't even kissed yet, but I can see myself falling for her." he smiled looking over at them.
"You haven't kissed her yet?" Collins asked looking over at him.
"She's scared and she wants to take things slow." he said looking over at them.
"Did you tell her about...?" Mark asked looking over at him.
"Yeah, I did. Um guys... she is too." he said looking down.
"Oh man, I'm really sorry Roger." Mark said looking over at him.
"Yeah, she's been positive for 4 years. That's why she's scared." he said looking over at them.
"We're really sorry Roger." Collins said looking over at him.
"Don't be. I'm not. She's great. I like her a lot and I like being with her." he smiled looking down at his feet.
"When do we meet her?" Collins asked putting his hand on his shoulder.
"Well she's supposed to call me when she's done with her class so we can hook up. Do you guys wanna come?" he asked putting his coffee cup in the sink.
"That sounds great Roger. We'd love to meet your girl." Collins said smiling at him.
"Cool. I'm gonna go get some sleep. Me and Keely were up all night taking and I'm really tired. I'll call Keely later and we'll hook up at the Life Cafe. Just call the girls, OK?" he smiled looking over at him.
"Up all night talking? Are you sure that's all you were doing?" Collins asked looking over at him.
"Yeah. We um... we want to take things slow. I mean, with both of us positive, it makes sense." he said looking over at him. "I'm gonna go to bed now. See you guys in a few hours."
"Sure Rog. We understand." Mark smiled as Roger went into his room, shutting the door behind him. "Did you hear that? He's singing again and he's got a new girl." he smiled looking over at Collins.
"Yeah Mark, I heard. Let's call the girls and make a party of it. This deserves a celebration." Collins smiled going into his room.
"Yeah it does." Mark smiled looking over at Roger's bedroom door.
