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chapter twenty-eight

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just a look
can make me feel it might be worth
the trouble just to see the look
it kills me i forget
i don't believe in love
and i want to believe

-The Pernice Brothers, "She Heightened Everything"

xx

July 29, 2003
9:00 am

Sam drew in a sharp breath at the phantom pain in her thigh as she stepped out of the elevator and entered the bullpen. She was progressing well through physical therapy, her limp now far less pronounced, and although she would occasionally have phantom sensations, they normally resolved on their own relatively quickly. She had not been cleared for full field work yet, but she had slowly been allowed to go back on interviews and she would likely be getting the medical 'all clear' in the next few weeks.

All things considered, she offhandedly thought about how well everything seemed to be going for her at the moment. A thought that simultaneously thrilled and terrified her.

She had been growing increasingly wary of her happiness, so much so that Martin was beginning to notice her trepidation in spite of her best efforts to keep it hidden...

They sat on opposite ends of the sofa, Martin focused intently on the baseball game while she pretended to work on the Times crossword without much luck. Her mind was racing from earlier that day, when she had realized how uncharacteristically well everything in her life was going: she had been allowed to go interview a family member that morning for the first time since she'd been shot - making her that much closer to going back to full field work, and she could look forward to the weekend, knowing that Martin would be in town. Although the geographic reality kept them apart more often than either would have liked, they had finally managed to work out a regular phone schedule that suited them both. Undoubtedly helped along by the lack of field work she had done in that time period, but nevertheless, things between them had been progressing well. The only thing that bothered her was how quickly she had become completely comfortable around him.

"Oh, come on! Take him out, Torre. Take him out now!" Martin began to curse loudly at the television screen.

She looked up from the crossword puzzle that she was not, in fact, filling out, and grinned bemusedly as he got worked up at the game. "What happened?" She asked, laughing.

"That piece of crap Benetiz just blew the lead," he muttered, still shaking his head.

"I'm sorry?" she offered.

"Oh, no. It's going to be fine. The score is tied, and we're still going to win this thing. It's just that now Torre has to bring Mo in for an extra out because Benetiz can't hold a lead."

"Oh, okay," she said, still smiling. She enjoyed seeing this side of him: the side that was relaxed at home on a Friday night, his boyish exuberance at a baseball game, the man who adored his sisters and nieces. The man who was slowly making himself a permanent fixture in her heart, although she was still wary to admit as much.

She felt a small wave of sadness tug at her heart as she watched him. Things between them were getting serious, especially as far as he was concerned. His entire family knew, and she knew it was only going to be a matter of time before he wanted to be less secretive about them.

And if she didn't have herself convinced it would be as good as signing the death certificate for their relationship, she might actually find herself warming up to the idea.

"Hey, what's on your mind?" Martin asked, hitting the 'mute' button on the remote control and scooting closer to where she sat on the sofa.

"What do you mean?" she replied, trying to shrug it off.

"You got quiet all of a sudden."

"I've been quiet the whole time," she quipped, giving him a small smile. "I've let your ESPN boys do all the talking."

"Well, we could always turn on the radio and listen to Sterling and Waldman call the game. I know her voice is annoying as all hell, but they do kind of grow on you after awhile..." he teased, lifting her chin to meet her eyes. "But really, Sam. What's up? There's quiet and then there's completely silent, and you don't just sit still like that."

"I'm fine," she said firmly, burying her doubts in the pit of her stomach. For now, things were okay, and she didn't want to ruin that by raising unnecessary issues. "Just tired, I guess. I'm sick of them all watching out for me like I'm going to break if I move too quickly."

"They're just worried," he offered, running his hand reassuringly along her face, trying to calm her. "They're your team, and they care about you."

Giving him the best smile she could muster, she teased, "Yeah, but they should take pointers from you. When you worry, you manage to be a lot more endearing."

"I do what I can," he grinned. "But then again, I have to be endearing about it. I'm not armed; they are."

"Very funny," she said, and pulled him closer to her to kiss him.

But as their lips met and their tongues mingled, she couldn't help but feel that he could see through the majority of her excuses.

"Morning, Samantha," Vivian called, walking up to the conference table and pulling one of the chairs out to sit down.

"Did you get anything from the stockbroker?" Sam asked, spinning her chair around to face where Vivian sat.

"Nothing. He was completely useless," Vivian shook her head as she answered. "How are you doing?" Vivian's tone went immediately from professional to friendly. "You look a little flushed."

"I'm fine, Viv," she replied, giving a small nod and trying to push thoughts of Martin from her mind.

"That's good," Vivian gave her a knowing look, a cross between mother and older sister. "How was your weekend."

"It was fine," Sam said, trying to sound as offhanded as possible. "How was yours."

"Great. Reggie spent the weekend at the beach with some friends, so Marcus and I had some peace and quiet."

Sam smiled at her friend, but their quiet conversation was instantly interrupted by Danny and Naomi's voices, carrying in from the hallway.

"... I don't think the wife has anything to do with it, Danny," Naomi said warningly.

"How can you be so sure?" Danny asked.

"I just ... am, okay? Please, just trust me. She doesn't know anything."

Sam inhaled quietly and called out over her shoulder, "Hey, guys."

"Morning, Sam," Naomi said, giving her an appreciative smile. Naomi had explained that, while her marital status was obviously in her personnel file, it was still something that she chose not to have as common knowledge in the office unless it became absolutely necessary. Understanding her reasoning, Sam wanted to respect her wishes.

"Jack said the broker was probably our best bet, and Viv said he had nothing," Sam said, trying to diffuse the situation between Danny and Naomi. And while she was fiercely protective of Naomi after learning about Thomas, she empathized with Danny, who was simply trying to make sure they gave due diligence to every possible lead -- and who had no idea that by his suggestion, he may have struck Naomi a little too close to home.

"Speaking of Jack," Vivian nodded her head in the direct of Jack's office as he approached the conference table.

"Oh, good. You're all back." He said matter-of-factly. "We just got a hit on that cell phone number that Gerald called from the payphone outside the Laundromat. It was traced to a Christopher Bridgewater, who is a visiting professor at University of Maryland this semester." Jack paused, surveying the team that was gathered around him for a few seconds, and then continued, "Naomi and Vivian, I'm going to put you on the next flight to DC."

"I can't, Jack," Vivian shook her head. "Danny and I have to be at Fred Gellar's sentencing hearing tomorrow at 8:00, and there's no way you can guarantee I'll be back by then."

"DC, you say?" Naomi asked. "So this is U Maryland at College Park?"

"Yes," Jack answered, sighing. "I guess I could go with you."

"Nah, don't worry about it," Naomi said, a mischievous glint in her eyes. "Sam can go."

Sam waited until the rest of the team had disbanded to glare at Naomi warningly.

Naomi smiled innocently.

Sam laughed.

xx

Washington DC
8:55 pm

The elevator doors slid shut behind him, and Martin pressed his index finger against the small button until the number '5' lit up. The elevator jerked into motion, and Martin leaned back against the wall with a sigh.

Sam had seemed excited and playful when he'd spoken to her on the phone about an hour ago. He had a sinking feeling that there was something on her mind over the weekend that she had not voiced, but he kept trying to convince himself that it was just his imagination overreacting and reading too much into it. Of course she would be tired, given how much of herself she poured into her job.

But still, it was reassuring to hear her in a good mood as they spoke that evening.

She was still a mystery to him in so many ways, although he was becoming familiar with her habits and thoughts and unspoken fears. And the time between the weekends that they got to spend together seemed to stretch out longer and longer; once every three or four weeks no longer seemed to work for him. It had only been two days since he'd left New York, and it already had been too long.

He breathed in as the elevator came to a halt on the fifth floor, the doors sliding loudly open and announcing his presence to the otherwise empty corridor. There was no point in going home, where he would only mope around and feel intensely lonely without her. So, taking a page out of her own book, he'd mentioned to her that he might as well get some work done in the Senate offices when he knew it would be quiet and he could work without interruption.

Approaching his office, he took his keys out of the pocket of his slacks, furrowing his brows when he finds the door already unlocked. He peers inside the darkened office, wondering why Beverly forgot to lock the door on her way out.

Taking out the key to his own office, he frowned as he turned the door knob and the door creaked open, already unlocked as well. Quickly flicking on the lights, his eyes settled on the figure sitting at his desk.

She tilted her head up at him, and he felt his heart begin to race at the familiar sight of her.

"Hey," she said softly, standing up from his desk chair and walking over to greet him. She smiled slyly. "Surprise."

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